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[Bagels]

She doesn't know how to spell and she uses her phone in the shower. I forsee a bright future for her.

I can't believe more people aren't bothered by this - who the fuck uses a cell phone in the shower?

 

[MassiveAttack]

I know.

Just trying to play the part. Because I am an ATTENTION WHORE!!!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!

How would you measure your self-worth if you were banned?

 

[unifin]

It's a snake!
If you were to turn it into victorian english you'd end up with some pretty classy flirting I'm sure.

Her: By the way, I am currently engaged in a daily hygienic activity involving both an excess of water and the female nude.
Her (potentially twenty seconds afterwards): Pray tell, sir, what would be your reaction if I were to inform you that I was stimulating the apexes of these Grand Tetons?
Me: Madam, from your words and the insinuating tone my imagination gives them I may presume that you might possibly appreciate the joy of company - specifically, mine and my gifts.
Her: Indeed, were you to join me in this endeavor I believe I might have to simulate a mishandling of the cleansing agent, resulting in the approximate position of my body accidentally resembling a commonly utilized coital position.
Me: I am pleased by the thought, but still have doubts as to whether or not the lady harbors the appropriate integral shapes such that a daguerrotype or silhouette stencil might resemble the optimal proportions of such a figure.
Her: Well, to use a popular euphemism, I do possess an excess of luggage within my carriage's posterior storage compartment.
Me: Written testimonials are insufficient - in order to determine absolutely that the lady fulfills these qualifications I must judge them empirically through a process of keen, lingering observation.
Her: Your words delight one's humor, sir. Perhaps at some point I will allow you to witness what lies beyond the pale.
Me: Aha! Your equivocation betrays your duplicity! I suspect you indeed do not possess the physical measurements necessary to satisfy my libido's textual-imaginative complex.
Her: Dear Lord, do you truly desire photographic evidence of this sort? To so brazenly ask for such gifts is quite unheard of. *sniff*
Me: Yet it was not me, but thee who first suggested that your posture while washing could approximate the coital position.
Her: You, sir, betrayed between your words that your true intention was not truth but sordid fulfillment!
Her (like ten seconds later): Your silence pricks my fragile self-esteem - I shall relent, as long as just compensation is provided.
Me: How humorous! As a man, the same aspects of our physical character are not generally desired by the opposite sex. How foolish that a woman would presume herself to be the determining player in this exchange.
Her: You misunderstand me, sir - I was not speaking of the equivalent parts anatomically, but rather the equivalent objects of sensual utility, if you take my meaning.
Me: Pshaw! I refuse to reveal the true nature of my latent southern capabilities.
Her: Fine - because I am ultimately seeking attention, I will ignore the blatant inequality in this situation.
Me: I would like to strike a bargain, put forth a proposition for your consideration: if you initiate this exchange of physical evidence as to the specifications, measurements, and/or overall geometry of these proportions through photography, I may perhaps relent and reciprocate.
Her: A deal is struck!

\
.

 

[Instro]

 

[whitehawk]

I know.

Just trying to play the part. Because I am an ATTENTION WHORE!!!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!

Edit: Seriously guys it seems like you would pick up on my humor by now. I guess I fail at making jokes.

Sup

 

[Papa]

It's called texting bro. I adapt to whoever I am texting with. If someone wants to spell everything out I can do that to.

And like I could give a shit about a tag. Seriously guys, there are bigger things then NeoGAF. I don't make up any of my posts. It's not my fault this crazy girl that has the hots for me started texting me. But when it happened I automatically thought of NeoGAF. Why? Because it is something pretty funny that happened to me that I thought NeoGAF would care to hear and maybe even give me some good advice. Everything in the OP is 100% true.

P.S. I'm talking to her right now, on facebook.

Screenshot please. You can blur her name out if you're worried about us seeing that.

 

[dwin45]

Her: By the way, I am currently engaged in a daily hygienic activity involving both an excess of water and the female nude.
Her (potentially twenty seconds afterwards): Pray tell, sir, what would be your reaction if I were to inform you that I was stimulating the apexes of these Grand Tetons?
Me: Madam, from your words and the insinuating tone my imagination gives them I may presume that you might possibly appreciate the joy of company - specifically, mine and my gifts.
Her: Indeed, were you to join me in this endeavor I believe I might have to simulate a mishandling of the cleansing agent, resulting in the approximate position of my body accidentally resembling a commonly utilized coital position.
Me: I am pleased by the thought, but still have doubts as to whether or not the lady harbors the appropriate integral shapes such that a daguerrotype or silhouette stencil might resemble the optimal proportions of such a figure.
Her: Well, to use a popular euphemism, I do possess an excess of luggage within my carriage's posterior storage compartment.
Me: Written testimonials are insufficient - in order to determine absolutely that the lady fulfills these qualifications I must judge them empirically through a process of keen, lingering observation.
Her: Your words delight one's humor, sir. Perhaps at some point I will allow you to witness what lies beyond the pale.
Me: Aha! Your equivocation betrays your duplicity! I suspect you indeed do not possess the physical measurements necessary to satisfy the textual-imaginative complex within my libido.
Her: Dear Lord, do you truly desire photographic evidence of this sort? To so brazenly ask for such gifts is quite unheard of. *sniff*
Me: Yet it was not me, but thee who first suggested that your posture while washing could approximate the coital position.
Her: You, sir, betrayed between your words that your true intention was not truth but sordid fulfillment!
Her (like ten seconds later): Your silence pricks my fragile self-esteem - I shall relent, as long as just compensation is provided.
Me: How humorous! As a man, the same aspects of our physical character are not generally desired by the opposite sex. How foolish that a woman would presume herself to be the determining player in this exchange.
Her: You misunderstand me, sir - I was not speaking of the equivalent parts anatomically, but rather the equivalent objects of sensual utility, if you take my meaning.
Me: Pshaw! I refuse to reveal the true nature of my latent southern capabilities.
Her: Fine - because I am ultimately seeking attention, I will ignore the blatant inequality in this situation.
Me: I would like to strike a bargain, put forth a proposition for your consideration: if you initiate this exchange of physical evidence as to the specifications, measurements, and/or overall geometry of these proportions through photography, I may perhaps relent and reciprocate.
Her: A deal is struck!

 

[Skiesofwonder]

Screenshot please. You can blur her name out if you're worried about us seeing that.

Edit:

Her: By the way, I am currently engaged in a daily hygienic activity involving both an excess of water and the female nude.
Her (potentially twenty seconds afterwards): Pray tell, sir, what would be your reaction if I were to inform you that I was stimulating the apexes of these Grand Tetons?
Me: Madam, from your words and the insinuating tone my imagination gives them I may presume that you might possibly appreciate the joy of company - specifically, mine and my gifts.
Her: Indeed, were you to join me in this endeavor I believe I might have to simulate a mishandling of the cleansing agent, resulting in the approximate position of my body accidentally resembling a commonly utilized coital position.
Me: I am pleased by the thought, but still have doubts as to whether or not the lady harbors the appropriate integral shapes such that a daguerrotype or silhouette stencil might resemble the optimal proportions of such a figure.
Her: Well, to use a popular euphemism, I do possess an excess of luggage within my carriage's posterior storage compartment.
Me: Written testimonials are insufficient - in order to determine absolutely that the lady fulfills these qualifications I must judge them empirically through a process of keen, lingering observation.
Her: Your words delight one's humor, sir. Perhaps at some point I will allow you to witness what lies beyond the pale.
Me: Aha! Your equivocation betrays your duplicity! I suspect you indeed do not possess the physical measurements necessary to satisfy my libido's textual-imaginative complex.
Her: Dear Lord, do you truly desire photographic evidence of this sort? To so brazenly ask for such gifts is quite unheard of. *sniff*
Me: Yet it was not me, but thee who first suggested that your posture while washing could approximate the coital position.
Her: You, sir, betrayed between your words that your true intention was not truth but sordid fulfillment!
Her (like ten seconds later): Your silence pricks my fragile self-esteem - I shall relent, as long as just compensation is provided.
Me: How humorous! As a man, the same aspects of our physical character are not generally desired by the opposite sex. How foolish that a woman would presume herself to be the determining player in this exchange.
Her: You misunderstand me, sir - I was not speaking of the equivalent parts anatomically, but rather the equivalent objects of sensual utility, if you take my meaning.
Me: Pshaw! I refuse to reveal the true nature of my latent southern capabilities.
Her: Fine - because I am ultimately seeking attention, I will ignore the blatant inequality in this situation.
Me: I would like to strike a bargain, put forth a proposition for your consideration: if you initiate this exchange of physical evidence as to the specifications, measurements, and/or overall geometry of these proportions through photography, I may perhaps relent and reciprocate.
Her: A deal is struck

:lol :lol :lol

 

[charsace]

keep a cool head about it, dont go OMG BOOBIES SEND MORE 1) if its a real chick that has real interest in you, she will be turned off. Don't ever mention those pics ever again, unless she starts getting in the mood for some more.

Have you seen her on webcam?

That sounds like an attention whore to me.

 

[Slurmer]

Pics yet?

 

[Tabris]

facebooks sucks if you want to meet chicks, I've moved on to anime forums now.

Why aren't more people talking about this crazy statement?

 

[Alfarif]

Pics yet?

Nah, homes. Nothing worth talking about, really.

Why aren't more people talking about this crazy statement?

Eh... Vox is getting kinda old now. Not really much to say to it. It's not surprising.

Spoiler

I see what you did there.

 

[mj1108]

Vox needs a fucking tag. That's all I'm going to say in regards to that.

More like he needs his ability to create threads taken away.

Then a fucking tag.

 

[Skiesofwonder]

How would you measure your self-worth if you were banned?

I'm sorry, but this question could be interpreted a lot of different ways.

So honestly I have no idea what you're trying to ask and/or get across to me.

 

[Bob Loblaw]

Her: By the way, I am currently engaged in a daily hygienic activity involving both an excess of water and the female nude.
Her (potentially twenty seconds afterwards): Pray tell, sir, what would be your reaction if I were to inform you that I was stimulating the apexes of these Grand Tetons?
Me: Madam, from your words and the insinuating tone my imagination gives them I may presume that you might possibly appreciate the joy of company - specifically, mine and my gifts.
Her: Indeed, were you to join me in this endeavor I believe I might have to simulate a mishandling of the cleansing agent, resulting in the approximate position of my body accidentally resembling a commonly utilized coital position.
Me: I am pleased by the thought, but still have doubts as to whether or not the lady harbors the appropriate integral shapes such that a daguerrotype or silhouette stencil might resemble the optimal proportions of such a figure.
Her: Well, to use a popular euphemism, I do possess an excess of luggage within my carriage's posterior storage compartment.
Me: Written testimonials are insufficient - in order to determine absolutely that the lady fulfills these qualifications I must judge them empirically through a process of keen, lingering observation.
Her: Your words delight one's humor, sir. Perhaps at some point I will allow you to witness what lies beyond the pale.
Me: Aha! Your equivocation betrays your duplicity! I suspect you indeed do not possess the physical measurements necessary to satisfy my libido's textual-imaginative complex.
Her: Dear Lord, do you truly desire photographic evidence of this sort? To so brazenly ask for such gifts is quite unheard of. *sniff*
Me: Yet it was not me, but thee who first suggested that your posture while washing could approximate the coital position.
Her: You, sir, betrayed between your words that your true intention was not truth but sordid fulfillment!
Her (like ten seconds later): Your silence pricks my fragile self-esteem - I shall relent, as long as just compensation is provided.
Me: How humorous! As a man, the same aspects of our physical character are not generally desired by the opposite sex. How foolish that a woman would presume herself to be the determining player in this exchange.
Her: You misunderstand me, sir - I was not speaking of the equivalent parts anatomically, but rather the equivalent objects of sensual utility, if you take my meaning.
Me: Pshaw! I refuse to reveal the true nature of my latent southern capabilities.
Her: Fine - because I am ultimately seeking attention, I will ignore the blatant inequality in this situation.
Me: I would like to strike a bargain, put forth a proposition for your consideration: if you initiate this exchange of physical evidence as to the specifications, measurements, and/or overall geometry of these proportions through photography, I may perhaps relent and reciprocate.
Her: A deal is struck!

 

[Papa]

facepalm.jpg

So why exactly are you facepalming? Can't provide a screenshot?

You made the situation up for attention.

 

[FormallyMegadrive]

Her: By the way, I am currently engaged in a daily hygienic activity involving both an excess of water and the female nude.
Her (potentially twenty seconds afterwards): Pray tell, sir, what would be your reaction if I were to inform you that I was stimulating the apexes of these Grand Tetons?
Me: Madam, from your words and the insinuating tone my imagination gives them I may presume that you might possibly appreciate the joy of company - specifically, mine and my gifts.
Her: Indeed, were you to join me in this endeavor I believe I might have to simulate a mishandling of the cleansing agent, resulting in the approximate position of my body accidentally resembling a commonly utilized coital position.
Me: I am pleased by the thought, but still have doubts as to whether or not the lady harbors the appropriate integral shapes such that a daguerrotype or silhouette stencil might resemble the optimal proportions of such a figure.
Her: Well, to use a popular euphemism, I do possess an excess of luggage within my carriage's posterior storage compartment.
Me: Written testimonials are insufficient - in order to determine absolutely that the lady fulfills these qualifications I must judge them empirically through a process of keen, lingering observation.
Her: Your words delight one's humor, sir. Perhaps at some point I will allow you to witness what lies beyond the pale.
Me: Aha! Your equivocation betrays your duplicity! I suspect you indeed do not possess the physical measurements necessary to satisfy my libido's textual-imaginative complex.
Her: Dear Lord, do you truly desire photographic evidence of this sort? To so brazenly ask for such gifts is quite unheard of. *sniff*
Me: Yet it was not me, but thee who first suggested that your posture while washing could approximate the coital position.
Her: You, sir, betrayed between your words that your true intention was not truth but sordid fulfillment!
Her (like ten seconds later): Your silence pricks my fragile self-esteem - I shall relent, as long as just compensation is provided.
Me: How humorous! As a man, the same aspects of our physical character are not generally desired by the opposite sex. How foolish that a woman would presume herself to be the determining player in this exchange.
Her: You misunderstand me, sir - I was not speaking of the equivalent parts anatomically, but rather the equivalent objects of sensual utility, if you take my meaning.
Me: Pshaw! I refuse to reveal the true nature of my latent southern capabilities.
Her: Fine - because I am ultimately seeking attention, I will ignore the blatant inequality in this situation.
Me: I would like to strike a bargain, put forth a proposition for your consideration: if you initiate this exchange of physical evidence as to the specifications, measurements, and/or overall geometry of these proportions through photography, I may perhaps relent and reciprocate.
Her: A deal is struck!

Now translate the entire thread.

 

[Alfarif]

Now translate the entire thread.

Oh, god, this would be epic. Please translate this entire thread and host it somewhere so we can see.

 

[btkadams]

Oh, god, this would be epic. Please translate this entire thread and host it somewhere so we can see.

:lol why would someone go through the effort of translating a 5 page thread into victorian english?

 

[RustyNails]

I didnt read the OP or the 5 pages but I think I need to see the pics of the boobs in order to make any reasonable judgment about your plight.

 

[wRATH2x]

Her: By the way, I am currently engaged in a daily hygienic activity involving both an excess of water and the female nude.
Her (potentially twenty seconds afterwards): Pray tell, sir, what would be your reaction if I were to inform you that I was stimulating the apexes of these Grand Tetons?
Me: Madam, from your words and the insinuating tone my imagination gives them I may presume that you might possibly appreciate the joy of company - specifically, mine and my gifts.
Her: Indeed, were you to join me in this endeavor I believe I might have to simulate a mishandling of the cleansing agent, resulting in the approximate position of my body accidentally resembling a commonly utilized coital position.
Me: I am pleased by the thought, but still have doubts as to whether or not the lady harbors the appropriate integral shapes such that a daguerrotype or silhouette stencil might resemble the optimal proportions of such a figure.
Her: Well, to use a popular euphemism, I do possess an excess of luggage within my carriage's posterior storage compartment.
Me: Written testimonials are insufficient - in order to determine absolutely that the lady fulfills these qualifications I must judge them empirically through a process of keen, lingering observation.
Her: Your words delight one's humor, sir. Perhaps at some point I will allow you to witness what lies beyond the pale.
Me: Aha! Your equivocation betrays your duplicity! I suspect you indeed do not possess the physical measurements necessary to satisfy my libido's textual-imaginative complex.
Her: Dear Lord, do you truly desire photographic evidence of this sort? To so brazenly ask for such gifts is quite unheard of. *sniff*
Me: Yet it was not me, but thee who first suggested that your posture while washing could approximate the coital position.
Her: You, sir, betrayed between your words that your true intention was not truth but sordid fulfillment!
Her (like ten seconds later): Your silence pricks my fragile self-esteem - I shall relent, as long as just compensation is provided.
Me: How humorous! As a man, the same aspects of our physical character are not generally desired by the opposite sex. How foolish that a woman would presume herself to be the determining player in this exchange.
Her: You misunderstand me, sir - I was not speaking of the equivalent parts anatomically, but rather the equivalent objects of sensual utility, if you take my meaning.
Me: Pshaw! I refuse to reveal the true nature of my latent southern capabilities.
Her: Fine - because I am ultimately seeking attention, I will ignore the blatant inequality in this situation.
Me: I would like to strike a bargain, put forth a proposition for your consideration: if you initiate this exchange of physical evidence as to the specifications, measurements, and/or overall geometry of these proportions through photography, I may perhaps relent and reciprocate.
Her: A deal is struck

I applaud you sir.

 

[Shao Kahn Brewing a Stew]

So let me some up the thread: OP had a chat with a girl, she told him she will send him a pic and he is asking us what to make up of this?

From my experience, she just wants a quick fuck and you spend your time asking questions on the internet. By the time she is done with the shower and by the time you get your answers, she will soon realize that she is so not into you and will start ignoring you.

What you should do: ignore her before she ignores you. You're welcome.

 

[Skiesofwonder]

So why exactly are you facepalming? Can't provide a screenshot?

You made the situation up for attention.

Because that part was a JOKE and you're not reading the thread.

P.S. I talking to her on facebook, right now.

No one gives a shit.

I know.

Just trying to play the part. Because I am an ATTENTION WHORE!!!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!

Edit: Seriously guys it seems like you would pick up on my humor by now. I guess I fail at making jokes.

though I did actually talk to her earlier today. I just acted like it never happened. I figured that would be the best way to handle it.

But I don't know what in god's name you want me to do to prove I'm not lying.

I'm not going to provide THE pic (for obvious reasons) or even a pic of the girl because that would lead you all to her facebook page (through mine). Just be happy I even posted the txt log. I was embarrassed even thinking about that conversation.

But it was all worth it for Unifin's reenactment. :lol

 

[Hot Coldman]

The Victorian translation has made my day. And it's 25 to 8 in the morning.

 

[jet1911]

\
.

That's amazing. :lol

 

[Skiesofwonder]

So let me some up the thread: OP had a chat with a girl, she told him she will send him a pic and he is asking us what to make up of this?

From my experience, she just wants a quick fuck and you spend your time asking questions on the internet. By the time she is done with the shower and by the time you get your answers, she will soon realize that she is so not into you and will start ignoring you.

What you should do: ignore her before she ignores you. You're welcome.

No, she did send me the picture. She also lives across the country. A quick fuck at this time is not possible. By the way, this happened two nights ago.

Maybe you guys should start considering the possibility that I spit game so well that I got this sweet little innocent girl so crazy for me that she just had to get my attention by sending me naked photos.

 

[bigswords]

No, she did send me the picture. She also lives across the country. A quick fuck at this time is not possible. By the way, this happened two nights ago.

Maybe you guys should start considering the possibility that I spit game so well that I got this sweet little innocent girl so crazy for me that she just had to get my attention by sending me naked photos.

Then you should be happy that you can get the sweet innocent girl to show her peaks to you. Do ensure she is above the age requirement for sexual stuff, or you just actually admitted yourself to many years of free man loving on your brown eye.

 

[Papa]

Because that part was a JOKE and you're not reading the thread.

though I did actually talk to her earlier today. I just acted like it never happened. I figured that would be the best way to handle it.

But I don't know what in god's name you want me to do to prove I'm not lying.

I'm not going to provide THE pic (for obvious reasons) or even a pic of the girl because that would lead you all to her facebook page (through mine). Just be happy I even posted the txt log. I was embarrassed even thinking about that conversation.

But it was all worth it for Unifin's reenactment. :lol

So you were joking about talking to her on facebook that time? What about other times? Do you still talk to her? Take a screenshot next time then.

I still think you're full of shit.

 

[dudeworld]

Her: By the way, I am currently engaged in a daily hygienic activity involving both an excess of water and the female nude.
Her (potentially twenty seconds afterwards): Pray tell, sir, what would be your reaction if I were to inform you that I was stimulating the apexes of these Grand Tetons?
Me: Madam, from your words and the insinuating tone my imagination gives them I may presume that you might possibly appreciate the joy of company - specifically, mine and my gifts.
Her: Indeed, were you to join me in this endeavor I believe I might have to simulate a mishandling of the cleansing agent, resulting in the approximate position of my body accidentally resembling a commonly utilized coital position.
Me: I am pleased by the thought, but still have doubts as to whether or not the lady harbors the appropriate integral shapes such that a daguerrotype or silhouette stencil might resemble the optimal proportions of such a figure.
Her: Well, to use a popular euphemism, I do possess an excess of luggage within my carriage's posterior storage compartment.
Me: Written testimonials are insufficient - in order to determine absolutely that the lady fulfills these qualifications I must judge them empirically through a process of keen, lingering observation.
Her: Your words delight one's humor, sir. Perhaps at some point I will allow you to witness what lies beyond the pale.
Me: Aha! Your equivocation betrays your duplicity! I suspect you indeed do not possess the physical measurements necessary to satisfy my libido's textual-imaginative complex.
Her: Dear Lord, do you truly desire photographic evidence of this sort? To so brazenly ask for such gifts is quite unheard of. *sniff*
Me: Yet it was not me, but thee who first suggested that your posture while washing could approximate the coital position.
Her: You, sir, betrayed between your words that your true intention was not truth but sordid fulfillment!
Her (like ten seconds later): Your silence pricks my fragile self-esteem - I shall relent, as long as just compensation is provided.
Me: How humorous! As a man, the same aspects of our physical character are not generally desired by the opposite sex. How foolish that a woman would presume herself to be the determining player in this exchange.
Her: You misunderstand me, sir - I was not speaking of the equivalent parts anatomically, but rather the equivalent objects of sensual utility, if you take my meaning.
Me: Pshaw! I refuse to reveal the true nature of my latent southern capabilities.
Her: Fine - because I am ultimately seeking attention, I will ignore the blatant inequality in this situation.
Me: I would like to strike a bargain, put forth a proposition for your consideration: if you initiate this exchange of physical evidence as to the specifications, measurements, and/or overall geometry of these proportions through photography, I may perhaps relent and reciprocate.
Her: A deal is struck!

now we need it translated into shakespearean english