LookAtMeGo
Member
Its victoria on vancouver island. Just a ferry ride away but the pop is only 100 thou. Not too big. But nice. Im at a free concert on the inner harbour. Pretty sweet place
I should prolly still fuck her tho.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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Oh yeah, I went on vacation to Victoria before. It's pretty nice, I'm kind of jealous.
The dark side of relationships are no joke, abusive ones especially. but it astonishes me to see a lot of my (fake) "woke" acquaintances victim blaming the victim of abuse for not leaving the relationship. they advocate against the abuser and then belittle those that stick around. how hypocritical can one be, especially when they probably have never experienced abuse from a family member or SO.
always crazy bacon
Banned
That's one side of the coin, the easy way out. However with emotions in the mix it's not so easy to just get out or see that you need to when you are in the middle of a relationship as emotion clouds you view. A lot of the advice we give in his topic is obvious and the right thing to do but the person receiving g that advice needs to accept it and realise that thier emotions are clouding thier objectivity. .
Yeah, people in those situations often don't understand the mental effects abusive relationships have, but it can be understandable why they victim blame. To them, from the outside, the whole situation looks downright absurd... to everyone BUT the victim, the abusive shit can be super obvious, and you have to ask "why the fuck can't they even see it", but the whole thing about abusive relationships is that there's mental mindfuckery and manipulation at play. Thinking back on my abusive relationship there were SO many people that were like "yo, that's not cool, you should break up" but in the relationship my mind was a mix of "they don't understand/they don't see the good stuff/I'm not perfect either" that I didn't bother to listen. Looking back they were all right, but it took being distanced from that relationship to learn how abusive mentally it was.
Gotdatmoney
Member
It's not victim blaming to tell someone in an abusive relationship to leave. If that person does not want to hear what everyone is telling them and stick in that situation they can but you can't expect everyone around to just be like "oh okay that's cool too" while there is a blatantly obvious problem. You think if everyone shuts up and says nothing shit will fix itself?
ZackieChan
Member
When keeping it "woke" goes wrong
even if there are obvious problems, you don't shift anger toward the victim when they say they don't want to leave. you show compassion for their situation and try to understand why they want to stay and reason with them on why they should leave. if you don't want to do that, then turn around and walk away from them. telling a victim to "eat shit" because of their relationship is childish.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Is Tinder trash now? All these girls look fake with these model quality pics and all scantily clad.
Should I switch to Bumble?
I'm just trying to back on the horse. No games or anything.
Should I switch to Bumble?
I'm just trying to back on the horse. No games or anything.
I haven't tried Bumble but yes spam accounts have been becoming more prominent on tinder. Report them and keep it pushing.
In my experience, Bumble is the same shit.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Alright. I'll just trudge along and report these shitty bots.
I'll report back if anything worthwhile develops.
I'll report back if anything worthwhile develops.
Gotdatmoney
Member
You think reasoning with them over and over and over is conductive tp a result? I don't. Not that I think being mean is useful but that isn't what you originally said. And if everyone just abandons that person because they wont listen would you be saying "hey its cool to leave them in their time of need"? No probably not.
Bumble is a shitshow like that. I wish there was an Swipe Next 20 option (either way, same result) to get to the "normal" part of the queue.
It is one of the reasons why I don't use the app that often.
I suggested it. Don't remember what the context was though. Lol.
velociraptor
Junior Member
What is the best way to convince your girl to eat healthy?
She's slim and exercises, but she's been eating so much crap that it's strongly bothering me. I do not want her to ruin her physique. Tbh, I have strong opinions on people who disregard their health and the prospect of her gaining weight stresses me out very, very much.
I told her she shouldn't be eating so much junk, and most of her diet should be healthy. However, she said 'I want to be free, and I don't want anyone to control me'.
Past few weeks it's been cakes, cookies, pies, crisps, chocolate, popcorn, milkshakes, ice cream. Just consistently.
I'm considering leaving her unless she changes her act. Not sure if I should threaten her with this.
She's slim and exercises, but she's been eating so much crap that it's strongly bothering me. I do not want her to ruin her physique. Tbh, I have strong opinions on people who disregard their health and the prospect of her gaining weight stresses me out very, very much.
I told her she shouldn't be eating so much junk, and most of her diet should be healthy. However, she said 'I want to be free, and I don't want anyone to control me'.
Past few weeks it's been cakes, cookies, pies, crisps, chocolate, popcorn, milkshakes, ice cream. Just consistently.
I'm considering leaving her unless she changes her act. Not sure if I should threaten her with this.
artsi
Member
You should not, it won't do anything good.
She's free to eat what she wants, and you're free to leave her if your lifestyles don't match.
But TBH I eat junk all the time yet I'm in very good shape because I work out a lot. If she's fit despite all then what's the problem?
Count Dookkake
Member
Blame her for farts, real or imagined.
Megalosaro
Banned
You're stressing over a fake problem. If it's not an issue, then let it be. If she's got, she's fine.
In any case, I have strong opinions on people who have strong opinions about other people's health.
Maybe you knocked her up and she's having cravings
velociraptor
Junior Member
Fit for now, but these calories add up very quickly. She's eating a considerable amount of calories daily.
All fat people were once slim.
Count Dookkake
Member
And most people, once fat, don't get slim again.
SoldierOfLight
Member
With my ex wife, we were both very fit and skinny until we got married. Then you gain those marriage pounds. I did get strict with her eating habits. So she didn't exactly lose the weight but also didn't get fatter.
Now I'm in your same situation with my new gf. She can eat a ton of junk and also drinks beer daily yet she looks great. Although I have noticed a slight weight increase so now i am concerned about her eating habits and don't know how to approach it since she is also not wanting someone to tell her what to do.
.
Seems like a bit of an overreaction considering she's... Not fat, but if it bothers you so much just leave her and find someone who doesn't bother you as much.
EDIT: I wonder how y'all are gonna deal when everyone gets older and those metabolisms slow down and we all look like shit, lol
I mean, what is he going to do? Either accept it or move on because he's already asked and she gave her answer.
LucidMomentum
Member
Stop reminding me pls.
Fuck traveling for work has ruined what little progress I had been making this year on my diet and exercise. It's been mentally and physically draining.
I did hook up a couple of times though which was nice, but that's not the same as finding someone to date long term of course.
Lead by example. If she doesn't eat healthy with you doing that, then I'd just leave her.
To me, a girl who eats like shit is just as bad as a girl who smokes cigarettes or drinks too much. It's not for me.
Dating and dieting shouldn't be occupying the same thought process in your mind. Yes, they can be related, and yes, there could be some cause and effect there. But you should be dieting because you want to, not because it will lead to better results with girls. (This may already be obvious to you, and if so, please disregard my comment).
velociraptor
Junior Member
Marriage only gains you pounds if you don't care about your eating habits and exercise.
Which is precisely why it's so important to stamp out all bad habits at this stage.
She doesn't want to be controlled, sure, but it's for her own damn benefit. If only more people were open to reason and logic.
velociraptor
Junior Member
Yes she is well aware of how I conduct myself. I do not eat out, track my macros religiously and gym 4-5x a week no matter what.
She said 'yes, great, control yourself, but not me'.
Seems like leading by example isn't working. May well have to threaten her 'fine, if you're going to keep this up, I'll go find someone else to replace you'.
That's the wrong vocabulary to use but the right response. Simply say you aren't compatible with someone who eats like that. Not as a threat, but as an honest statement.
Count Dookkake
Member
Pretty much, there's not much else to do at this point. It wasn't even a "maybe I'll think about it" it was a flat out no lolol
Bruh I feel ya. Worked hard for two months, like super hard, lost about 15lbs... took a week off last week, regained 7lbs and only lost 2 of them over this week. Shit is rough as fuck, even though I KNOW it's just water weight clinging onto me because it just wants to
Despite it being logical that the weight WILL drop off eventually, whew, it's tough. And don't forget the people that will try to sabotage you, if you have negative dirtbags like that around you
That's kind of an... extreme statement to make, especially considering how extreme you take your fitness regime:
That's a high as fuck standard for fitness to hold anyone to, even someone that cares about their health. I mean it's great you're doing that for yourself, but you definitely can't force anyone to do anything close to that.
And what's with all the threatening and underlying anger about all this? If you don't like it, just move on and find someone whose lifestyle matches up with yours better.
velociraptor
Junior Member
I'm just a little peeved off. We've just had a big argument over this and now she's in a complete ignore mode.
I like her a lot and she has a lot of good qualities but this is really stressing me out. I admit I am very OCD when it comes to things like this, and let's be honest, not easy to meet and find someone.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to spend at least 4 hours a week exercising and to eat 80% of your diet from home cooked sources. I'm not suggesting you should go crazy and eat gluten free but eat reasonably healthy. However convincing her is difficult.
It's not THAT high of a standard. But I agree he should not be mad if she doesn't want to live her life that way. He's in a conditional relationship... which is not a good thing.
It's one thing to want what's best for her fitness-wise, it's another to be pissed when she doesn't act the way he demands she acts.
Look, either you accept her for who she is or you don't. But don't try to change her. You can help her make positive changes she wants to make, but you shouldn't force obligations on her she doesnt want for herself. If she doesn't meet your standards then you have different views on fitness. If those views are ones you hold dear, then maybe you aren't compatible and should break up.
I know I wouldn't date someone who wasn't super into fitness. My girl and I do yoga, hike, run, cook, workout and generally do a lot of healthy stuff together. It's a big part of our lifestyle and it's even part of her career. But it's never forced. It's just who she is. Occasionally, she'll want to sit on the couch when I want us to run on a Saturday morning, but it takes very little convincing and she always agrees after I say "come on" the second or third time.
There are plenty of girls like that out there too. So maybe you just need to find someone who is in your lane?
Finally got around to reading "Models". It was a really good read and contained a lot to think about. I enjoyed this book quite a bit, along with "The subtle art of not giving a fuck", although I think this one was much more focused ("Subtle art" meandered a little bit too much IMO). I'll probably read Models through a few more times.
I moved on to "no more mr. nice guy" and it's way harder to get into for me. Maybe it's just the psych stuff in the first half, or I just don't really understand the type of person they are talking about. I know this book is a bit older, but the author's definition of "nice guy" seems different than the one we use around here. I don't consider myself a nice guy anymore, although I know I've shown some of that behavior in the past (when we talk here about "nice guy"-ism at least, the book seems like it's on a different trajectory). I'll keep going but it honestly looks like an entirely different phenomenon.
I moved on to "no more mr. nice guy" and it's way harder to get into for me. Maybe it's just the psych stuff in the first half, or I just don't really understand the type of person they are talking about. I know this book is a bit older, but the author's definition of "nice guy" seems different than the one we use around here. I don't consider myself a nice guy anymore, although I know I've shown some of that behavior in the past (when we talk here about "nice guy"-ism at least, the book seems like it's on a different trajectory). I'll keep going but it honestly looks like an entirely different phenomenon.
Some really comforting language you're using there :/
And y'all don't remind me that big people who get (somewhat) thin struggle to keep it off 😭 I've kept it off since 2014 so far, but it's hard, especially when I'm constantly injured and depressed.
Geez man. You need to loosen up. Partly because you can't get by stressing out over things you can't control, and partly because she shouldn't have to be with someone who lords over her life right down to her diet.
Gotta be honest with you, this in particular sounds really fucked up. I definitely don't blame her for ignoring you.
Dude, yeah, that sounds super manipulative.
Are you controlling of her in other aspects of your lives? Has it occurred to you that she might be going crazy on the junk food as a way to regain some control over her own life/habits?
Ron Mexico
Member
Just an FYI--this mindset is gross. Today it's her eating habits, what's tomorrow's thing to control?
I was the guy you're portraying now except substitute physical health for mental. Learned a lot of lessons along the way but the most important one is you can be the support and the motivation for someone to change, but you sure as shit can't force it.
Peltz is giving you advice that it took me a long time to truly understand-- you need someone who aligns with you because it's who they are not because you imposed your will.
Is it weird for a 28 yr old (me) to go out with a 21 year old? It's within the age/2+7 rule, just barely.
I don't really expect anything from it, but the main convo I've been carrying on OKC has been with someone that age, and it would be good to get out there since I've been out of dating for over half a year.
I don't really expect anything from it, but the main convo I've been carrying on OKC has been with someone that age, and it would be good to get out there since I've been out of dating for over half a year.
Models and the Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck both changed my life. Very great books.
Is it weird for a 28 yr old (me) to go out with a 21 year old? It's within the age/2+7 rule, just barely.
I don't really expect anything from it, but the main convo I've been carrying on OKC has been with someone that age, and it would be good to get out there since I've been out of dating for over half a year.
It's as weird as you make it. There are reasons why it might be a bad idea (maturity, life experience, what you're looking for), but the best way to test the presence of those issues is to meet her.
Is it weird for a 28 yr old (me) to go out with a 21 year old? It's within the age/2+7 rule, just barely.
I don't really expect anything from it, but the main convo I've been carrying on OKC has been with someone that age, and it would be good to get out there since I've been out of dating for over half a year.
We get this question all the time. Next OP it needs to needs to be added.
It's not weird. Date who you want. Y'all are adults. Just don't control her macros or whatever the fuck is going on just above ...
Attack You
Member
I think once you hit the drinking age, there's nothing worth discussing aside from whether or not you can deal with the maturity level.Is it weird for a 28 yr old (me) to go out with a 21 year old? It's within the age/2+7 rule, just barely.
I don't really expect anything from it, but the main convo I've been carrying on OKC has been with someone that age, and it would be good to get out there since I've been out of dating for over half a year.
Jzero
Member
Pretty much, i won't date anyone under 21.
You sound like a dang tyrant.
Did this situation lead you to ask, "why do girls get offended by everything?"
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