My best friend lives out there with his GF, I plan on visiting him some time. How's the Tinder out there? For a foreigner?
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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My best friend lives out there with his GF, I plan on visiting him some time. How's the Tinder out there? For a foreigner?
JadedWriter
Member
She didn't really seem to mind and actually seemed to enjoy it. What am I supposed to do just text a person once a week?
It makes me roll my eyes. There are billions of available women out there and millions of ways to tell someone you're interested in them even if they have a significant other. There's no reason to end up in this position.
And girls don't give you "signs" they want to date you if they have a bf unless they flat out say it. Dudes who end up like this are seeing shit that is not really there.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I really enjoyed it. They are just shitty people in this instance. But we all have a shitty side and that's what makes it more genuine.
Dev was on some crybaby fuckboy shit though.
Master of none
did a good job of showing us, the viewer that there really was feelings coming from both sides.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
What kind of things were you texting her? I think maybe we could benefit from a (redacted) synopsis here.
Sometimes letting them come to you is a good idea.
pretty much. I personally only send one message back for every one sent. two, at most. but then again i'm shy so this is easy for me to do.
but generally i let talkative people be talkative, shelled up people can stay in their shell, and if they don't reply/ghost, oh well
JadedWriter
Member
Shared with her some pictures I've taken, discussed her hobbies, asked her how her day, discussed some of the stuff I was doing at work, what I did during the weekend, talked about her family vacation, if she likes going clothes shopping, what she ate during her BBQ, pretty much just random nonsense. I really don't think I said anything offensive to her unless me complaining about my computer and ending it with the wire "this is bullshit" gif is considered offensive.
This tends to be unheard of to me since the only woman that was like that was my ex.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Agreed. Like, I'm having "how was your day?" convos with one girl, and those aren't nearly as interesting as in-jokes or random shit. I just sent Ray's joke to Masshole girl because she's a huge hockey fan. And the one from last weekend, who I'm calling Pizzagirl - well, that's an in-joke, because we share pizza gifs - I sent her a link to Carly Rae's new song because it's totally the song of the summer.
wait for the actual date? I'm confused.
damn dude.
sounds like a text conversation between a married couple. maybe those are the vibes she was getting which scared her off.
jimmypython
Member
turns out, the FWB is happening - most likely meeting up once every week (twice now). Convo with a new girl quickly took an extremely sexual turn...and she wants to meet up this weekend.
While fun, I think I'd like to pursue a more meaningful relationship. That's why im still checking-in (via text) once a week with the girl that I like but is overwhelmed by work for now. ... (aka "I like you but not ready to date just yet")
I guess I'll just make the most out of my current situation, for now...
While fun, I think I'd like to pursue a more meaningful relationship. That's why im still checking-in (via text) once a week with the girl that I like but is overwhelmed by work for now. ... (aka "I like you but not ready to date just yet")
I guess I'll just make the most out of my current situation, for now...
JadedWriter
Member
Why do I feel like I'm living Jon Favreau's character from Swingers life?
always crazy bacon
Banned
Over-texting confirmed. I was going to parody answer the question of what the texts were, but sadly the reality was exactly the same, minus the anime topic...
And remember this was him trying not to text too much.
1. Photo of you on the motorcycle should be enough. As long as you can get to and from dates I don't see the issue. (Important: Don't include a picture of just the motorcycle without you in it.)
2. Group photo is unimportant. As long as all your photos are not selfies it's okay if you're the only person in them. You don't need to provide photographic evidence that you have friends.
3. It makes things a bit more difficult, but it's still possible to date. Don't mention it on your profile but just bring it up when you have to during the dating process. Don't make it some big secret since it's not a big deal. Lots of people still live with their parents.
I think it just had to do with how it all was portrayed... Like I don't mind that kind of story but
the emphasis on throwing away a life on a weak whim never sits well with me. Season 1 had a similar ending and I didn't like it then either.
True that. Perception is their reality and all that :|
That's, uh, a lot of texting. You texted this girl more than my SO and I text, and he texts me like constantly
Also what's with the constant fear of offending people
JadedWriter
Member
Ok so I'm supposed to text said person once to exchange info and then just act like she don't exist for two weeks and then text her that morning of the supposed date just to sort of remind that we originally planned a date?
I didn't text her this much in one day, more over the course of a week and change. I have a bad tendency of wording things in a way that can be misconstrued so it's not hard for me to accidentally make someone mad at me. I pretty much have inadvertent foot in mouth disease.
There's a middle ground between overtexting and not texting. But usually less is better at least until you meet.
You shouldn't make yourself too available for someone you've never even met. And I mean because you should be keeping yourself busy in other ways, not some mind game BS.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Yes, because there is literally only lots of texts or one text and NOTHING between those two options.
yep. there's no need to fill the air with words. set up dates, leave some mystery so you can have conversation starters at the actual date. liveblogging the day or grilling them can feel smothering.
ideally you're not focusing on one person at a time anyway so you should be engaging at a surface level with surface level relationships. i have good friends that that i don't liveblog to and we say TMI shit to each other all the time.
There's no hard rule. Obviously you can annoy someone before meeting them with constant text bit if the convo is flowing well don't stop. The most important thing is to set the date, and not also being the one to initiate after a convo has fizzled out. But set the damn date.
Incendiary
Banned
Thanks for the advice on sleeping everyone! I'm not normally a person who takes stuff to prepare for sleep - I don't want to get dependent on outside drugs/etc for sleep but I may look into Zzzquil or melatonin if it gets too bad.
I also may look into getting a new mattress eventually. The one I have makes noise if you move a millimeter. Gets really bad with a fidgety SO.
Actually I take more comfort in that the Redskins will continue to fuck up badly enough that they can't even get my hopes up anymore.
How many dates have you been on with said girl? I text my gf daily, but I've been seeing her for seven months. When the relationship was starting, we would maybe text once every other day, and that was basically only to plan out dates.
The truth is, people you meet for dating want dates - not texting buddies. Most people already have friends they chat with during the day. A "hey, hope you're having a good day!" one-off to let them know you're thinking about them is one thing - expecting long text conversations every day when you've only been on a date or two is another.
Edit: Welp, seems like this was answered as I was typing this out - yeah that was a little much.
I also may look into getting a new mattress eventually. The one I have makes noise if you move a millimeter. Gets really bad with a fidgety SO.
Actually I take more comfort in that the Redskins will continue to fuck up badly enough that they can't even get my hopes up anymore.
How many dates have you been on with said girl? I text my gf daily, but I've been seeing her for seven months. When the relationship was starting, we would maybe text once every other day, and that was basically only to plan out dates.
The truth is, people you meet for dating want dates - not texting buddies. Most people already have friends they chat with during the day. A "hey, hope you're having a good day!" one-off to let them know you're thinking about them is one thing - expecting long text conversations every day when you've only been on a date or two is another.
Edit: Welp, seems like this was answered as I was typing this out - yeah that was a little much.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
That's what I did with one, yeah. You just need to read the room better. Honestly, one of the unwritten rules is that it's better to treat people - until you meet them and hit it off - basically as randos and afterthoughts.
Hell, another rule is that, when you meet, you don't reference your dating app messages and you've gotta expect that you and her will have forgotten what you said in the first place.
JadedWriter
Member
So pretty much I should get a number and not even bother putting a name to that number till I meet said person.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
It really depends.
But best practice is to nail down a time and date, let things simmer, and confirm the day before and/or day of.
And even then, don't ask "are we still on?" Instead, say something like "Just got out of work and should be there on time."
That's what I do.
Baron von Loathsome
Member
My friend just told me she started dating an old ex again. Ah, well, at least she's happy now.
just don't try to force conversation that isn't going to happen.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Especially when you might be having multiple conversations with many girls. Don't want to reference a conversation that wasn't one you had with the date you are on.
jimmypython
Member
Yes pretty much. It sucks that the date was two weeks away, that would piss me off. I would go radio silent and then text her the day before the date with a reminder. I wouldn't say 'are we still meeting this weekend?' because that gives her an option to cancel, say 'Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow'. Don't phrase it as a question.
Do not have full on text conversations with someone before you've even met them. It just feels like hard work. Why should the other person have to put in work to respond to paragraphs of text? It's draining. And the other person doesn't give a shit about you at this point.
Uhh. I didn't treat any of the dates I had like afterthoughts nor pretend we didn't meet off online dating. If anything we've had pretty funny exchanges about experiences from it, and they appreciated that I showed an interest in them as people and not a date number.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Don't know about anyone else (benefit of the doubt and all that) but your last two posts seem dripping with snark. Might want to consider if your causing offence and foot in mouth is because of your writing style. I wonder what the women think.
I think what AD is trying to say is that you can show interest in someone as a person without sending them a million texts between the time that you actually set up the date and the date itself.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Oh, I don't mean to pretend that you met elsewhere. What I meant was that it's probably likely that you've both forgotten what you messaged about. That's all.
Dr_LucienSanchez
Banned
Yes. It's actually pretty simple and it seems like you have the gist of it. In really rare circumstances would constant hourly/daily texting about mundane nonsense be appropriate before a first date from Tinder or Bumble.
Mind you, planning a date two weeks in advance is already kind of a warning sign.
That's cool for you, if you enjoy not going out on dates. But regardless, this isn't even one of those dumb dating customs, like 'wait three days after a date to reach out.' This is just common practical sense.
JadedWriter
Member
I find dating and dating customs aggravating.
I feel the same. If I asked someone out and they said they were busy for the next two weeks, I wouldn't bother setting a date. I'd say 'okay, I'll catch up with you two weeks from now to set our date', then stop messaging completely.
Ah. Very true. Too much texts will become an annoyance.
Yeah I didn't account for the massive 2 weeks downtime.
Lots of people do. It's why we're on OT6.
With texting, I just keep two simple rules in mind - it's not the worst thing in the world if a girl has to wonder what you're up to....and talk because you have something to say, not because you feel like you have to say something.
always crazy bacon
Banned
We give advice, you ignore it. Aggravation is your own doing. When I said over-texting and being too thirsty, that's exactly what you did with the last girl. You've done it again. You'll find out soon if you've been ghosted.
JadedWriter
Member
It ended up being two weeks cause she had a family BBQ to go to in DC the week I got her number. I have no social common sense so anything that relies on it is...well...it bakes my brain.
Well over texting is vague since it varies on person to person. Other chick thought texting everyday was a drain, period regardless of who was texting her. Most recent one didn't really seem to care until it started becoming obvious that 2-3 a day was becoming too much. Now I should just leave people alone for an entire week.
Incendiary
Banned
For the majority of people, dating is not fun. In fact dating is more often work than not.
Think of it like sending out job applications. If an employer says they'll get back to you in a week for an interview, you blowing up their phone and email constantly all week won't do you any favors. But a quick follow up or two to make sure they know you're interested is good practice.
This is also great advice.
That's the other thing about overtexting. If you're overinvested time and energy on the other person before even meeting and s/he ghosts, it can be really frustrating. If you've only made the occasional small talk and s/he bails, it'll be easier to shrug it off and move on to the next one.
Point still stands
A lot of those subjects you want to save for actual face to face chat, it's more engaging and less smothering that way
Welcome to society, where the customs are always aggravating but you gotta deal with it regardless
Enjoy your stay
This is why it's better to just ask them out on a date and only use the texting as a means of asking them out. Unless they want to know more, I pretty much just use messages in apps as a means for establishing a time and place to meet. And I usually only message them to meet up the day I'm available to avoid "losing momentum" with a match. Within 2-3 messages:
"I know this is very forward, but would you like to grab a drink tonight? I'm not really big on texting."
It works better than putting any actual thought into things. And it makes the prospect of meeting up feel immediate rather than some far away event in which they're 50% likely to cancel on you because you're a stranger and stuff comes up with people they actually care about. No normal woman is going to get super invested over a few texts, so just make it easy and immediate for them. You can really only establish a genuine connection in person.
JadedWriter
Member
To the first half of your comment I need to keep mentally busier...some how so I can not text people. To the other half...Point still stands
A lot of those subjects you want to save for actual face to face chat, it's more engaging and less smothering that way
Welcome to society, where the customs are always aggravating but you gotta deal with it regardless
Enjoy your stay
My dating life is going quite well lately. I'm still committed to the eternal bachelor life. I've been seeing 3 women the past few months.
One I see every week, she's incredibly intelligent (intimidatingly so sometimes), loves to eat and is passionate about current affairs and politics. I'm very attracted to her.
The second I see about once every 2 weeks, she's very chill and cute. I'm not sure that we have as much in common as the first girl and I but we have nice dates.
The third girl I only see very sporadically, once a month it seems like. We get along quite well, we often talk about books and movies that we've seen and she's generally just an intelligent person and that leads to cool discussions.
All three woman are non-monogamous and I feel that I am too although I hesitate to label myself in that way.
My schedule is quite full at the moment but I still crave meeting new women for some reason, even though I'd have no time to see them regularly. I think I'm just really attracted to novelty and new experiences. It's hard for me to be stable and just enjoy what I have.
One I see every week, she's incredibly intelligent (intimidatingly so sometimes), loves to eat and is passionate about current affairs and politics. I'm very attracted to her.
The second I see about once every 2 weeks, she's very chill and cute. I'm not sure that we have as much in common as the first girl and I but we have nice dates.
The third girl I only see very sporadically, once a month it seems like. We get along quite well, we often talk about books and movies that we've seen and she's generally just an intelligent person and that leads to cool discussions.
All three woman are non-monogamous and I feel that I am too although I hesitate to label myself in that way.
My schedule is quite full at the moment but I still crave meeting new women for some reason, even though I'd have no time to see them regularly. I think I'm just really attracted to novelty and new experiences. It's hard for me to be stable and just enjoy what I have.
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