Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Relationships and love are not adversarial.
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Is it important that your partner change his/her last name when you get married?
- Thread starter LittleBoots
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AdventureRacing
Member
The only question is whether or not I take my partners last name. I prefer that we share a name as it feels more like a family. That plus I like her last name more. It would feel weird because your last name does become a part of your identity. I haven't decided whether to take hers or keep mine yet but most likely I'll take hers.
What makes you think this would be any different if you weren't married?
What makes you think this would be any different if you weren't married?
I've got a pretty plain last name (not super common, just not exciting) and the women I've dated have all had exciting last names.
If I were to have gotten serious with any of them I'd have happily compromised when it came to last names. I'd feel terrible taking a unique and cool name from someone.
That said, when it came to kids: as the only son of my family I want to keep the name going. It just feels like my responsibility.
If I were to have gotten serious with any of them I'd have happily compromised when it came to last names. I'd feel terrible taking a unique and cool name from someone.
That said, when it came to kids: as the only son of my family I want to keep the name going. It just feels like my responsibility.
You have the same condition. That's what makes it fair. You don't have to take her name.
DeaconKnowledge
Member
I also don't have to get married. Back to square one I suppose.
You're right. Common law has the same pitfalls. However it also does not have the financial drain of marriage.
My wife never took my last name even though she was the only one in her family with it(her mom remarried and her brother had that last name) and she never saw her father. Her not taking my name I think was an indication she really didn't want to be together and now we are split up. I guess it really depends on the reason for not taking the last name.
Ecto311
Member
That was my outlook. Luckily it was never a question since my lady is cool and wanted to do that anyway. She never liked her last name.
LittleBoots
Member
In the unlikely situation that I ever were to have kids, I'd have them take his last name if he cares because I don't mind either way.
My wife kept her last name. I kind of insisted actually. She's a doctor and has a super common last name, whereas mine is one of a kind. We reasoned it would make it harder for any potentially crazy patients to track her down.
Our dog has my last name though (at least according to prescription bottles).
Our dog has my last name though (at least according to prescription bottles).
ShironRedshift
Member
No, not at all. I mean, it's their name, not mine. They're the one who has to be happy and satisfied with it, whatever they decide. And as long as they're happy, I'll be happy. Everything else is just details we can work out together as adults. The important thing is that it's their choice and they're happy with it, whatever that may be.
How about you both do yourselves a favor and find people that you can spend your time with and not carry such volatile attitudes towards? If somebody wants to get married, then I guess they want to get married. That's not the same as wanting somebody else to TAKE YOUR NAME.
I once dated a girl who was against having sex unless we were married. I was against it and we broke up. That doesn't mean that just because a girl once threw an ultimatum at me that any ultimatum I make is now magically justified.
Things are changing, you'll be fine.
I posted earlier, but our son has my last name as his middle name and my husband's last name as his last name. We wanted our child to feel connected to both names and, because my husband is awesome, he was completely open to switching the order. In the end though, I'm glad we gave our son his name: I had 9 months of special bonding with kiddo and its looking like kiddo has inherited my traits (red hair and blue eyes). So, I'm glad he can share his name with his dad. I'm certain he'll love us both the same though, regardless.
DeaconKnowledge
Member
How about you get off your high horse and not browbeat someone just for having a differing opinion?
I've said it many times. No woman HAS to take my name, just as I don't HAVE to be married. I have plenty of friends who took their wives' last names, or didn't take anyone's name. That works for them just fine, but not me.
People disagree with your view. Deal with it. Why bother stating it if you won't accept a countering view?
disappeared
Banned
I'm totally leaving the name thing up to whatever woman is crazy enough to marry me. Hell, I'm not even sure about marriage. Common-law seems easier.
And that's completely fine. We're just giving you our opinions as to why we feel that is wrong. It seems like you're purely equating marriage to simply taking your name when a totally different set of factors should be the case for marriage or common law.. maybe such as your happiness together, the potential you see for a future.. etc..
My wife hyphenated our names, if it wasn't for possibility of kids and the confusion of them having a different last name she would have just fully kept her last name. I wasnt changing my last name to hers so I didn't care if she did the same.
Alot of older family members on both sides had a HUGE problem with it though, I thought that was pretty funny and actually made me more and more happy with her decision.
Alot of older family members on both sides had a HUGE problem with it though, I thought that was pretty funny and actually made me more and more happy with her decision.
DeaconKnowledge
Member
I have no problem with you disagreeing with me. Life will go on regardless. My problem is with you acting as if i'm oppressing my future wife, or Liu Kang throwing out some bullshit assertion that having this position makes me a misogynist. What garbage.
I'm not. As i've said everything i've said i'm taking from personal experience. The major point that i'm trying to get across here is that if I don't want to get married and do so anyway, there is no difference between that and the woman not wanting to take my name and doing so anyway. Many posters in here have inexplicably assigned my request (taking my name) a higher weight than the other concession. (getting married). I don't see how that is all fair, unless me buckling because i'm a man is your position.
I'm saying if something so petty would be an issue with you about marriage, don't get married. Just like how if your attitude is "I get to name the kids or no kids", then you probably shouldn't have kids.
It is incredibly weird to have the attitude "marriage is meaningless" and also hold the attitude "You must take my name if we get married". It just makes no sense.
I would feel uncomfortable if my future wife took my name. That's not fair. I've only seriously thought about it in the recent years and yeah, I'm glad things are changing. There's the matter of the kids though, I'm worried that my family name will disappear if they don't have my name, but hey, so is she. So I guess we'll flip a coin.
Also, look at this dude:
Well his birth name is Eiji Onozuka. He took his wife's name when they married. He's cool.
Also, look at this dude:
Well his birth name is Eiji Onozuka. He took his wife's name when they married. He's cool.
I feel like the weirdest part about it is that it isn't because of heritage/lineage(all that mess), it's the potential fallout where he loses everything. Which I can understand. However, seeing that one is that worried about fallout, even if the S/O does take the last name - does it lay all worries to rest?
The Faceless Master
Member
if the child gets both last names doesn't that make names really really long after a few generations?
LyleLanley
Banned
This seems ironic.
Yeah, that's what I don't get. Sure, marriage has its shitty parts. None of which are resolved by your partner taking your name.
If you disagree with me, I'm not going to tell you to not tell me that you disagree with me.
ZombieSupaStar
Member
Eh if she doesn't we just wont get married. No big deal.
God Dayumm
Banned
It is not important, but I would like to take advantage of it. Like, if she is a Rothschild I would like to change my last name to that and even switch for a matching first name. But if she is a Perez, then I'm keeping my last name and she can choose whatever.
AtomskEater
Member
Possibly, but kids will likely choose one or the other to go by. My name is hyphenated on a bunch of legal documents (birth certificate, driver's license, etc) but I fill out most forms with just my mother's last name and will probably just take that last name into consideration if I ever get married. Basically if it's too long to fit on forms or be a PITA to write, people will be more likely to just go "meh I'll use this one."
This. I don't have a problem taking someone else's last name, especially if it's a kickass one. A plain/common/ugly name and we might have to find some middle ground.
figadapaura
Member
I'd want to keep my name, so it's up to them if they want to keep theirs too. Not a sticking point for me at all.
Wat?!
"I don't want to get married and do so anyway".. that doesn't make sense to me. You either want to get married, or don't want to get married, or are keeping your options open/unsure. If you don't want to get married - don't do it.
I have no idea what you're saying here.
smokeandmirrors
Banned
Not at all. She can keep her. I can keep mine. Idc. It's just a name.
I would prefer if my partner took my name or I'd take hers. Honestly, double names are a bit of a pet peeve of mine since I didn't get along as well with teachers who had them as opposed to those who had single names. Purely anecdotal and meaningless but it's a fun cliche I cultivate.
Escape Goat
Member
It depends if they have a stupid last name.
Different scopes..
I mean it does dip into gender issues, but if you don't give a shit about that then carry on.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coverture
My man, I kinda take issue when I see someone compares this and black people Civil Rights.
I don't get this. Sexism and racism are both shitty. Are we really going to have a tier list of human atrocities? And the only thing I compared it to was how people thought it was "old-fashioned" to strictly only allow themselves to marry someone of the same race. Being "old-fashioned" is often just a euphemism for "being hardheaded and unwilling to accept progressive changes.
But comparing something that is seen as an option by the average person, an option that a person can be fine with or not, to racism makes me feel some type of way. I understand the sentiment, but it just makes me feel some type of way when it's compared to Racism
liliththepale
Banned
When my ex and I used to talk about it, we agreed he'd take my last name because we both liked it better. With my next partner, it's probably going to depend on who has the better name.
Fair enough. I never compared 'em though. But I do think putting precedence on a single minority group is a disservice to all minority groups. I'm brown, I'm an atheist, and I'm bi. People hate me on every front. I feel some type a way, when people talk about race, gender, orientation or religion.
Im just saying
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