I do agree. The guy on the right can pick up women if he fixed himself up and took a better picture.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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I do agree. The guy on the right can pick up women if he fixed himself up and took a better picture.
Wear better clothes. I have gotten from no compliments to compliments from nearly everyone around me once I started getting well-fitting clothes. And my face hasn't changed.
And the guy on the left could also probably be made 'ugly' if he was badly groomed, bad haircut, bad lighting, no makeup, bad angle/picture.
True that.
always crazy bacon
Banned
worked this out myself in 1996, did a whole wardrobe change and got my first hot girlfriend the same month. Biggest lesson, stop wearing T-shirts with your favorite movie/game or funny image on them.
Clay Davis
Member
ldar247, I have been following your posts and I see a lot of what I used to be in them. I have been in a similar frame of mind where I believed I was ugly and wouldn't be able to attract anyone or be happy.
For me, it was from an abusive relationship where she would regularly tell me I was ugly, unlovable, fat and unattractive. It went on for so long I internalised a lot of what she was saying and after the relationship was finally over, I believed with every fiber of my being that she was right, that I was ugly and unattractive.
I would walk down the street with my head down, I couldn't make eye contact with anyone, shop cashiers would say hello and I'd shy away from replying and looking at them. It took a long, long time for me to realise I actually wasn't as ugly or unattractive as she had convinced me I was.
Here I am today.
http://imgur.com/wSAYgd8
There was I time I couldn't have done this and as cliched as it might be to say, I can only do it now because I've come to terms with myself and learnt to love myself for who I am and what I have to offer. If you can't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else do it? I've been there too, seeking validation from other people, it only makes you desperate and clingy.
I'm in a relationship with a girl who is so out of my league I'm positive people see us walking down the street and think she's taking pity on me or is with me because I'm rich (I am not I'm sorry to say), but it's neither of those things. We met on a bus, talked a bit and things went there. It' was fortunate that we met at a time I was realising that I'm not ugly, that I should believe in myself more and try to be confident, it also also helped that I had lost some weight and started to dress well too.
It's not easy, please don't think for a second that I'm suggesting it is, even today I struggle with it and have days I look in the mirror and think I'm ugly and undeserving of such an amazing girlfriend, but I have to remind myself that no, I'm not that ugly and yes I am deserving of the relationship I have.
I don't know how to end this and leave you with some words of wisdom, I'm not very good at articulating myself sometimes, but I hope reading this might encourage you to see that you're not as ugly as you've convinced yourself you are and that with some changes to your outlook and clothes choices, you can and will find happiness.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Inspiring story, thanks for taking the time to share.
Your best picture is a neutral expression? You can't smile or something?
Also a profile is supposed to reflect you, as an individual. Copypasta someone else's profile is working against yourself.
But I realize you're just trying to show how right you are (irregardless of the fact that unless you're the hottest of the hottest male specimen, you aren't going to get likes/messages by just sitting there), so you keep on keeping on.
lol welcome back.
Friday messages me asking what time I was gonna train on saturday. My friend gets wasted on friday and doesn't make it to the gym, so it's just me and her for a while until another friend of mine comes later. She follows my type of training, we start squatting and she asks me to spot her while she was wearing her see through yoga pants. WTF. She knows what she's doing:
(ノಠ益ಠ
Actually she probably doesn't cuz like most yoga pants/fitness leggings are seethrough when you squat and most women do not realize this.
I've personally given up finding an affordable pair of leggings that pass the squat test and just either wear dark panties or a long shirt to cover my ass.
A+ post
PancakeBurglar
Member
Great post Clay Davis, I too for a long time thought I was hopeless when it came to dating but I put in some work and I don't struggle finding dates anymore. Putting in the work and effort will pay off and also going in with the right attitude.
Could be a number of reasons but regardless, don't fall into a nice-guy friend routine if you still have feelings for her and don't expect anything to happen
Incendiary
Banned
What do you guys consider well-fitting? I'm 5'8" ~180 and have kind of broad shoulders. Mediums always feel too tight in my chest to be comfortable but larges are a little too long and loose (even after washing). I usually stick with larges though just because I'd rather be comfortable.
I also have an unhealthy obsession with plaid/checkered designs in my shirts for work which I think I need to fix.
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Was supposed to meet up with this girl yesterday (which was arranged about 3 days prior) in which she cancelled saying, "Sorry I forgot dude, I made other plans" and then I read her Snapchat story (because that's always a good thing) where she's making plans with another dude who's way better looking than I am for that very same night. Now I'm listening to "I Don't Care Anymore" by Phil Collins on loop for the past hour.
Was really confident about this one too. Such is life I guess.
Was really confident about this one too. Such is life I guess.
[KoRp]Jazzman
Member
The upside (which you should focus on) is that you dont have to waste your time and money going on a date with a POS person.
Was supposed to meet up with this girl yesterday (which was arranged about 3 days prior) in which she cancelled saying, "Sorry I forgot dude, I made other plans" and then I read her Snapchat story (because that's always a good thing) where she's making plans with another dude who's way better looking than I am for that very same night. Now I'm listening to "I Don't Care Anymore" by Phil Collins on loop for the past hour.
Was really confident about this one too. Such is life I guess.
Did you dirt, but erase that number and keep it moving
If you have a 'not normal' body type (aka, most people tbqh, clothes sizes are bullshit), you generally have to get things tailored. So like you'd take that large in and get it refitted to your specific body type. Obviously you wouldn't want to drop the money on everything you own, but it is always a good idea to get a few nice outfits tailored to your body type.
I just want to highlight this. THIS. It may be a dating-GAF cliche but I don't care. If you can't love yourself, you won't even BELIEVE that anyone else really can. It's a self defeating narrative! Learning to love yourself for who you are and focusing on the things that make you great (and everyone has their strong suits) and then emphasizing those positive things makes all the difference.
I used to tell myself constantly that I hated myself. It almost became a reflex every time someone rejected me or I messed up. I consciously started contradicting myself when this happened ("I hate myself. Wait, no I don't, I'm actually pretty awesome.") and over time this internal narrative switched. I'm a happier, better-adjusted man with a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship now. It's not easy to change that narrative but it is worth it.
yeah, this, for best fitting clothes you'll always need a tailor.
I have a huge neck and broad ass shoulders so trying to wear XL shirts is like asphyxiating myself but XXL is like wearing a poncho.
I also can't wear hats from the store because of my pumpkin ass 26" head. One of my friends thought it was hilarious that my head was bigger 'round than her waist (21" or something like that)
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
[KoRp]Jazzman;236893488 said:
Right? You think you know someone and then shit like this sneaks you under the rug. Knew her for months and never thought it would happen like this. So naive of me. I'm just in a real nihilistic drek I know I can get myself out of with time. Until then;
timetokill
Banned
Good point! I keep forgetting to mention that
I need to get in on another one of those games pretty soon, too!
Gotdatmoney
Member
You can't wear snap backs?
nope, not even at the largest notch. my big ol' fivehead has no choice but to remain uncovered. might get a pic sometime of me trying to wear a hat.
True Savior
Member
Was supposed to meet up with this girl yesterday (which was arranged about 3 days prior) in which she cancelled saying, "Sorry I forgot dude, I made other plans" and then I read her Snapchat story (because that's always a good thing) where she's making plans with another dude who's way better looking than I am for that very same night. Now I'm listening to "I Don't Care Anymore" by Phil Collins on loop for the past hour.
Was really confident about this one too. Such is life I guess.
I don't know all the details but from what you said she cancelled and didn't lied it seems. I dont know why would she be a pos as another poster said. She's just not interested in you. I understand the situation might be shitty to you but at least you wont waste your time.
Full of jealousy right now....
She's small, like 5'1"
I have another friend that's like 5' and wears girls XS clothing at age 29. She works as a manager and people keep telling her at her job that "they have a kid in high school and you already have a job at their age!". the funnier part is everyone else in her family is 6' or higher. she's the only one that got the short gene
Gotdatmoney
Member
A 21" waist seems extremely unlikely. Like that is only a few inches bigger than the arms of people I know and that is really not striking me as realistic. You would have to be exceptionally thin for that to be a thing.
Yea the fact that we live in the same apartment building is the only reason why I tolerate the fact that we still hang out together occasionally, after she moves out next month I don't expect/plan to see her anymore.
Although the "nice guy" thing is something that has been bothering me for a while not sure whether I do it or not I just have no idea how to "fix" it.
[KoRp]Jazzman
Member
Had she actually backed out of their plans in a normal/respectful way sure, but if her response was honestly "Sorry I forgot dude, I made other plans" than yeah she is a pretty awful person. She should have never agreed to it in the first place if she wasn't interested.
Don't be, that sounds almost grossly underweight
"Nice" guys get upset when they do things for a potential girlfriend, but don't get anything in return (relationship/sex). Generally they view women and favors like a vending machine--put favor coins in, sex comes out.
From your posts, it doesn't seem like you're doing that.
You should take my yoga pants thing to heart tho, for real, I doubt she was enticing you with dat ass
Well, one wants to gain more but has trouble gaining just due to genetics, and the other wants to gain more but she has Crohns so it's like double hard mode since her colon doubles her over in pain if she tries to eat anything more than unbreaded chicken thighs. So technically also genetics. and once again, they're both really really short.
either way it was supposed to be an example of how large my cabeza is, not really inviting remarks on the size of my friends.
timetokill
Banned
It sucks when people think you are "nice" guying them when you're literally just trying to be nice though. No girl, I bought your groceries because you're gonna cook for me and because you're poorer than I am, not because I'm expecting you to sleep with me right after.
probably gonna go see Fleet Foxes this week and not even invite her because she wants "space" and I wouldn't want her to think i'm trying to nice guy her
meh
probably gonna go see Fleet Foxes this week and not even invite her because she wants "space" and I wouldn't want her to think i'm trying to nice guy her
meh
Beer Monkey
Member
Marilyn Monroe had a 22" waist and even wore an 18" corset and was curvy as heck doing it.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
One of the most frustrating things in life is when people project things onto you, to the point where everything you do just confirms their premise regardless of intent or logic. One time a couple thought I was persistently untrustworthy so when I spent hours helping one of them with a job interview (that they got) they thought I was trying to fuck them other for reasons???
The only real solution is to continue to be straightforward in actions and intent. Let others think what they want... still annoying though.
Starlightmuse
Member
What happened dude? Did she really though that you were bringing the groceries to fuck her?
You two should really speak about it because that's an stupidity and it's making you upset.
timetokill
Banned
I don't think it was any one thing in particular, but she texted me saying she wants "space" after I asked her how her modeling shoot went (literally, my text was: "so how'd it go??"), so I figure things have been adding up.
We'll see if she wants to talk on Tuesday after class. I'm not going to bother getting in touch with her until then anyway.
I'm kind of annoyed by it but partly because I made an effort to be more outgoing with her because I'm naturally introverted, and that seems to have backfired spectacularly. Sometimes it feels like you just can't win
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
[KoRp]Jazzman;236906634 said:
It was her idea to meet up that day FYI
LucidMomentum
Member
Here's an issue that I've been struggling with: I've been seeing someone for 5 months now and she's been pretty amazing. She's very cool, wise, and patient with me. And we communicate on a really honest level. And we joke around endlessly and the chemistry is totally there at all times.
She wants to be exclusive, but I have my reservations about that. I'm 30 and at this point, any committed relationship is likely to be in pursuit of starting a family. It's just where my head is at. I'd only have an exclusive girlfriend if I was 100% considering moving in with her and then later on proposing. And she knows that. Like I said, our communication is completely open and honest (which is a big part of why I love being with her).
But my reservations with her are that that she's not someone who my family would approve of.... and unfortunately, that does matter. I don't fully agree with their criteria for girls I date, but I also don't want to put both of us through the drama of having such difficult relations with them... and in truth I do think there is some wisdom behind my family's criteria. Despite our disagreements, I consider my family to be very good people who I love and would be heartbroken if they were not in my life or if they didn't love my girlfriend in the same way they love my sister's husband - a guy that fits their criteria.
I feel like I'm in a difficult position, but ultimately, it's not going to work out between me and her. Like, I see myself in advance making the wrong choice here, but I can't stop myself.
Is there any way to make a difficult choice about this kind of thing and not feel like you failed someone important in your life? In this case, both my family and this girl are important. And I know I'm going to sincerely disappoint one of these two parties.
She wants to be exclusive, but I have my reservations about that. I'm 30 and at this point, any committed relationship is likely to be in pursuit of starting a family. It's just where my head is at. I'd only have an exclusive girlfriend if I was 100% considering moving in with her and then later on proposing. And she knows that. Like I said, our communication is completely open and honest (which is a big part of why I love being with her).
But my reservations with her are that that she's not someone who my family would approve of.... and unfortunately, that does matter. I don't fully agree with their criteria for girls I date, but I also don't want to put both of us through the drama of having such difficult relations with them... and in truth I do think there is some wisdom behind my family's criteria. Despite our disagreements, I consider my family to be very good people who I love and would be heartbroken if they were not in my life or if they didn't love my girlfriend in the same way they love my sister's husband - a guy that fits their criteria.
I feel like I'm in a difficult position, but ultimately, it's not going to work out between me and her. Like, I see myself in advance making the wrong choice here, but I can't stop myself.
Is there any way to make a difficult choice about this kind of thing and not feel like you failed someone important in your life? In this case, both my family and this girl are important. And I know I'm going to sincerely disappoint one of these two parties.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If your family's opinion was this important to you and you knew they wouldn't approve of her, why on earth did you let this keep going for 5 months?
I can't say I feel for you here man. 5 months is a lot of time to then not be exclusive with someone. It's shitty buzz to be like, well my fam wont like you so there is nothing for us. Gutty really.
OKCupid has a height filter, I thought everyone knew that. It's also in the free version because it's very demanded. Tinder doesn't but most women ask for height literally in the first message.
Anyway, someday I'll gather the courage to create a profile I guess, I just don't think I can at the moment. Too self-conscious for that.
Like I said we weren't and still aren't exclusive. I kept it going because she genuinely makes me happy. But I'm not sure if she's necessarily the girl I want to start a family with :-/
By the way. If it ended today I wouldn't consider it time wasted. I learned a lot about relationships by dating her. And she has told me she feels the sane way.
Gotdatmoney
Member
After 5 months you don't want to be exclusive because of who she is or because of your family? Which one specifically is it? 1-2 months of not being exclusive is w/e. 5 months? Did you know this was going no where? Were you aware the family wouldn't approve of her?
It just strikes me as odd you would continue this for that long with the pretense that you have 0 desire to be long term with her. I'm not questioning whether the relationship was worth it to you, you have the cards in your hand. I think every relationship is a chance to learn.
But if you wanna know whether you are gonna get out of this without hurting anyone I'm curious as to when you figured out this girl wasn't going to be worth being exclusive with.
LucidMomentum
Member
Peltz it sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too.
So you either have to open up to your parents and see if they'll actually come around knowing you like this girl, or you tell your lady friend about your family and see what she wants to do.
But it sounds like you've known this for a while and was hoping it just wouldn't be a problem.
So you either have to open up to your parents and see if they'll actually come around knowing you like this girl, or you tell your lady friend about your family and see what she wants to do.
But it sounds like you've known this for a while and was hoping it just wouldn't be a problem.
I thought you had something good going? It's impossible to keep up to date with you.
My lady friend knows my dilemma. She said to just take it day by day and we'll cross that bridge (introducing her to my family) when it comes to that. That was 2 months ago. But I think it's coming to that now.
You're right about wanting to have my cake and eat it too. The annoying thing is, I could actually see myself living a happy life with this girl if my family were not a factor. Like both my parents had cancer 2 years ago and thank goodness nothing happened to them. (I sincerely mean that). But if, heaven forbid, they didn't make it I would probably not hesitate to just be with her with her right now. She's that great.
I was hoping to get my sister on my side about things first (that would make things easier) but I no longer think that will be possible.
LucidMomentum
Member
Eh, you never know until you try. Seems like she digs you as she knows your situation and is still willing to go for it.
I know people say their parents have expectations and such but you'd be surprised how many times I've seen parents come around when they realize their children have found something that makes them happy.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Are you only doing things for her because she is a girl? How many poor guys have you brought groceries for? You also considered inviting her to a movie and changed it "Im not going to invite her now, if shes going to be like that!"
Looks like nice guyism to me.
True that. They couldn't accuse me of not being happy. They fully acknowledge I've never been better even if they're not aware of all the reasons why.
Eh... you'd think this would be easy because this girl is amazing. But it's not. Parents know how to how to really say hurtful stuff and it will be a very difficult subject to approach. It isn't right. But, being honest I feel like I'm powerless (even though I'm not).
Plus, just being real, I'm also just not sure if I'm ready for this: Confronting my parents but also not dating other women. How do you know you're ready to commit in general?
Starlightmuse
Member
If someone is going to cook for you it's just a matter of education to bring something as I see it. And if she was rude for no apparent reason and said she wants space, I think it's normal that he doesn't want to go to see any movie with her.
Honestly, I think he did fine, I'd have probably do the same if I was him. I think you are misunderstanding what the "nice guy" problem thing even mean, It doesn't mean "you behave like a nice human being therefore you're secretly an asshole".
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