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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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T

TheLostBigBoss

Banned
Gotdatmoney said:
I always wonder what the obsession with wanting to be a "nice guy" is? No one wants to date you just cause you're "nice".
Click to expand...


Basically, it's a person trying to be a manipulative asshole who fails miserably because they don't understand friendship doesn't mean people want to suck your dick. "If I'm nice to them, they will fall in love and I'll finally get laid!"
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
Gotdatmoney said:
I always wonder what the obsession with wanting to be a "nice guy" is? No one wants to date you just cause you're "nice".
Click to expand...

Former nice guy here, it's to avoid the risk of rejection (risk, not fear) by demonstrating your attentiveness in the hope that she'll ask you out. Which also has the added benefit of an ego massage. People who say nice guys only do it for sex are wrong (although some do). It's applying one method that works in life in other situations to dating and it just does not work if your not connecting on an attraction level. It just takes one movie or a story of a friend who says they met their girl by being friends first to spur nice guys on into thinking it will work for them. It's just a phase a lot of guys go through when trying to work things out.
 
K

Krauser Kat

Member
This weekend was nuts.

I ended up going out with 2 guy friends the first time in ages. We hit 3 bars. We were standing at this table at a the 2nd bar. Its like an indoor outdoor patio place, great mezcal and awesome Spanish records from the 60s.

There was a girl at the bar with her friend and looks like her friends boyfriend. We had kind of had eye contact a couple times through the night. I ran out of my drink so i went to go order another at the bar next to where she was sitting.

I didnt know what to say so i just kind of stood there. Just racking my brain on how to start a conversation with her. That shit is hard.

Then a blessing. She turns a bit and looks and me and says she loves my glasses. We start talking and it keeps going for probably half an hour. My friends actually bail, and but they forgot to close out. She had to leave and i got her number. Then we go to close out a 4 am bar.

There was this really bored looking girl with blonde hair and huge eyes and this bro looking guy in a graphic t. The guy gets up to go have have a smoke and then she leaves to follow him maybe a minute later after chilling on her phone.

I jokingly said she looked like she was having a ton of fun over there when she walks by. She laughs and says im surprised there wasnt anything more interesting going to watch in the bar. I came back with "You were the most interesting thing in the bar" my friend laughs at me and i cant help but laugh because it was ridiculous. She laughed a bit and then left the bar and ended up standing outside with a cigarette. I was like fuck it and went after her.

I just introduced myself and she tells me she doesn't even smoke but got the cigarette just to show the guy that she could get one if she wanted, its not even lit. I ask if i can get it lit for her, so i take the cig and get it lit and take a puff and give it back to her. we start talking and the guy comes back and they are work friends, but he seems to be trying really hard. Just small talk. My two friends come out and run interference, just because they werent doing anything inside.

Tamale guy shows up and i get everyone tamales, even t shirt dude. I find out she also has a dog and some tattoos and we talk about that, its getting late (around 4am) She is about to leave and im like fuck it and just ask for her number in front of everyone and she just says it out loud.

We ride our bikes back home and go to sleep.

While i was in the bar watching the girl have the boring conversation with her work guy, i made a dinner date with the girl i met at the 2nd bar.

That dinner date was great.
Went on another date on sunday, with her to the MCA and a couple fun places on the lake shore.

im am so fucking tired.

I have a date with the blonde on tuesday.
 
P

Peltz

Member
Just ran into a girl on the subway I dated 5 years ago back in law school. She's a model and a lawyer and... holy shit does she look amazing...

We chatted for a bit and I found out she lives like a block away from me. My heart was thumping the whole time while talking to her... I broke up with her back in law school because I was in an off-and-on relationship with another girl and decided to give the relationship with the other girl a shot. I always regretted that decision. :-(

I didn't ask her out for obvious reasons (I have a gf now), but goddamn... My heart was racing the whole time while talking to her. I am not going to do anything... but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the temptation was incredibly strong.

1xyjD.gif
Click to expand...
 
M

Megalosaro

Banned
always crazy bacon said:
Former nice guy here, it's to avoid the risk of rejection (risk, not fear) by demonstrating your attentiveness in the hope that she'll ask you out. Which also has the added benefit of an ego massage. People who say nice guys only do it for sex are wrong (although some do). It's applying one method that works in life in other situations to dating and it just does not work if your not connecting on an attraction level. It just takes one movie or a story of a friend who says they met their girl by being friends first to spur nice guys on into thinking it will work for them. It's just a phase a lot of guys go through when trying to work things out.
Click to expand...

That kind of attitude piss me of though. You should be nice because it's the right thing to do.

Anyway, I'm feeling really stressed. I tried looking up a doctor to help with my issues. .. but I get so confused by my insurance's doctor tool.
 
T

TheLostBigBoss

Banned
Megalosaro said:
That kind of attitude piss me of though. You should be nice because it's the right thing to do.

Anyway, I'm feeling really stressed. I tried looking up a doctor to help with my issues. .. but I get so confused by my insurance's doctor tool.
Click to expand...

You're missing the point.

It's not being nice to be nice, it's being nice because you think it will lead to sex, with the dudes frustration building as time goes on because nothing happens but he's been so nice!
 
P

PancakeBurglar

Member
Went out on hiking date yesterday, it was alright but I'm not that into the girl so on to the next.

How has coffee meets bagel worked with you guys, thinking of giving it a shot?
 
P

Prime crotch

Banned
TheLostBigBoss said:
You're missing the point.

It's not being nice to be nice, it's being nice because you think it will lead to sex, with the dudes frustration building as time goes on because nothing happens but he's been so nice!
Click to expand...
I don't think people think like that, at least consciously. It's more a case of expectations running unchecked and a lot of society providing this unrealistic goal. I think most guys go through it at some point in life but it seems more pronounced nowadays.
I'm saying this as someone who gets called nice as well, and went through similar thoughts at one time or another.

I still say there's value in being nice, the words gets abused a lot nowadays. Heck, thinking about it, my past relationships happened because my natural tendency has been to (or at least try)be helpful to others even if I'm not polite. More so than when I tried the opposite.. that didn't work well for anyone
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
TheLostBigBoss said:
Basically, it's a person trying to be a manipulative asshole who fails miserably because they don't understand friendship doesn't mean people want to suck your dick. "If I'm nice to them, they will fall in love and I'll finally get laid!"
Click to expand...

I might believe that if you are in high school or some shit. But grown ass men should know that friends dont fuck you cause you are nice. I feel there has to be more to it than that.

always crazy bacon said:
Former nice guy here, it's to avoid the risk of rejection (risk, not fear) by demonstrating your attentiveness in the hope that she'll ask you out. Which also has the added benefit of an ego massage. People who say nice guys only do it for sex are wrong (although some do). It's applying one method that works in life in other situations to dating and it just does not work if your not connecting on an attraction level. It just takes one movie or a story of a friend who says they met their girl by being friends first to spur nice guys on into thinking it will work for them. It's just a phase a lot of guys go through when trying to work things out.
Click to expand...

This seems more reasonable.

Brothers gotta get it through their head, "nice" is not the basis of attraction. Lots of assholes get girls. We all know this, why would you play the nice guy angle if it isn't working for you?
 
P

Peltz

Member
always crazy bacon said:
Former nice guy here, it's to avoid the risk of rejection (risk, not fear) by demonstrating your attentiveness in the hope that she'll ask you out. Which also has the added benefit of an ego massage. People who say nice guys only do it for sex are wrong (although some do). It's applying one method that works in life in other situations to dating and it just does not work if your not connecting on an attraction level. It just takes one movie or a story of a friend who says they met their girl by being friends first to spur nice guys on into thinking it will work for them. It's just a phase a lot of guys go through when trying to work things out.
Click to expand...

Yea... it's good you realized it for yourself and changed your behavior. It seems a lot of men aren't as lucky or in touch. I also don't think being superficially/unauthentically nice works in literally any situation, let alone in relationships.

If you have to try too hard, it's probably not worth it. There's a difference between putting in the right amount of effort, and being a doormat that feels entitled for "sacrificing so much".

velociraptor said:
Depends on the situation though.
Click to expand...

Nah.
 
N

Neoweee

Member
PancakeBurglar said:
Went out on hiking date yesterday, it was alright but I'm not that into the girl so on to the next.

How has coffee meets bagel worked with you guys, thinking of giving it a shot?
Click to expand...

The best of the apps. People generally want to meet up, and the app is structured to encourage meeting up. It's a mix between Tinder and OKC in terms of importance of pictures vs. genuine texting conversations. 3~4 messages back and forth, and then try to schedule a meeting.

(I haven't used Tinder in a long time, though, and I'd probably have much better success now that I'm in shape and have better pictures.)
 
Z

ZackieChan

Member
Gotdatmoney said:
I might believe that if you are in high school or some shit. But grown ass men should know that friends dont fuck you cause you are nice. I feel there has to be more to it than that.



This seems more reasonable.

Brothers gotta get it through their head, "nice" is not the basis of attraction. Lots of assholes get girls. We all know this, why would you play the nice guy angle if it isn't working for you?
Click to expand...

They're playing 4th dimensional chess like this guy
original-16805-1424914242-9.png


Playing the anti-asshole
 
T

TheLostBigBoss

Banned
Gotdatmoney said:
I might believe that if you are in high school or some shit. But grown ass men should know that friends dont fuck you cause you are nice. I feel there has to be more to it than that.
Click to expand...

Well, that's where it usually starts, that's my experience with it back in high school. Most people figure stuff out and grow out of it.
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
ZackieChan said:
They're playing 4th dimensional chess like this guy
original-16805-1424914242-9.png


Playing the anti-asshole
Click to expand...

I might understand that if it was actually working lol. If the nice guy routine actually produced results then by all means go for it. If you are just taking an L using it maybe accept you aint cut out for it and stop using a losing strategy.

TheLostBigBoss said:
Well, that's where it usually starts, that's my experience with it back in high school. Most people figure stuff out and grow out of it.
Click to expand...

Yeah but if it was a high school thing it shouldnt really be much of a discussion past 18 year olds. I feel like a lotta people think its a viable strategy.

The only viable stategies are the ones that work for you bruh lol.

Leeness said:
Except they end up being the biggest asshole.
Click to expand...

I mean maybe but the L they are taking might actually be resolved if they just acted like an asshole from the start. That's why its so funny.
 
M

Messofanego

Banned
Krauser Kat said:
This weekend was nuts.

I ended up going out with 2 guy friends the first time in ages. We hit 3 bars. We were standing at this table at a the 2nd bar. Its like an indoor outdoor patio place, great mezcal and awesome Spanish records from the 60s.

There was a girl at the bar with her friend and looks like her friends boyfriend. We had kind of had eye contact a couple times through the night. I ran out of my drink so i went to go order another at the bar next to where she was sitting.

I didnt know what to say so i just kind of stood there. Just racking my brain on how to start a conversation with her. That shit is hard.

Then a blessing. She turns a bit and looks and me and says she loves my glasses. We start talking and it keeps going for probably half an hour. My friends actually bail, and but they forgot to close out. She had to leave and i got her number. Then we go to close out a 4 am bar.

There was this really bored looking girl with blonde hair and huge eyes and this bro looking guy in a graphic t. The guy gets up to go have have a smoke and then she leaves to follow him maybe a minute later after chilling on her phone.

I jokingly said she looked like she was having a ton of fun over there when she walks by. She laughs and says im surprised there wasnt anything more interesting going to watch in the bar. I came back with "You were the most interesting thing in the bar" my friend laughs at me and i cant help but laugh because it was ridiculous. She laughed a bit and then left the bar and ended up standing outside with a cigarette. I was like fuck it and went after her.

I just introduced myself and she tells me she doesn't even smoke but got the cigarette just to show the guy that she could get one if she wanted, its not even lit. I ask if i can get it lit for her, so i take the cig and get it lit and take a puff and give it back to her. we start talking and the guy comes back and they are work friends, but he seems to be trying really hard. Just small talk. My two friends come out and run interference, just because they werent doing anything inside.

Tamale guy shows up and i get everyone tamales, even t shirt dude. I find out she also has a dog and some tattoos and we talk about that, its getting late (around 4am) She is about to leave and im like fuck it and just ask for her number in front of everyone and she just says it out loud.

We ride our bikes back home and go to sleep.

While i was in the bar watching the girl have the boring conversation with her work guy, i made a dinner date with the girl i met at the 2nd bar.

That dinner date was great.
Went on another date on sunday, with her to the MCA and a couple fun places on the lake shore.

im am so fucking tired.

I have a date with the blonde on tuesday.
Click to expand...

That's cute that she initiated. Simply, that's all you gotta do, find something about them to compliment (earrings, shoes, dress, etc) and go from there. Anyway, good on you.
 
L

Leeness

Member
ZackieChan said:
Just like the movie. Better off starting a land war in Asia than attempting to escape the friend zone
Click to expand...

Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Gotdatmoney said:
I mean maybe but the L they are taking might actually be resolved if they just acted like an asshole from the start. That's why its so funny.
Click to expand...

They're assholes who think they are nice. They think being an "asshole" means treating women horribly, when in reality, Nice Guys are much more insidious.
 
N

Neoweee

Member
TheLostBigBoss said:
Well, that's where it usually starts, that's my experience with it back in high school. Most people figure stuff out and grow out of it.
Click to expand...

High School, and to a less extent, undergrad, is really the peak in terms of having a gender balance in one's daily life. Less friend-zoning/nice-guying later is a combination of growing out of it (a lot of guys have the one true friend-zoning that they learn from), and the situation where it could easily happen just stop arising all that much later in life.

A bunch of the criticism basically feels like punching down on people in their teens and early twenties that haven't had a lot of dating success, and don't understand why.

Krauser Kat said:
This weekend was nuts.

.....

That dinner date was great.
Went on another date on sunday, with her to the MCA and a couple fun places on the lake shore.

im am so fucking tired.
Click to expand...

I don't have the stamina or the sleep schedule for that kind of thing, but . How many nights per week are you going on dates at this point?

(Also, I think the Murakami exhibit at the MCA is awesome. I haven't been there in decades, though, so I don't have much of a point of comparison)
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Leeness said:
They're assholes who think they are nice. They think being an "asshole" means treating women horribly, when in reality, Nice Guys are much more insidious.
Click to expand...

I dunno. I feel like the reason we dislike TM Nice Guy is because they are ultimately not getting the win in the end and are mad about it. If they actually are successful at it they may still suck as people but we just dislike them for the same reason we dislike anyone.

Like, w/e people think about Veloci he still has as gf so he isn't really taking the traditional nice guy L.

I also may be alone in this but I don't really care if someone is an ass. I dont have to fucks with that person and if their SO is willing to put up with it I dont see why I should care further than that.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
Megalosaro said:
Anyway, I'm feeling really stressed. I tried looking up a doctor to help with my issues. .. but I get so confused by my insurance's doctor tool.
Click to expand...

I had to do a doctor search recently and I just found it easier to search doctors in my area via Google then finding out if they took my insurance. Of course, my insurance is the one that the state government uses so like 99% of doctors take it... but it still seems easier than using the crappy search the insurance company has.

Why yes I go off topic in Dating GAF all the time why do you ask
 
L

Leeness

Member
Gotdatmoney said:
I dunno. I feel like the reason we dislike TM Nice Guy is because they are ultimately not getting the win in the end and are mad about it. If they actually are successful at it they may still suck as people but we just dislike them for the same reason we dislike anyone.

Like, w/e people think about Veloci he still has as gf so he isn't really taking the traditional nice guy L.

I also may be alone in this but I don't really care if someone is an ass. I dont have to fucks with that person and if their SO is willing to put up with it I dont see why I should care further than that.
Click to expand...

It's not that they aren't getting what they want...it's that they treat what they want like commodities, have no regard for what they want, make what they want uncomfortable, and then blame all this on what they want in the first place.

Nice Guys (tm) are insidious. :/

TheLostBigBoss said:
That's basically where I was getting at.
Click to expand...

👌👍
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Leeness said:
It's not that they aren't getting what they want...it's that they treat what they want like commodities, have no regard for what they want, make what they want uncomfortable, and then blame all this on what they want in the first place.

Nice Guys (tm) are insidious. :/
Click to expand...

It seems your defining Nice Guy more as a thought process and I'm defining it more as a strategy. Probably where the confusion comes from.
 
N

Neoweee

Member
Leeness said:
It's not that they aren't getting what they want...it's that they treat what they want like commodities, have no regard for what they want, make what they want uncomfortable, and then blame all this on what they want in the first place.

Nice Guys (tm) are insidious. :/
Click to expand...

How often does it happen? How old were you the last time it happened?
 
W

WolfeTone

Member
Widdle Puppy said:
how do you not feel jealous?

is it just something to accept?
Click to expand...

Need more details to give a proper answer.

That being said, realize that no one owes your their time or their affections. If you're in the early stages of dating, it is normal and should be expected that you are dating other people. Until you have a talk about being exclusive, assume the person you're dating is also seeing other people and yes sometimes they might like the other people more than you.

Don't get invested in someone who hasn't made a commitment to you. It's okay to like someone, have a crush and be attracted to someone, but don't fool yourself into thinking going on a few dates makes someone your boyfriend/girlfriend.
 
W

Widdle Puppy

Banned
WolfeTone said:
Need more details to give a proper answer.

That being said, realize that no one owes your their time or their affections. If you're in the early stages of dating, it is normal and should be expected that you are dating other people. Until you have a talk about being exclusive, assume the person you're dating is also seeing other people and yes sometimes they might like the other people more than you.

Don't get invested in someone who hasn't made a commitment to you. It's okay to like someone, have a crush and be attracted to someone, but don't fool yourself into thinking going on a few dates makes someone your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Click to expand...

Yea.... I know all this and agree, but I am still feeling the emotion of jealousy.
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Widdle Puppy said:
Yea.... I know all this and agree, but I am still feeling the emotion of jealousy.
Click to expand...

It's fine if you feel jealousy. You don't need to convince yourself you aren't jealous. What you do need to do is not allow your jealousy to sneak into how you handle situations or treat others. If you can't do that around those people remove yourself from those situations.

Battling jealousy is about understanding your own worth and that what others have is not your concern. But there aint any point in pretending you arent if you are.

MrMatt555 said:
HEY! lol.
Click to expand...

Please dip the fuck outta that situation. Holy fuck. For your own sake.
 
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