Support NeoGAF

[vypek]

So i have been dating this girl for a little more then a month now and i think i have to end it. She is cute with an amazing body but for someone that is 35 and been living in the city for 6 years she only has 1 maybe 2 friends and that includes her sister. She doesn't have any outside the house hobbies and is way more lazy then i expected.

All of this would be fine if she wasn't falling for me hard, and saying she is missing me and sad and the day is crappy because she couldn't see me. I dont want to take a one way trip down codependency lane. This part is the worst.

She hasn't expressed any interest in any outside the home hobby at all? I was going to say maybe you could help introduce her to some and prevent that codependency feeling because she is missing you on days she can't see you. But maybe that would be hard to do unless there is something she has expressed an interest in doing.


EDIT:

In regards to the fashion discussion, I can't remember the name but there are also fashion based subscription services that will help you build a wardrobe. Some let you send stuff back and analyze what you keep to find stuff you like that will look good for you. The only reason I didn't get it in the past was because I couldn't afford it. Might not be a bad idea to look into that kind of thing and set aside some money each month to build a wardrobe and then stop the service if you want.

 

[gaiages]

It's this: https://ashleyweston.com/mens-wardrobe-essentials/. At least for me. Also, once you find a brand that fits (Brooks Brothers and Banana Republic mediums for me), you can just order online.

And yeah, I'm tiring of the pity party. Jaded needs to take ONE affirmative step forward, and clothes are probably it. Looking like trash ain't the way to sell yourself.

Thank you thank you. I buy all my stuff currently from Old Navy so buying online is actually not a good idea... they're kinda cheap so the friggin sizes don't match from piece to piece lol, it's a terrible pain to find the 'same' 14s as before or whatever. But yeah with higher end stuff online should be fine

In regards to the fashion discussion, I can't remember the name but there are also fashion based subscription services that will help you build a wardrobe. Some let you send stuff back and analyze what you keep to find stuff you like that will look good for you. The only reason I didn't get it in the past was because I couldn't afford it. Might not be a bad idea to look into that kind of thing and set aside some money each month to build a wardrobe and then stop the service if you want.

Ah yeah, I've heard of that as well, that would be helpful to put in there as well. Just have to find the name, shouldn't be too hard though... thanks

 

[slaifer]

Episode 1: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=233336605&postcount=9523
Episode 2: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=235454935&postcount=10596

I know I told myself I should have stopped seeing her and follow my own advice of just download tinder but due the circumstances I'm still kind of "forced" to hang out with her for few more weeks. I don't want a friendship so I had stopped messaging her but we train(gym) with mutual friends once a week and sometimes I see her around the building where I live so it's kind of difficult to avoid her.

Last weekend just made the crush that I'm trying to get rid of even worse. I know I'm an idiot. We start by training on saturday with my mutual friend. He knows that I have a crush on her and knows that she has this boyfriend/non boyfriend. While we're training he starts joking around by mentioning her boyfriend and asking whether he was gonna be at her birthday party that same evening. She says no then looks at me in an awkward way. He keeps teasing her about this boyfriend a few more times because we still have not seen this guy yet.

Anyways, that evening me and my friend were invited to 3 different parties and we decide to go to all of them. Last party of the day was her birthday. We meet up with her and we decide to go clubbing. Just outside the club I hear her talking at the phone quietly in Italian ( her bf should be Italian based on the info I have ) she says "I don't want to talk right now" hangs up the phone and few mins later she gets another phone call and she says the same thing again.

We start queuing for the club and my friend starts being a dick to her again with phrases like "do you have an imaginary bf or not"... I follow some of my other friends and I see that both of them stay behind to talk. When they come back I notice she looked a bit sad. Anyways the night goes on and it's really fun. This is where it gets confusing once again.

Me and her start chatting and joking for quite a while then we decide to go dance, again, I'm an idiot and I don't get signs, I really have no clue when someone likes me or not ( someone in one of the previous party that day had to shout at me for clearly not understanding that some chick was flirting with me lol ). While we were into the club some other friends that had never met her, start asking me whether we were together saying that it was clear that she liked me. To be honest I think there were so many occasions where I could have made a move but I just didn't, knowing that she had a bf. I told this to my friends and they all said that it doesn't look like she has a boyfriend.

Long story short I'm confused as fuck, we chat, we dance she even feels my abs lol. 6am we get out of the club and my friend calls me and clearly tells her to stay there because it's a private convo. He starts saying why I didn't make a move or something, at that point I stop him and ask him what the two of them talked about before, he didn't remember much because he was wasted but says that the abortion thing ( I mentioned in my previous posts ) was true. It was her that had an abortion and she had a complicated relationship with this guy. Doesn't really change "my crush" on her but confirms the doubts and the fact that she's seeing someone even though not "official".

What the hell do I do? Shall I just wait for my crush to slowly fade away after she moves out? My friends tell me it was clear that she likes me but in the previous weeks she says she can give me a friendship for the moment.

This is so confusing but at least internet strangers and my friends both agree on something, I'm an idiot lol.

 

[Xun]

*grumble* I'll add a bonus section about how to dress when I get home from work. I know there's a link that's typically provided that's really good, could someone link that again? Also any other quotes/links/whatever y'all want in there. Wasn't there a Men's Fashion OT somewhere, or did someone just wish there was?

Also Jaded, look, you really gotta stop making excuses for everything. If you want success, you're going to need to make some changes, and you really don't have any good excuses. You don't want to buy clothes because they don't fit? Find shit that fits. Yeah it'll take more than two minutes in and out of a store, but that's what everyone that gives two shits about themselves have to do. Too expensive? Go to a thrift store or a lower end clothes store and find stuff there. You're a nerdy black man? Holy shit you're the only nerdy black man on the face of the earth, you'll never get a date! :|

Come the fuck on dude, this shit's getting old. If you don't want to change, fine, but expect more goth music and jokes at your expense in the future.

There is:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=633641

It really isn't hard to dress well Jaded, so stop making excuses and get out there!

 

[vypek]

Ah yeah, I've heard of that as well, that would be helpful to put in there as well. Just have to find the name, shouldn't be too hard though... thanks

Did a quick google search and found much more than I knew existed. The one my friend suggested to me a while back was Bombfell
https://www.bombfell.com/

Even better, I found a page that lists 8 of them with varying prices. Might be worth considering for anyone who want to improve their wardrobe. Although these links cater to men there are ones for women as well.

http://www.instyle.com/news/best-subscription-boxes-for-men-buy-now

And there are even more that are out there

@jadedwriter, maybe these can get you started.

 

[gaiages]

Episode 1: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=233336605&postcount=9523
Episode 2: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=235454935&postcount=10596

I know I told myself I should have stopped seeing her and follow my own advice of just download tinder but due the circumstances I'm still kind of "forced" to hang out with her for few more weeks. I don't want a friendship so I had stopped messaging her but we train(gym) with mutual friends once a week and sometimes I see her around the building where I live so it's kind of difficult to avoid her.

Last weekend just made the crush that I'm trying to get rid of even worse. I know I'm an idiot. We start by training on saturday with my mutual friend. He knows that I have a crush on her and knows that she has this boyfriend/non boyfriend. While we're training he starts joking around by mentioning her boyfriend and asking whether he was gonna be at her birthday party that same evening. She says no then looks at me in an awkward way. He keeps teasing her about this boyfriend a few more times because we still have not seen this guy yet.

Anyways, that evening me and my friend were invited to 3 different parties and we decide to go to all of them. Last party of the day was her birthday. We meet up with her and we decide to go clubbing. Just outside the club I hear her talking at the phone quietly in Italian ( her bf should be Italian based on the info I have ) she says "I don't want to talk right now" hangs up the phone and few mins later she gets another phone call and she says the same thing again.

We start queuing for the club and my friend starts being a dick to her again with phrases like "do you have an imaginary bf or not"... I follow some of my other friends and I see that both of them stay behind to talk. When they come back I notice she looked a bit sad. Anyways the night goes on and it's really fun. This is where it gets confusing once again.

Me and her start chatting and joking for quite a while then we decide to go dance, again, I'm an idiot and I don't get signs, I really have no clue when someone likes me or not ( someone in one of the previous party that day had to shout at me for clearly not understanding that some chick was flirting with me lol ). While we were into the club some other friends that had never met her, start asking me whether we were together saying that it was clear that she liked me. To be honest I think there were so many occasions where I could have made a move but I just didn't, knowing that she had a bf. I told this to my friends and they all said that it doesn't look like she has a boyfriend.

Long story short I'm confused as fuck, we chat, we dance she even feels my abs lol. 6am we get out of the club and my friend calls me and clearly tells her to stay there because it's a private convo. He starts saying why I didn't make a move or something, at that point I stop him and ask him what the two of them talked about before, he didn't remember much because he was wasted but says that the abortion thing ( I mentioned in my previous posts ) was true. It was her that had an abortion and she had a complicated relationship with this guy. Doesn't really change "my crush" on her but confirms the doubts and the fact that she's seeing someone even though not "official".

What the hell do I do? Shall I just wait for my crush to slowly fade away after she moves out? My friends tell me it was clear that she likes me but in the previous weeks she says she can give me a friendship for the moment.

This is so confusing but at least internet strangers and my friends both agree on something, I'm an idiot lol.

Man that sure is a lot of words about someone that said they are taken

It doesn't fucking matter if she "likes" you or not. If she said she has a boyfriend, she either a) HAS A BOYFRIEND or b) said that because she's not interested.

Move on already, it doesn't matter what your friends have to say on the issue. Since they're bugging the shit out of the girl about it, at this point they just want some stupid drama out of the situation.

 

[Krauser Kat]

just go spend like 50-100 bucks. got to uniqlo or banna republic or target even. spend 20 on button slim shirt and 30-40 on some tight fitting black or dark blue jeans and decent casual shoes (boots or really nice looking kicks).



The outfit in this pic is less then 100 unless you include the jacket which is fuck you expensive.
(uniqlo skinny colored jeans(they go on sale for 30), toms slip ons(40), bannana republic denim shirt i got on clearance for like 20.

 

[Krauser Kat]

She hasn't expressed any interest in any outside the home hobby at all? I was going to say maybe you could help introduce her to some and prevent that codependency feeling because she is missing you on days she can't see you. But maybe that would be hard to do unless there is something she has expressed an interest in doing.

She goes to church every week but complains about it and does yoga once a week but its not like passion of hers. I am always creating painting or building something. I am passionate about those hobbies and careers nothing from her screams passion she is just quietly doing her thing. This is totally fine as a person, but i just dont think its right for me.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Am I? She hasn't met my friends (yet). We haven't been inside each other's apartments (yet).

I mean I think it's heading that way. I don't have any interest in seeing other people. I feel guilty when I check apps, so I stopped last week.

She has implied she isn't seeing anyone else either. But I still think it's too early to call it. We are at a point where it's implied we are going to keep seeing each, but I don't think shed call me her boyfriend.

Based on what you've shared with us I'd say you are a couple.Be confident and relaxed in that. Don't wait to fill in a checklist or wait for her to sign a binding contract. It does not work that way, you just are a couple. Talk to her about being exclusive if you feel you need to.

 

[always crazy bacon]

So i have been dating this girl for a little more then a month now and i think i have to end it. She is cute with an amazing body but for someone that is 35 and been living in the city for 6 years she only has 1 maybe 2 friends and that includes her sister. She doesn't have any outside the house hobbies and is way more lazy then i expected.

All of this would be fine if she wasn't falling for me hard, and saying she is missing me and sad and the day is crappy because she couldn't see me. I dont want to take a one way trip down codependency lane. This part is the worst.

The laziness is the red flag. You don't want to be carrying someone like that all your life.

 

[artsi]

Personally I go with a "Justin Theroux style", works for me.

http://i.imgur.com/yNFDaFf.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/TTvVZl7.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/F67L572.jpg

Aside from that, girl was begging me to go over to her place last night again.
I had to decline as I had early wakeup again, but heading over there in a few hours.

 

[vypek]

She goes to church every week but complains about it and does yoga once a week but its not like passion of hers. I am always creating painting or building something. I am passionate about those hobbies and careers nothing from her screams passion she is just quietly doing her thing. This is totally fine as a person, but i just dont think its right for me.

Oh, I see what you mean. Thats totally fair.

 

[JadedWriter]

Stop retconning stuff already. You're retreating back to the safe delusional bubble you've created to avoid the real issues you have. You came her for hard feedback which you ignore and handwave. Now you're just here for attention and a continued Jadedwriter pity party.

What exactly am I retconning? I'm not lying or changing facts when I says I haven't had a date for that long or that I haven't had a second date for that long, that's truth. I'm also not trying to continue a pity party, I'm just answering questions honestly and stating reasons. I will also admit to yes I dress like shit, which I do need to address, there are just other things I'd much rather spend my money on that I enjoy like food/games/gundam models/rent.

*grumble* I'll add a bonus section about how to dress when I get home from work. I know there's a link that's typically provided that's really good, could someone link that again? Also any other quotes/links/whatever y'all want in there. Wasn't there a Men's Fashion OT somewhere, or did someone just wish there was?

Also Jaded, look, you really gotta stop making excuses for everything. If you want success, you're going to need to make some changes, and you really don't have any good excuses. You don't want to buy clothes because they don't fit? Find shit that fits. Yeah it'll take more than two minutes in and out of a store, but that's what everyone that gives two shits about themselves have to do. Too expensive? Go to a thrift store or a lower end clothes store and find stuff there. You're a nerdy black man? Holy shit you're the only nerdy black man on the face of the earth, you'll never get a date! :|

Come the fuck on dude, this shit's getting old. If you don't want to change, fine, but expect more goth music and jokes at your expense in the future.

Fine I'll get new clothing. Just not...today. After I'm done dealing with the stress of finding new roommates to occupy the apartment I'm living in I'll put like $150 into some decent date clothes.

 

[always crazy bacon]

It's not a lie if you believe it IE delusional.

Clothes are not worth it but Gundam models that serve no purpose are? Your way too old to be told to grow up.

 

[ZackieChan]

Personally I go with a "Justin Theroux style", works for me.

http://i.imgur.com/yNFDaFf.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/TTvVZl7.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/F67L572.jpg

Aside from that, girl was begging me to go over to her place last night again.
I had to decline as I had early wakeup again, but heading over there in a few hours.

His skinny legs drive me nuts

just go spend like 50-100 bucks. got to uniqlo or banna republic or target even. spend 20 on button slim shirt and 30-40 on some tight fitting black or dark blue jeans and decent casual shoes (boots or really nice looking kicks).

http://i.imgur.com/pTbZSZg.png

The outfit in this pic is less then 100 unless you include the jacket which is fuck you expensive.
(uniqlo skinny colored jeans(they go on sale for 30), toms slip ons(40), bannana republic denim shirt i got on clearance for like 20.

I never wore a denim/chambray shirt my entire life until a couple months ago. Looks great and "masculine", for lack of a better term. Love it.

Here's another good "minimal wardrobe"/adult upgrade for clothing.
http://www.themodestman.com/minimal-essential-wardrobe/

 

[always crazy bacon]

Fine I'll get new clothing. Just not...today. After I'm done.

We've all heard this before from different people in our lives. "I'm gonna,when,this, that whatever".

 

[Spaced Harrier]

Dating Age |OT$7| Shut the Fuck up & Just Listen!

 

[JadedWriter]

It's not a lie if you believe it IE delusional.

Clothes are not worth it but Gundam models that serve no purpose are? Your way too old to be told to grow up.

I've been running away from being a dork since my late teens and just started embracing it recently. My parents pretty much hated me for it growing up and since I really just stopped giving a shit what they think I just more or less embraced it more. I really don't care if others don't like it, but I find it fun. But I guess I have to shelve what I like to get other people to like me fine.

We've all heard this before from different people in our lives. "I'm gonna,when,this, that whatever".

I don't want to put more clothing into a closet that might not even be mine next month. I've curtailed a lot of my "fun" spending since dealing with the roommate search.

 

[Haloid1177]

All this clothes talks reminds me that I have a shopping date with a friend this week who wants to get me into new clothes. Should be a miserable but helpful affair. Wanted to wait until I lost all the weight but I need new pants so why not part of the whole thing.

 

[Peltz]

All this clothes talks reminds me that I have a shopping date with a friend this week who wants to get me into new clothes. Should be a miserable but helpful affair. Wanted to wait until I lost all the weight but I need new pants so why not part of the whole thing.

Just get your pants tailored after you drop the pounds. No need to buy new ones all over again unless you drop substantial weight.

 

[Spaced Harrier]

I've been running away from being a dork since my late teens and just started embracing it recently. My parents pretty much hated me for it growing up and since I really just stopped giving a shit what they think I just more or less embraced it more. I really don't care if others don't like it, but I find it fun. But I guess I have to shelve what I like to get other people to like me fine.

I don't want to put more clothing into a closet that might not even be mine next month. I've curtailed a lot of my "fun" spending since dealing with the roommate search.

Ok, Listen "dork".

What are you doing that would make any woman want you?

Oh you want them to recognise the special star that you are and love every quirky attribute. You're the special one and they should find you?

And they should be hot right? and cool too? maybe they play in a band. and fight in secret undergroud martial arts tournmnents in honour of their shidoshi. Also they are the sole air to a Zaibatzu. Why not go full fantasy?

This is not a healthy thought pattern and you're giving in to it.

Would you for a single second consider going out with your female equivalent?
I doubt it. You'd expect her to be pretty and dress well.

Well then that's the least you can do.

No one said compromise your "integrity", or give up your hobbies etc. They said prioritize.

If you look like shit, wait two months for your next fucking gundam, by a nice pair of jeans and some shirts.
Get a fucking haircut, put some product into, or a cut where it is styled by itself.
Most of all get off your ass.

The aim isn't trying to get people to like you, It's trying to get people to see you at your best.

 

[JadedWriter]

Ok, Listen "dork".

What are you doing that would make any woman want you?

Oh you want them to recognise the special star that you are and love every quirky attribute. You're the special one and they should find you?

And they should be hot right? and cool too? maybe they play in a band. and fight in secret undergroud martial arts tournmnents in honour of their shidoshi. Also they are the sole air to a Zaibatzu. Why not go full fantasy?

This is not a healthy thought pattern and you're giving in to it.

Would you for a single second consider going out with your female equivalent?
I doubt it. You'd expect her to be pretty and dress well.

Well then that's the least you can do.

No one said compromise your "integrity", or give up your hobbies etc. They said prioritize.

If you look like shit, wait two months for your next fucking gundam, by a nice pair of jeans and some shirts.
Get a fucking haircut, put some product into, or a cut where it is styled by itself.
Most of all get off your ass.

The aim isn't trying to get people to like you, It's trying to get people to see you at your best.

I mainly wouldn't date my female equivalent cause they tend to be bat shit, but yes I do see yours and everybody's point...I'm just thick headed. And to further elaborate, I actually once did try to date a woman that was wearing a Bleach shirt in her profile pic, didn't end well cause she was mentally unstable. Now that I'm thinking about it...yeah...I need date clothing. I don't care what I show up to work in but I can't show up to a date with holes in my pants (true story).

 

[Astral]

I am now feeling motivated to buy the new shoes I so desperately need.

 

[slaifer]

Man that sure is a lot of words about someone that said they are taken

It doesn't fucking matter if she "likes" you or not. If she said she has a boyfriend, she either a) HAS A BOYFRIEND or b) said that because she's not interested.

Move on already, it doesn't matter what your friends have to say on the issue. Since they're bugging the shit out of the girl about it, at this point they just want some stupid drama out of the situation.

I know you're right, I need someone to slap me in the face.

 

[JadedWriter]

I am now feeling motivated to buy the new shoes I so desperately need.

Would a Jojo character walk around in fucked up shoes?

 

[Spaced Harrier]

I am now feeling motivated to buy the new shoes I so desperately need.

And I am motivated to contact the bus company about a bag i left on-board with my nicest going out shoes.

A month ago.

(they went on strike the next day!)

 

[Krauser Kat]

I've been running away from being a dork since my late teens and just started embracing it recently. My parents pretty much hated me for it growing up and since I really just stopped giving a shit what they think I just more or less embraced it more. I really don't care if others don't like it, but I find it fun. But I guess I have to shelve what I like to get other people to like me fine.

I don't want to put more clothing into a closet that might not even be mine next month. I've curtailed a lot of my "fun" spending since dealing with the roommate search.

This has nothing to do with what you like. Fashion is just an overarching part of participating within society. It is a first glance of the quality of your person. This matter intensely in dating. Dressing nicely and being proud of your body are always going to be signals of someone who has their shit together at least financially.

If a girl comes to your date with make up on and some decent clothe she has already put in at least 20 minutes of effort to your thrown together clothes that dont fit. You want to be closer to that level. The more effort she thinks you put in to looking better FOR HER the better her first impression will be. You can still dress gothy. All black outfits are fucking awesome. Just make sure they fit and dont have crazy fringe stuff all over.

 

[JadedWriter]

This has nothing to do with what you like. Fashion is just an overarching part of participating within society. It is a first glance of the quality of your person. This matter intensely in dating. Dressing nicely and being proud of your body are always going to be signals of someone who has their shit together at least financially.

If a girl comes to your date with make up on and some decent clothe she has already put in at least 20 minutes of effort to your thrown together clothes that dont fit. You want to be closer to that level. The more effort she thinks you put in to looking better FOR HER the better her first impression will be. You can still dress gothy. All black outfits are fucking awesome. Just make sure they fit and dont have crazy fringe stuff all over.

All in all I need to dress better than I do when I go to work cause I really just do not care on those days. Damn I need a fashion intervention. Then again I at least go to work in dress shirts, even if they are pre weight loss.

 

[ZackieChan]

I mainly wouldn't date my female equivalent cause they tend to be bat shit, but yes I do see yours and everybody's point...I'm just thick headed. And to further elaborate, I actually once did try to date a woman that was wearing a Bleach shirt in her profile pic, didn't end well cause she was mentally unstable. Now that I'm thinking about it...yeah...I need date clothing. I don't care what I show up to work in but I can't show up to a date with holes in my pants (true story).

I think you've gotten basically all of the advice we can give in this thread. You need to make the conscious decision to change.
I'd also say that you shouldn't be buying "date clothes" - you should upgrade how you dress in general.
Here's another link for advice on getting the minimum you need for a full wardrobe upgrade. There are most likely cheaper alternatives if you don't have much money.
http://theessentialman.com/how-to-create-minimalist-wardrobe/

You may also want to look into figuring out how to upgrade your income. Whether it's odd jobs, a second job, a side business doing something that you're good at, or even increasing your current job's income, there's gotta be something you can do.

 

[always crazy bacon]

That's your selective reading.

"Be yourself, but be the best version of yourself"

and

"Don't substitute your personality with your hobbies"

But I guess I have to shelve what I like to get other people to like me fine.

I already covered this today.

 

[gaiages]

I've been running away from being a dork since my late teens and just started embracing it recently. My parents pretty much hated me for it growing up and since I really just stopped giving a shit what they think I just more or less embraced it more. I really don't care if others don't like it, but I find it fun. But I guess I have to shelve what I like to get other people to like me fine.

I don't want to put more clothing into a closet that might not even be mine next month. I've curtailed a lot of my "fun" spending since dealing with the roommate search.

No, that's not what we're saying. Be dorky, like Gundam if you want, but it's about PRIORITIES. Dressing well, eating semi well, and taking care of yourself and your body should be a priority to spend money on over, say, models that you have to import and cheaper 'in your face' graphic t-shirts. You won't attract anyone if you don't put effort into yourself as a person, not yourself as a hobbyist. Hobbies are all well and good, and like whatever you want, but if you buying models and games is getting in the way of treating YOURSELF well... there's the problem right there.

I know you're right, I need someone to slap me in the face.

Well an internet slap will have to do for now ;D

Would a Jojo character walk around in fucked up shoes?

Would a Jojo character wear a non-garish outfit

 

[Krauser Kat]

https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/

Is a great resource, as well.

 

[Haloid1177]

I've been running away from being a dork since my late teens and just started embracing it recently. My parents pretty much hated me for it growing up and since I really just stopped giving a shit what they think I just more or less embraced it more. I really don't care if others don't like it, but I find it fun. But I guess I have to shelve what I like to get other people to like me fine.

I don't want to put more clothing into a closet that might not even be mine next month. I've curtailed a lot of my "fun" spending since dealing with the roommate search.

I'm a dork too. Like my collection of just needless toys is baffling. I like my graphic tees. But I keep it all in a time and place thing. Collectibles get their own room, away from guests and when I might have people over. If I'm casually hanging with friends or around the house, I embrace the worst fashion choice of cargo shorts and graphic tees cause who gives a fuck. When I'm going out, though, it's always slacks or nice jeans, at the minimum a polo shirt, though over the past year I've started fitting back into my nicer button down shirts so I use those. You just gotta realize the appropriate times for when to be a dork and when to not be a dork. I never feel like I'm not being myself because I'm not outwardly being a dork, I feel like I'm being more professional or date-able.

I struggled with prioritizing budgets on what I needed to buy. I hate buying clothes and especially shoes (the selection in size 17 is always not great), but those are the things that tend to get you somewhere, and as much as I love my action figures or LEGO as hobbies, in the end they don't really add anything to what I'm trying to accomplish. I dunno, I've kinda been going through a similar transition that I think you're trying to work through over the past year and finally have settled into a spot thanks to a work friend who took an interest.

 

[Llyranor]

I like Gundam and I dress well. Don't make Gundam fans look bad

 

[ZackieChan]

the selection in size 17 is always not great

Holy fuck

 

[JadedWriter]

No, that's not what we're saying. Be dorky, like Gundam if you want, but it's about PRIORITIES. Dressing well, eating semi well, and taking care of yourself and your body should be a priority to spend money on over, say, models that you have to import and cheaper 'in your face' graphic t-shirts. You won't attract anyone if you don't put effort into yourself as a person, not yourself as a hobbyist. Hobbies are all well and good, and like whatever you want, but if you buying models and games is getting in the way of treating YOURSELF well... there's the problem right there.

I guess I'm just surprised how important fashion is cause it's probably the last thing I look at when it comes to the person I'm on a date with. I think I care more about mental health than a person looking like crap cause a person that dresses like crap doesn't run the risk of say randomly stabbing me.

I'm a dork too. Like my collection of just needless toys is baffling. I like my graphic tees. But I keep it all in a time and place thing. Collectibles get their own room, away from guests and when I might have people over. If I'm casually hanging with friends or around the house, I embrace the worst fashion choice of cargo shorts and graphic tees cause who gives a fuck. When I'm going out, though, it's always slacks or nice jeans, at the minimum a polo shirt, though over the past year I've started fitting back into my nicer button down shirts so I use those. You just gotta realize the appropriate times for when to be a dork and when to not be a dork. I never feel like I'm not being myself because I'm not outwardly being a dork, I feel like I'm being more professional or date-able.

I struggled with prioritizing budgets on what I needed to buy. I hate buying clothes and especially shoes (the selection in size 17 is always not great), but those are the things that tend to get you somewhere, and as much as I love my action figures or LEGO as hobbies, in the end they don't really add anything to what I'm trying to accomplish. I dunno, I've kinda been going through a similar transition that I think you're trying to work through over the past year and finally have settled into a spot thanks to a work friend who took an interest.

So in essence find a better balance that doesn't make me look like a weeabo basement dweller?

 

[always crazy bacon]

Ok, Listen "dork".

What are you doing that would make any woman want you?

Oh you want them to recognise the special star that you are and love every quirky attribute. You're the special one and they should find you?

And they should be hot right? and cool too? maybe they play in a band. and fight in secret undergroud martial arts tournmnents in honour of their shidoshi. Also they are the sole air to a Zaibatzu. Why not go full fantasy?

This is not a healthy thought pattern and you're giving in to it.

Would you for a single second consider going out with your female equivalent?
I doubt it. You'd expect her to be pretty and dress well.

Well then that's the least you can do.

No one said compromise your "integrity", or give up your hobbies etc. They said prioritize.

If you look like shit, wait two months for your next fucking gundam, by a nice pair of jeans and some shirts.
Get a fucking haircut, put some product into, or a cut where it is styled by itself.
Most of all get off your ass.

The aim isn't trying to get people to like you, It's trying to get people to see you at your best.

 

[ZackieChan]

I guess I'm just surprised how important fashion is cause it's probably the last thing I look at when it comes to the person I'm on a date with. I think I care more about mental health than a person looking like crap cause a person that dresses like crap doesn't run the risk of say randomly stabbing me.

Who the fuck are these people you're dating? This is not normal.

Being more attractive (including dressing attractively and doing interesting things) makes you more attractive to high-value partners. It isn't that difficult to understand.

Also, "fashion" doesn't have to be complicated. Focus on classic looks. You don't need to go wild.

 

[Haloid1177]

Holy fuck

It's bad. Ordering tennis shoes online is awful cause the selection of styles in my size always sucks. Dressy shoes are a tad easier to find in stores but it takes a good hour to find a pair that fits comfortably. And 16.5 size isn't a thing (I'm US by the way) so like size 17 is the slightest bit too big but size 16 is way too small and yeah. Know my pain.

So in essence find a better balance that doesn't make me look like a weeabo basement dweller?

Bingo. The me that goes out with my nerdy friends and the me that goes out with work friends or on dates are totally different people in looks and personality, but I don't hate either of them. I did at first resent not being obnoxiously myself with everyone, but I learned by people's responses that it works.

Good example was the last work party I went to. Now our work attire is jeans and a polo, and if you wear a nice button down you're gonna hear about it cause you're overdressed. But when I went to the party and showed up in nice slacks and a tailored dress shirt, my usual work group was like "What the fuck." First time I'd been called sexy in quite some time. It's a matter of time and place.

 

[always crazy bacon]

a person that dresses like crap doesn't run the risk of say randomly stabbing me.

Damn you're tragic.

 

[GKnight]

sweet spring child.

Sometimes legs touch. Doesn't mean she wants to fuck. Sure, I like it when my leg touches the girl next to me too, especially if she is attractive. The only thing this should signal to you is that she doesn't want to be uncomfortable in a car ride and is letting her leg rest on you.

It was just the trepidatious nature of it that made me question. If it was nothing I was wondering why she was testing if I'd move my leg like half a dozen times.

 

[Messofanego]

Aside from that, girl was begging me to go over to her place last night again.
I had to decline as I had early wakeup again, but heading over there in a few hours.

How many fuck buddies have you had? I can't keep count.

 

[JadedWriter]

Who the fuck are these people you're dating? This is not normal.

Being more attractive (including dressing attractively and doing interesting things) makes you more attractive to high-value partners. It isn't that difficult to understand.

Also, "fashion" doesn't have to be complicated. Focus on classic looks. You don't need to go wild.

One of my dates had bi-polar disorder...I did not feel safe with her.

 

[gaiages]

Who the fuck are these people you're dating? This is not normal.

Being more attractive (including dressing attractively and doing interesting things) makes you more attractive to high-value partners. It isn't that difficult to understand.

Also, "fashion" doesn't have to be complicated. Focus on classic looks. You don't need to go wild.

For real. Nice jeans and a correctly fitting polo, and shoes that don't look ten years old. Bam. There's a simple casual outfit for you.

also LOL at the stabbing comment

 

[gaiages]

One of my dates had bi-polar disorder...I did not feel safe with her.

That has nothing to do with how anyone is dressed.

 

[ZackieChan]

One of my dates had bi-polar disorder...I did not feel safe with her.

I've been there, more than you know.
But your comments make it seem like the entire dating pool has mental illness. You're defeating yourself before you've even started.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I guess I'm just surprised how important fashion is cause it's probably the last thing I look at when it comes to the person I'm on a date with. I think I care more about mental health than a person looking like crap cause a person that dresses like crap doesn't run the risk of say randomly stabbing me.

So in essence find a better balance that doesn't make me look like a weeabo basement dweller?

You wear an anime shirt, the types of girls you're going to be able to get are going to be girls with similar tastes in fashion and hobbies. You don't have to find a high-value partner. You can find someone that makes you happy, and has similar interests to you, if you just be yourself. That's the only type of partner you will find, because if you dress that way, you are immediately limiting yourself to that.

Which is fine. Just gonna be more difficult since the pool of candidates is much smaller.

 

[Peltz]

I guess I'm just surprised how important fashion is cause it's probably the last thing I look at when it comes to the person I'm on a date with. I think I care more about mental health than a person looking like crap cause a person that dresses like crap doesn't run the risk of say randomly stabbing me.

Dude.... You said a chick was wife material after the first date. You need to wipe the slate clean completely with both your wardrobe and how you interact with and think about the opposite sex.

Like, stop doing everything you're doing and stop thinking everything you're thinking. It's total reset time, because quite honestly, you're coming off a bit bizarre and scary.

Not getting stabbed is not an attribute you should be "looking for" or "attracted to." It's something you should expect out of every stranger, let alone someone you'd want to actually date. Your standards for both yourself and the opposite sex have to be higher than just "not dangerous." You may actually be beyond help if you don't agree.

 

[Spaced Harrier]

Btw, Is there a picture of the shirt?

For research purposes.

 

[gaiages]

Btw, Is there a picture of the shirt?

For research purposes.

I'm going to take a random shot and say it's a male version of this shirt:

http://hottopic.scene7.com/is/image/HotTopic/10956056_hi?$pdp_hero_zoom$