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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
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Megalosaro
Banned
There was some pretty heavy texting between me and the girl I am seeing prior to meeting. I don't think I really initiated too much though. I just responded to her messages.
We hit it off straight off the bat though from the app and the conversation just kept going.
We text less now... but we still text a lot.
We hit it off straight off the bat though from the app and the conversation just kept going.
We text less now... but we still text a lot.
Juke Joint Jezebel
Member
Bail out, throw out the liferaft and get the fuck out of there! Girl sounds nutso.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Tbh more and more I have found there are no rules to texting. All I really suggest is that if you feel the topics you are talking about are boring or just random you probably are doing it too much. If you think you are talking too much you are talking "way" too much. The texting should ultimately be leading to a date. If you have paragraphs of convo but no meeting in sight what are you really leading to?
If you have a date set and they are still engaing you then w/e just make sure you have shit to talk about on the date. Otherwise knock yourself out.
If you have a date set and they are still engaing you then w/e just make sure you have shit to talk about on the date. Otherwise knock yourself out.
JadedWriter
Member
Makes me wish I can just put some sort of lock feature on my phone regarding a number where it only allows me to send shit to it twice a week.
Haloid1177
Banned
I mean it's called self control. I'm guilty of this shit too at times but still.
Actually have a date tonight (first since i moved back in January, i'm quite slow/bad at this). She seems really interesting (big on world travel and it sounds like she had a very cool job, though we haven't covered what exactly), though she's probably right on the bubble for me appearance-wise, but that can be overcome if we hit it off.
Should be a good person to know about even if there's no spark.
Should be a good person to know about even if there's no spark.
ZackieChan
Member
Fill your life with interesting things. The problem will work itself out. And you'll be a better person for it.
This shit isn't nearly as difficult as you're making it.
JadedWriter
Member
I'm usually at the gym, but haven't been there in a bit cause I've been sick recently. Going back tomorrow. I usually take pictures if I can after work but I've been mentally preoccupied with other stuff and being a bit morose cause I've been down on myself over my photography so there's that. I'm a social disaster so anything social has pretty much always been challenging.
If you really are a social disaster like you say you are, go get some practice. Yes, being social requires less effort for some people, but many people need practice to be half-decent at it. Go to a meetup or volunteer at an animal shelter or something. Force yourself out of your social comfort zone.
timetokill
Banned
So speaking of texting too much
I've been holding back on texting this girl too much since she got sick (I sent two hope you're feeling better!" texts over the long weekend, to which she replied to both of them, so not ghosted). In the interest of not spamming her, should I just say, "Text me when you're feeling better and up to going out again" ? I mean if she doesn't want to go out anymore that's fine too I just hate being in limbo.
I've been holding back on texting this girl too much since she got sick (I sent two hope you're feeling better!" texts over the long weekend, to which she replied to both of them, so not ghosted). In the interest of not spamming her, should I just say, "Text me when you're feeling better and up to going out again" ? I mean if she doesn't want to go out anymore that's fine too I just hate being in limbo.
I don't mean this in a harsh way, but you sound very negative when you speak about yourself and seem a little prone to self pity. If we're picking this up on an online forum, it's more than likely coming across on your dates too and painting you in a negative light.
If you don't like yourself, why should anyone else? I get that you've a lot of stressful stuff going on in your life right now, but if that is making you down and negative then maybe take a break until you're feeling happier.
I'd just lay off texting for a while and wait for her to reach out. Let her initiate, if she wants to see you, she'll text you.
If she doesn't message, wait about a week and then say something like "If you're feeling better, let's go for a drink on <insert day>"
PancakeBurglar
Member
While I don't consider myself a social disaster, I definitely think I need to get around to go a meetup, my social circle is small and I'd really like to expand it. Any gaffers with experience meeting people and making friends through meetup.com.
I've not used meetup myself, but know many people who've made good friends through it. It seems useful if you're into a certain hobby (hiking, bike riding etc) but lack friends who are into it.
I've been through that before (where i thought she was making excuses but we did end up going out because she actually was sick), your instinct is right, telling her to reach out does put the burden on her, but you honestly don't know of her improving condition so it makes sense for it to be on her.
Baron von Loathsome
Member
Can I just vent a bit?
I mentioned on the last page that the girl I like has just started dating someone else, and now I feel sort of lost. I was looking forward to any opportunity to ask her out myself, because she felt just perfect for a first relationship. But I think I let my emotional guard down too much. I am truly glad that she's happy with her current relationship, because she made it clear to me she never was really happy with the previous one. I'm just bitter about a lot of things right now. About how I waited too long to let her get over her last relationship, about how much I set myself up for this disappointment, about how I'm 22, unemployed, and living my parents, so dating apps are almost certainly a bust, and about how hard it is for me to open up to others, let alone offer to go on dates or anything.
But I was perhaps most looking forward to simply cuddling with a special other, and now it looks so far away.
I mentioned on the last page that the girl I like has just started dating someone else, and now I feel sort of lost. I was looking forward to any opportunity to ask her out myself, because she felt just perfect for a first relationship. But I think I let my emotional guard down too much. I am truly glad that she's happy with her current relationship, because she made it clear to me she never was really happy with the previous one. I'm just bitter about a lot of things right now. About how I waited too long to let her get over her last relationship, about how much I set myself up for this disappointment, about how I'm 22, unemployed, and living my parents, so dating apps are almost certainly a bust, and about how hard it is for me to open up to others, let alone offer to go on dates or anything.
But I was perhaps most looking forward to simply cuddling with a special other, and now it looks so far away.
JadedWriter
Member
This wouldn't be happening over night I know that much. Between the break up with my ex and the split from my parents happening in pretty much a week and a half span it doesn't help my headspace.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I mean this with absolute kindness, but: get a job first. It really needs to be the first domino of yours to fall into place.
(I know it's not easy. But hey, we can help with that too.)
Then, you can move out and work on growing socially. From your post, it also sounds like you'd benefit from therapy, so I suggest pursuing that as well.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I dunno. I personally fill my days with stuff that I don't really wanna back and forth for long with randos over text. Even just work, home, gym, shower, netflix/TV (sports really)/game on a weekday is enough that I am not really itching to back and forth much. Weekends are way more busy or if I'm chilling I wanna chill and not babysit a phone.
Not sure about everyone else but I find introductions over text extremely boring and robotic. It's necessary I understand but it's never not boring to me. I just want the date, not a text buddy. I already have text buddies.
Krauser Kat
Member
35yr old who doesnt kiss on the first date. Charming or Red Flag?
We had a 2 hour walk along the lake front with my pupper. I asked if i could kiss her and she said yes, went in for the kiss and she laughed and said no my cheek. We ended up getting dinner later that night after my friends flaked. I am making her dinner on friday, the first friday in 5 years she has had off, i dont know if that is that important but i think she trusts me enough to not waste her evening.
We had a 2 hour walk along the lake front with my pupper. I asked if i could kiss her and she said yes, went in for the kiss and she laughed and said no my cheek. We ended up getting dinner later that night after my friends flaked. I am making her dinner on friday, the first friday in 5 years she has had off, i dont know if that is that important but i think she trusts me enough to not waste her evening.
Megalosaro
Banned
I say charming. But I'm super slow on shit
timetokill
Banned
There are a lot of people who don't kiss on the first date. Hell I usually don't. I don't think it's a red flag at all.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Depends. If it's a coffee date or something, then I get not making out. But I'm giving this 75-25 "social awkwardness" odds.
Just seems weird.
Then again, maybe she just didn't want to kiss and that was the pretext? Nearly every girl I've dated who "wanted to take things slow"... actually didn't.
PancakeBurglar
Member
Yeah most of my friends aren't into hiking or kayaking like I am so I normally go alone. Also really want to get into rock climbing, love my friends but outside of magic the gathering and overwatch we don't do a whole lot. Definitely about time I start meeting more people beyond just dating.
Baron von Loathsome
Member
I'm just about to wrap up therapy related to my autism, so this feels like a setback. I've made progress in regards to reaching out to others, but this really puts into perspective how far I have to go.
And as for the job, well, the big issue is a summer job. I know for a fact, however, that I'm starting a job in August, probably my first if I don't get a summer job, so there's a bright spot.
Gotdatmoney
Member
It's neither. Just go on another date if it was fun. Unless your hard rule is no face time equals no second date then I dont think this matters. Was it fun? Okay proceed from there.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
It's a constant struggle. But that's okay. Each day is progress. I'm not exactly holding myself out as an exemplar here, but I'm an entirely different person from who I was as a teenager and young adult.
The fact that you're willing to get help already puts you ahead of the game; I refused to address my problems for something like 30 years, and while I plodded forward, I feel like I wasted time.
You're maximizing what you have available to you, and the growth you're undergoing will, like a crucible, make you stronger - and a better partner.
Messofanego
Banned
You kissed her, I don't see the issue here lol. If this girl is gonna drop you because you hit cheek instead of lips, forget her. You can get better.
SciencePilot
Member
I feel you.
It is important to seriously consider and listen to advice about dating and customs. That said, you shouldn't blindly follow advice if it feels wrong to you. Ultimately, it's important to be yourself and only act in ways that make sense to you.
For example, advice about carefully managing text rates never sat right with me. I would say just text as much as feels natural for the situation and don't worry too much about it.
I'm just speaking from my own experience. Personally, I found relationship success by rejecting the toxic aspects of dating culture and just doing what made sense to me.
Megalosaro
Banned
Some of it makes sense. Say you text up a stor and then the date sucks. You just over invested. And when they don't want to hang out again, it will don't more than necessary
Yeah at this point Jaded just has to put the advice he's gotten to practice. Takes time to learn that shit.
Meetup's trying to pick up steam in my area, but it seems to be a lot of empty groups people randomly set up without any ACTUAL meetups in them, just a bunch of "ok I made this group y'all, any ideas" lol. It's kinda ridiculous considering that you have to pay to start groups >.> So my first word of advice is make sure the meetup groups you join have actual events going on, lol. From there I'm just as new to it as you are xD
Neither? Just seems like a thing.
See, that's the advice we would generally give, but then people text too much and intimidate the other party and come back and are like YOU ALL LIEDDDDDDDDD and WHAT I'M NEVER SUPPOSED TO TEXTTTTT and etc etc, so on and so on, which leads to the more specific advice of 'try to save it for the date'.
And also a lot of people don't know what's too much or too little. Not that that's a bad thing, we all had to learn, but just saying "do what feels right" to someone that doesn't have the aptitude to pick up what's right isn't going to really help.
I live in Aguascalientes and yes I am in college but is still hard to me to talk to random girls
Damn, that's a really small state. I've been there just once, so I don't know how the nightlife is there, but next time I go (it's actually pretty close to GDL) I'm going to be your wingman and drag your ass out there to meet girls.
You will be more than fine. There are a lot of girls on Tinder, talking from my age range (18-24). Being a foreigner will definitely make you not run out of matches.
That's actually... a pretty good analogy. I hate texting so I might have the opposite problem haha.
Indeed it is, I've been listening to that song non stop since yesterday. She really knows how to make pop songs.
So, about this girl that I posted about some weeks ago here, she hasn't brought up that thing since we talked back there and things were good, but yesterday she got mad because she asked if I usually use my real name or a nick name on the internet, I said sometimes I use a nick name and she asked what was it. I stuttered a bit and told her that my name is what I use the most but sometimes I mix it with Unai or something like that (Unai is the name of my birth town). She wasn't believing it because of my stutteting, and that I shouldn't hide those things even if it was a silly nick name, that we can't have any secrets, etc.
Now that I write it, this all seem so silly, but I don't think I can go ahead with this relationship. A little jealousy is ok, but I believe that trust should be something essential in a relationship and this seems to be going a little too far, but I don't know if I am the one who is taking things out of proportion. We made up a couple of hours later.
We live 2 hours from each other so I'm spending the week at her place (I work from home). She is working now and will be back in a couple of hours. I'm really tempted to end things and go home as soon as she get here. (this last paragraph is jut me venting a little)
Now that I write it, this all seem so silly, but I don't think I can go ahead with this relationship. A little jealousy is ok, but I believe that trust should be something essential in a relationship and this seems to be going a little too far, but I don't know if I am the one who is taking things out of proportion. We made up a couple of hours later.
We live 2 hours from each other so I'm spending the week at her place (I work from home). She is working now and will be back in a couple of hours. I'm really tempted to end things and go home as soon as she get here. (this last paragraph is jut me venting a little)
Ha, I'm 29 but I have pretty extreme age ranges since I'm not looking for anything really. Good to hear tho, I'm actually Latino but my Spanish isn't very good.
Major red flags man. MAJOR.
And you're only a few months in. Do you really have to put up with this?
My own rules are clear. No trust = no relationship. It cannot work otherwise.
You should have a serious talk with her. She can either trust you, or not. But you should be willing to walk away.
Megalosaro
Banned
I don't think there is a solid one size fits all answer.
For me, I was ready to commit at our fifth date, but that is super fucking ,early. I already felt this intense emotional connection to her, and we spent like 3 hours by my car holding each other. There was this moment when I was holding her and she started swaying back and forth while humming to herself. It was the most precious thing I've ever experienced in my life.
ZackieChan
Member
Gotdatmoney
Member
Said it then. Dump her and move on. Shit is like 3 months and you got drama out the ass. If you have bickering 3 months in just think about what is gonna happen later.
Megalosaro
Banned
Yeah, I know. Pretty early and a silly reason. But it meant a lot to me. and to be honest I just, don't have any interest in seeing any other people. I've been enjoying her company way too much
Fucking never
Nah... just choose a time and place far enough into the future that she should be feeling better by and ask her to hang out then. But say, "obviously only if you're feeling better by then."
Be careful dude.
Dr_LucienSanchez
Banned
WTF indeed. Did she start humming to herself because she got bored of standing in the same spot and doing nothing for three hours? Because I'd probably do that if I were standing around and holding somebody for three hours.
Megalosaro
Banned
No, she hums to herself alot actually.
And neither of us were bored. We were talking too. It was pretty relaxing. Neither of us wanted to go
And neither of us were bored. We were talking too. It was pretty relaxing. Neither of us wanted to go
Isn't this what people to comfort each other when they're stranded on a Mountain waiting for their inevitable end?
ZackieChan
Member
The wtf was about the general weirdness of that scene. I'm not alone.
Megalosaro
Banned
I didn't know enjoying someone's composure was so weird lol.
What is so weird about it? We were talking too. It's not like we were just standing there silent.
What is so weird about it? We were talking too. It's not like we were just standing there silent.
Messofanego
Banned
And you guys are 30+. She sounds hella controlling and abusive. You've got to cut it off before she loses it.
timetokill
Banned
It sounds cute to me mega, but I'm kind of a hopeless romantic
It was a little weird. Sounded kinda like something 8 year olds do with their school girlfriends. Very cutesy and saccharine.
It's your relationship though. Be happy.
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