There has been a recent situation that I regretfully put myself into involving a woman who I consider a friend in the industry. I want to take a moment to sincerely apologize for the way I acted and the words that were exchanged. I am mortified by my behavior as it was not only completely inappropriate, but it was fueled by alcohol and depression. My younger brother committed suicide last year and ever since then I haven’t been myself. A tragedy like that is something I hope no one has to endure. Even though I’m aware that alcoholism runs in my family, I have been using it to cope with the pain that I feel every day. It’s compounded my depression and clearly clouded my common sense and dignity.
Contrary to what I drunkenly typed, I have nothing but respect for this person. She has always been a positive ray of sunshine and I got very carried away in a conversation that I never should have started. Just because someone is nice to me doesn’t mean I can act inappropriately or say whatever I want to them. Especially since I have been such an advocate of women in games and treating everyone with the same level of respect and decency. I was a complete hypocrite and I am more mad at myself than anyone else will ever be with me. Since the other night, I have taken the steps to get into therapy to deal with the loss of my brother as well as regular AA meetings to deal with my self destruction.
I want to be perfectly clear, I’m not using my brother as a scapegoat to give me cart blanche or excuse my behavior. I know that women in the industry have to deal with these sorts of things every day and I hate myself for adding to it. What I did was completely wrong and something that I, myself, take responsibility for. I only bring up my own depression and loss to try to find the root of my poor choices.
Once again, I am terribly sorry. All I’ve ever wanted to be is a positive influence and I let my metal health and alcohol abuse get the best of me.
-Josh
