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[Advocatus Diaboli]

There are more happy endings than you think! They just, er, usually stop posting here, lol!

It's the pain of being an OT about only one stage of the relationship process. ._.

Yes, but we only post here when there are setbacks!

Next one should be dating and relationship OT. I love reading all the stories

And that's why I tell you these things!

Meanwhile, I invited the girl-I'm-seeing-but-not-exclusive-with over on Saturday so I could do her taxes before going out. That is what y'all got to look forward to.

 

[FIREKNIGHT2029]

Recently started using Tinder, it's been a mixed bag. On one hand I seem to get a lot of matches on the other hand I also get a lot of bot matches too, wtf. Anyways met this girl there, she made the first move. We texted for a while and talked on the phone. She seems like a sweet girl and she's very attractive. I'm trying to keep it cool though and don't want to move too fast so I don't scare her off, she just got out of a serious relationship. She seems really into me which is good though. I'm gonna ask her out for a cup of coffee this weekend. She literally lives 2 miles away from me. Keeping my fingers crossed, wish me luck GAF.

 

[thesoapster]

How far away are you all searching on services? I've messaged some high matches (OKC) about an hour away, but I really don't want to go beyond that.

So far I'm having zero luck (been at this for months) - I actually seem to do better with the rare single woman face to face. I'm using Tinder as well. I actually got a good match on Tinder and we decided to meet during the work week for coffee, then I never heard back from her (tried her a couple times then quit).

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

And now I got invited to her birthday party in some bar. Gonna try to have some fun but idk man, Cautiously optimistic about this one.

 

[jimmypython]

Recently started using Tinder, it's been a mixed bag. On one hand I seem to get a lot of matches on the other hand I also get a lot of bot matches too, wtf. Anyways met this girl there, she made the first move. We texted for a while and talked on the phone. She seems like a sweet girl and she's very attractive. I'm trying to keep it cool though and don't want to move too fast so I don't scare her off, she just got out of a serious relationship. She seems really into me which is good though. I'm gonna ask her out for a cup of coffee this weekend. She literally lives 2 miles away from me. Keeping my fingers crossed, wish me luck GAF.

How far away are you all searching on services? I've messaged some high matches (OKC) about an hour away, but I really don't want to go beyond that.

So far I'm having zero luck (been at this for months) - I actually seem to do better with the rare single woman face to face. I'm using Tinder as well. I actually got a good match on Tinder and we decided to meet during the work week for coffee, then I never heard back from her (tried her a couple times then quit).

As I mentioned in the Online Dating thread, Tinder never works for me...i am actually very frustrated....Are there any tips?

 

[Leeness]

It was right in front of me the whole time! Thanks

!

And that's why I tell you these things!

Meanwhile, I invited the girl-I'm-seeing-but-not-exclusive-with over on Saturday so I could do her taxes before going out. That is what y'all got to look forward to.

Yes, but I like more stories. Living vicariously and all that!

 

[always crazy bacon]

And now I got invited to her birthday party in some bar. Gonna try to have some fun but idk man, Cautiously optimistic about this one.

So looking good, no ghosting in sight.

 

[always crazy bacon]

As I mentioned in the Online Dating thread, Tinder never works for me...i am actually very frustrated....Are there any tips?

Good profile pictures, if you don't have any get a friend to help you take some.

 

[FIREKNIGHT2029]

As I mentioned in the Online Dating thread, Tinder never works for me...i am actually very frustrated....Are there any tips?

Tinder is weird for me. Sometimes I go long periods, like weeks with nothing and then some days I'll get multiple matches. It seems totally random to me, this time I was lucky but it was after a long dry spell. I found out that I started getting more responses from girls when I changed my pictures from mostly indoor pics to pics of myself outside. It also helps to have a good variety of pics. Pics where you're smiling and pics where you kinda look serious/cool. It also helps if you have at least one pic of yourself in a full body shot. I also add my height to my profile since I noticed that girls mention height preferences in their profile and I'm a fairly tall guy. The best thing is to highlight all your strengths without coming off as a tryhard or show off.

 

[Messofanego]

You delirious sonsofbitches won't trigger me.

All I'll say they are calzones you cunts! Cal-fucking-zones.

Jesus fucking Christ, you sorry sonsofabitches.

And I'm legit blown away by Wurst's chain of events! Some issues that cause a raised eyebrow, but goddamn...This shit turns dating advice on its head.

Calzones you cunts.

It's pizza rolls, Miles.

 

[Salamando]

I think one of my friends may be into me. No overt signs, just little things...things that could easily be stuff good friends do...or awkward nerd flirting (as we are both awkward nerds).

ReadTheTitle.jpg, I know. The party where I started to recognize these signs was the same party she told us she's moving in under a month.

Jokes on you guys, I don't go to concerts. I've only been to three in my life haha.

Spoiler

And I'm probably too heavy lmao. Though it's top heavy so idk

I had lunch with the work guy today 😊😊 Friendship hopefully commenced.

It's adorable how giddy you are over your potential platonic male friend! Now to start (friend)shipping you two and writing bad fan-fiction. Chapter 1: He and his fiance host a dinner party...

Spoiler

Thought "fireworks/parade at Disneyland" would be more apt, then I remembered they don't allow it. And there is no proper way to respond to a comment of "too heavy", so I'm not going to!

 

[Leeness]

It's adorable how giddy you are over your potential platonic male friend! Now to start (friend)shipping you two and writing bad fan-fiction. Chapter 1: He and his fiance host a dinner party...

Spoiler

Thought "fireworks/parade at Disneyland" would be more apt, then I remembered they don't allow it. And there is no proper way to respond to a comment of "too heavy", so I'm not going to!

Well, I doubt I'll be friends with him outside of work. But first steps I guess. I think I'm too transparent though--we had a nice lunch (he even shared some of his food with me) and then we got back and he didn't really talk with me the rest of the day lol. Hm. 🤔 Maybe too much and I should pull back a bit...

Spoiler

Disneyland!!! Want to go, but waiting for SW land to be done. And okay! Just saying. Haha.

 

[jimmypython]

Good profile pictures, if you don't have any get a friend to help you take some.

Tinder is weird for me. Sometimes I go long periods, like weeks with nothing and then some days I'll get multiple matches. It seems totally random to me, this time I was lucky but it was after a long dry spell. I found out that I started getting more responses from girls when I changed my pictures from mostly indoor pics to pics of myself outside. It also helps to have a good variety of pics. Pics where you're smiling and pics where you kinda look serious/cool. It also helps if you have at least one pic of yourself in a full body shot. I also add my height to my profile since I noticed that girls mention height preferences in their profile and I'm a fairly tall guy. The best thing is to highlight all your strengths without coming off as a tryhard or show off.

I have one someone took when I was doing a 5k run, one on a deep sea fishing boat with a fish in my hand, one in door with my drums, and a selfie....they look fairly ok to me (lol)

Sometimes I start to think if because of my ethnicity (Asian)

 

[ZackieChan]

Well, you take advantage of daylight hours, nothing wrong with that.

It's 11am and I'm already exhausted.

 

[MattyG]

My girlfriend reminded me of something important and personal that happened a couple weeks ago and I said I remembered but then realized I didn't, and she got upset when I told her I didn't actually, I was just remembering something else. My memory is super cloudy lately and it makes her feel like I don't care when I forget stuff she's said or that we've done.

She said she wasn't upset anymore, just tired, before she went to bed but still. I still feel like shit that I'm forgetting things that are important to us, because it makes her feel like I think she's unimportant when I genuinely am having trouble remembering. I know it's not a huge deal and she probably won't even remember tomorrow, but damn. I'm new to relationships and this is the first time we've ever had a discussion like that over a small misunderstanding and it does not feel great.

Edit: This is actually probably not even really an issue, I'm overthinking it. Sorry.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Sometimes I start to think if because of my ethnicity (Asian)

Sorry.

 

[FIREKNIGHT2029]

I have one someone took when I was doing a 5k run, one on a deep sea fishing boat with a fish in my hand, one in door with my drums, and a selfie....they look fairly ok to me (lol)

Sometimes I start to think if because of my ethnicity (Asian)

Nah, I don't think your ethnicity should be that big of a problem. See if you can get the opinion of some female friends. Sometimes the pics we think look cool aren't as hot as we think they are. It might just be the case with your pics. Your clothes and style can also be a factor. Make sure you're wearing clothes that compliment your body type and stylish.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Nah, I don't think your ethnicity should be that big of a problem.

This is a really naive thing to say when there are pages and pages of articles, reports and data to demonstrate that Black men and Asians have the lowest response rate in online dating. Just do a search yourself "online dating response rate by race" and you'll see.

See if you can get the opinion of some female friends. Sometimes the pics we think look cool aren't as hot as we think they are. It might just be the case with your pics. Your clothes and style can also be a factor. Make sure you're wearing clothes that compliment your body type and stylish.

This however is good advice.

 

[Kyne]

But how did you end up in a 3 year relationship with her???

I'm not sure really.. we never fell in love, and our sex life was close to non-existent. I feel like she never really cared about it to begin with.. so we barely ever did it and when we did it was usually me who had to initialize. Eventually I got the hint and just gave up.

She's a big gamer so a lot of our hobbies were in sync. We did everything together. Ate, slept, played games, watched movies/shows (we had the same taste in just about everything). We never lived together but we basically spent the night together every weekend.

I was able to endure it for 3 years because I guess I wasn't really looking for all that real relationship stuff. I was focused on my career and hobbies.

Finally in Jan of this year I decided I wanted more. Stuff like fitness, an active sex life, someone who I could learn to love/marry were finally becoming important to me. I broke it off and it was pretty mutual as we both knew we were pretty much just friends for the last 3 years of our lives.

Now I'm working on myself while trying to build up the motivation/courage to start dating again. The new Zelda game is too good and keeping me from putting myself out there.

Spoiler

I'm okay with it.

 

[Xun]

We kissed

Said she's been waiting for it but was also super confused because of her recent breakup, our project together and being insecure herself. She never had me in the friend zone. But she was not sure if I (!) wanted something more than a friendship.

We're heading to her place soon.

Also, I told her about the Cookie and she said she would have loved it, but in a corny, fun way. it wouldnt have changed her feelings for me in neither direction.

I'm fucking happy. It was also dead simple: I just asked her out and went for it.

Congrats man! I'm happy for you.

Keep us posted!

 

[FIREKNIGHT2029]

This is a really naive thing to say when there are pages and pages of articles, reports and data to demonstrate that Black men and Asians have the lowest response rate in online dating. Just do a search yourself "online dating response rate by race" and you'll see.

Really? I'm black and even though I won't say the women are pouring in by the hundreds I still get some good matches. I didn't know that Asian and Black males had issues with getting matches on online dating sites. I get a lot of matches from black girls and latinas but not so much from other Asian and Caucasian girls. This explains quite a lot lol, quite depressing.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I can't support this lunacy. Pies are pies. Let's not be crazy.

It's pizza rolls, Miles.

You know how in the movies the person of colour usually dies first?

This isn't a threat, I'm just saying. It's interesting right? Something to think about...

 

[hydrophilic attack]

well she hasn't replied so i guess she wasn't interested after all

things may be awkward for a while but i'll get over it

at least now i know

 

[always crazy bacon]

well she hasn't replied so i guess she wasn't interested after all

things may be awkward for a while but i'll get over it

at least now i know

She hasn't responded yet, don't expect a quick answer she could be thinking about it.

 

[neurosisxeno]

Nah, I don't think your ethnicity should be that big of a problem.

There's empirical evidence that kind of suggests otherwise. It was from one of OKC's data dumps and I remember Asian Men got a weirdly low response rate.

 

[knavish]

It happens to the best of us. Hopefully you didn't waste $6 on parking.

ZING! I got that reference

 

[Messofanego]

You know how in the movies the person of colour usually dies first?

This isn't a threat, I'm just saying. It's interesting right? Something to think about...

That's just for black people, not me...right?

 

[Ozorov]

Anyone have any cool 'mindtricks' you can play on Tinder etc? I just have that one where you say "Think about a number between 1 - 1000" and then you make them add and subtract stuff then you always gets it right. And they're like "whaaat youuu wizzardd"

 

[ZackieChan]

That's just for black people, not me...right?

All brown people, bro.

Sorry

 

[KUON.0101]

We kissed

Said she's been waiting for it but was also super confused because of her recent breakup, our project together and being insecure herself. She never had me in the friend zone. But she was not sure if I (!) wanted something more than a friendship.

We're heading to her place soon.

Also, I told her about the Cookie and she said she would have loved it, but in a corny, fun way. it wouldnt have changed her feelings for me in neither direction.

I'm fucking happy. It was also dead simple: I just asked her out and went for it.

Congratz dude! yea the direct approach is a good one! Have fun!

 

[hydrophilic attack]

She hasn't responded yet, don't expect a quick answer she could be thinking about it.

well, it's been almost a day since i asked

anyway, it's not a big deal though, i'm not that invested. just hope this doesn't make her feel awkward about being around our circle of friends

 

[Denzar]

I would just send one more text with something like "up for dinner saturday?" Let the activity relay that you'd "like to get to know her better outside of the physicality".

Would it make you look desperate? It's possible, but it's not like you're getting another date anyway. Remove all doubt that it wasn't a case of "life happening", potentially appear desperate with a girl you wouldn't have had another date with anyway...I'll take that trade-off, only once.

Yeah, even "life happening" means that she didn't care enough to send back. If you're interested in somebody and you've got a hectic and busy life, you'll reply in the downtime that's been given to you. Heck, you can reply on the shitter.

I'm not desperate so I don't want to come across as such. I'll leave it at this. I want to and I will run into her again.

Either way, thanks for the advice! Do really appreciate it.

 

[Messofanego]

All brown people, bro.

Sorry

I had a good run.

My tombstone will read: "Not cool, Miles Quaritch, not cool."

 

[hydrophilic attack]

well she said she only saw the email just now but had already planned out her weekend with her friends last evening. "So it depends what do you mean by the word 'date'"

hm not sure what that means, lol

she doesn't sound hugely enthusiastic, but she doesn't seem to rule the idea out entirely

i'm gonna think for awhile before i reply

i'm going with soyouretellingmetheresachance.gif for now

 

[Ray Wonder]

well she said she only saw the email just now but had already planned out her weekend with her friends last evening. "So it depends what do you mean by the word 'date'"

hm not sure what that means, lol

she doesn't sound hugely enthusiastic, but she doesn't seem to rule the idea out entirely

i'm gonna think for awhile before i reply

i'm going with soyouretellingmetheresachance.gif for now

"I mean, like, you might get a chair pulled out for you, date."

That's what I'd say in that scenario 😆

I had a good run.

My tombstone will read: "Not cool, Miles Quaritch, not cool."

I got ur back

-------------------------------------------

What's stromboli? Is that a calzone?

 

[gaiages]

Yes, but we only post here when there are setbacks!



And that's why I tell you these things!

Meanwhile, I invited the girl-I'm-seeing-but-not-exclusive-with over on Saturday so I could do her taxes before going out. That is what y'all got to look forward to.

I nominate you to be the next OT maker. Do itttttt

Well, I doubt I'll be friends with him outside of work. But first steps I guess. I think I'm too transparent though--we had a nice lunch (he even shared some of his food with me) and then we got back and he didn't really talk with me the rest of the day lol. Hm. 🤔 Maybe too much and I should pull back a bit...

Spoiler

Disneyland!!! Want to go, but waiting for SW land to be done. And okay! Just saying. Haha.

Someone's overthinking things

My girlfriend reminded me of something important and personal that happened a couple weeks ago and I said I remembered but then realized I didn't, and she got upset when I told her I didn't actually, I was just remembering something else. My memory is super cloudy lately and it makes her feel like I don't care when I forget stuff she's said or that we've done.

She said she wasn't upset anymore, just tired, before she went to bed but still. I still feel like shit that I'm forgetting things that are important to us, because it makes her feel like I think she's unimportant when I genuinely am having trouble remembering. I know it's not a huge deal and she probably won't even remember tomorrow, but damn. I'm new to relationships and this is the first time we've ever had a discussion like that over a small misunderstanding and it does not feel great.

Edit: This is actually probably not even really an issue, I'm overthinking it. Sorry.

How long has this 'cloudiness' persisted? Have you gone to a doctor about it? This is far more concerning than the relationship part of the post.

"So it depends what do you mean by the word 'date'"

She's trying to look for an out, she's not interested. I mean, using the word date LITERALLY means the word date, how can it mean anything else?

 

[Jokab]

She's trying to look for an out, she's not interested. I mean, using the word date LITERALLY means the word date, how can it mean anything else?

I'm going with this too, but then again we can't rule out that she just wants to confirm it's a date-date because she wants it to be that.

 

[Krauser Kat]

It is not even funny how you can have a ton of ladies on apps you are talking to and hitting it off and then you meet someone in the real world and have a great conversation and flirt. Its all about that one. I am trying not to get too excited it may be nothing, but its hope at least.

PS i had 2 dates flake 2 days in a row. oh well onto the next thing.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I'm going with this too, but then again we can't rule out that she just wants to confirm it's a date-date because she wants it to be that.

This is what I was thinking. Either way it is, if you want to go out on a date, and not a hang out with a friend "date", then just say it.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

She's trying to look for an out, she's not interested. I mean, using the word date LITERALLY means the word date, how can it mean anything else?

Probably.

But since it was in the context of what her schedule was like she could be asking about what the specific activity would be, to see how much time it would need

I'm going with this too, but then again we can't rule out that she just wants to confirm it's a date-date because she wants it to be that.

Or this

Since she replied, it seems like a bad idea to assume she is not interested, in case she actually is

 

[Ultramantaro1]

Don't let her be ambiguous with you. Tell her clearly it's a romantic date, you want to see if there's a connection etc. If there's any ambiguity, trust me, it'll keep digging in the back of your head. 'What if I'd said this etc.'

Just be clear as fuck and demand a clear as fuck answer (or she'll ghost and that's your answer).

 

[Kurtofan]

people sitting in the grass outside, i hate it

 

[Ray Wonder]

I'm tryna wine n dine you cuh

 

[gaiages]

people sitting in the grass outside, i hate it

Uh, okay?

I cannot see why that would bother you so much, why do you care if other people sit in the grass and get ants all over them?

 

[Ashby]

Is a girl having the same name as your most recent ex reason enough to not go out with her? In that situation now and this girl seems cool but it is kind of weird.

 

[Dragonite]

As I mentioned in the Online Dating thread, Tinder never works for me...i am actually very frustrated....Are there any tips?

Online dating is only for good looking guys, you're probably just ugly. I suggest using Photoshopped pictures and then meeting women at night in the dark so they will have a hard time figuring out that you're a fraud.

 

[always crazy bacon]

well she said she only saw the email just now but had already planned out her weekend with her friends last evening.

Ah, the good old combo excuse, when one reason is not good enough.

"So it depends what do you mean by the word 'date'"

Translation: DO you want a date, then no. If you want to hang out maybe.

she doesn't sound hugely enthusiastic, but she doesn't seem to rule the idea out entirely

Brad Pitt Basic

10 Print "Would she say that to Brad Pitt?"
20 GOTO 10
RUN

i'm gonna think for awhile before i reply

You don't need to, let it go.

i'm going with soyouretellingmetheresachance.gif for now

See this is a textbook problem when women just don't want to say no and are vague. Anything not a hard yes is a no.

 

[Kurtofan]

Uh, okay?

I cannot see why that would bother you so much, why do you care if other people sit in the grass and get ants all over them?

it's depressing when you're alone all day

 

[Ozorov]

Is a girl having the same name as your most recent ex reason enough to not go out with her? In that situation now and this girl seems cool but it is kind of weird.

Yes, and everyone that is the same gender as your ex

 

[Leeness]

I'm not sure really.. we never fell in love, and our sex life was close to non-existent. I feel like she never really cared about it to begin with.. so we barely ever did it and when we did it was usually me who had to initialize. Eventually I got the hint and just gave up.

She's a big gamer so a lot of our hobbies were in sync. We did everything together. Ate, slept, played games, watched movies/shows (we had the same taste in just about everything). We never lived together but we basically spent the night together every weekend.

I was able to endure it for 3 years because I guess I wasn't really looking for all that real relationship stuff. I was focused on my career and hobbies.

Finally in Jan of this year I decided I wanted more. Stuff like fitness, an active sex life, someone who I could learn to love/marry were finally becoming important to me. I broke it off and it was pretty mutual as we both knew we were pretty much just friends for the last 3 years of our lives.

Now I'm working on myself while trying to build up the motivation/courage to start dating again. The new Zelda game is too good and keeping me from putting myself out there.

Spoiler

I'm okay with it.

My ideal relationship lol.

I'm glad that you moved on when you realized it wasn't for you and that you both were mutual in breaking it off! You can get back into dating when you want to

Spoiler

Zelda more important tho

Someone's overthinking things

I knoooow, but since he's a coworker (who is engaged), I need to not make him uncomfortable with my dumb obvious crush so that we can be work buddies lol.