Yeah, that's what I meant... definitely not as a power play lol. Playing games like that isn't the most attractive...
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
Yeah, that's what I meant... definitely not as a power play lol. Playing games like that isn't the most attractive...
JadedWriter
Member
And this is my problem. I respond cause it's what I feel like doing and then on here people tell me I'm doing something wrong. I mean I'm trying not to do the same thing, but then it reads as I'm doing the same thing. With the eventual result being at some point someone is just going to reply with that "you dense motherfucker" jpeg.
always crazy bacon
Banned
No you fucking didn't, you tried to thirst in a dinner or something before she went on vacation.
JadedWriter
Member
So you would have preferred if I waited for her to get back when meanwhile the problem everybody has with me is the amount of inaction. This is why I had to read a romance guide for a Persona 5 character.
The point is to not focus on one person at a time. She's not available for two weeks? Oh, okay that's cool, you can talk to her when she gets back/is available. You talk to others in the meantime.
Also when did people specifically say inaction? The only major situations with you I remember off the top of my head are the, er, first one, and your reluctance to buy new clothes. And the first one was NOT a result of inaction, for sure. I might be misremembering something though.
JadedWriter
Member
I'm trying to not focus on her. Can't message what doesn't reply back though. First one was me just being an idiot with a woman I had nothing really in common with. One after that was me over texting and that's about it so far. I guess with the "Inaction" thing that's more me calling myself out on it cause I don't...do anything. I just delay certain things, which I'm at least trying to work on. It's still obviously timed poorly still.
If someone says they're busy for 3 weeks or they're recovering from an accident for 6 months, simply say "Ok cool, text me when you're available". It's not a 'power move', it's just not wasting your fucking time having daily conversations with someone you haven't even met.
It doesn't matter if they keep trying to engage you in conversation. Even if they say "Ok I'll let you know when I'm back. How's your day going?" Just ignore. It's not rude. Ask someone else out in the meantime.
The 'inaction' problem, as you describe it, is when you fail to ask them out in a timely manner and get drawn into these long back and forward conversations that just give the girl more opportunities to get bored of you before you meet.
JadedWriter
Member
Yeah I need to really learn how to just walk away from these things better. Should've just said let me know when you recover instead of asking about the whole thing. I do at least think I go in for the number faster now though.
Getting the number faster is good, but you've learned nothing if you're just going to get the number then incessantly text them back and forth all day. Ask for the date sooner. You don't need their number to ask for a date.
Say "Let's go for ice cream at New York Ice Cream on Friday at 7pm". When she says "Sounds fun, see you there", say "Awesome, my number is XXX-XXXX if you need to reach me. See you on Friday".
Done. No more texting.
JadedWriter
Member
I have actually tried getting the number and setting a date the last two times, but the timing was bad. Last time she had a family vacation that weekend and this one was a car accident so life was just stacked against me.
Lol this sounds so dramatic.
Yeah we know they were busy the last two times. So drop them until they're not busy. If someone is busy, don't feel the need to keep them warm by texting them until they recover from their leprosy or boating accident or whatever their deal is.
JadedWriter
Member
I am a bit of a drama kween. I need to learn how to just leave my text scenarios until they can become a bit more physical instead of blowing my proverbial load via text.
Huh?
JadedWriter
Member
That is me using too many words to say that I text too much.
JadedWriter
Member
Had to be done...
I bought two pairs of shoes. Was going to go the week I was supposed to have my last date, but I fucked it up. I'll do this when I'm not caught up in housing weirdness cause I might be moving soon.
Miles Quaritch
Member
I never respond to my wife's calls or text messages. I want to keep her on her toes and ensure the power dynamic of the relationship is tilted in my direction.
Like fuck I don't, I'd get a fucking bollocking and then some if I ever ignored her.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If you aren't talking about anything interesting you dont need to talk a lot. How was you day style texts or whatchu doing are fucking boring. Talk to aay something, not to fill time.
JadedWriter
Member
Since I can never quite figure out what to even message people, what constitutes as "Interesting?"
You are just too much.lol
Gotdatmoney
Member
Interesting = Something more unique in nature. If you asked 10 people about this topic you would get mostly different responses.
Boring = How was your day? What are you up to? I like to watch Netflix, hbu?
Those topics dont reqiire immediate engagement.
JadedWriter
Member
Should I just start asking these random women about politics?
Bruh.
Don't you photograph models? Haven't you ever shot the shit with them between takes?
Also, get you a bed that can be ridden across a room or withstand a young woman thrashing about (tickle fetishes are a thing). Get those proper fitting date clothes. And "life" wasn't stacked against you with this girl. She's too laid out to hang out, but can go on vacation? Yeah, sure. More likely she was bored and you were her entertainment.
JadedWriter
Member
I try to, but it really just depends. The last batch I dealt with barely spoke English (Russian) another recent one from this year was deaf. I'll get new clothes after a couple of paychecks if I wind up moving into another apartment, same with bed or at least I'll wait till sex in on the horizon. And yes I do admit that last part sounds sketchy.
What are some movies you folks like that show a good approach to romance and dating? I think so many movies get it wrong, so it would be good to provide some counter examples.
I nominate Groundhog Day. Phil (Bill Murray) gets stuck living the same day over and over. He decides to use this opportunity to try to win the affections of Rita (Andie MacDowell).
Spoilers for 24 year old movie:
Great movie.
I nominate Groundhog Day. Phil (Bill Murray) gets stuck living the same day over and over. He decides to use this opportunity to try to win the affections of Rita (Andie MacDowell).
Spoilers for 24 year old movie:
At first he tries to create the perfect date and lies about himself to align his interests up with hers. He learns her favourite drink, ice cream flavour, college major etc and tries to pretend that he likes this stuff too. He uses trial and error to come up with a bunch of pre-baked lines to feed her on the date. This doesn't work and he ends up getting slapped in the face repeatedly.
By the end of the movie, Phil gets out of his self-pity, improves himself as a person, learns how to play the piano, how to ice sculpt, becomes a dependable guy that everyone in the town respects and he doesn't chase Rita and make his whole life about winning her affections. Only then does he 'get the girl'.
By the end of the movie, Phil gets out of his self-pity, improves himself as a person, learns how to play the piano, how to ice sculpt, becomes a dependable guy that everyone in the town respects and he doesn't chase Rita and make his whole life about winning her affections. Only then does he 'get the girl'.
Great movie.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Maybe House of Cards.
40 year old virgin. Hilarious and there actually is some gems of advice in there lol
JadedWriter
Member
I have seen 40 Year Old Virgin and Swingers countless times, but I have yet to put their advice into practice, which I honestly should.
That movie does have some surprisingly effective tips. Mainly take the initiative to approach women and hide your videogame shit.
Or don't ask anything at all. Usually, it's best to send a statement that has an implicit question rather than actually ask a question. For example, let's say a girl has a unique dress with dinosaurs on it in her photos. Which text do you think would be more likely to garner a response?
Hi there. That's an awesome dress. Is there a story behind it?
-or-
Hi there. Awesome dress. I bet there's a cool story behind it.
The former sounds more like an interrogation or an interview. It feels less enjoyable to respond to. It also comes across as less confident because, by asking, you are basically requesting that the girl talk to you about the dress.
The latter, in comparison, sounds more conversational and confident. You're merely putting your own thought out there and giving her the opportunity to do the same. There is no asking and that's why it sounds natural and effortless. It may seem like a subtle distinction, but it gives you a better chance at successfully initiating a conversation.
I almost never opened with a question. But usually opened with these types of implied questions.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I dunno. I'm currently dating three girls. One, I met at a gay bar and we immediately hit it off. Another messaged me first on OKC. The last one, we exchanged a handful of messages before meeting up, delayed by her catching pneumonia.
Texting was hard until I realized that I should just do whatever I felt like rather than assuming I needed to check in at set times. Like, on Monday I confirmed a fourth date with the second girl. I really have nothing to say right now, although I'll check in tomorrow to confirm time.
The third one... she texts pretty consistently and it's always things like asking how my day was. It feels like a factual exchange. I'm honestly reticent about seeing her tonight: I want to get home early since I've got a routine doctor appointment tomorrow morning. Plus she just wants to do drinks (and I'm significantly cutting back on that). I guess we'll see.
Anyway: be infrequent, be interesting, and be responsive.
Texting was hard until I realized that I should just do whatever I felt like rather than assuming I needed to check in at set times. Like, on Monday I confirmed a fourth date with the second girl. I really have nothing to say right now, although I'll check in tomorrow to confirm time.
The third one... she texts pretty consistently and it's always things like asking how my day was. It feels like a factual exchange. I'm honestly reticent about seeing her tonight: I want to get home early since I've got a routine doctor appointment tomorrow morning. Plus she just wants to do drinks (and I'm significantly cutting back on that). I guess we'll see.
Anyway: be infrequent, be interesting, and be responsive.
Gotta find someone you have things in common with and want to talk to. Usually about what they do, what interests you each have, and so forth. Very important to keep in mind that all good conversations have to end. End it once it's drawn on long enough - either you're about to do something or she has to go somewhere or you just want time to do something else. Text her again later to meet up so you can talk in person, and if she wants to see you, she will make the time for you. Sometimes she'll be the one asking, even. It's never a good idea to keep pressing after the initial offer to meet up, and also not a good idea to repeatedly initiate text conversations. Not until you're officially an item (not just sex) will that be okay - and only as much as you are both comfortable. Never force a conversation. What people mean by 'natural' is don't corner the other person into feeling like they have to respond.
I agree with all this 100%
Sex is always on the horizon. You're on Tinder, sex can happen within hours of the first message. You don't want to find yourself in the position where you have to turn down a girl just because your shit back home isn't ready.
Messofanego
Banned
Yoshimitsu126
Member
Hey Date Gaf, this is embarrassing but I thought I should thank you guys for the help earlier this week (if you guys still remember it). I followed your guys' advice and everything went exactly as you guys said. Basically I was stressing over nothing.
Wish I didn't put myself in that situation in the first place but I definitely learned my lesson. Thanks again!
Wish I didn't put myself in that situation in the first place but I definitely learned my lesson. Thanks again!
This is interesting advice, haven't heard it before. Thanks.
Messofanego
Banned
Valkerionseven
Member
GAF~
I got a message on my way to work from my friends girlfriend saying that her heart is broken or something and not to tell anyone~ Not to mention it was in English which she never does unless were talking about something serious... I havn't messaged her back, I don't wanna be in the middle of my friends dating crap!
This is E3 weekend, I just wanted to chill out, play some Tekken 7, Overwatch 2xp event, and watch some Gundam while getting fat and not going to the gym for a few days.
-fingers crossed its nothing but fuck it's always something!
I got a message on my way to work from my friends girlfriend saying that her heart is broken or something and not to tell anyone~ Not to mention it was in English which she never does unless were talking about something serious... I havn't messaged her back, I don't wanna be in the middle of my friends dating crap!
This is E3 weekend, I just wanted to chill out, play some Tekken 7, Overwatch 2xp event, and watch some Gundam while getting fat and not going to the gym for a few days.
-fingers crossed its nothing but fuck it's always something!
jimmypython
Member
It's not dating related but
at starbucks:
after ordering
me: hmm it's nice out i might sit outside
girl barista: well you can sit wherever you like you don't need to tell me I'm not the police.
this almost feels like i am talking to someone online. she must have had a bad day.
it's the right thing to do good luck and I hope you get laid left and right after this episode!
at starbucks:
after ordering
me: hmm it's nice out i might sit outside
girl barista: well you can sit wherever you like you don't need to tell me I'm not the police.
this almost feels like i am talking to someone online. she must have had a bad day.
it's the right thing to do
good luck and I hope you get laid left and right after this episode!I'm going to try this out, so prepare for an interesting story.
I have huge crush on someone I met since my senior year, she was a freshman back then. I started talking to her once her older sister graduated and she was becoming a senior. During the whole time she was a senior, we hanged out and everything. Got her a job at my workplace. This is where it gets ugly, I asked out in December and told me she saw as a brother. Oh well, right? Well, after some time it felt like that never happened and we were hanging out normally. July comes around and she finally tells she's seeing someone else and was crying when she told me that. A couple of weeks later we went to the lake and I told her how I really felt and she said "Have you ever liked two people at the same time," interestingly enough she broke up with him for my sake (I didn't know at the time she just told me that a few months ago). For the whole summer we hanged out and I cuddled with her for a few nights. This one night, I kind of went a little too far and had my hands somewhere where they shouldn't be, she didn't stopped me though. We even slept together at hotel for a few nights. Her mom even joked around by saying if I wanted to be her son in law. By September, she was trying her best to keep her distance from me and I noticed by the way she started hanging out with other guys. In February, I finally decided to get her side of the story as to why she will let me cuddle with her and not go out with her. She had the balls to say it was all in my head and that she doesn't recalled us cuddling. She decides not to talk to me. Recently, we started talking again and now she seems to forget what she did to me because one night she drank and said "I'm lucky to have you as a friend." That really angered me because not only does it seem she really doesn't care about me but my feelings for her can't seem to go away.
I'm considering just not being her friend cause I don't want to keep having feelings for her even though there is no chance. And no, we haven't kissed or anything more than that one night. But there is a chance of being her friend and just stop having feelings for her, but that's hard. At one point I thought I could do it but my feelings returned as soon as I started talking to her. Really I don't know what to do.
I have huge crush on someone I met since my senior year, she was a freshman back then. I started talking to her once her older sister graduated and she was becoming a senior. During the whole time she was a senior, we hanged out and everything. Got her a job at my workplace. This is where it gets ugly, I asked out in December and told me she saw as a brother. Oh well, right? Well, after some time it felt like that never happened and we were hanging out normally. July comes around and she finally tells she's seeing someone else and was crying when she told me that. A couple of weeks later we went to the lake and I told her how I really felt and she said "Have you ever liked two people at the same time," interestingly enough she broke up with him for my sake (I didn't know at the time she just told me that a few months ago). For the whole summer we hanged out and I cuddled with her for a few nights. This one night, I kind of went a little too far and had my hands somewhere where they shouldn't be, she didn't stopped me though. We even slept together at hotel for a few nights. Her mom even joked around by saying if I wanted to be her son in law. By September, she was trying her best to keep her distance from me and I noticed by the way she started hanging out with other guys. In February, I finally decided to get her side of the story as to why she will let me cuddle with her and not go out with her. She had the balls to say it was all in my head and that she doesn't recalled us cuddling. She decides not to talk to me. Recently, we started talking again and now she seems to forget what she did to me because one night she drank and said "I'm lucky to have you as a friend." That really angered me because not only does it seem she really doesn't care about me but my feelings for her can't seem to go away.
I'm considering just not being her friend cause I don't want to keep having feelings for her even though there is no chance. And no, we haven't kissed or anything more than that one night. But there is a chance of being her friend and just stop having feelings for her, but that's hard. At one point I thought I could do it but my feelings returned as soon as I started talking to her. Really I don't know what to do.
Yoshimitsu126
Member
Yeah you should stop seeing her. You're probably too old for her and she obviously don't have romantic feelings for you like you have for her.
What if I told you, the one she broke up is even older than me...
She doesn't want you as a boyfriend. She sees you as a brother.
If that's not enough, break it off completely. Go cold turkey. Block her on social media.
Because right now you're not her boyfriend and you're being a shitty friend.
You are her friend, and that's all you're ever going to be. Pursue other women. If the relationship hinders that pursuit in any way, end it.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Drop her altogether and look for new girls to date. You're never going to be a couple and I strongly suspect your only friends becuse you find her attractive. Your a friend zoned nice guy.
- Status