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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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Gotdatmoney
Member
I remember that huge debate we had here bout ghosting. This
Is why anyone who wants to bitch and complain about being ghosted and how it's mean and inconsiderate can fuck off to the moon.
Ghosting is not nice. No one is saying it is the ideal way to stop communication. We are saying that people can't take an L so women (and sometimes men) feel like thet can't be direct lest they start being hassled, stalked or worse.
Also Peltz is right. Your self esteem is yours to deal with. How you feel about how someone you barely know decides to cut contact is irrelevant. Their responsibility is to themselves, not to lick your wounds. Lick your own wounds.
For brother man, after a month I agree it would be nice of the person to tell you but in the same notion a month of knowing someone isn't long. She still doesn't know how you would react so I get it to an extent. Just keep ya head up man. If you were able to get to this point with one girl you def can do it again.
Is why anyone who wants to bitch and complain about being ghosted and how it's mean and inconsiderate can fuck off to the moon.
Ghosting is not nice. No one is saying it is the ideal way to stop communication. We are saying that people can't take an L so women (and sometimes men) feel like thet can't be direct lest they start being hassled, stalked or worse.
Also Peltz is right. Your self esteem is yours to deal with. How you feel about how someone you barely know decides to cut contact is irrelevant. Their responsibility is to themselves, not to lick your wounds. Lick your own wounds.
For brother man, after a month I agree it would be nice of the person to tell you but in the same notion a month of knowing someone isn't long. She still doesn't know how you would react so I get it to an extent. Just keep ya head up man. If you were able to get to this point with one girl you def can do it again.
Ok, which GAFer is this?
Turns out it was the OP to the other thread all along
(I know his username but don't wanna say it so we don't accidentally summon him to yell more and change guyposts again)
Any explanation would be a pretty lie. The honest answer is she did the relationship math, and decided she didn't want to enter a mid-to-long term relationship with you. Just pretend you got a text saying "I'm sorry, I just didn't feel that connection I'm looking for".
That is a clear example of why ghosting may be appropriate. But in all honesty, I think ghosting is acceptable even absent any threat of stalking or craziness. The bottom line is, you're under no obligation to pretend to give a shit about someone. So if you don't feel like messaging someone back who you don't know well, simply not giving a shit about that person is enough justification to ghost.
That aspect of the issue is genuinely lost on people. Ghosting doesn't have to be about people protecting themselves (although it certainly can be). In its purest form, ghosting is totally justifiable simply because you don't feel like talking to someone you don't know in your spare time.
If a stranger walks up to me in the street and tries talking to me and I have somewhere to go, I often don't hesitate to put my headphones on and brush by that person with no fucks given. I don't respond, and occasionally I'll politely wave them away and keep walking. That's what ghosting actually is. And as far as I'm concerned, it's totally fine to do to strangers. No one should feel obligated to have to stop what they were doing because some stranger wanted their attention... especially in the dating context.
LookAtMeGo
Member
What if the other person is the one contacting you to meet up and then ghosts you? I think thats a pretty dick move.
I also can tell, if I started talking to that guy again to say "yeah, but no", that he wouldn't accept it.
When I was talking to him briefly, he wouldn't take no for an answer and would go "okay, but this", "no", "well then this!", "no", "but sure, then this", "no", "well if this". Which is why I stopped replying in the first place. Haha.
So I'm pretty sure if I said "I stopped talking to you because you wouldn't take no for an answer", I'd continue to get the "sure, but!" and then he'd start messaging me WHY when I would stop talking again... haha.
When I was talking to him briefly, he wouldn't take no for an answer and would go "okay, but this", "no", "well then this!", "no", "but sure, then this", "no", "well if this". Which is why I stopped replying in the first place. Haha.
So I'm pretty sure if I said "I stopped talking to you because you wouldn't take no for an answer", I'd continue to get the "sure, but!" and then he'd start messaging me WHY when I would stop talking again... haha.
Pattycakes
Banned
It happens. I mean just because I'm the one reaching out doesn't mean I feel safe or comfortable doing so. Sometimes people can give off odd vibes that make me decide "ehh...no thanks"
LookAtMeGo
Member
Fair enough.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I agree with you completely. If someone you don't know doesn't wanna talk to you then they don't have to. End of story. However you wanna take it really aint matter. Your issue, not theres.
Changed their mind? The fact is on online dating you dunno the other person at all. Expectations have to be kept in check. If they get cold feet it's understandable.
The end result will be "I don't wanna date you anymore". Is "I don't wanna date you anymore because I was talking to other guys and I like him more" really what you wanna hear? I feel like the desire for "closure" is often misguided.
LookAtMeGo
Member
I totally get why a girl might ghost for sure. I never really even gave much thought about it but its completely understandable. I'm not guna act like it doesnt suck getting ghosted though. I have got pretty pissed in the past but going forward I will take that L a lottle more gracefully.
And with online dating especially. I get nervous sometimes not knowing what I'm getting into and I'm a big guy. Definitely can put myself in a girls shoes.
And with online dating especially. I get nervous sometimes not knowing what I'm getting into and I'm a big guy. Definitely can put myself in a girls shoes.
Lol I did the same for a class trip (guaranteed 100% assignment!!) and omfg I was going to die. I was even in better shape back then from walking and working out
It's happened to me. She initiated. We arranged tentative plans, but she had to "check to make sure it works out on her end", then radio silence. I never texted back to find out what's going on.
I mean, yes, it was annoying. But I got over it fast. After all, she was just someone I never met.
I did the Inca Trail with no hiking experience. Felt bad. I was dying on the 2nd day, every step a whole new level of endless hell.
I have no regrets.
On the one hand, if you have a vague day planned to meet up and hang out, then it's still within bounds to ghost when that day comes. If, on the other hand, you make concrete plans with a time and location and then they ghost an hour or two right before hand, that is fucked up and wrong. Once you establish a time and place, give the curtesy of at least canceling. It can be something as simple as "Sorry, I actually can't make it." But it's pretty messed up to leave someone hanging and unsure when they set aside a specific time to meet you.
Pattycakes
Banned
I did the 26 mile Lincon pilgrimage on the bicentennial of his birthday. I had done 0 prep or hiking before. Pretty sure I almost died. I'm still not sure how I finished. Always do hiking prep.
26 miles with no prep? You are insane.
Love them.Pattycakes
Banned
It happened in my younger days when I was a blissfully ignorant boy about the world and myself. I'm pretty sure I was maybe 13-14 at the time. It was a Boy Scout event with camping, so I had already signed up to go and do it, plus my father was sort of leading it so I didn't have much choice.
That whole weekend is honestly one of the worst times of my life, but my father and I look back so foundly on it. We have so many stories between us from it. 10/10 would never try and do a 26 mile hike with 5 hours of sleep with 90 degree temps, then turn around and do a 4 mile marker/parade the next day.
Despite loving hiking, I rarely go on hiking dates. Only with people I know quite well. One girl suggested hiking as a first date and it weirded me out. Whatever about the potential for murder but the possibility of not getting along well and being alone together for the better part of a day turns me off. Coffeeshop dates remain superior.
I'm 100% pro-ghosting, although I rarely do it myself.
It's sometimes funny seeing the texts female friends get from guys they went on one date with 2 years ago trying to reestablish connection. It's so pathetic.
Example: First and only date happens in March. She ghosts. Looking at the trail of unanswered messages from him since then.
March: "Hi, how are you?"
April: "Hi"
May: "I guess you don't want to hang out again"
June: "Hey I have this number in my phone, who is this?" (my fav)
September: "Hey"
I'm 100% pro-ghosting, although I rarely do it myself.
It's sometimes funny seeing the texts female friends get from guys they went on one date with 2 years ago trying to reestablish connection. It's so pathetic.
Example: First and only date happens in March. She ghosts. Looking at the trail of unanswered messages from him since then.
March: "Hi, how are you?"
April: "Hi"
May: "I guess you don't want to hang out again"
June: "Hey I have this number in my phone, who is this?" (my fav)
September: "Hey"
But why not just block him if you don't intend to respond ever again anyway? That's the only thing I don't get. In this example it kinda seems like she only kept those messages to laugh at how pathetic he's being (which he is but still).
I know you're not talking about my example, but in my case, I've blocked the guy three times now. He just makes new accounts and messages me again.
If you block them, they eventually get to "Hey got a new phone, here's my new number!!!"
In my friend's case these are texts, not messages on a dating site or app. I know she can still block texts but perhaps she is entertained by it.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Def enjoys laughing at the dude.
That's just creepy. In your case, there's unfortunately nothing you can do but continue to block them.
Exactly, you can block texts but she's probably entertained by it which is just kinda mean and unnecessary imo. Why deal with a flurry of obnoxious messages or threats when you can just block them and increase your chances of never hearing from them again? You don't plan on messaging then again anyway and it saves you the headache of looking at yet another message from some dude who doesn't get the hint. It's not like they'll know for sure if they're being blocked or ignored.
Well if the guy ever started making threats or if the messages hurt her in any way I'm sure she would block him. I don't think there's anything mean about laughing at the guy when he engages in this pathetic behaviour and he'll never find out. It's not like she's responding to him or encouraging him to make a fool of himself.
LookAtMeGo
Member
I remember the first girl I met off Tinder. We met up for a walk along the ocean and when we got back to the path by the road she was like "excuse me one sec" and made a quick phone call and was like "hey! Yep! Im still alive. Yeah hes nice for sure so no worries. K bye"
I was like thats so scary that its actually something you have to consider.
I was like thats so scary that its actually something you have to consider.
Yeah feeling unsafe on a date is something guys very rarely have to experience.
The only time something even remotely unsettling happened to me was when I had agreed to meet this girl (with very attractive photos) at a coffeeshop and she kept texting me to change the time. I was on the way, maybe 5 mins from the place when she sent me a text saying she already got her coffee and she was going to meet me in an alley around the corner. It all seemed very suspicious and I was worried I was being catfished or set up for some kind of assault so I texted back saying meet me in the coffeeshop or I'm leaving.
Turned out I had nothing to worry about. She was just a little weird about being in public spaces. Can't imagine having to worry about this on a regular basis though.
The only time something even remotely unsettling happened to me was when I had agreed to meet this girl (with very attractive photos) at a coffeeshop and she kept texting me to change the time. I was on the way, maybe 5 mins from the place when she sent me a text saying she already got her coffee and she was going to meet me in an alley around the corner. It all seemed very suspicious and I was worried I was being catfished or set up for some kind of assault so I texted back saying meet me in the coffeeshop or I'm leaving.
Turned out I had nothing to worry about. She was just a little weird about being in public spaces. Can't imagine having to worry about this on a regular basis though.
Yeh. I mean, I met the guy, he seems harmless. He's just weird and obviously can't let this go. So... I dunno.
I've never really felt unsafe meeting people from apps. I generally never do and I walk/hike/travel/etc on my own lol. I just don't fear men hurting me at all, I guess. They really have no reason to. Or, I don't fear unknown men lol. I fear the ones I do know.
Maybe you're just an amazing date. Or he's watched too many romcoms and thinks not taking no for an answer is endearing.
Gotdatmoney
Member
It's certainly is mean spirited lol. But in the same notion, no one should really give a fuck either way.
badboy78660
Member
Lol, we joke but I've definitely felt that today's entertainment (films, tv shows, etc) has something to do with why tons of dudes act like such chumps. Chasing women into oblivion, etc. People need to show some dignity and have self-respect for themselves.
I'm like the most boring date ever lol. So that's not it.
Lmao that sounds fucking scary. A similar thing happened to me when this girl I was already seeing snuck me into her house while her roommates were sleeping. I park my car and she just says "don't talk, just follow me quietly." That alone was weird but then she starts leading me into an alley behind the house. I was ready to punch her lights out if necessary and get the fuck of there.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Its not a big deal to at least try a second time on Tinder if you dont get a response from your first message is it?
A little persistence cant always be a bad thing. I dont think anyway.
A little persistence cant always be a bad thing. I dont think anyway.
LucidMomentum
Member
No lie, I've had to tell people to fuck off before.
Most notably my high school sweetheart who went into the military while I went into college.
She kept wanting to argue about how much fun she was having living her life while I was studying in college and she would get other people to try to get me to unblock her from stuff, and one time I was on a damn date when she started up again so I told her to fuck off, I was tired of being cordial.
Most notably my high school sweetheart who went into the military while I went into college.
She kept wanting to argue about how much fun she was having living her life while I was studying in college and she would get other people to try to get me to unblock her from stuff, and one time I was on a damn date when she started up again so I told her to fuck off, I was tired of being cordial.
Gotdatmoney
Member
People like watching an underdog story. Watching nerdy guy/girl score hottest guy/girl through being genuinely nice and thoroughly developed people is apparently what attracts audiences. But then again you watch stuff like Suits and it's actually hot men and hot women getting in relationships (and Louis).
I think the solution is to not take anything in entertainment seriously.
Depends on how persistent you're being really. If someone stops responding to your Tinder messages maybe try once to rekindle the conversation. Anything more than that verges on pathetic.
If you've met the person in real life and they've stopped responding, there's no point in trying again. If someone wanted to see you again then they would text you. Sure maybe 1% of the time they lost their phone or something else happened that meant they couldn't text you back, but the vast majority of the time, if someone doesn't reply, it means they're not interested.
Is it bad that I once told a girl to fuck off because she was 45 minutes late and didn't look anything like her photos?
She literally popped her head into the bar, came over to me and said "Hi I'm ____."
And I, being already drunk and mad replied, "Fuck off". I mean... I escalated that shit quickly, but she kinda deserved it?
Messofanego
Banned
I've only ever had to block 2 girls. One was from Palestine and got proper obsessed with me. The first time I said I don't think it's gonna work out, she later on said she got engaged with some Australian dude a week later (!), then a month later messaged me that she broke it off. I was confused why this girl kept messaging every few months even when I said I'm not interested. So she'd ask general questions to get a conversation going but I figured out her trick so didn't respond. I knew if I responded, that gave her attention and validation that she exists to keep on messaging. She ended up in the UK at some point and asked if I wanted to meet her, I said no, and then out of curiosity, I asked her what she's doing in UK. She was now living in London. Then I asked if she was working or studying here. She was doing neither. Just living here by herself while her family are in Palestine. I don't know if she came to the UK specifically to meet me, but I blocked her because I could see this going down a really sad path.
If I was in Leeness' situation and I had a picture of the guy, the texts, and some other details from the profile that could be corroborated with the other accounts he'd made, I'd contact police to see if they could identify this guy, his IP address, and get him arrested for cyberstalking. Just so the guy knew there were consequences for his behaviour.
If I was in Leeness' situation and I had a picture of the guy, the texts, and some other details from the profile that could be corroborated with the other accounts he'd made, I'd contact police to see if they could identify this guy, his IP address, and get him arrested for cyberstalking. Just so the guy knew there were consequences for his behaviour.
I don't think that's unreasonable.
Trying to resuscitate a conversation once is definitely okay. I forget about text chats all the time with people I've never met.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Yeah for sure. I will send one message and if I dont hear anything back for a few days I'll try once more and if nothing within a day of that I'll unmatch them. It happens with me sometimes that a girl will message me at work or when Im out with friends and I glance at it quick and dont message back and I end up forgetting about it. There are times too when I have a bunch of conversations going on and I dont feel like starting another one.
With people I've already met I'll try once or twice and give up.
I am definitely guilty of being a little too persistent a handful of times when I'm really feeling someone I've hooked up with a few times and I get thirsty.
Lol
Last time that happened to me, I think I was live updating in this thread, I ran away and hid outside when the girl looked nothing like her photos.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
Beautiful.
artsi
Member
I don't know where she is from, but on the other hand at least in my country that would expose her real name to the culprit, making the situation potentially actually dangerous in case the other party is a total nutjob.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I choose to live in the world where that master of none episode is a reality and no one can stop me!!!!
In my opinion, if you never end meeting up with a guy/girl than ghosting is well within reason. However, if some takes you out on date, pays, makes plans, etc. then I think it's wrong to leave someone hanging just because you don't have the courage (let's be honest, this is probably the #1 reason for ghosting) to tell someone you don't want to see them anymore is cowardly IMO. That goes doubly for guys.
I had to block one guy one time. I was waiting for the bus one day and this fucker would not just leave me alone, so I eventually give him my number. Before anyone asks, yes, jerk offs like this actually check the number on the spot to make sure they're real. This motherfucker would NOT stop texting me, so I just blocked him... but apparently I only blocked the texts and this cunt monger called me in the middle of work one day, and I picked up because I was applying for new jobs at the time so numbers I didn't recognize wasn't a huge flag.
He was all like "why don't you answer my texts" and "we need to go out drinking" and blah blah blah so I hung up and blocked him from calling me, too.
What an ass.
At the same time though, I tend to get hit on by mostly men that see me and think I have low self esteem, aka an easy target so most randos aren't very polite. They just usually give up when I don't respond or mention my SO tho, so I don't have to block them.
Don't forget Jim and Pam making a whole slew of people think that office romances are just a fantastic idea :|
He was all like "why don't you answer my texts" and "we need to go out drinking" and blah blah blah so I hung up and blocked him from calling me, too.
What an ass.
At the same time though, I tend to get hit on by mostly men that see me and think I have low self esteem, aka an easy target so most randos aren't very polite. They just usually give up when I don't respond or mention my SO tho, so I don't have to block them.
Don't forget Jim and Pam making a whole slew of people think that office romances are just a fantastic idea :|
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