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[Angry Grimace]

I think it's funny how the posters i know are women are all saying the first time was the worst.

It is hard to top the first time though.

I should think the reason is obvious. It probably fucking hurts a lot. The first time "sucks" for men, but it doesn't really. You do a bad job and flop around like you're having a seizure, but you're also super excited you finally got laid.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

OMFG, smelly pussy is the most vile offender of bad sex.

YES.

Definitely a couple that didn't get calls back because of that. Clean that shit up, ladies.

 

[8bit]

I've always wondered what sex would be like on MDMA seeing as it makes even touching someone's arm an incredible experience.

Cuddling and touching are awesome, but I've never been able to progress much past fondling as it's fun whereas any progression beyond that seems too much hard work.

(Attempted) sex on acid isn't a good idea, you might notice things about your partner in an unfavourable light.

 

[Omegasquash]

Also hymens seem pretty pointless.

Dated a girl for awhile that was a virgin, but also played polo. When we got to the point in our relationship where it was cool to discuss, she flat out told me that she didn't have a hymen.

Because she lost that while riding a horse.

So yes, they seem pointless.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

I think it's funny how the posters i know are women are all saying the first time was the worst.

It is hard to top the first time though.

My first time's penis was so small (read my initial post earlier in the thread) that it didn't even break my hymen. it wasn't until 5 years later with my next partner did it break. :/ even then It wasn't as bad. Though my second partner Wasn't that great either, he was more interested by dragon ball z that was on the television than the actual sex and he was on top.

 

[Featheredkitten]

I should think the reason is obvious. It probably fucking hurts a lot. The first time "sucks" for men, but it doesn't really. You do a bad job and flop around like you're having a seizure, but you're also super excited you finally got laid.

Yea it does hurt. Quite a lot from what i remember, but that was over a decade ago so it's a little fuzzy.

My first time's penis was so small (read my initial post earlier in the thread) that it didn't even break my hymen. it wasn't until 5 years later with my next partner did it break. :/ even then It wasn't as bad. Though my second partner Wasn't that great either, he was more interested by dragon ball z that was on the television than the actual sex and he was on top.

wow that sounds pretty awful.

 

[MrOogieBoogie]

I was grabbing her asscheeks and just squeezing them really hard with my hands, when I guess I spread them apart too far or something and she just farted right into my face.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

yall are killing me lol


eww at the stank ass cooters

 

[Link]

I was wondering when the ladies would start contributing.

It wasn't even bad on his end but what you gonna do when it feels like you're being stabbed to death and how does anyone ever top that awfulness.

Also hymens seem pretty pointless.

Time to encourage teenage girls to take up horseback riding?

 

[Doctor West]

I will consider myself lucky to have never encountered a stinky vag. All of those stories are making me queasy.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

I think it's funny how the posters i know are women are all saying the first time was the worst.

It is hard to top the first time though.

It really was. I mean, most other time was something because of lack of hygiene or mad skillz but i wasn't that bad. It sucked more than other stuff that's supposed to hurt.

 

[Devolution]

I was wondering when the ladies would start contributing.

Time to encourage teenage girls to take up horseback riding?

I was reading about some cultures in which they basically start girls out with tampon size instruments to insert, then stretch it out little by little before the act of sex. It's not just the hymen breaking that hurts, it's the muscle stretching to a much wider capacity than before (at least in my case). So it took several attempts before I could have sex pain free.

 

[keltickennedy]

I am lucky enough to never had to deal with a smelly vag. My friends have told me similar stories. I think I might of dodged a bullet this one time bringing a girl home from a party. We were both pretty drunk and I remember both of us having to lay on my floor because I just moved into my new apartment and didn't have a bed. But we started fooling around and she took off her shirt and smelled super bad of BO. I mean, fuck it was bad. I was drunk, but not THAT drunk. All these thoughts were running through my head about how the rest of it might be. I ended up playing possum and acting like I passed out and went to sleep. I remember her kind of being a hippie chick, so sure that it would of been terrifying if I went downstairs with her.

The worse part was definitely the next morning trying to get her to leave my apartment.

 

[TacticalFox88]

So this girl I was with finally granted me permission for some anal lovage.
I'm warming up her ass with a vibrator, slowly pushing it to and fro with my left hand whilst playing with her pussy with the right, two fingers in and my thumb working her clit.
She's getting very excited by what my right hand is doing, so I momentarily lose focus of the careful actions of my left hand.

"Ploop."

The vibrator disappears up her ass.
No biggie I figure, I can just dig it out.
So I reach in deeper with my left hand whilst stopping what I'm doing with my right.

"What are you doing?"
".....Oh nothing just grabbing this thing."
"What!?"

She leaps up off the bed and begins to panic. I sit her back down, explain, make a couple of jokes and begin my second excavation attempt.
The problem now is between her getting up and sitting back down it's become lodged in at a strange angle and seemingly won't come out.
I pull firmly.
A sudden warm sensation.
Blood.
Lots of blood.

She runs to the toilet, leaking blood over my cream carpet whilst I run after her beginning to freak. I don't like the sight of blood.
She sits on the toilet and begins having what sounds like a very heavy, manly piss.
I look into the toilet and it looks like a prop bucket from Carrie.
So much blood.
I'm trying my hardest to pull this vibrator out but it won't budge.
The blood is making my attempt to get a decent grip on it difficult.
She's crying.
I suggest going to hospital to remove it and she cries more, shouting at me for thinking of putting her in the situation of explaining to the doctor what's wrong.

After a huge amount of blood (repeated flushes were needed), tears and struggles I finally wrestle this vibrator from her ass.
It's still on and vibrating happily.

The downside is this experience has put me off from ever attempting anal sex again.
The upside is I kept the vibrator and gave it to her as a gift a few months later.
She smiled.

I fucking LOST it at this point. Holy shit LOL!

 

[Trey]

Is drunk sex ever worth it?

 

[Link]

Is drunk sex ever worth it?

Serious question? Most of the time, it goes quite well.

 

[depths20XX]

Is drunk sex ever worth it?

It's fun sometimes because you might switch it up from your normal stuff. The fact that your dick feels all numb is pretty lame though.

 

[Dizzy]

Was very drunk one time, ended up in bed with a random girl. Was going ok for a while but there was this....odour. Wasn't quite sure where it was coming from at the time (had been drinking heavily) and thought maybe it's her breath. Anyway after a few mins we switched positions I put two and two together and realized it was coming from in between her legs. My head got closer and the smell got stronger. It was hands down the single worst entire stench I've ever come across in my life. That is no exagerration,, nothing has ever smelt that bad. Needless to say I lost my erection at that point, I just blamed it on the alcohol sounded apologetic and left. Soooo glad I always use a condom.

Is drunk sex ever worth it?

I think everytime I've been drunk its been really hard to finish. Slightly tipsy ok but I don't like sex when I'm completely wasted.

 

[andthebeatgoeson]

usually anytime i try to go at it when I have the bubble guts. Nothing like the need to take a shit that will rob me of my mojo. i think it's impossible.

Is drunk sex ever worth it?

How awake is she and has she indicated she wouldn't mind?

One time in college I took this girl home from the bar and was banging her doggystyle. I was grabbing her asscheeks and just squeezing them really hard with my hands, when I guess I spread them apart too far or something and she just farted right into my face.

It was so fucking awkward and I had no idea what to do, so I just kept going like it didnt happen. She looked back like expecting some reaction, then when I didn't really react she just looked forward and we kept going. But it stunk, we both knew what was up. I was so disgusted I never called her again.

How did you know it wasn't a queef?

 

[Inanna]

Yeah, there is nothing worse than smelly genitals. My very first experience with a guy was really really bad because of that. It scarred me so bad afterwards that now I always make sure that my dude is squeaky clean before we initiate foreplay. Didn't go beyond oral with that guy but dear god, that stench, I don't think I'll ever forget the stench... I dunno why more people don't take care of their hygiene down there and wash themselves everytime they use the loo.

And first time was the worst, feels like being stabbed repeatedly with a giant sharp knife.

 

[Baconsammy]

How did you know it wasn't a queef?

Exactly. Doggy style is the leading cause of varts.

 

[CornBurrito]

So how many times does it take for men to get "good" at sex?

 

[Featheredkitten]

So how many times does it take for men to get "good" at sex?

depends on the guy, anywhere from 3-20 times

 

[SgtCobra]

I'm glad I haven't had any bad experience with sex (girls over here tend to be pretty clean) except for this one.

Well...
A girl I used to date finally invited me to her home after dating for like 3 months and she onl visiting my house and doing only foreplay. Her excuse was "would you like to get something to drink at my place?" after consuming a giant coke and a pretty decent amount of alcohol at some bar after that. I knew something else was going to happen..
So I entered her house, it was 1:00 AM and her parents were in their room, she said she was pretty surprised that her parents have gone sleeping because it wasn't that late for her parents' standards. She said it would be better not to wake them up. Anyway after drinking a glass of water she insisted that we should proceed the conversation in her room but preferably naked (yep, i'm in) She was horny as hell. We went upstairs and she said that she needed to do some things before I entered the room, she said that in 5 minutes I could enter naked with my clothes in my hand as long as her parent's didn't hear me, I agreed, at that age she thought it was kinky as fck.
The problem was.. I didn't know what her room was as I've never entered her house before. So I had to take maybe one of my biggest "everything or nothing" guesses of my teenage years and I decided to enter the last room, the one with a little mirror on the door. I entered and couldn't see nothing, just one foot facing up thanks to the light that came in from the hallway. I entered the room and closed the door, fully naked I decided to do some foreplay on her, a bit of fingering and when I pushed my head between her legs she started to scream like a pig getting tagged In a barn, yes, I was pretty drunk, but not drunk enough to not recognize that voice, it wasn't her.. But her mother, her mother for fucks sake. I screamed back with a not so manly voice (thank god, thanks to that she wouldn't have recognized me on later visits) I ran out the room and ran downstairs like there was no tomorrow, I fell over something I didn't see that night because of the shock, when I opened the door with only my underpants on (I still have my dignity to protect lol) I could hear the door of the bathroom open with a manly voice coming out of it screaming "Maxime, what's happening?!"

I immediately texted that girl with an explanation of what happened, she didn't mind, like not at all.. I broke up the contact 2 weeks later because I couldn't stand the idea that I had been doing foreplay with her mom. They didn't take any further action because her mom didn't want to be labeled as someone who got "raped" as it would ruin her career.
They moved out of the country to Germany due economical reasons.
Now my friends tend to laugh about it, I hope she's okay because I never intended to touch her, but from what I hear from that girl her mom pretty much accepted it and makes jokes about it at home.

 

[Az987]

I was at a someones house I've been seeing this weekend and I woke up at 9am and was reading this thread on her computer and woke her up because I was laughing so hard.

Worst sex? Well first I should say I was home schooled from like 7th grade on so I didn't have very much interaction with girls my age for a long time.

When I hit like 17 I started to panic that I hadn't had sex yet and I was basically willing to fuck anything.

So anyway, my cousin and his friend are at a hotel with 3 girls and the other girl needed a guy. This girl looked.. well I don't remember what she looked like other than the fact that she was sort of big.

So anyway, I made up my mind I wasn't having sex with her and I'm just going to drink all their beer. Well since I was home schooled I also didn't have much experience with alcohol so I drank way too much too fast and all of the sudden my cousin and friend start having sex with their hook ups and me and this girl are just in the room.

So I'm pretty drunk and she asks me if I want my dick sucked so obviously I was like uh yeah!. The next thing I know she tells me to lay on the ground and she hops on my dick. I'm having fun but then my friends must've been done because someone turned the lights on and she hopped right off.

Then it hit me, I didn't wear a condom! So I blurted out, "OH fuck! I didn't wear a condom! I'm going to get aids and die!" Now, keep in mind I was pretty shit faced and I probably offended her pretty bad because I said it loud with everyone else in the room but whatever. She left the hotel room and tried to have sex with 3 guys in a hotel room next door.

Everything turned out alright though lol. My friend stole money out of one of their purses and we went to mcdonalds.

I'm sorry I don't have any stinky vagina stories though.

 

[Jarmel]

Well...
A girl I used to date finally invited me to her home after dating for like 3 months and she onl visiting my house and doing only foreplay. Her excuse was "would you like to get something to drink at my place?" after consuming a giant coke and a pretty decent amount of alcohol at some bar after that. I knew something else was going to happen..
So I entered her house, it was 1:00 AM and her parents were in their room, she said she was pretty surprised that her parents have gone sleeping because it wasn't that late for her parents' standards. She said it would be better not to wake them up. Anyway after drinking a glass of water she insisted that we should proceed the conversation in her room but preferably naked (yep, i'm in) She was horny as hell. We went upstairs and she said that she needed to do some things before I entered the room, she said that in 5 minutes I could enter naked with my clothes in my hand as long as her parent's didn't hear me, I agreed, at that age she thought it was kinky as fck.
The problem was.. I didn't know what her room was as I've never entered her house before. So I had to take maybe one of my biggest "everything or nothing" guesses of my teenage years and I decided to enter the last room, the one with a little mirror on the door. I entered and couldn't see nothing, just one foot facing up thanks to the light that came in from the hallway. I entered the room and closed the door, fully naked I decided to do some foreplay on her, a bit of fingering and when I pushed my head between her legs she started to scream like a pig getting tagged In a barn, yes, I was pretty drunk, but not drunk enough to not recognize that voice, it wasn't her.. But her mother, her mother for fucks sake. I screamed back with a not so manly voice (thank god, thanks to that she would have recognized me on later visits) I ran out the room and ran downstairs like there was no tomorrow, I fell over something I didn't see that night because of the shock, when I opened the door with only my underpants on (I still have my dignity to protect lol) I could hear the door of the bathroom open with a manly voice coming out of it screaming "Maxime, what's happening?!"

I immediately texted that girl with an explanation of what happened, she didn't mind, like not at all.. I broke up the contact 2 weeks later because I couldn't stand the idea that I had a foreplay with her mom. They didn't take any further action because her mom didn't want to be labeled as someone who got "raped" as it would ruin her career.
They moved out of the country to Germany due economical reasons.
Now my friends and tend to laugh about it, I hope she's okay because I never intended to touch her, but from what I hear from that girl her mom pretty much accepted it and makes jokes about it at home.

You're lucky to be alive.

 

[andymcc]

I'm glad I haven't had any bad experience with sex (girls over here tend to be pretty clean) except for this one.

Well...
A girl I used to date finally invited me to her home after dating for like 3 months and she onl visiting my house and doing only foreplay. Her excuse was "would you like to get something to drink at my place?" after consuming a giant coke and a pretty decent amount of alcohol at some bar after that. I knew something else was going to happen..
So I entered her house, it was 1:00 AM and her parents were in their room, she said she was pretty surprised that her parents have gone sleeping because it wasn't that late for her parents' standards. She said it would be better not to wake them up. Anyway after drinking a glass of water she insisted that we should proceed the conversation in her room but preferably naked (yep, i'm in) She was horny as hell. We went upstairs and she said that she needed to do some things before I entered the room, she said that in 5 minutes I could enter naked with my clothes in my hand as long as her parent's didn't hear me, I agreed, at that age she thought it was kinky as fck.
The problem was.. I didn't know what her room was as I've never entered her house before. So I had to take maybe one of my biggest "everything or nothing" guesses of my teenage years and I decided to enter the last room, the one with a little mirror on the door. I entered and couldn't see nothing, just one foot facing up thanks to the light that came in from the hallway. I entered the room and closed the door, fully naked I decided to do some foreplay on her, a bit of fingering and when I pushed my head between her legs she started to scream like a pig getting tagged In a barn, yes, I was pretty drunk, but not drunk enough to not recognize that voice, it wasn't her.. But her mother, her mother for fucks sake. I screamed back with a not so manly voice (thank god, thanks to that she would have recognized me on later visits) I ran out the room and ran downstairs like there was no tomorrow, I fell over something I didn't see that night because of the shock, when I opened the door with only my underpants on (I still have my dignity to protect lol) I could hear the door of the bathroom open with a manly voice coming out of it screaming "Maxime, what's happening?!"

I immediately texted that girl with an explanation of what happened, she didn't mind, like not at all.. I broke up the contact 2 weeks later because I couldn't stand the idea that I had been doing foreplay with her mom. They didn't take any further action because her mom didn't want to be labeled as someone who got "raped" as it would ruin her career.
They moved out of the country to Germany due economical reasons.
Now my friends tend to laugh about it, I hope she's okay because I never intended to touch her, but from what I hear from that girl her mom pretty much accepted it and makes jokes about it at home.

you sexually assaulted someone. you're fucked up.

 

[Shadow780]

Let me summarize so far: Stinky pussy, whiskey dick, blood, weird fetishes, vacuum suck, corpse body, farts, poops, and parents.

 

[Ciastek3214]

you sexually assaulted someone. you're fucked up.

:lol

 

[SgtCobra]

Thanks guys, it's the cold hard truth
It's been 10 years but it still haunts me every time I see the mother of a girlfriend.
It eases my mind that the mother didn't mind it because that girl told her that it was a "boyfriend" of her and her mom thought it was refreshing for once, yuck (without her husband of course) and it was a big misunderstanding. But still, fucking horrible.. I never (or well, in those 3 months before them moving out) dared to confront her mother with that, but I never thought she would be cool about it as her 1st son had gone over the same situation but then with someone's sister.

that's such a messed up situation. she should have told you where her room was. Didn't you notice the hmmm difference? i mean you obviously didn't but....

She was pretty drunk herself, I was pretty mad at her, but I realized she should be madder at me for doing...that.. no differences detected, she even had the same piercing between her legs, she had a t shirt on so I couldn't really tell that much difference being drunk on the "breasts" subject, also the foreplay didnt last longer than 10 seconds.

 

[shadyspace]

Nvm. Answered my question.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Thanks guys, it's the cold hard truth
It's been 10 years but it still haunts me every time I see the mother of a girlfriend.
It eases my mind that the mother didn't mind it because that girl told her that it was a "boyfriend" of her (without her husband of course) and it was a big misunderstanding. But still, fucking horrible..

that's such a messed up situation. she should have told you where her room was. Didn't you notice the hmmm difference? i mean you obviously didn't but....

 

[Atramental]

depends on the guy, anywhere from 3-20 times

I should really stay away from threads like this.

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

Got painted. the paint was still wet. Go ask gaygaf what that means

 

[depths20XX]

To get good at sex you need to hit lvl 20 and make sure you're specced correctly for the instance.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

I should really stay away from threads like this.

If it makes you feel better, some manage to be good their first time!

 

[Dreams-Visions]

Got painted. the paint was still wet. Go ask gaygaf what that means

can't just tell us?

 

[Opus Angelorum]

Let me summarize so far: Stinky pussy, whiskey dick, blood, weird fetishes, vacuum suck, corpse body, farts, poops, and parents.

And dinosaurs, you forgot the dinosaurs.

 

[Featheredkitten]

I should really stay away from threads like this.

You'd be surprised how quickly you can improve if the girl you're with helps you out. Some guys though....they aren't good at taking direction.

 

[mackattk]

I had one interesting experience.

I started talking to this girl from class, I had been crushing on her for about a month, and we were flirting back and forth, and then she invites me to her house to look over some homework. I am like shit yeah. I'll go.

I get to her place and we start to look at some of problems from the book. This goes on for about 10-15 minutes, and she brings out some drinks from her fridge. We both get a little buzzed, and things start to get a little frisky, and proceed to some heavy petting. She tells me to come to her bed, I oblige and follow. We both end up naked on the bed, and some reason I can't get a hard on. She asks me if I want to try something and get kinky, I am all for it.

She tells me to go and get a jar of chocolate topping for ice cream from the refrigerator, I walk out naked and knowing what is going to happen I say fuck it.

Instead of getting a spoon or butterknife to spread it on me, I jam my dick in there. I dont know what happened, maybe I get excited of what is about to come, but all the sudden I get hard, and my dick gets stuck. I try to pull on it, twist it, but the damn thing won't come off. So here I am, standing in her kitchen while she is waiting in bed, with a glass jar anchored to my dick. I am hard inside the jar so the blood doesn't want to come back out.

I nervously walk back in the bedroom, she sees me and bursts out laughing. I told her its fucking stuck and won't come off, and so she says that she will see what she can do. Twisting, pulling, her messing around only makes me harder, and doesn't help the situation. We try to go the butter route, doesnt do anything.

I start to get desperate, and she says well, I have a hammer. My heart stopped with a sheer look of horror. The thing is glass, no no no, thats not going to happen. After about 20 minutes of this, we decide that I need to take a cold bath, it comes off after a little while, but that ruined the night.

Spoiler

i was sore for a few days, but she gave me another chance

 

[Clydefrog]

To get good at sex you need to hit lvl 20 and make sure you're specced correctly for the instance.

if you haven't maxxed out stamina at lvl 20, you're not going to be able to beat the end boss

 

[Dreams-Visions]

I had one interesting experience.

I started talking to this girl from class, I had been crushing on her for about a month, and we were flirting back and forth, and then she invites me to her house to look over some homework. I am like shit yeah. I'll go.

I get to her place and we start to look at some of problems from the book. This goes on for about 10-15 minutes, and she brings out some drinks from her fridge. We both get a little buzzed, and things start to get a little frisky, and proceed to some heavy petting. She tells me to come to her bed, I oblige and follow. We both end up naked on the bed, and some reason I can't get a hard on. She asks me if I want to try something and get kinky, I am all for it.

She tells me to go and get a jar of chocolate topping for ice cream from the refrigerator, I walk out naked and knowing what is going to happen I say fuck it.

Instead of getting a spoon or butterknife to spread it on me, I jam my dick in there. I dont know what happened, maybe I get excited of what is about to come, but all the sudden I get hard, and my dick gets stuck. I try to pull on it, twist it, but the damn thing won't come off. So here I am, standing in her kitchen while she is waiting in bed, with a glass jar anchored to my dick. I am hard inside the jar so the blood doesn't want to come back out.

I nervously walk back in the bedroom, she sees me and bursts out laughing. I told her its fucking stuck and won't come off, and so she says that she will see what she can do. Twisting, pulling, her messing around only makes me harder, and doesn't help the situation. We try to go the butter route, doesnt do anything.

I start to get desperate, and she says well, I have a hammer. My heart stopped with a sheer look of horror. The thing is glass, no no no, thats not going to happen. After about 20 minutes of this, we decide that I need to take a cold bath, it comes off after a little while, but that ruined the night.

Spoiler

i was sore for a few days, but she gave me another chance

motherfucking NeoGaf.

 

[jet1911]

can't just tell us?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=painted

 

[Az987]

I should really stay away from threads like this.

Straight up sex isn't really that tough to be good at is it? At least it wasn't for me I don't think.

I always thought experience played more of a role with foreplay and oral sex but intercourse? That's like a basic skill. If you cum too quick pop a vicodin, you might not cum but at least shes happy.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

fuckin in a tent without any padding under you could break your pelvis, just a warning to y'all

also doing it on carpet can give you massive rug burns all over your knees. it can burn and be painful for at least a week.

Also if you have a hairy chest like me make sure she's not chewing gum when sucking on nipples etc. gum doesn't come off easy, even with shampoo and stuff in the shower.

That's all I got.

 

[SgtCobra]

gottdamn.jpg

hohohoho that's great and horrible man, these things make you really feel alive

 

[Link]

Let me summarize so far: Stinky pussy, whiskey dick, blood, weird fetishes, vacuum suck, corpse body, farts, poops, and parents.

I read this to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire."

 

[Opus Angelorum]

mackattk
1 Guy, 1 Jar, 1 Swollen Penis
(Today, 09:30 PM)

 

[mackattk]

hohohoho that's great and horrible man, these things make you really feel alive

Its hilarious after the fact, but the things that were running through my mind at the time.. Ugh. I REALLY didn't want to go to the hospital over something like that.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Straight up sex isn't really that tough to be good at is it? At least it wasn't for me I don't think.

I always thought experience played more of a role with foreplay and oral sex but intercourse? That's like a basic skill. If you cum too quick pop a vicodin, you might not cum but at least shes happy.

it's not just about cumming too quickly. sex can be downright painful if the guy doesn't know what he's doing (no he doesn't just need to get her wetter).