Once I went on a road trip to Spain to spend NYE.
We were on a 8-9 seat van, like a Ford Galaxy or something. There were boys, girls I didn't even now.
As soon as we departed, I got hit by one of the worst case of the runs of my life. I NEEDED to open my sphyncter to at least release some gas. I couldn't. "I have no asshole, and I must fart and/or shit". That would be the title of my story. What a nightmare. I could barely speak too, I just twisted myself around like a worm as I tried and keep my butt from giving me the embarrassment of a lifetime.
Many, many, kilometers in I just had to ask to pull over. There was this side of the road loo. It was just a loo. I said I was feeling sick and I went there. Took a glorious dump. All my insides wanted out. All physical states of matter were involved.
By the end of it, there was no toilet paper. So I just kissed goodbye the white t-shirt I was wearing underneath