ZackieChan
Member
What's the "main thread"?
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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What's the "main thread"?
Megalosaro
Banned
This thread. Sharing details would go Waaay into TMI territory and we already established I overshare.
The roommate was actually w/es about it.
The roommate was actually w/es about it.
Nah don't try to put that stupid as shit thought process off on women
Shit is totally irrelevant
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
We've regularly established that you overreact to things. It's likely that whatever your deal is, it isn't as dire as you're imagining.
You probably should share.
Megalosaro
Banned
I'll spoiler tag this shit when it gets to be oversharing.
So like I mentioned before, she wanted to make sure we had privacy.
So...
We watch force awakenedd. It goes well. She liked it. Afterwards, I turn on some music and we start making out.
I feel like I let her down.
So like I mentioned before, she wanted to make sure we had privacy.
So...
We watch force awakenedd. It goes well. She liked it. Afterwards, I turn on some music and we start making out.
I get on top of her and got for second base. And then I go for third base. She stops me so I go
Back to second. I take her shirt off.
Go back to third and she stops me again, saying she's nervous about going further. I reassure her that everything will be alright.
Things are going well. I take my clothes off. She starts touching me. We make out. And then she asks if I have condoms. I go grab one and put it on. I then go to start and...
I lose my erection. Just dead. I don't want to blame the condom... but it was the condom. So now the stress starts to get to me and I'm just fucking done at this point. She is now visually annoyed with me. After a few moments she asks to put her clothes back on. And I have to answer questions about why I wasn't turned on and why I can't get a boner.
Back to second. I take her shirt off.
Go back to third and she stops me again, saying she's nervous about going further. I reassure her that everything will be alright.
Things are going well. I take my clothes off. She starts touching me. We make out. And then she asks if I have condoms. I go grab one and put it on. I then go to start and...
I lose my erection. Just dead. I don't want to blame the condom... but it was the condom. So now the stress starts to get to me and I'm just fucking done at this point. She is now visually annoyed with me. After a few moments she asks to put her clothes back on. And I have to answer questions about why I wasn't turned on and why I can't get a boner.
I feel like I let her down.
You didn't. What you likely experienced was anxiety-induced erectile dysfunction. Could stem from fears over past performances or fears over fucking things up with a girl you really like. These are normal and happen to the best of us sometimes, and will go away as you feel more comfortable with each other ('s nakedness).
If it really was the condom...practice using a condom in your spare time.
I need some advice on post-break up..my very first break up. I can't believe it took a break up for me to brave neogaf - I signed up years ago but had stupidly high anxiety to keep posting. Now I'm just searching for friends to talk to, so I want to try post a lot. So, um, hello!
This was my first relationship, and it lasted for one year, and we were best friends since we were 13. The reason he broke up with me was because I was Muslim, and his family were staunch Buddhist - he couldn't stand the pressure of criticism from his family. He was so afraid of being judged and he didn't..fight for me. He just gave up after one night. I'm not even that much of a staunch Muslim, I fast and I pray but I was really prepared to fight for him. I didn't care if he didn't want to practice Islam. I only wanted to be with someone.
I'm really devastated. He was someone I'd confide in everyday.
Any tips on how to stay focused with life? And being a muslim girl in the dating scene..if I ever do date someone else how do I avoid something like this from ever happening again?
This was my first relationship, and it lasted for one year, and we were best friends since we were 13. The reason he broke up with me was because I was Muslim, and his family were staunch Buddhist - he couldn't stand the pressure of criticism from his family. He was so afraid of being judged and he didn't..fight for me. He just gave up after one night. I'm not even that much of a staunch Muslim, I fast and I pray but I was really prepared to fight for him. I didn't care if he didn't want to practice Islam. I only wanted to be with someone.
I'm really devastated. He was someone I'd confide in everyday.
Any tips on how to stay focused with life? And being a muslim girl in the dating scene..if I ever do date someone else how do I avoid something like this from ever happening again?
These things happen to most of us dudes (all of us) at some point. Don't sweat it man. Also if the girl was annoyed then I'd say she isn't very understanding. You shouldn't feel so bad about it. Hell these sorts of things should be shrugged of with a laugh from both parts from my experience. Just shit that happens, no biggie!
SmackDaddy
Member
Yee, this sort of thought process will continue the temporary (!!!) dysfunction. Just work at it together, and be extremely reassuring to her that it isn't her, you're just nervous because you like her and want to perform.
Gotta work through it together like everything else in a relationship. It happened to me with the girl I was super in love with, and we just sat there and kept trying one day every 40 minutes or so for a few hours. Eventually I busted a fat nut and it never happened again. It's so, so mental.
Same thing happened to my friend with his now fiancee. He COULD NOT finish with a chick, until they decided to try it unprotected and he accidentally came inside of her, forcing the morning after pill the next morning. One way to get rid of your problem...
always crazy bacon
Banned
Sorry to offend your Disney themed wardrobe, I guess.
always crazy bacon
Banned
The only place I'd see a Buddhist/Muslim mixed relationship causing an issue is in China. Which leads me to ask if your Chinese or family from that region?
Benzychenz
Member
Third date tomorrow.
Going to hers after work for a movie night.
Going to hers after work for a movie night.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
If your profile is still accurate, you're not just a Muslim girl in the dating scene, you're a Muslim girl in the dating scene in fucking Australia, where a bunch of people probably wouldn't feel super comfortable dating a Muslim person thanks to the shitty media, and the issue only gets worse the older you look. Then again, I guess it does vary greatly here depending on location and age range, people around my age tend to be more understanding and open-minded from what I've observed.
I don't know what to tell you other than you should establish early on that you're muslim and ensure they don't mind and that their family's thoughts on it aren't negative... or at least aren't valued by the person you're in the relationship with.
As for focus in life, if this separation has really knocked you around, just spend some time for yourself doing the things you love. Continue to engage in hobbies, look for close friends to confide in if you need to etc.
Have fun!
Wear protection.
I'm Malay! Migrated from Singapore. He's Chinese, from Malaysia. We both live in Australia.
I went against advice and texted him..he seemed pretty adamant on his choice. Somehow, the fact that I know we won't be together again - that certainty..kind of lifts some pressure off. No more holding onto false hope.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Sounds similar to a story that was posted by another Gaffer. Didn't that one end with his then girlfriend stabbing him or some shit?
You need to intervene, his pride won't allow him to accept he's the victim of domestic violence.
So, turns out I'm not really in the friendzone, she's got a big huge mess in her head (in my previous posts I wrote what happened to her).
Last friday I was drinking with a few friends then she joins us. At some point she asks me about a girl that I was talking with and planning to go out soon. She's never asked me anything about other girls, so intrigued by this i hit her with "yea after that I'm gonna date you" ¯\_(ツ
_/¯ lol alcohol. She replies with "I can't you know why". That's where I flip and I tell her to come outside with me to talk. She immediately understood that I knew everything that had happened to her in the past few months.
We spent something like 2 hours outside talking. Long story short, she was denying that she acts differently with me but then tells me that it's true she feels different with me and it's not just a friendship but that she's trapped in her situation and doesn't know how to get out of it because this "bf" will come back into town only in september. She tells me she knows this guy isn't right for her, there's a lot of things she doesn't like about him and that she knows she has to make a decision but wants to do it the right way because she doesn't want to hurt him.
Anyways, if I push more, she'll crack ¯\_(ツ_/¯
Last friday I was drinking with a few friends then she joins us. At some point she asks me about a girl that I was talking with and planning to go out soon. She's never asked me anything about other girls, so intrigued by this i hit her with "yea after that I'm gonna date you" ¯\_(ツ
_/¯ lol alcohol. She replies with "I can't you know why". That's where I flip and I tell her to come outside with me to talk. She immediately understood that I knew everything that had happened to her in the past few months. We spent something like 2 hours outside talking. Long story short, she was denying that she acts differently with me but then tells me that it's true she feels different with me and it's not just a friendship but that she's trapped in her situation and doesn't know how to get out of it because this "bf" will come back into town only in september. She tells me she knows this guy isn't right for her, there's a lot of things she doesn't like about him and that she knows she has to make a decision but wants to do it the right way because she doesn't want to hurt him.
Anyways, if I push more, she'll crack ¯\_(ツ
_/¯Spoiled Milk
Banned
Don't be a dick, wait for her to settle her shit.
Messofanego
Banned
That really sucks to hear. As a Muslim dude, I can relate that interfaith stuff can be a no go area for families. There's a chance he can be disowned by his family if he got with someone who's not buddhist. I was shattered when I couldn't get with a Sikh girl who was my first crush in university, but I got over it. It sucks, and Hasan Minhaj's Netflix special gets into this stuff so it might be relatable. I hope you two can still remain friends, but if not, you have to be able to move on.
If you do want to get back on the saddle, try some Muslim dating apps or websites if you want to avoid such serious issues. Muzmatch, singlemuslim, etc. Put yourself out there. All is not lost. Hope your Ramadan is going well
always crazy bacon
Banned
That would be right then, Chinese Muslims are from the north and generally keep to themselves. Which in China leads to all kinds of assumptions about them because they don't mix with other people. If his family assumed you were like that and coupled with the fact that boys get spoiled more in China and they think he should be with someone better I can see the pressure he would have been put under. I don't condone it, but I understand it. It's actually not a religious issue why he split with you per say. More one of ignorance and assumption by his family. Like you say, he didn't fight for you, so probably best you find out now rather than later in life.
I can't say how you can avoid this in the future but I can say don't blame your religion because that's not the real root cause.
While it's not my intention to be a dick, at the same time I'm not going to wait until this guy comes back in september.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Consider yourself slapped.
So, turns out I'm not really in the friendzone, she's got a big huge mess in her head (in my previous posts I wrote what happened to her).
Last friday I was drinking with a few friends then she joins us. At some point she asks me about a girl that I was talking with and planning to go out soon. She's never asked me anything about other girls, so intrigued by this i hit her with "yea after that I'm gonna date you" ¯\_(ツ
We spent something like 2 hours outside talking. Long story short, she was denying that she acts differently with me but then tells me that it's true she feels different with me and it's not just a friendship but that she's trapped in her situation and doesn't know how to get out of it because this "bf" will come back into town only in september. She tells me she knows this guy isn't right for her, there's a lot of things she doesn't like about him and that she knows she has to make a decision but wants to do it the right way because she doesn't want to hurt him.
Anyways, if I push more, she'll crack ¯\_(ツ
This isn't progress, this is the same shit she's been telling you the whole time with the boyfriend/not boyfriend situation. Reads to me like she's giving you just enough hope so that you keep giving her attention.
She's got you hooked waiting around for September now and very day inbetween you're hoping she splits with him.
Classic Friendzone.
Yeah, the news tends to be heartbreaking to watch. Sometimes I avoid tv all together except for SBS and some such.
Thanks for the advice! I'm 22, so I'm still young. I do plan to specifically ask about family opinions on Islam if I ever meet someone.. hope they don't get too deterred by that. I plan to make new friends and be active in discussions such as..neogaf itself. Uh, maybe.
That really sucks to hear. As a Muslim dude, I can relate that interfaith stuff can be a no go area for families. There's a chance he can be disowned by his family if he got with someone who's not buddhist. I was shattered when I couldn't get with a Sikh girl who was my first crush in university, but I got over it. It sucks, and Hasan Minhaj's Netflix special gets into this stuff so it might be relatable. I hope you two can still remain friends, but if not, you have to be able to move on.
If you do want to get back on the saddle, try some Muslim dating apps or websites if you want to avoid such serious issues. Muzmatch, singlemuslim, etc. Put yourself out there. All is not lost. Hope your Ramadan is going well
Thanks, man! Happy Ramadan and hope yours is going good too! I'll be sure to check Hasan Minhaj and those dating apps when I'm ready.
I admit I was a bit unfair to him. I was angry and in my mind I was thinking he was just..the weakest coward when he made the choice. But he's adamant about it, and now that you put it, his family was rather harsh to him.. something akin to being disowned could happen. I can't blame him anymore.
I think we can remain friends - when we texted, telling him how I felt about everything really made me feel better, even though he was the cause of all the pain. Confiding in him is really something special, and I know I have to keep this friendship. We have too much history to just throw it all away.
Thanks
If I got too attached as a couple later in life and this happened, there would've been a lot more heartache than this. It's definitely nice to hear that. For a while I did blame my religion, and him, but now I know that's not the case.
Phew, it hurts like hell, but I'm definitely ready to move on.
ZackieChan
Member
Happens to everyone. Mostly nerves. Feels like it's the condoms fault because you're removed from stimulation, have to change your train of thought, feels weird, maybe it's awkward putting it on. All that​adds up with nerves and can fuck you up.
She's probably frustrated and upset because she thinks it's her fault or something wrong with her. If she doesn't have much experience, she probably hasn't faced this before. Gotta have a talk with her, tell her you read the Internet and this is normal. You just need to work through it. If it happens again, then yay, more time for oral for her. Don't go crazy, just keep on making out and stuff until it pops up again. If you're more comfortable, it will probably go better. But it isn't a big deal.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Doesn't help when women are led to believe men want it all the time 24/7. When that's not actually the case.
So, turns out I'm not really in the friendzone, she's got a big huge mess in her head (in my previous posts I wrote what happened to her).
Last friday I was drinking with a few friends then she joins us. At some point she asks me about a girl that I was talking with and planning to go out soon. She's never asked me anything about other girls, so intrigued by this i hit her with "yea after that I'm gonna date you" ¯_(ツ
We spent something like 2 hours outside talking. Long story short, she was denying that she acts differently with me but then tells me that it's true she feels different with me and it's not just a friendship but that she's trapped in her situation and doesn't know how to get out of it because this "bf" will come back into town only in september. She tells me she knows this guy isn't right for her, there's a lot of things she doesn't like about him and that she knows she has to make a decision but wants to do it the right way because she doesn't want to hurt him.
Anyways, if I push more, she'll crack ¯_(ツ
She's keeping you as backup for MONTHS in case it doesn't work out, and that's given if she doesn't find someone else in the same time frame. You're friend zoned.
ZackieChan
Member
artsi
Member
I've been having sex for 12 years and condoms still fuck up my mood.
Want to have spontaneous sex in [anywhere else than bedroom]? Oh let me just go and fetch these foul smelling rubbers from my stash in the other room first, and lose my erection in the process.
Can't wait for male birth control pills, of course STD's are an issue with one night stands, but I don't want to use those things in a relationship.
Want to have spontaneous sex in [anywhere else than bedroom]? Oh let me just go and fetch these foul smelling rubbers from my stash in the other room first, and lose my erection in the process.
Can't wait for male birth control pills, of course STD's are an issue with one night stands, but I don't want to use those things in a relationship.
always crazy bacon
Banned
You should have condoms liberally distributed around your life. You're running to one stash in your home you're doing it wrong. Smell bad? Think your dick and her fanny smell like roses?
Condoms are your friend and you only need one case of accidental pregnancy or a dirty dick to reconsider your position on them.
They dont feel as good? Thats male entitlement right there.
Condoms are your friend and you only need one case of accidental pregnancy or a dirty dick to reconsider your position on them.
They dont feel as good? Thats male entitlement right there.
JadedWriter
Member
This chick is nuts and he should leave her before she stabs him in his sleep.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
If you're comfortable dating people who aren't of your faith, 22 is a good age to be at tbh. I'm 21 and most of the guys I hang out with are much more accepting of different religious or cultural differences and less likely to be brainwashed idiots like the older crowd.
Acknowledging that and moving on is the most important thing, so good job. Seems like that can take people weeks or months on this thread haha
I second this motion.
Wait, what? I've just always kept a box in my room and one in my wallet, why would you hide them in every room of the house?
Admittedly, I've never had an issue with using condoms.
And here I am yelling at myself because I've made only like 3 decent attempts at getting dates since I started posting in this thread lol. I need to get some new shirts and get on the apps soon.
Krauser Kat
Member
chicago. Within in those numbers i have had a couple exclusive gf for more then a month or so.
This weekend i went on 5 dates.
Thursday i went to a concert and just shot the shit with her all night, it ended really well. She was out of town for the weekend.
Friday. I got dinner with my friend then went out for drinks with a new girl. I might see her again she is up for a 2nd date.
Saturday morning. i got a spontaneous brunch date with a really cute yoga teacher and non profit worker. Kissed at the end, getting pizza with her on tuesday.
Sunday morning i got brunch, i thought the date would go bad but i guess im just her type and she got into it.
Sunday night I got drinks at an outdoor patio place and drew for awhile before the girl showed up and then we talked from 8 until midnight before going out separate ways. I will see her again.
artsi
Member
Of course I use them and carry them around but there's nothing enjoyable in that. Alternative birth control is just as effective, and again, I'm talking about being in relationship where you don't need to worry about STD's
That's why I mentioned male birth control because I'd be happy to take the burden to myself instead of having the girl use pills etc. that they wouldn't necessarily want to.
So, turns out I'm not really in the friendzone, she's got a big huge mess in her head (in my previous posts I wrote what happened to her).
Last friday I was drinking with a few friends then she joins us. At some point she asks me about a girl that I was talking with and planning to go out soon. She's never asked me anything about other girls, so intrigued by this i hit her with "yea after that I'm gonna date you" ¯\_(ツ
We spent something like 2 hours outside talking. Long story short, she was denying that she acts differently with me but then tells me that it's true she feels different with me and it's not just a friendship but that she's trapped in her situation and doesn't know how to get out of it because this "bf" will come back into town only in september. She tells me she knows this guy isn't right for her, there's a lot of things she doesn't like about him and that she knows she has to make a decision but wants to do it the right way because she doesn't want to hurt him.
Anyways, if I push more, she'll crack ¯\_(ツ
You're more of a mess than she is
This is like the literal definition of friendzone. We could put your story in the dictionary for how well it works.
But I know you're not going to listen to us anyway.
Fucking THANK YOU lol.
Damn, dude. I'm also in Chicago. Nowhere near that level of success, though. Most first dates I've gone on in a week is 3. Scheduling gets way, way too hard beyond that. How old are you? How many months/years-long relationships have you been in? Are most of these internet dating, or people you meet through your social life? How long have you lived in Chicago
With internet dates, I tend to go only for ~hour long coffees, etc. I'm kind of a mellow guy, and there's often not a huge amount of chemistry; dates are nice, but kind of neutral. I'm also kind of new to the city, so I don't have anything resembling a regular repertoire of date ideas and locations in all of the possible neighborhoods I may end up.
Not everybody is cut out to dating that much with so many different people. I never thought I'd be able to get dates at that kind of rate, and it can actually kind of suck. It takes a whole lot of commitment to not only schedule the dates, but also keep up with the texting. When I try to schedule more than 2~3 first dates per week, I end up dropping the ball and do a poor job texting, leading to an increase in my fizzle rate.
Benzychenz
Member
JadedWriter
Member
always crazy bacon
Banned
In his example it was a barrier to spontanious sex. So solve it by placing them around the home if thats a big issue. You dont need 12 condoms all in one place.
I carry them in my wallet, desk draw at work, my daily bag and bedroom, living room. A practice that has paid off due to resource management.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Online dating is a numbers game, but thats no reason to extend that to numbers game of first dates. If your getting a lot of matches, just filter them to the ones you feel are more compatible with you. That would give you focus instead of going through the motions.you'll probably have better dates leading to a relationship that way.
Yes, I definitely agree with this. My rate of 2nd dates went up when I took my foot off the gas just a little bit. It's a lot easier to manage.
I definitely have a problem with date ideas & escalation since moving to the city, though. Also, I've been meeting way too many skittish & nervous women that really take a while to get comfortable. Internet dating feels like I'm swinging way out of my network of social norms and tendencies, and I find it really hard to get a read on a lot of women.
Definitely go for another kiss. Getting rejected and feeling like a bit of a doofus is better than losing something because you didn't act fast enough. Some women are just hard reads or more conservative/slower/reserved. Yes, there's obvious extremes and limitations, but it is like a 10x difference in "# of relationships missed/lost by not acting fast enough" vs. "# of relationships missed/lost by acting too quickly."
always crazy bacon
Banned
You need to work on your Groundhog Day 1st date. That date location that works for you is comfortable and familiar and has good feedback from women you've had dayes there with. Adjust the details based on feedback and variables. Once you have that you can go on autopilot and focus more on a personal connection. The only thing you need to not say is that you've been there with other 1st dates or youve been there many times.
Ask her if she wants popcorn and before she can answer, plant one. Then afterwards ask again... "so, really, do you want any popcorn?"
Oh man. Happened to me this weekend as well. Don't worry about it! Laugh it off and talk about it. Maybe she could help putting it on next time?
After weeks of mental blockage and anxiety (and a 7 month dry spell) I was finally able to get down to business again. This girl had spent the night several times before and she's always been very understanding. I did notice that she started to get annoyed with that fact that she spent so many nights without any action, so I decided to go for it. It was fun and all, but it didn't last that long. I could barely feel anything wearing that condom, I was totally hung over and it was 30 degrees (celcius). Went limp after about 10 minutes. Time to get that STD check up.
Needed to vent.
You didn't. I'll chime in with the others: it happens. Especially if you're not used to those things you mentioned.
Hmm? The STD checkup is kind of a random comment to put there.
Yeah? Makes sense to me. Want to get rid of the condom hassle. I'm pretty sure I'm clean, but the girl wants certainty.
its no biggie dude. happens to loads of people. just laugh it off and be honest "you were nervous" if it bothers her and she sacks you off over it she isnt worth continuing things with anyway.
chin up! sounds like a good evening to me
JadedWriter
Member
WTF is with women on dating sites immediately asking me for my gmail?
Scams. Just don't.
Gotdatmoney
Member
It happens to everyone. I don't really think you need to beat yourself up here.
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