LucidMomentum
Member
Defining the Relationship. The "so what are we?" talk.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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Defining the Relationship. The "so what are we?" talk.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
I'm swiping right on some of them lol. Usually the ones that embrace their bodies and come across as full of personality and humour. Some of them were just so insane to me. One of the checklists was literally like:
*you need your own place to yourself, I don't do roommates.
*only guys over 6'3.
*you need to be fit.
*I'm a university student and don't plan on working, so get ready to support me.
*you need to let me borrow your car or get one organised for me, I don't want some jerk who can stomach his girlfriend walking everywhere.
I was like, what the actual fuck? Maybe it's just that I dove into the deep end of online dating this weekend and the crazy stories my mates told me aren't just real, but more frequent than I could have imagined.
*******************
Anyway, enough with that, there's plenty of really cool people with hilarious or cute bios. I matched with 2 more girls and they're both apparently 17, even when their profiles say 20 and 22. This also seems uncomfortably common and I don't really want to date under 18 due to how often I go out :/
Overall enjoying chatting with some new people on the sites though
"I want to be exclusive."
That's all you need to say. If your partner feels the same way, he/she will tell you. No use being subtle or dancing around the subject. Basically, just say it.
PancakeBurglar
Member
Maybe I need to take a bit of a break from dating, its starting to reach the point where its mentally exhausting me. So many dates either with women I'm not that into or when I start to like her she starts fading way after the second date, I hate to say but its starting to get to me.
Dating is exhausting. No shame in just laying low and taking a break.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I think things are on the verge of souring with my quasi-girl. And for once, I don't think it has anything to do with us, but the distance between us is really prohibitive. I also don't really know if I can picture us in a relationship (but that's likely the zero hours of sleep I'm running on because she asked me over yesterday, and I recklessly agreed even though it was a weeknight).
Like, she's hot, she's nice, and the sex is great, but damn - she messaged me "I wish you lived closer" the other day, and I definitely agreed with that sentiment. Basically, I think the honeymoon phase has worn off and now we're realizing that this shit's logistically difficult and it functionally locks us into considering spending every weekend together: except we have other plans because we have lives.
I guess keeping it casual indefinitely until we find something better is fine, but I'd really like something more out of a relationship.
Like, she's hot, she's nice, and the sex is great, but damn - she messaged me "I wish you lived closer" the other day, and I definitely agreed with that sentiment. Basically, I think the honeymoon phase has worn off and now we're realizing that this shit's logistically difficult and it functionally locks us into considering spending every weekend together: except we have other plans because we have lives.
I guess keeping it casual indefinitely until we find something better is fine, but I'd really like something more out of a relationship.
LucidMomentum
Member
How far is the distance? This was the main issue in my last long term (and long distance) relationship. 2.5 hours made anything but weekend trips basically impossible so that became a big deal after a while. Then when we finally talked about it it became clear neither of us wanted to move and at that point we realized we probably weren't meant to be a couple then.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
An hour by train. Door to door, about 2 hours for me. She has a car and I don't, meaning it's about a 45 minute drive for her, but D.C. traffic is variable and volatile. We're both rather successful, and while she hates her job (and I do too!), she owns a house. She isn't moving. And while I could easily buy a car, doing it just for the D.C.-Baltimore commute at issue doesn't make much sense: the train is actually more reliable.
I already asked her what she's doing this weekend, and she has plans with a friend on Saturday. As you can imagine with work-week traffic, Friday's a shitshow; and while I've done the Sunday to Monday thing before, I'm starting to very slightly resent that I'm more willing to travel to see her than vice versa -- which absolutely isn't fair, because I haven't talked to her about it, but it just annoys me that this is a thing has to be discussed in the first place.
While we're not exclusive, it's been like 2 months, and considering it's a weekend-only thing, I suspect we pretty much mostly are. At some point I know we'll have to discuss it, but like... I'm getting the impression that we both want someone local.
LucidMomentum
Member
Yuup, I know that feel my guy. At least a train ride you can answer emails or play a game, I had to spend those 2.5 hours driving all by myself and trying to not get stopped by highway patrol cause I was driving a sports car on back roads to save 20 minutes on the route.
She never liked driving and she was on the coast so it "made sense" for me to do the driving but at the same time it got tiring.
And yeah, I wouldn't move or buy a car for anyone unless it was 100% for sure a thing already.
Megalosaro
Banned
I kind of know the feeling. My girl lives 25 miles away. That isn't terrible on terms of getting to her. From my work it's about 50 miles of shitty la traffic. 3 hours of driving.
I basically only see her thursday through sunday.
There's plenty of fish in the sea.... in your local reef.
Then again, I'm a bad person to ask. If a girl lives outside my city I always pass.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Just dont use plenty of fish. Its hot garbage.
PancakeBurglar
Member
Was feeling down about dating for a while yesterday but I think I'm pulling myself together. My friends were giving me kind of shitty advice saying I need to message girls more before I ask them out but I think you need to meet up sooner rather than later to find out if you like someone. Anyways I don't think my approach is wrong I just need to keep at it, the girl I've been seeing was having a shit day so we rescheduled to next Tuesday which is further out then I'd like but I'll live. I wish I wasn't so tight on cash because I'd probably ask more women out if that wasn't the case, so far I think I'm going to stick to hiking first dates for a while because they are pretty much free.
Raptomex
Member
I did the long distance thing for about 2 years. 2 - 2.5 hr drive. It got to me after a while. I wouldn't do it again.
Krauser Kat
Member
I tried to text too much and killed it, pretty bummed.
Going to go sulk and recoup for a couple weeks and hopefully get some projects done and leads on a better job.
Going to go sulk and recoup for a couple weeks and hopefully get some projects done and leads on a better job.
Raptomex
Member
Considering how many dates you seem to get based on previous posts, this is a learning experience and I'm pretty sure you'll bounce back just fine.
Krauser Kat
Member
Being excited about people and wanting to talk to them a bunch inbetween dates has always been a problem. I just need to chill more. Ill bounce back.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
You need to learn from your mistakes, not repeat them and hope for a different outcome!
Damn dude. Even 45 minutes (25 miles) was too much for me.
What happened? She specifically said you text to much, bye?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yeah. Plus the fact that we don't talk or text between seeing each other makes it worse. I guess I need to view it for what it is: casual fun unlikely to lead anywhere.
MsKrisp
Member
O_O I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Fortunately no one has ever threatened me, but I've dealt with others like the guy I described and people who just won't quit, and have been cussed out by people who try to reach out and act nice later like it never happened when I ignore them. Why can't people just leave each other alone
Obviously it is up to you, but that doesn't seem worth it to me. You're giving up a lot of prime time to look if you're spending every weekend with this lady "casually". I did a LDR (2.5 hrs by bus, not including getting to/from the bus stops) for 1.5 yrs and as the person who was doing the large majority of the traveling, that resentment built up. It was the cause of a lot of disagreements later on. But we were exclusive and serious (if cautious), and there was a clear end goal in sight.
O_O I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Fortunately no one has ever threatened me, but I've dealt with others like the guy I described and people who just won't quit, and have been cussed out by people who try to reach out and act nice later like it never happened when I ignore them. Why can't people just leave each other alone
I just don't get people like that. Every social platform I get bothered by "someone". It's her with fake accounts. I am just screenshoting everything and gonna hand it to the cops.
Today I deleted my new Twitter account. I wasn't really using it. But "someone" started bothering me there. On my previous instagram. She would harass people I commented on. Telling them how bad I am.... wth?
I kinda wish this person would die. This is annoying.
I once had an (approx 100 pounds) overweight woman (a friend of a friend) tell me, with zero irony/sarcasm, that she only considers men who have 6-pack abs. Suffice it to say, she hadn't dated in ages.
LordKasual
Banned
So I got some calls last night and I felt like sharing this story. Some guys just don't know when to give up.
Background:
I started talking to a guy from OKCupid about a year ago. He is in the Navy, so he was only in town for the weekend, so the plan was to possibly hook up before he went home. We texted, snapchatted, and talked on the phone a little, and he asked permission to call, pretty typical dating stuff. Schedules didn't work out, so we weren't able to meet and he got a little desperate—he even asked if I could pick him up really late and have sex in my car, to which I politely declined, not on my leather seats. He went back home the next day and wanted to keep in touch, so he added me to Facebook and followed my Instagram—not really unusual to me because other guys I've met through casual relations have added me and there haven't been any issues at all.
He'd try to sexy snapchat with me here and there and I asked him to stop, he apologized and kept it PG from that point. He messaged me way too often, and it was friendly but it was starting to annoy me. But everything was cordial by that point so I didn't have a good reason to tell him off, so I just asked him to hit me up less. I'm busy and introverted, and I'm not always in the mood to talk. But after that, he started trying to call me without notice. Always twice—I often miss phone calls. It was starting to really put me off.
Then one day, he was in town again. I busy for a few hours and when I finally got a chance to check my phone, I had 2 calls on my regular number, 2 calls through fb (I didn't even know you could call people through fb messenger!), and messages on fb, IG, snapchat, and texts. This behavior set off all my nopenopenope alarms, so I told him that I was unavailable to meet, and that it was inappropriate and scary to spam me like that. He said sorry, still tried to see if there was some way we could meet, and I said no. He messaged me a little bit to talk a little bit after that, and I stopped responding, and he began asking if I was ignoring him with little frustrated emojis. He eventually decided to bomb all my accounts with calls and messages again when he was back in town, so I went ahead and blocked him on everything we were connected on and moved on. This was about 6 months ago.
Fast forward to last night, and I get 2 phone calls from a number I don't recognize. Normally, I just google the number and ignore it, but I was pissed off and wondering who would call at such an odd hour so I texted and asked:
It was him.
I've never met this guy and he says he misses me.
What. the. fuck.
Has anyone else ever dealt with anyone like this?
you two mutually confirmed that you wanted sex, he probably feels as though he doesn't have to hide his desperation
you probably should have known something was wrong when he asked to pick you up and fuck in the car
LordKasual
Banned
No. But you need to define "sounds like a man".
I find deeper voices on women to be really alluring. The Toni Braxton kind anyway, but some guys think she sounds like a man too...
That said, i've never met a woman who legitimately sounded like a man.
I notice it too. I could only speculate, but my kneejerk answer would be some form of "negativity bias" on my end...which only makes me sound more like an asshole actually.
Kind of like how you're more likely to glance at a clock and notice the time 3:33 than you would 3:32 or 3:34.
You probably just read that on a fat person's profile and go "but why", but it doesn't happen any more or less.
Could I get your opinion on my current main pic in dating apps, everyone? Was gonna post in the online dating OT, but the thread doesn't seem as lively as this one.
I mean, I am aware I have a few too many scars that don't look good, but they are there to stay for a while. Leaving that aside, is it too bad?
I have been getting really few matches, even if I work really far from home (2hr with a mix of buses and train - which could be ducking my location) and don't use up all my likes daily.
(Email-tagged the url)
I mean, I am aware I have a few too many scars that don't look good, but they are there to stay for a while. Leaving that aside, is it too bad?
I have been getting really few matches, even if I work really far from home (2hr with a mix of buses and train - which could be ducking my location) and don't use up all my likes daily.
(Email-tagged the url)
MsKrisp
Member
That is harassment, straight up. I hope the cops can do something for you and she can get help or something. Good luck.
In my experience, most guys don't get this desperate or insistent when things don't work out though. I would think that blocking someone would be enough of a hint after telling them nope, but I guess he's just that type. And even after the above exchange, he texted back "I'm sorry when I'm drunk I just like to talk. Do you want to text instead" -_-
Blocked his new number, and moving on again. Back to my policy of ignoring any unexpected calls or texts.
I didn't even notice the scars...How many other pics are you using? By itself, it's not very exciting. It tells me nothing about you, about your personality, or your body.
- The location of the camera and the angle of your face gives you a very soft jawline.
- There's something off about your smile. It feels like a half-smile.
I like it. You look good. But it's way too safe.
You need to stand out a bit more. You need a picture that says "Date me, I'm a fucking stud." Yours is more like the type of picture you'd want for a company website or linked-in. It's not bad, but it's not what you're going for.
I agree with Salamando about the jawline, but disagree about the smile. The smile is okay as is.
But the overall lack of anything interesting in the picture is the problem. (Not saying you're not interesting, it's more just we wouldn't know it based on the picture).
You look good, but as Salamando says, you shouldn't use that as your main/only pic, as it's not very 'exciting'. I don't notice the scars either. This might a case of you being ultra-conscious of them because you know you have them. Everyone has scars.
I actually have a really hard time with full smiles, they rarely come out naturally - I can work on that though (and should). As for the camera position and angle, I'll keep it in mind, we didn't consider it much.
Out of the following pictures, I was considering using the last one (it shows my body), and ended up deleting the second one. I was using the one with the cat and a couple of others as padding - that I deleted a couple days ago.
I'm direly missing a group photo since the last two weeks have been really hectic for me and my friends are either traveling or busy. I will take a few more photos see, and see if I can rope in a couple of friends.
Should I use older photos I took abroad?
(Quote to show, as before)
Thank you for the advice!
Edit:
Oh thank you all! Just saw your replies. It's really nice knowing the scars don't stand out that much, as I'm a bit conscious about them (but not willing to hide them).
I definitely agree they are pretty safe/boring, as I used them because there's not much else I could use. I'll try to come up with something!
Edit2: Just noticed, the ones I linked mostly have the same clothes (because I took them the same day), but I only used two photos with that attire at once, maximum.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I actually like that second pic the most. It has more goofy-confidence than the third pic. As a straight male, I would want to hang out with guy in the second pic the most.
When it comes to smiling, it helps to goof around with the photographer beforehand. Or tell them to try and get something candid. None of us are models, so we're going to look our best when we're not trying to pose.
A group pic is good, but not necessary. What do you like to do for fun? Try to get pics of you doing that. If your answer was "video games and hentai", consider expanding your horizons.
JadedWriter
Member
It's pure fucking shit. 75% of the women on there seem to be scam accounts.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Seems like a lot of online dating are bots. And it's kind of a drag to swipe through so many bullshit profiles, or think you have a legit match and it's just some girl pimping her webcam show or another bullshit bot.
JadedWriter
Member
I fucking hate these. I met my ex on POF, but holy fuck that site went to legit shit while I was in a relationship.
LookAtMeGo
Member
On tinder if the profile says "I like to get fucked in the ass. Add me on Kik" or "come fine me on DTFfinder.com" or anything like that. Or if its 2 different girls in their pics I know its a bot.
I did have one almost get me once. Almost added her on Skype. Then I was like ahahhhhaha naahhh youre a bot.
"Hey cutie, how are you?"
"I'm good thanks, and you?"
"Amazing! I think you are so sexy, add me on Skype so we can chat there"
*thought about it*
"Fuck you"
*unmatch*
I did have one almost get me once. Almost added her on Skype. Then I was like ahahhhhaha naahhh youre a bot.
"Hey cutie, how are you?"
"I'm good thanks, and you?"
"Amazing! I think you are so sexy, add me on Skype so we can chat there"
*thought about it*
"Fuck you"
*unmatch*
EchoChamber
Member
Actually that's a pretty great idea, I will try it with my cat or with one of my doggos.
Cat would not appreciate being a hat, no. Would murder.
I have plenty photos of my cat nestled in my bosom tho. 🤔
So I doubt anyone remembers my initial-hookup-from-her-deflected-but-kept-messaging-me Tinder girl, but I ended up going on a date with her. Alot of weirdness around the date, but really cool and attractive. Almost too chill and cool. I dunno what to think.
She kept texting me after the date, and man, she's extremely fun to text. Even texted me early early morning the day after asking if I was awake....? Weird stuff. We've reached a point though where it's slowed down and I shouldn't appear too desperate I think, I feel like a second date will happen but I'm not sure what I'm feeling here, there's weird red flags I haven't mentioned but I'll be really sad if she ghosts me now.
Coincidentally I got like 3+ matches on other apps over the weekend, which is freaky when I've only gone on two dates in three months. But man, Bumble was a mistake. "Hey" openers, and the conversations were just completely boring, no wit, no jokes, nothing to jump off of. Proposed pizza date by emoji and she just keeps responding in complete flavorless text like "I like pizza" "I can't tonight", and then obviously ghosts me. I dunno.
Now my standard for text chatting is ruined, I'll never be happy with a girl again.
She kept texting me after the date, and man, she's extremely fun to text. Even texted me early early morning the day after asking if I was awake....? Weird stuff. We've reached a point though where it's slowed down and I shouldn't appear too desperate I think, I feel like a second date will happen but I'm not sure what I'm feeling here, there's weird red flags I haven't mentioned but I'll be really sad if she ghosts me now.
Coincidentally I got like 3+ matches on other apps over the weekend, which is freaky when I've only gone on two dates in three months. But man, Bumble was a mistake. "Hey" openers, and the conversations were just completely boring, no wit, no jokes, nothing to jump off of. Proposed pizza date by emoji and she just keeps responding in complete flavorless text like "I like pizza" "I can't tonight", and then obviously ghosts me. I dunno.
Now my standard for text chatting is ruined, I'll never be happy with a girl again.
Mediking
Member
There's a sex joke here...
You sound unsure of the first girl. Ask her out, see what you think after a second date.
Best I can do is a pick of my cat fighting me for the pillow...by sitting on my head. Close enough?
Please do not have sex with your cat.
Mediking
Member
!!! Hhhhnnngggg
Lmao not really the sex joke I was referring to but I'll shut up before Gaiages punches me.
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