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[Xaero Gravity]

Not sure, are you able to see my first post at the lounge?

Yeah it's still there.

 

[Halo is Back]

They are out of their fucking minds.

So I just looked up what non-binary meant.....sounds like they are just really confused people who don’t even know what their gender is

 

[Lionel Richie]

Ya dumb mofos got scammed.

I believe if someone ever considered donating anything to people like Zoe then that money is sunk cost from the moment they were born.

 

[Dr. Claus]

I believe if someone ever considered donating anything to people like Zoe then that money is sunk cost from the moment they were born.

If I had a child who donated to Zoe, I would never give them money again. I would feel less annoyed if they spent my money on furry porn.

 

[Lionel Richie]

If I had a child who donated to Zoe, I would never give them money again. I would feel less annoyed if they spent my money on furry porn.

Agreed, furries are way less annoying and actually harmless if you manage to keep them away from your dog.

 

[petran79]

Agreed, furries are way less annoying and actually harmless if you manage to keep them away from your dog.

I prefer feathered furries, at least they'd lay and hatch eggs

 

[Nickolaidas]

I prefer feathered furries, at least they'd lay and hatch eggs

Could you tell me where your avatar is from? I KNOW I've played it ...

 

[Danny Dudekisser]

I prefer feathered furries, at least they'd lay and hatch eggs

wtf you can't be a furry with feathers. That's the OPPOSITE.

 

[FMXVII]

I prefer feathered furries, at least they'd lay and hatch eggs

All furries lay eggs.

The meta of metaphors within metaphors.

 

[ExpandKong]

I prefer feathered furries, at least they'd lay and hatch eggs

That’s breakfast taken care of right there.

 

[Bathtub Fart]

This is nothing like Nihilism. Nihilists would brand everyone involved as bad persons and liars, and wouldnt care much.

This is really Christian-like. There are people that are saints, pure, noble and untouchable. And then evil persons to demonize, turn into scapegoats and dispose of.

Indeed, its so cult-like its scary.

Well, I'm not comfortable with drawing similarities between Christianity and them just because Western Christianity is often so infantile or disingenous--that's unfortunate and not representative of the genuine article. However, I understand your point. Your point can be made across all world views and belief systems, because that's how we identify ourselves and determine what's valuable.

 

[EightBit Man]

This is nothing like Nihilism. Nihilists would brand everyone involved as bad persons and liars, and wouldnt care much.

This is really Christian-like. There are people that are saints, pure, noble and untouchable. And then evil persons to demonize, turn into scapegoats and dispose of.

Indeed, its so cult-like its scary.

I'd say it's a combination of both. Nihilism is basically having no value as a value. So, everything goes...it's a sort of semi-nihilism I guess? I agree that they are extremely dogmatic, and one could certainly draw parallels with the time when women were forbidden to wear certain clothes because they would be "too seductive" and therefore a "tool of the devil". Yeah, believe it or not, but it was even forbidden to dance in public. This era of political correctness has a strong resemblance to the Protestant/Puritan era, where everyone is paranoid, dead serious, and has to watch over his shoulder all of the time.

 

[xpresstuning]

I rather not, caused too much trouble

I already have an idea of what happened, but fair enough, i can honestly respect that and i'll leave it alone.

 

[rickyEGM]

Just further proof that once you find yourself in these peoples’ crosshairs, nothing you can do will ever be good enough for their forgiveness.

Don’t apologize. Don’t donate money. Don’t make your staff attend sensitivity seminars. Don’t change your game or edit your writing. It will never be enough.

This poor bastard killed himself and fuckers over at Era are buying ouija boards to summon his ghost and reee at him some more.

A-frickin'-men

 

[A Regular Guy]

I already have an idea of what happened, but fair enough, i can honestly respect that and i'll leave it alone.

Thanks for understanding! It's best we don't sink to their level

 

[A Regular Guy]

Yeah it's still there.

Well then, hopefully it's just a 1 week suspension. Still seeing if it can get an appeal

 

[Zangiefy360]

This isn't really a brute force fight, it's a PR fight. They are actually winning on the brute force front in every way. They can shape any narrative they want in every major media source, and no matter what we do they will always paint us as extremists.

All we win over are the normal people that are horrified when they see this act for what it is, and seek refuge. If the normal people see us as aggressive, angry and crazy extremists, then we don't win any PR fight either.

But I'm not telling anyone how to act honestly, just an observation. Everyone reacts a little differently depending on their mood at the time.

The "major media" is a lost cause. We could say all the right things and they'll still spin it to make us the bad guys. Why bother playing that game?

I much prefer calling a spade a spade. Zoe is a scam artist who is a monster on the inside and out. She deserves zero respect so that's exactly what I'll give her.

 

[ExpandKong]

The "major media" is a lost cause. We could say all the right things and they'll still spin it to make us the bad guys. Why bother playing that game?

I much prefer calling a spade a spade. Zoe is a scam artist who is a monster on the inside and out. She deserves zero respect so that's exactly what I'll give her.

Yeah I’m kind of in this boat. I’m not saying to lie or get unnecessarily vicious or call for violence at all, but if they’re going to spin and twist literally everything we do or say anyway then what’s the point in holding back?

 

[Doomtrain]

Yeah I’m kind of in this boat. I’m not saying to lie or get unnecessarily vicious or call for violence at all, but if they’re going to spin and twist literally everything we do or say anyway then what’s the point in holding back?

Because normies can see. Even when the media lies, normies who look with their own eyes will see one side acting like lunatics and one side acting civil and sane.

 

[Lionel Richie]

I prefer feathered furries, at least they'd lay and hatch eggs

I actually have bird phobia, so that's one kind of furry shit I'd rather never google.

 

[01011001]

I actually have bird phobia

how? birbs are so cute tho!

 

[Fiskyfisko]

Uff so I got perma banned from resetera because my opinion on this wasn't that nice.
Banned for victim blaming huh, I only said that I lost respect for Scott and that he shouldn't badmouth him so soon.

I was always filtering myself so much on resetera so I wouldn't get banned.

I really wish ZQ would got to jail for this.

 

[Lionel Richie]

how? birbs are so cute tho!

They are adorable but I don't know what the heck happens with me, I can't get too close to them lol.

 

[infinitys_7th]

I actually have bird phobia, so that's one kind of furry shit I'd rather never google.

Off-topic, as long as you've had that avatar I read every one of your posts like Master Roshi.

 

[KiNeMz]

Giant bombs coverage of this was depressing, they spoke as if a court had already found all of the accused as guilty, and they didn't even consider that at this point, they are simply accusations.

Women are basically being given judge dredd powers by these virtue signalling males.

Agreed. I wasn't happy on their take. Very disappointed.

 

[LightofRohan]

Giant bombs coverage of this was depressing, they spoke as if a court had already found all of the accused as guilty, and they didn't even consider that at this point, they are simply accusations.

Women are basically being given judge dredd powers by these virtue signalling males.

It's like these people have never been in a relationship that didn't end perfectly or ever get intimate with some crazy chick. To act like it is impossible for a woman to go overboard and create extreme accusations is so disingenuous its nuts.

I've had friends where they wanted to break up a relationship and the girl went nuts on them, started accusing them of everything.

And it looks like ResetEra is targeting a new person now:

YouTuber RelaxAlax sexually assaulted ex-girlfriend, emotionally abused & manipulated her & others [UP: More Allegations & Evidence]

Please also check out the threadmarks, as they contain more information. This is important for those coming from elsewhere seeking information on what Alax did. With that being said, onto the rest of the thread. WHO IS RELAXALAX? Alex Carducci, also known as Alax, is a YouTuber most...

www.resetera.com

 

[infinitys_7th]

If this is true...

I will keep repeating myself, over and over: the police have to be involved. This needs to be seriously investigated.

People have got to archive this shit. I'm trying to catch up on the Farms, but they keep finding new shit. If these weaponized autists had been around as thick as this for the original Gamergate, who knows how much better things could be now.

But, yeah, it looks like a bunch of others and myself were right about her. It was a mutually fucked-up relationship, and Chelsea continues to play the victim.

 

[Lionel Richie]

Off-topic, as long as you've had that avatar I read every one of your posts like Master Roshi.

I hope that's what I sound like when I get old, perv mode Roshi is just THE MAN.

 

[Sakura Doritos]

It's like these people have never been in a relationship that didn't end perfectly or ever get intimate with some crazy chick. To act like it is impossible for a woman to go overboard and create extreme accusations is so disingenuous its nuts.

I've had friends where they wanted to break up a relationship and the girl went nuts on them, started accusing them of everything.

And it looks like ResetEra is targeting a new person now:

YouTuber RelaxAlax sexually assaulted ex-girlfriend, emotionally abused & manipulated her & others [UP: More Allegations & Evidence]

Please also check out the threadmarks, as they contain more information. This is important for those coming from elsewhere seeking information on what Alax did. With that being said, onto the rest of the thread. WHO IS RELAXALAX? Alex Carducci, also known as Alax, is a YouTuber most...

www.resetera.com

When people are in a relationship with someone there is always a risk that the relationship you have and the one idealized internally in the minds of the individuals are not the same thing.

When you break up with someone who had a different view of that relationship it can go south if one was fully committed to that internalized ideal that you didn’t share.

Mix in some Klingon sex and you got a recipe for disaster.

Sounds like Zoe loves it rough tbh. She gravitates towards abuse in nearly every aspect of her life that has been shared online.

 

[raduque]

The internet is a terrible terrible place.

I've been telling people this for about 10 years now. The internet sucks and I hate it now.

 

[MilkyJoe]

So I just looked up what non-binary meant.....sounds like they are just really confused people who don’t even know what their gender is

I'm more cynical, so I will say they are fucking morons that are fishing for attention,

 

[SidViscous]

And it looks like ResetEra is targeting a new person now:

YouTuber RelaxAlax sexually assaulted ex-girlfriend, emotionally abused & manipulated her & others [UP: More Allegations & Evidence]

Please also check out the threadmarks, as they contain more information. This is important for those coming from elsewhere seeking information on what Alax did. With that being said, onto the rest of the thread. WHO IS RELAXALAX? Alex Carducci, also known as Alax, is a YouTuber most...

www.resetera.com

They need a lesson on libel laws, omitting "occused of" from the title is fucking gross, and I really hope one day someone they target actually has the money to defend themselves from it, but knowing bully behaviour, they are probably picking on the easy targets.

Girl says ex boyfriend assaulted them with no evidence, and without reporting it to police, just a tweet.

Resetera thread title: PERSONS NAME IS A RAPIST and here are all his social media accounts.

 

[Gallard]

Scott Benson, keeps talking. On kickstarter today:

Alec died last weekend. We found out via twitter, which seems appropriate as that's how I first met Alec. We don't have any other info to share here about it.

I covered most things pretty thoroughly in our last update. There was no dramatic moment we were involved in after that. We just found out the next day that he was gone. The people near Alec tried very hard to keep him alive. Bethany and I weren't in Alec's immediate support group, and indeed when the allegations came out and I approached him about them he quickly disappeared. But others he was close to fought very hard, because they loved him. In the Alec was the only one who could make decisions for Alec.

As I discussed in the last update, my relationship with Alec was very complicated. My time with him was sometimes good, sometimes very hard, sometimes actively harmful. People ask me how I feel and what I feel is angry. Just angry. I'm angry at how last week went. I'm angry at what Alec did to others, and to me. I'm angry with how he handled it. I'm angry that we're left to clean up a mess he left behind. I'm angry we've had to deal with this in public, and that we've been made such a focus of this story. I'm angry with Alec. For a lot of reasons I'm angry with Alec. And I'm angry he's gone.

I wrote a very personal and very angry thing about my relationship with Alec, and about his abusive patterns that repeated in ways I never knew about until the past 10 days. It's something of a closer and more personal, unredacted version of some things I wrote last update. It also contains some secret history of NITW development that you never knew about, and how that fit into his patterns. It's not a particularly rosy image of Alec, but it's at least honest as far as my experience with him goes and that's the best I can do. It was painful to write. It's painful to link to. But you deserve to see it if you want to. I wrote it because I needed to get it out, and because I know several people who wanted to talk about their similar experiences with Alec but fear doing so in public. So I stepped up I guess. I also wrote it for people that may find themselves in this same situation, as I had been several times even before I met Alec.

Since his death I've talked to... geez, I don't know how many people about him. People who knew him 15 years ago, people who knew him 2 weeks ago, and everywhere in between. Many of us were surprised the things we experienced with him weren't unique to us, and had indeed started long before with others. Alec was doing the things he did going back a very, very long time. And I'm heartbroken about this. And I've talked to dozens of people who have experienced all these things with other people. There are so many of us.

Bethany and I aren't especially sentimental about death. I think just because we've both seen so much of it in our lives. Death and ruin, often in very sad ways. I don't have a lot of great examples in my life of people dying peacefully in their sleep. Suicides, car crashes, drug overdoes, accidents. From a young age, when the kid down the street drowned in the creek behind our neighborhood and I showed the rescue teams where they might find him. For a long time his mother wouldn't clean the window that held a single handprint he left behind. I remember slowly understanding what that meant at age 9. After a while you get a bit less sensitive to the shock is what I'm saying. I'm not at grief yet. Grief will come without warning some afternoon in 2 months when I'm installing baseboards in the house and I suddenly buckle and cry hard for an hour.

All this to say that Bethany and I don't tend to talk about dead friends and family as if they're still there with us, hurt by what we night reveal. We save that consideration for the family. I've wanted to be honest about Alec. And that honesty is sometimes harsh.

Alec struggled with his mental health. I was open about that, admirably. And some of the more difficult aspects of him can be attributed in some way to those things he struggled with. He also did harm to a good number of people, harm that doesn't need any mental health struggle to create it. He could also be really great. It depends on who you were and how/when you knew him. I'm certain many people remember Alec as a sweet and gentle guy. I know that many people remember Alec as a tormentor. Was Alec "good"? People are complicated. I don't know if I'm "good". What's "good"? Alec was loved by his family and many others. Those people are the ones left hurting now.

A lot of people have a hard time grasping that you can care about someone and also be angry at them for what they did to you and others. That you can be honest about what they did to you while still wanting them to be better. I'm angry as hell at Alec. I had a painful history with him, and a distant present. But losing him still hurts. Because he meant something. The pain is a sign it all meant something. To quote Mae, I want this to hurt. It's going to hurt for a while.

I won't be checking comments on this post anytime soon. I'm at a point right now where I can talk about it but not to where I can engage people about it. Just writing this stuff at all is hard, hard work right now, let alone fielding questions and comments. We'll be back and have more to say in our next update, when we have some distance on this.

Final thoughts: if you're in an abusive situation, whether at work or in a relationship, we stand with you. If you are wrestling with mental health issues, we also stand with you. We've certainly been there. We stand with you, for what that is worth. If you're having suicidal ideas, there are resources out there for you. People who will talk with you. No matter what you've done, no matter how hopeless it seems. A quick google will give you crisis hotlines and other resources available in your area. Don't hesitate if you need them. They literally exist to help you. Please stick around.

Thanks everyone. Here's to better days, and to life.

-scott

 

[SoraNoKuni]

And it looks like ResetEra is targeting a new person now:

YouTuber RelaxAlax sexually assaulted ex-girlfriend, emotionally abused & manipulated her & others [UP: More Allegations & Evidence]

Please also check out the threadmarks, as they contain more information. This is important for those coming from elsewhere seeking information on what Alax did. With that being said, onto the rest of the thread. WHO IS RELAXALAX? Alex Carducci, also known as Alax, is a YouTuber most...

www.resetera.com

These guys are quoting his tweets from 2012, this guy was 17 years old then.
Era is a cult.

 

[TraceTheTong]

It seems as though Alec was a very damaged person who was difficult to be around. Zoe is a very damaging person, who's difficult to avoid. It's not massively surprising it ended in tragedy, if we can say it's ended at all.

Something that is amazing me is that everyone in that circle was foaming at the idea of a me-too thing, but as soon as all the me-too-ing was aimed in their direction me too burned out pretty quick.

I dont suppose Zoe will ever forget this event if she is smart. Maybe even use it to grow a bit, realize something about herself. Chances are she'll just double down though.

 

[OutrageousFacts]

.

Women are basically being given judge dredd powers by these virtue signalling males.

And when you criticize that, you're being called an MRA.

Honestly, I'd propose that we establish calling people who defend/encourage hate mobs, mob justice and in general the 'Court of Public Opinion' the following: WRA

If MRA are toxic pro-men's rights activists, then certainly those who encourage driving men into suicide in favor of hateful women, are to be call 'Women's rights activists'.

I'm tired of these people co-opting the term 'feminism' which is still mostly seen positive, because of what it originally meant (and it was positive!). But what's happening now isn't positive, unless you're a sexist sociopath.

Fuck WRAs.

 

[Sleepy Buddha]

It's like I woke up in August / September 2014, but worse. I don't understand how these people keep afloat for years with all the crap they pull. They must all be assholes and only know assholes in return. That's got to be the only way they can stand and keep protecting each other.

5 years later and we're still in the same place, still having the same discussions. This shows how incredibly ineffectual and innocuous GamerGate actually was, no matter how many "victims" the "media" and SocJus claim it made.

 

[Ar¢tos]

This reminded me of someone...
(old I know, but still funny)

 

[ExpandKong]

Scott Benson, keeps talking. On kickstarter today:

Scott Benson: shut the fuck up.

Alec did not die. Alec killed himself, and he was driven to do it by an internet hate mob and the knee-jerk reactions of his spineless coworkers.

“We stand with you, for what it’s worth.” Apparently it’s not worth shit, seeing how you stood with Alec in his final days.

Fuck off with your platitudes.

 

[Xaero Gravity]

Every time Scott Benson decides to write something regarding this whole mess I end up absolutely furious. Fuck that piece of shit.

 

[Doomtrain]

And to think, these are the people who have co-opted the word “empathy.”

 

[Ogbert]

Scott Benson, keeps talking. On kickstarter today:

Alec died last weekend. We found out via twitter, which seems appropriate as that's how I first met Alec. We don't have any other info to share here about it.

I covered most things pretty thoroughly in our last update. There was no dramatic moment we were involved in after that. We just found out the next day that he was gone. The people near Alec tried very hard to keep him alive. Bethany and I weren't in Alec's immediate support group, and indeed when the allegations came out and I approached him about them he quickly disappeared. But others he was close to fought very hard, because they loved him. In the Alec was the only one who could make decisions for Alec.

As I discussed in the last update, my relationship with Alec was very complicated. My time with him was sometimes good, sometimes very hard, sometimes actively harmful. People ask me how I feel and what I feel is angry. Just angry. I'm angry at how last week went. I'm angry at what Alec did to others, and to me. I'm angry with how he handled it. I'm angry that we're left to clean up a mess he left behind. I'm angry we've had to deal with this in public, and that we've been made such a focus of this story. I'm angry with Alec. For a lot of reasons I'm angry with Alec. And I'm angry he's gone.

I wrote a very personal and very angry thing about my relationship with Alec, and about his abusive patterns that repeated in ways I never knew about until the past 10 days. It's something of a closer and more personal, unredacted version of some things I wrote last update. It also contains some secret history of NITW development that you never knew about, and how that fit into his patterns. It's not a particularly rosy image of Alec, but it's at least honest as far as my experience with him goes and that's the best I can do. It was painful to write. It's painful to link to. But you deserve to see it if you want to. I wrote it because I needed to get it out, and because I know several people who wanted to talk about their similar experiences with Alec but fear doing so in public. So I stepped up I guess. I also wrote it for people that may find themselves in this same situation, as I had been several times even before I met Alec.

Since his death I've talked to... geez, I don't know how many people about him. People who knew him 15 years ago, people who knew him 2 weeks ago, and everywhere in between. Many of us were surprised the things we experienced with him weren't unique to us, and had indeed started long before with others. Alec was doing the things he did going back a very, very long time. And I'm heartbroken about this. And I've talked to dozens of people who have experienced all these things with other people. There are so many of us.

Bethany and I aren't especially sentimental about death. I think just because we've both seen so much of it in our lives. Death and ruin, often in very sad ways. I don't have a lot of great examples in my life of people dying peacefully in their sleep. Suicides, car crashes, drug overdoes, accidents. From a young age, when the kid down the street drowned in the creek behind our neighborhood and I showed the rescue teams where they might find him. For a long time his mother wouldn't clean the window that held a single handprint he left behind. I remember slowly understanding what that meant at age 9. After a while you get a bit less sensitive to the shock is what I'm saying. I'm not at grief yet. Grief will come without warning some afternoon in 2 months when I'm installing baseboards in the house and I suddenly buckle and cry hard for an hour.

All this to say that Bethany and I don't tend to talk about dead friends and family as if they're still there with us, hurt by what we night reveal. We save that consideration for the family. I've wanted to be honest about Alec. And that honesty is sometimes harsh.

Alec struggled with his mental health. I was open about that, admirably. And some of the more difficult aspects of him can be attributed in some way to those things he struggled with. He also did harm to a good number of people, harm that doesn't need any mental health struggle to create it. He could also be really great. It depends on who you were and how/when you knew him. I'm certain many people remember Alec as a sweet and gentle guy. I know that many people remember Alec as a tormentor. Was Alec "good"? People are complicated. I don't know if I'm "good". What's "good"? Alec was loved by his family and many others. Those people are the ones left hurting now.

A lot of people have a hard time grasping that you can care about someone and also be angry at them for what they did to you and others. That you can be honest about what they did to you while still wanting them to be better. I'm angry as hell at Alec. I had a painful history with him, and a distant present. But losing him still hurts. Because he meant something. The pain is a sign it all meant something. To quote Mae, I want this to hurt. It's going to hurt for a while.

I won't be checking comments on this post anytime soon. I'm at a point right now where I can talk about it but not to where I can engage people about it. Just writing this stuff at all is hard, hard work right now, let alone fielding questions and comments. We'll be back and have more to say in our next update, when we have some distance on this.

Final thoughts: if you're in an abusive situation, whether at work or in a relationship, we stand with you. If you are wrestling with mental health issues, we also stand with you. We've certainly been there. We stand with you, for what that is worth. If you're having suicidal ideas, there are resources out there for you. People who will talk with you. No matter what you've done, no matter how hopeless it seems. A quick google will give you crisis hotlines and other resources available in your area. Don't hesitate if you need them. They literally exist to help you. Please stick around.

Thanks everyone. Here's to better days, and to life.

-scott

This lad is an absolute cunt.

Zero dignity.

 

[EviLore]

Continuing to air grievances about the guy who committed suicide, for sympathy and attention? What a hero.

 

[Ogbert]

Continuing to air grievances about the guy who committed suicide, for sympathy and attention? What a hero.

Of note, for a community that loves to focus on pronouns, he only uses 'I'. It's *all* about him. His feelings. His hurt. His anger.

Not a single one of them seems capable of entertaining the depths of despair that *he* must have felt.

They utterly lack the single thing they claim to possess - empathy.

 

[ROMhack]

It's like these people have never been in a relationship that didn't end perfectly or ever get intimate with some crazy chick. To act like it is impossible for a woman to go overboard and create extreme accusations is so disingenuous its nuts.

I've had friends where they wanted to break up a relationship and the girl went nuts on them, started accusing them of everything.

And it looks like ResetEra is targeting a new person now:

YouTuber RelaxAlax sexually assaulted ex-girlfriend, emotionally abused & manipulated her & others [UP: More Allegations & Evidence]

Please also check out the threadmarks, as they contain more information. This is important for those coming from elsewhere seeking information on what Alax did. With that being said, onto the rest of the thread. WHO IS RELAXALAX? Alex Carducci, also known as Alax, is a YouTuber most...

www.resetera.com

They're this century's puritans. They really need to go outside and live a bit.

 

[Psykodad]

Yeah I’m kind of in this boat. I’m not saying to lie or get unnecessarily vicious or call for violence at all, but if they’re going to spin and twist literally everything we do or say anyway then what’s the point in holding back?

There rarely is any point in holding back on the internet.

That much should be clear by now and that is one the reasons that Cancel culture, #MeToo etc get so much 'power'.
People have been forced to pussyfoot around the web and this is one of the things it'll inevitably lead to.

 

[Woo-Fu]

I'm more cynical, so I will say they are fucking morons that are fishing for attention,

I don't know if it is fair to call them morons when their plan is 100% successful.

 

[GreyHorace]

Scott Benson, keeps talking. On kickstarter today:

Alec died last weekend. We found out via twitter, which seems appropriate as that's how I first met Alec. We don't have any other info to share here about it.

I covered most things pretty thoroughly in our last update. There was no dramatic moment we were involved in after that. We just found out the next day that he was gone. The people near Alec tried very hard to keep him alive. Bethany and I weren't in Alec's immediate support group, and indeed when the allegations came out and I approached him about them he quickly disappeared. But others he was close to fought very hard, because they loved him. In the Alec was the only one who could make decisions for Alec.

As I discussed in the last update, my relationship with Alec was very complicated. My time with him was sometimes good, sometimes very hard, sometimes actively harmful. People ask me how I feel and what I feel is angry. Just angry. I'm angry at how last week went. I'm angry at what Alec did to others, and to me. I'm angry with how he handled it. I'm angry that we're left to clean up a mess he left behind. I'm angry we've had to deal with this in public, and that we've been made such a focus of this story. I'm angry with Alec. For a lot of reasons I'm angry with Alec. And I'm angry he's gone.

I wrote a very personal and very angry thing about my relationship with Alec, and about his abusive patterns that repeated in ways I never knew about until the past 10 days. It's something of a closer and more personal, unredacted version of some things I wrote last update. It also contains some secret history of NITW development that you never knew about, and how that fit into his patterns. It's not a particularly rosy image of Alec, but it's at least honest as far as my experience with him goes and that's the best I can do. It was painful to write. It's painful to link to. But you deserve to see it if you want to. I wrote it because I needed to get it out, and because I know several people who wanted to talk about their similar experiences with Alec but fear doing so in public. So I stepped up I guess. I also wrote it for people that may find themselves in this same situation, as I had been several times even before I met Alec.

Since his death I've talked to... geez, I don't know how many people about him. People who knew him 15 years ago, people who knew him 2 weeks ago, and everywhere in between. Many of us were surprised the things we experienced with him weren't unique to us, and had indeed started long before with others. Alec was doing the things he did going back a very, very long time. And I'm heartbroken about this. And I've talked to dozens of people who have experienced all these things with other people. There are so many of us.

Bethany and I aren't especially sentimental about death. I think just because we've both seen so much of it in our lives. Death and ruin, often in very sad ways. I don't have a lot of great examples in my life of people dying peacefully in their sleep. Suicides, car crashes, drug overdoes, accidents. From a young age, when the kid down the street drowned in the creek behind our neighborhood and I showed the rescue teams where they might find him. For a long time his mother wouldn't clean the window that held a single handprint he left behind. I remember slowly understanding what that meant at age 9. After a while you get a bit less sensitive to the shock is what I'm saying. I'm not at grief yet. Grief will come without warning some afternoon in 2 months when I'm installing baseboards in the house and I suddenly buckle and cry hard for an hour.

All this to say that Bethany and I don't tend to talk about dead friends and family as if they're still there with us, hurt by what we night reveal. We save that consideration for the family. I've wanted to be honest about Alec. And that honesty is sometimes harsh.

Alec struggled with his mental health. I was open about that, admirably. And some of the more difficult aspects of him can be attributed in some way to those things he struggled with. He also did harm to a good number of people, harm that doesn't need any mental health struggle to create it. He could also be really great. It depends on who you were and how/when you knew him. I'm certain many people remember Alec as a sweet and gentle guy. I know that many people remember Alec as a tormentor. Was Alec "good"? People are complicated. I don't know if I'm "good". What's "good"? Alec was loved by his family and many others. Those people are the ones left hurting now.

A lot of people have a hard time grasping that you can care about someone and also be angry at them for what they did to you and others. That you can be honest about what they did to you while still wanting them to be better. I'm angry as hell at Alec. I had a painful history with him, and a distant present. But losing him still hurts. Because he meant something. The pain is a sign it all meant something. To quote Mae, I want this to hurt. It's going to hurt for a while.

I won't be checking comments on this post anytime soon. I'm at a point right now where I can talk about it but not to where I can engage people about it. Just writing this stuff at all is hard, hard work right now, let alone fielding questions and comments. We'll be back and have more to say in our next update, when we have some distance on this.

Final thoughts: if you're in an abusive situation, whether at work or in a relationship, we stand with you. If you are wrestling with mental health issues, we also stand with you. We've certainly been there. We stand with you, for what that is worth. If you're having suicidal ideas, there are resources out there for you. People who will talk with you. No matter what you've done, no matter how hopeless it seems. A quick google will give you crisis hotlines and other resources available in your area. Don't hesitate if you need them. They literally exist to help you. Please stick around.

Thanks everyone. Here's to better days, and to life.

-scott

So Scott Benson remains an absolute cunt, shitting on his cowoker's memory all in an effort to make himself look woke and with the 'victims'.

These fuckers are unbelievable. They have absolutely no sense of decency even after a man's suicide. And they call anyone who doesn't agree with them fascists?

I do wonder though, is this turd really that dense? Or is there another reason he's going out of his way to destroy whatever image Alec Holowka had? Maybe Zoe has some dirt on him and made not so subtle threats that she'd ruin him like Alec unless he played along with her little drama play?

 

[Arimer]

Continuing to air grievances about the guy who committed suicide, for sympathy and attention? What a hero.

It reminds me of that joke by Anthony Jeselnik where he says these people are basically saying Don't forget about me today! That's basically what they are doing except instead of just that it's really, "I'm the victim here!"

 

[Gamernyc78]

Hey guys I'm banned on Resetera for defending this. Absolutely disgusting, that you can play the victim card to the fullest, and maybe consider the suicide justice or martyrdom. Somebody friggin died... in our civilized-ass society. God damn.

Join the club thy initially gave me a one week ban because I said ppl shouldn't jump to judge (very respectfully btw) but after he died and all the backlash I guess thy felt like shit and wanted to erase all ppl from their site tht didn't believe in the mob, psycho justice. Fucking clowns. Funny thing is I only found out bcus I was going to perma ban myself.