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greatestjediever · Jul 28, 2014

Absolutely. Apologies OP, I know someone this happened to as well (female) and it was devastating. How you interpret it is obviously up to you, but that's what I call it. Just know you got support if you ever want or need it.

clearacell · Jul 28, 2014

You weren't sure but she sure as hell seemed guilty and disappointed in herself in the apology, so it was rape. Do what you got to do, but get yourself tested before you move on to another lady...you don't know what this woman did to you.

FStop7 · Jul 28, 2014

Absolutely, OP. You were raped. And I think it took a lot of courage for you to speak up about it openly.

daveo42 · Jul 28, 2014

OP, it does sound like it. Just remember that none of this is your fault and you would be fully justified in reporting it.

captmorgan · Jul 28, 2014

Whats worse about this situation is if you press it, she can have you charged with rape because she was drunk as well (its who ever files a police report first)....and if she gets pregnant from this encounter she will be able to keep raping you for the next 18 years in support payments.

Praise the Lorde · Jul 28, 2014

Yes, you did. Sorry it happened to you. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.

Yrael · Jul 28, 2014

I second the suggestions to call a rape & sexual assault hotline for counselling. It could make you feel much better to talk about it and get some strong support and advice. No one should have to deal with this alone, and there are people who absolutely want to help you.

ffdgh · Jul 28, 2014

Going by what you described and how you feel, yeah you were raped. Sorry to hear that.

besada · Jul 28, 2014

First of all, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You didn't consent. It's rape.

Regardless of what else you do about, I encourage you to contact a rape counselor. The after effects of rape can last a long time and do a lot of damage. A rape counselor can help your process what happened to you, and counsel you regarding what you can do about it. You can find something local, here:
http://centers.rainn.org/

In addition, if you're in school, your university may have on campus resources. I urge you to look into them. Again, I'm terribly sorry this happened to you. If you need someone to chat with, feel free to PM me.

Dali · Jul 28, 2014

I'm gonna go with no. Just based on what I read in the OP.

Keri · Jul 28, 2014

As far as I understand, he'd still have to pay child support, because child support is a right held by the child, an indisputably innocent party who had no control over their conception. Even assuming, however, that rape created an exception for child support (which I don't think it does) it's likely that a conviction would be necessary and the mere report would be insufficient.

Honestly, I'd advise any man who finds themselves in such an unfortunate position to sue for full custody. (But it's extremely unlikely that this girl is pregnant).

Dipz · Jul 28, 2014

Yep, you got raped.

Don't let anyone tell you how to handle it, do what you think is right. You know more about your situation with the rapist (yes, this is what she is) than anyone here would.

soultron · Jul 28, 2014

OP, did you speak with her about it, past her apology? If you're close, maybe you can work this out between the two of you. If the relationship is worth salvaging, that is.

Aquamarine · Jul 28, 2014

Switch the genders around. Have OP be an innocent girl and her aggressor be a man.

If you do that it's very clearly rape. So yeah, regardless of which gender attacked who, if it's unwanted then it's rape.

captmorgan · Jul 28, 2014

And then what? Put the child up for adoption? what if you really didnt want children?

Yrael · Jul 28, 2014

He said "no, let's not do this," was blackout drunk and was slipping in and out of consciousness. There was no consent given. How is that not rape?

direct_quote · Jul 28, 2014

I don't think it's worth salvaging if the girl gave him a drug to try and keep him awake for sex, and still went through with it anyway without his permission while he was passed out.
edit: minus the drug part misread.

FinalStageBoss · Jul 28, 2014

If it continued without your consent, its rape, can't be any more clear,

Eteric Rice · Jul 28, 2014

Yeah, sounds like rape OP. You said no, and she continued on even as you went unconscious.

You were raped, sir.

3bdelilah · Jul 28, 2014

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

Gotchaye · Jul 28, 2014

Now, maybe yours works differently, but most men can't just decide whether or not their penis is going to be erect at any given moment.

hiroshawn · Jul 28, 2014

Wow. If you don't get full custody the i would flee to France and join the legion. I feel sorry for OP.

Dr_Boris_Goltz · Jul 28, 2014

An erection isn't consent.

Devolution · Jul 28, 2014

You know the reverse of this is telling women because their body lubricated itself that they weren't "physically raped."

Just stahp it.

Aquamarine · Jul 28, 2014

In many situations a man getting hard is involuntary...having his penis stimulated while unconscious is another one of those involuntary reactions.

Again, the best way to judge whether it's rape is...switch genders. Have OP be a girl and her aggressor be a man.

Does this sound like rape to you?

If the answer is "yes" then it's rape.

captmorgan · Jul 28, 2014

So if a girl gets wet, or orgasms its not rape?

HUELEN10 · Jul 28, 2014

This.

ItIsOkBro · Jul 28, 2014

This is really one of the worst posts in this topic.

slit · Jul 28, 2014

Uh, guess what. Women have reported orgasms while being raped. That means nothing.

waypoetic · Jul 28, 2014

And that's rape. You know who to call OP

ShyGuy0504 · Jul 28, 2014

That's not how it works.

You don't have to consent to get an erection.

Weiss · Jul 28, 2014

Guys get erections when they sleep. Are they sending out a mating call to women while they're asleep just in case?

wsoxfan1214 · Jul 28, 2014

yes, you were. I would report it.

Try using google some time.

ReignofSparrows · Jul 28, 2014

This is some victim blaming, rape apologetic bullshit.

MIMIC · Jul 28, 2014

Statutorily speaking (at least in Florida), rape (sexual battery) can be committed after the "union" of one's sexual organ with that of another. So an erection isn't necessary.

Camp Lo · Jul 28, 2014

Yeah, that was rape. I got it like that one time but it was with a girlfriend. What a shitty night that was.

Pryce · Jul 28, 2014

This is not a good post.

Winterfang · Jul 28, 2014

I think you got it wrong. It is because he got an erection that he was raped, he participated in a sexual act without his consent. Of course vaginal penetration is not the only way for a man to get raped.

Keri · Jul 28, 2014

Yeah, it's kind of a horrible and impossible situation, BUT, I don't mean to frighten the OP. It's really unlikely this girl is pregnant, if for no other reason, because there's a short window where it's possible for pregnancy to occur (and also because it sounds like she used protection and then stopped, when things weren't working out?)

KillGore · Jul 28, 2014

You were raped

unfortunately modern society doesn't believe men can get raped, so you're screwed.

wsoxfan1214 · Jul 28, 2014

are you fucking serious?

TrueGrime · Jul 28, 2014

This is fucking incredible. I can't even..

I distinctly remember seeing an episode of Law and Order: SVU. They were interviewing a rape victim. A guy on guy rape. The victim was so embarrassed to talk about it because he remembered being sexually stimulated during the rape. Hated himself for it.

eudaemonic · Jul 28, 2014

This post. Listen to the mod.

FStubbs · Jul 28, 2014

You can't use arousal or orgasm on the part of the victim to claim that it wasn't rape.Plenty of women raped by men orgasm but it's still rape. Same thing here.

acrid · Jul 28, 2014

Yeah, it'd probably be best to report it. I'd just be worried that if you didn't, she might (for whatever reason) feel bad about it and somehow try to turn it around on you.

Brofield · Jul 28, 2014

I'm sorry to hear that, OP. It's a shame and just plain shameful that people don't realize men can also be forced to have sex against their will, not just women.

Consent is absolutely paramount. Any party that doesn't consent is being violated.

File a police report, don't let anyone else go through the same experience.

captainraincoat · Jul 28, 2014

As a guy..definitely
I think it's more of a guy thing that we are simply meant to chalk it up as "a nympho tried to attack me....hi five guys"

As a girl they could pretty much tattoo a date/time and name above their vagina and then fuck the guy and cry rape and the law will come down on them and they are branded a sex offender for life

People have the right to say no but it's the idiots who abuse it that have made these sorts of laws so one sided.

timetokill · Jul 28, 2014

You got raped, OP. I'm sorry to hear it.

Psychic rape?
Women can get wet and orgasm when being raped. It's a physical reaction. Same thing with men and erections. I mean I would think it's obvious to any guy since growing up I'd imagine most of us had unwanted erections all the time.

HappyBivouac · Jul 28, 2014

I've had situations where I've said I wasn't in the mood but the girl insisted, and we ended up having sex. That's never a big deal to me, but the act was voluntary on my part. In your case you were barely functioning and she basically made you do it. That's a situation where you need to ask yourself honestly how you feel about it. If you were unwilling and feel violated, it's a problem not to be taken lightly. But if you honestly don't feel bad about it, I couldn't fault you either. My belief is that nobody should tell you how to feel about it as long as you can be honest with yourself.

Kraftwerk · Jul 28, 2014

This is completely wrong of course.

Get educated;

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1w4d7m/orgasm_and_arousal_during_rape_or_sexual_assault/

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/193e3x/iama_sexual_assault_therapist_discussing_when/

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