I was thinking about this last night and got an idea, hear me out.
Those fuckin' women and their Twilight, right? Look at all that fun they're having, and we don't even have anything to do with it. They have no idea how much better it could be, if only we could bless it with our better taste in entertainment, fucking bigots.
I say, the leading man should be played by a Chris Farley type dude. At a full moon, he turns into Giga Bowser. Instead of just one woman, there are like 17, and they all look exactly like Princess Peach. Frankly, this sounds awesome, and if they don't like it, it just proves they're all bigots who hate men, and that I was right to judge them all along. Women, my professional services are available for a modest fee (hundreds of thousands of dollars) so you poor incompetent fools don't have to figure this winning formula out for yourselves, I'm here to help and make you understand what the market really wants, to grow your sales and shield you from (my) criticism.
Together, we can make Twilight great again ever and appropriate for a modern audience.