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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
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Gotdatmoney
Member
Perhaps my perspective on dating is different. For me, all I really look at at the start is if we get along, if we're compatible, that there are no major red flags and if I enjoy being with that person. After that all I really do is take it day by day.
Eventually it's like, "oh I guess we are a real thing now" and then just keep it going. Obviously you gotta have some serious life discussions as things progress but I don't really check the boxes so to speak. There is no need to be disillusioned on certain issues you know will be points of contention but you do have to address them.
You haven't addressed any of the things with this girl you are talking about. Do you want her to be career driven for your sake? Is iy for your parents. Do you know things wont work because you have fundamental incompatibilities? So far the only impression I get it you like her but she doesnt meet a standard. But like you also never addressed the standard with her.
I'm not saying be with her. I'm just saying you have this idea that you're keeping it real and it just strikes me as misguided. 6 months in and you don't wanna be exclusive. There has to be a plain stated reason why.
JadedWriter
Member
Trust me when I say this happens.
We've talked about this. Yes. But in the end I still don't feel comfortable committing to her.
I guess the plain stated reason is that I want to see other people and I'm not getting everything I need out if this relationship. I wish there were a more concrete "why" behind this, and I've mentioned a few factors that are really bothering me. But in the end, it just comes down to the fact that I want something else.
Gotdatmoney
Member
You ruined it when you said "Are you mocking me" tbh.
But I mean, just because someone gives you a number doesnt mean anything. I was at a bar talking to a girl and her friends wanted her to go and I was like "k peace" and she actually gave me her number and was like text me I will find you later. She never found me lol. It's like not a big deal. It happens, you just gotta be like "k cool" and forget about it.
To be honest the initial back and forth texts read really awkward, so doesn't seem insane for her to back out.
always crazy bacon
Banned
I was all ready to post that "Are you mocking me?! Sorry it took me a bit to reply back i'm at my second job. How's your day?".
He ruined it in one sentence because he failed to understand that tone can be hard to gauge just from text alone and that sounds like an aggressive reply to her text. Does not matter what he wrote after that.
Gotdatmoney
Member
So then you know whatchu gotta do. I will say though, you said you wanna keep seeing other people. Is that because you don't get what you need from this relationship or you simply enjoy the freedom and flexibility of being single?
Pretty much. I don't really undeestand the point of starting a text with that with someone you don't know. Live and learn I guess but for reference people "Are you mocking me?!!" is neither a hot, cute, interesting or even really much of anything other than weird. Do not immitate.
EchoChamber
Member
When I try to text something like that I always add a emoji or a hahaha to imply I'm being sacarstic doesn't always work tho.
Oh of course, punctuation in general is critical here. "Are you mocking me 😉" is playful, "are you mocking me ??!!!" is accusatory. Devil's in the details here.
Or maybe she got turned off by the two jobs thing. It's not fair, but that would be a deal breaker for some (if it is, they're not worth your time)
ZackieChan
Member
are you mocking me ??!!!
always crazy bacon
Banned
I play it safe with texts before the first date, no jokes and polite. Dont want to ruin something before its started with a missunderstanding.
lol I just wet my pants ur so funny
I mean I've posted there myself a few times, but I've found it generally not helpful to whatever I was facing at the time, whether it was me ranting or asking for advice. I do think it's important to have a thread like that, however. I don't mean to shit on the thread or anything, it's just... eh, I guess...
Less clothes = more boners I guess lol
But then we'd never have any posts ;p
There was a ranting OT at one point (I find ranting close to self pity, hell I do it a lot), but that died kinda quickly unfortunately.
The thread has its highs and lows, yeah. Right now with summer ramping up we're seeing the lows
Man I completely missed the 'mocking me' thing, yeah her ghosting doesn't seem so weird anymore... and his second reply doesn't make him look all that good...
I think it's the former, not the latter. I was willing to commit to previous girls... those didn't work out, obviously, but I had no reservations about being exclusive with them.
What does this even mean? What is a basic girl?
Megalosaro
Banned
Gonna introduce my girlfriend to my roommates today. Wish me luck.
She wants to have two day trip up to the Hearst Castle. That should be dope
She wants to have two day trip up to the Hearst Castle. That should be dope
I don't want to sound like I'm hardcore in categorizing, but it's like the most generic commonalities between usually white girls like "love to laugh" "adventure" "I'm using this for your dog" and pictures of them making the duck face and posing with their 7 friends at their birthday with numbered balloons.
I googled it and Wikipedia has this weirdly academic article with a probably more demeaning but accurate to the stereotype name.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airhead_(subculture)
Anyway, insult or not, those traits are just incredibly common on Tinder and I find it hard to gel with even when I see a pretty face. It's weird to see so many people that just entirely blend together in a way I'm not familiar with at all is more my problem.
True Savior
Member
Doing dumb shit while being horny is not male-exclusive. She might liked what she saw, asked for the number but eventually got disinterested.
Don't assume people doing dumb shit are evil. Many time we act on impulses and later we regret it and try to fix it.
Just imagine the shit they have to see.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Take the scissors and cut it off then. Seems like the path is clear.
Basic is really more about common projections than about anything deeper.
Are you exactly what your photos project? If getting a bunch of foil balloons to spell out your age is a common thing girls do then so be it. Doesn't imply abything besides "ooooh she had a party and they bought balloons".
All you really need to give a fuck about is if they are attractive and if there is no red flags. Unless, "doing popular shit" is a deal breaker you're just being silly here.
Have you gone on any dates with these girls to see if there was any attraction? Or if their personality was more than the five pics they uploaded?
Count Dookkake
Member
I find that basic is not at all limited in race; it just manifests with different clichéd forms and expression. Regardless, when I trudge through basic profiles, I always wonder who fucks them. What is that person like?
I haven't had any girls match or respond to messages yet like that so I really can't say, I swear I've put up some better pictures and highlight fun interests but I don't think anything I ever post would go far enough to attract those sorts of people anyway - I'm just way outside their sort of bubble and that's probably fine for both of us?
I'm really not trying to be offensive about it, I'm just kind of venting that it's tiring not seeing things that pique my interest much and weird to just feel so out of touch. As lame as it sounds I'm way more about any sort of interesting written bio and obviously Tinder's not really for that.
I really think you're making too many assumptions here and are just limiting your options as a result. Fun pictures are fun, nothing more. Talking to other people is how you decide if they're shallow or not, lol
Next you're going to say you rate the pictures 1 to 10 and take the average to rate them as humans
Well are YOU bothering to be interesting in your messages?
Noooo, I swear I'm not.
I use OkC and I always send a message that tries to ask something fun based on their profile, Tinder just doesn't give you much to grab onto, especially if you're not into that party and travel scene you see on a lot of profiles.
To be honest venting this was probably a bad idea. I put aside those prejudices when swiping, I'm just saying it's in the back of mind as tiring. I want like, a more introvert-dominant Tinder somehow.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Probably was.
You guys are tough, but I guess it's warranted sometimes.
Gotdatmoney
Member
99% of people are not the perfect reflection of what they project in their profiles. As I said, you're taking a bunch of common shit normal people do and using it to project an image on to a multitude of people.
Again, what does foil balloons at a birthday and a bunch of friends pics in dresses say about a person if every single profile is that? All it says is this is common shit that people do.
You just need to play the game man. Things are not what they appear all the time. Social media is a projection. You have to remember that what someone tries to project doesnt come close to telling the whole story.
My tinder page has 3 photos, 2 at bars, 1 at a sporting event. Surprisingly no, I dont only watch sports and drink.
Megalosaro
Banned
Let's talk cologne(or perfume if you're a lady) for a sec.
What ya'll use?
I've been rolling around in stetson black. Stuff smells great.
What ya'll use?
I've been rolling around in stetson black. Stuff smells great.
Edit: Cutting out a response to this, I should really just leave it tbh.
I'm not a fan of cologne or perfume. I like the smell of fresh laundry and use deodorant that smells like it.
I swear if you come back here in a couple weeks/months with a sob story for losing her I'm gonna need to take another break from this thread. A woman with the kind of patience for your BS is not something you'll find again easily.
Peltz reading your excuses this is entirely the shit with your parents. It's the only logical reasoning for what you're doing.
I swear if you come back here in a couple weeks/months with a sob story for losing her I'm gonna need to take another break from this thread. A woman with the kind of patience for your BS is not something you'll find again easily.
If you were getting responses, you'd be a lot less critical. You've tried, failed, and are now trying to retro-rationalize a lack of interest as a defense mechanism. It's like someone else ate the last piece of cake, and now you're thinking "I didn't want it anyway"
Even now, you're editing posts to hide from our critiques. If you want to experience growth, steer into what we have to say. Hell, we have a few people who'll offer honest critiques of your profile, should you be brave enough.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Naw fam, you getting a response.
If you don't wanna play the game whatchu even complaining about then? Not even in a "I should just stop" sense but rather a hating on people cause they conform. Okay, so you're annoyed there is a commonality? Did you think everyone would be a beacon of individuality?
I also think you're full of yourself to an extent. These people are self aware man. They know what they are doing when they post that stuff and you are part of the 90% of guys to their 10% of girls. You don't get to be all "look at these basic bitches" while you're taking an L in matches and they get them by the truckload.
There is more to people than liking normal shit and using them in profiles. If you don't wanna play cool but there is a level of arrogance you are projecting and it's not cool. Do you stand out from the crowd? In a good way? Such that you have a basis to judge these people on 5 pics and like a 500 character bio?
Edit: You shouldn't cut out your posts to hide from honest critique man. No one is saying this shit to drag you down. We're saying it cause if you can't handle that your perspectivw has flaws, you're gonna have a hard time improving. You aren't going full out in your application but we (well at least I) can see that you have some issues that you are projecting on these people.
Count Dookkake
Member
Give me tacos.
I'm swiping right because of your dog.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.
I'm swiping right because of your dog.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.
To be honest, if a girl uses that last one I'm running. There tends to be a lot more worst than best.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Assuming a 30YO guy really cares what his parents think or was it another excuse like his "life plan".
He's got commitment issues and his deflector shields are on full power.
Moose Biscuits
It would be extreamly painful...
I meant more in that you pinned the kind of self-pitying posts I tend to make. Not here that much yet, but it's definitely a pattern of mine in previous forums. I had abstained from posting in the mental health thread as it does seem to be a kind of dumping ground (in an 'everybody posts nobody replies' sense), and self pity only really thrives in an environment where there are normal people to bounce off of.
Making a self-pity OT would be bad for that reason, all non-fuckups would quickly stop posting and it'd turn into an echo chamber of the /r9k/ variety.
I feel like an asshole for thinking it but every time I see that second one or a picture of a girl and her dog I just think "I don't give a fuck about your dog."
This is really all I was trying to get at, really.
I do take advice and have made constant changes. I feel like I'm just getting more responses like the one below that are reading into me way harder than I think I've shown off.
I don't hate people. I don't care that they're successful or not, I'm just not into what they're showing off and everyone's allowed to have that preference.
I do have a bio that matches what I preach and follows advice from this thread, thanks.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Yeah it's boring, and? The girls are not the ones pining for matches. They dont have to project being a special snowflake. They may have a wider catch if they just project nornality frankly. The basic white girl profile doesnt say anything about them as a person.
Last one is always terrible.
Otherwise yeah its boring. But neither is the
"Hey"
"Hi"
"Hello"
Stuff they get either. It's not particularly interesting but it's barely a reflection of who they are.
Okay, I have an open mind. What exactly do you mean by that? What do you consider "commitment issues?" How do you define them?
I get that but it just eventually makes the swiping mind numbing and everyone just starts blending together. At least that's what I remember not liking about Tinder when I used it. That was almost a year ago.
True Savior
Member
Most people are commoners (no malice intended). Why would Tinder be any different?
You seem to generalize as badly as you accuse me of doing - tons of girls are pining for matches. Lots of girls see the appeal of being "special". I'm just complaining it's especially diluted on Tinder and it's fine if that works for them, it's just mind numbing and alienating for me.
I don't have malice for this, more just "huh, weird".
Gotdatmoney
Member
I'm not reading into. You said basic girls make you question if you even like women. Then you said that basic while girls are all the same and uninteresting. Is that suppose to be positive or reflective of "I'm just saying yo, don't infer anything"?
Okay. Like what you like. Do we need to delve into how boring and uninteresting white girls are because "shock and awe" they follow normal trends? People don't post stuff like that just to say.
Okay. That's good.
It's pretty common knowledge woman average much higher match rates than men. It's also common knowledge that the guy to girl ratio on dating apps is skewed.
The rest. Well i said what I wanted to say so I'll just leave it be.
I do find the cultural mismatch on Bumble has gotten into my head a little since I started it. Swiping through an constant feed of pictures of dogs on the beach and sports events and what have you. I'm not looking for my soul mate / Halo coop partner right now so I'd be happy to have a convo about their interests, but I'm not getting matches; which again makes me wonder if I'm just a bad fit for the app.
Compared to my Meetup group every month or so, where I generally get to talk to one or two women about video games or whatever. Shit, I listened to three girls rave about Zelda for a full hour once which was actually kinda hard for me since I can't afford a Switch.
I did go crawling back to OKC recently, and some window shopping has shown a bunch of women more my style. But I was looking forward to some low-effort app dating, which has been belied by swiping for literal hours to no result.
Compared to my Meetup group every month or so, where I generally get to talk to one or two women about video games or whatever. Shit, I listened to three girls rave about Zelda for a full hour once which was actually kinda hard for me since I can't afford a Switch.
I did go crawling back to OKC recently, and some window shopping has shown a bunch of women more my style. But I was looking forward to some low-effort app dating, which has been belied by swiping for literal hours to no result.
Skid 4 Dead
Member
I feel i'm being mocked! So I ruined everything because I didn't use an emoji. Got it. 🙃😊😖
Most of you seem unnecessarily harsh. I'm not mad. I didn't even ask for her number, people! I'm just trying to wrap my mind over giving your number to someone then ignoring them. Clearly i'm the issue. Need to use more emojis. Thanks Gaf. 👍🏼
Most of you seem unnecessarily harsh. I'm not mad. I didn't even ask for her number, people! I'm just trying to wrap my mind over giving your number to someone then ignoring them. Clearly i'm the issue. Need to use more emojis. Thanks Gaf. 👍🏼
That's not the takeaway to get here, but you may leave the thread forever now and never see this.
The point is, she is not going to antagonize when she has already clearly shown interest to you in person. To then come across as offended in the first message is a huge red flag for someone, especially for a woman. She was probably completely thrown off by your reaction.
The point is, she is not going to antagonize when she has already clearly shown interest to you in person. To then come across as offended in the first message is a huge red flag for someone, especially for a woman. She was probably completely thrown off by your reaction.
"if I even like women" was a joke, poorly landed I guess. I didn't mean to focus on white girls, it was just an explanation of the definition. I posted it because I want to date and the amount of profiles that follow a mold I find hard to relate to is common, which makes it slower and more tedious and more unsatisfying. This gripe is more directed at Tinder than the people themselves because they give you no real filter options, and myself for being surprised at what I'm not familiar with. I don't hold ill-will at the women.
This is more what I was trying to get across.
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