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[Omega Kirby]

So after a while I had a date today. Coffee shop date, everything went good. Girl is interesting and fun.

Texted her that enjoyed my time and would like to go out with her again. She replied whenever i want.

So whats a good time frame from now for the second date?

 

[WolfeTone]

So after a while I had a date today. Coffee shop date, everything went good. Girl is interesting and fun.

Texted her that enjoyed my time and would like to go out with her again. She replied whenever i want.

So whats a good time frame from now for the second date?

Sounds like it went well. Good job. Set up the date for a couple of days from now. Today is Friday so set it up for Wed or Thursday next week.

It doesn't really matter when it is as long as you don't wait too long.

 

[always crazy bacon]

So after a while I had a date today. Coffee shop date, everything went good. Girl is interesting and fun.

Texted her that enjoyed my time and would like to go out with her again. She replied whenever i want.

So whats a good time frame from now for the second date?

This weekend. Keep up the momentum, perhaps Sunday.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I know this, is dating age, not relationship age, but whatever..

Three days ago I had a big fight over whatsapp with my girlfriend, in which she angrily presented to me a big list (around 20 points) of things she hates about me.

Mostly stuff about how I don't care enough about her, or that I do not appreciate her the way she feels I should appreciate her. Also, she accuses me of not taking her opinions on things seriously, or not even asking her. and making plans for both of us and not asking her about it, and she just follows along (she doesn't object to these plans either, or proposes own ones, I have to add).

I argued that I did a lot of good things to her (which I really think I did. Just not in the capacity she wanted).

So I went kind of angry after she wrote all of that stuff in quite a rude tone, and split up with her, because of this an the fact that we have big arguments over stuff like once a month..

Off course, after these few days, now, I regret this and feel sorry.
Should I try to get her back, or would this be lame (after me splitting up with her?)? She split up with me like three times in the beginning of our relationship when she was unsure about us, regretted it and came back to me each time.

Not sure what to do..

Either she's unreasonable, or you're not putting enough into it. Either way, I think you should just move on. I had a bout of regret, and pushed through it, because honestly, the bad outweighed the good. Seems to be the case with you too.

 

[Jhoan]

Help me out with this one Dating GAF. I went on today's date and I think I done goof. I met up with the girl in question and there was lots of good quips and chemistry but lots of awkward silence when got to the bar and had our drinks. I touched her a lot but I couldn't tell if she was uncomfortable or not and no, not inappropriately. I noticed that she would fiddle with her rings, tap on her beer glass and kept looking forward rather than make eye contact with me. I also noticed that at one point she bit her thumb. We thumb wrestled a few times and she felt comfortable having my leg against hers (we sat side by side on a leather couch).

Conversation got a bit awkward and required me making an effort to get her to talk more. I'm not used to that. We talked about the night Trump was elected and how we spent it. For her it got a bit... intense so I had to change the subject and regret asking in the moment. Long story short: when I asked if she would like to kiss me, she said that she's not a fan of PDA and felt introverted. She ended up summoning a Lyft rather than walk back to the subway so here I am. I feel like I done goof but maybe I'm overthinking it and need to ask her out again rather than ghost her like I normally do with dates that I feel like I've tanked.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Help me out with this one Dating GAF. I went on today's date and I think I done goof. I met up with the girl in question and there was lots of good quips and chemistry but lots of awkward silence when got to the bar and had our drinks. I touched her a lot but I couldn't tell if she was uncomfortable or not and no, not inappropriately. I noticed that she would fiddle with her rings, tap on her beer glass and kept looking forward rather than make eye contact with me. I also noticed that at one point she bit her thumb. We thumb wrestled a few times and she felt comfortable having my leg against hers (we sat side by side on a leather couch).

Conversation got a bit awkward and required me making an effort to get her to talk more. I'm not used to that. We talked about the night Trump was elected and how we spent it. For her it got a bit... intense so I had to change the subject and regret asking in the moment. Long story short: when I asked if she would like to kiss me, she said that she's not a fan of PDA and felt introverted. She ended up summoning a Lyft rather than walk back to the subway so here I am. I feel like I done goof but maybe I'm overthinking it and need to ask her out again rather than ghost her like I normally do with dates that I feel like I've tanked.

Sorry guy you know the answer to this one, she's just not into you.You can't have chemistry AND awkward silences. Does not sound like you goofed, just a date where you two didn't hit it off..

 

[Megalosaro]

Something happened tonight to make me remember who I really am. Tomorrow I'm going to tell the girl it's not working out and I don't want to see her anymore.

I'll give her the 50 dollars for the concert we had. And then I'll delete her number and break contact. Apologize for wasting her time.

Is that doing right by her?

 

[LucidMomentum]

Something happened tonight to make me remember who I really am. Tomorrow I'm going to tell the girl it's not working out and I don't want to see her anymore.

I'll give her the 50 dollars for the concert we had. And then I'll delete her number and break contact. Apologize for wasting her time.

Is that doing right by her?

If you ain't feeling it, then yeah that seems like the best course of action.

 

[Salamando]

Something happened tonight to make me remember who I really am. Tomorrow I'm going to tell the girl it's not working out and I don't want to see her anymore.

I'll give her the 50 dollars for the concert we had. And then I'll delete her number and break contact. Apologize for wasting her time.

Is that doing right by her?

Willing to share what happened? That's quite the 180 from earlier today, and the "remember who I really am" sounds ominous enough that I'm concerned.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Something happened tonight to make me remember who I really am. Tomorrow I'm going to tell the girl it's not working out and I don't want to see her anymore.

I'll give her the 50 dollars for the concert we had. And then I'll delete her number and break contact. Apologize for wasting her time.

Is that doing right by her?

It's more than most people would do and gives her closure.

 

[Jhoan]

Sorry guy you know the answer to this one, she's just not into you.You can't have chemistry AND awkward silences. Does not sound like you goofed, just a date where you two didn't hit it off..

Thanks for the confirmation! I knew the writing was on the wall the moment she was avoiding eye contact with me, kept drinking her beer, and staring off into space. I agree that what I wanted was different from what she wanted. I go back and forth between being meek and reserved on dates and aggressive/playful. I haven't found a middle ground between the two. In retrospect, I should have walked away when she was waiting for her Lyft rather than waited with her.

I think I might be due for another break from online dating soon to focus on my art, writing, and other stuff. I've been constantly disappointed and growing ever so cynical with the endless stream of first dates that I've gone on. It's been really frustrating slogging along and repeating a variation of the same stuff a billion times. I feel like what makes it more frustrating is being a person of color and getting dismissed too easily because of it. Either that, or just stop going out with women around my age who are looking for something serious and skew exclusively younger/older women.

Ever since I got back from my Chicago trip a few weeks ago, I've been itching to go travel again and have been slowly getting my priorities straightened out. I told myself that I would take a solo trip to Canada this summer for about two weeks so I will set to planning a solid date, a deadline, and a budget. Traveling alone to Chicago taught me that I can meet new people just fine through hostels and that to some degree, I really don't need any of the online dating apps.

 

[AdanVC]

Girl I meet on tinder last week. We talk nice, she says she wants to meet me in person and suddenly on tuesday she say we should go out today. She is hyped, I'm hyped. Today comes and she continues being hyped, I do too.

Less than one hour before the meeting time she cancels saying she just remembered she had to take her mom to the doc at the same hour. Doesn't say nothing but "sorry" I said: "it ok " she answered "thank "..... siiiiiiiiiiiighhhh. You know, maybe it was truee and she had to take her mom to the doc for an appointment but still, this sucks. We're chatting very slightly and empty right now and she still hasn't said "let's hang out tomorrow!" or something like that...

So just as a sad update, she didn't wrote me anything the whole day. I think that's it with this girl

 

[jimmypython]

So just as a sad update, she didn't wrote me anything the whole day. I think that's it with this girl

you never know....but yeah better to move on

 

[always crazy bacon]

I feel like what makes it more frustrating is being a person of color and getting dismissed too easily because of it.

If these women know that before they agree to date you, then how can you be dismissed because of it?

 

[Megalosaro]

Willing to share what happened? That's quite the 180 from earlier today, and the "remember who I really am" sounds ominous enough that I'm concerned.

If you ain't feeling it, then yeah that seems like the best course of action.

I like her a lot actually. She's great.

But I'm an emotional mess. There is a lot I'm having to deal with, and she doesn't deserve to have to deal with that shit.

So basically it's not really on subject for this thread.

 

[Peltz]

Anyone is nice when you see them in their best, you have to see how they are in their worst to realise how they really are as a whole.

This is some true wisdom.

I like her a lot actually. She's great.

But I'm an emotional mess. There is a lot I'm having to deal with, and she doesn't deserve to have to deal with that shit.

So basically it's not really on subject for this thread.

Sounds like you don't want to be vulnerable right now. Willing to be vulnerable is sort of a prerequisite to successfully dating. Get your shit sorted out and, no matter what, stop being so hard on yourself all the time. Every day is a fresh start and you are in control of "who you really are" no matter what the situation may be. Remember that.

Thanks for the confirmation! I knew the writing was on the wall the moment she was avoiding eye contact with me, kept drinking her beer, and staring off into space. I agree that what I wanted was different from what she wanted. I go back and forth between being meek and reserved on dates and aggressive/playful.

You should not worry about "how" to act. Just act like yourself. If she likes it, cool. If not, also cool. If you're feeling playful, be playful If you're not, then don't. This isn't a "strategic" thing. And it isn't something you should be actively thinking about.

Someone who is naturally playful doesn't say to himself "okay I'm going to be playful right now." He just is. Same goes for being confident, being reserved, being a good listener, being interested, etc. You have been interacting with people since you were born, you know how to do it. You click with some people, and you don't with others. I wouldn't try to control any of that.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I like her a lot actually. She's great.

But I'm an emotional mess. There is a lot I'm having to deal with, and she doesn't deserve to have to deal with that shit.

So basically it's not really on subject for this thread.

Maybe let her make that decision rather than make it for her.

 

[AdanVC]

you never know....but yeah better to move on

It's weird because days before planning the meeting, she always wrote me first, saying good morning and stuff, I wrote her good morning today and still hasn't answered yet... Better to move on indeed. It's just so frustrating she went from "hell yeah can't wait to see you <3" to "I gotta cancel" and stay radio silence for two days now. Sigh. Good thing all of this just lasted a week, otherwise I would had get hooked to this girl and it would had been more difficult to move on.

 

[Ray Wonder]

How are people so good at finding the exact angle to make them look hot. Swear people don't look even close to their profile pics 60% of the time &#128514;

 

[artsi]

Ok I'm now officially done with hookups after tonight, fuck this.

&#128556;

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

How are people so good at finding the exact angle to make them look hot. Swear people don't look even close to their profile pics 60% of the time &#128514;

Because it takes them 100 tries to get 1 photo that looks that way.

Ok I'm now officially done with hookups after tonight, fuck this.

&#128556;

Sure you are.

On my end, got a date Monday and Tuesday. We'll see how they go. I don't waste time with extraneous communication beforehand, so I really don't know much about these girls other than that they look cute and we've got a few things in common.

 

[artsi]

Sure you are.

Earlier today I had the best date I think I've had with this sweet, smart girl. We went outside for a walk and talked for a long time in this nice park.
We both had good time, a lot of common interests and want to see each other again.

Then I ruined my great day by having the worst sex I've had with the ugliest woman I've ever dated.

I'm disgusted by myself lol.

 

[Megalosaro]

Ok... I cold my shit and my heads back in the game. You're all right.

Question.

So we have plans for next Friday already. Should I ask about something that is coming up in two weeks? Something called the OC night market.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Earlier today I had the best date I think I've had with this sweet, smart girl. We went outside for a walk and talked for a long time in this nice park.
We both had good time, a lot of common interests and want to see each other again.

Then I ruined my great day by having the worst sex I've had with the ugliest woman I've ever dated.

I'm disgusted by myself lol.

Cause your dick took over and you had no control over your body or actions right? Come on my dude...You need to think about why you chose to have sex after such a good date. Why did you feel the need for that one last hook up?

And labelling her ugly is you projecting the disappointment you're feeling in yourself. Understandable, but there's no need to tear someone else down for your own shortcomings.

 

[artsi]

Cause your dick took over and you had no control over your body or actions right? Come on my dude...You need to think about why you chose to have sex after such a good date. Why did you feel the need for that one last hook up?

And labelling her ugly is you projecting the disappointment you're feeling in yourself. Understandable, but there's no need to tear someone else down for your own shortcomings.

I don't think I've blamed anyone but myself here, I did stupid for no good reason and that's why I feel bad man.

 

[Peltz]

I don't think I've blamed anyone but myself here, I did stupid for no good reason and that's why I feel bad man.

My personal philosophy is that if the prospect of having sex with a girl doesn't inspire a "fuck yes" in my mind, then it's a firm "no."

 

[jimmypython]

It's weird because days before planning the meeting, she always wrote me first, saying good morning and stuff, I wrote her good morning today and still hasn't answered yet... Better to move on indeed. It's just so frustrating she went from "hell yeah can't wait to see you <3" to "I gotta cancel" and stay radio silence for two days now. Sigh. Good thing all of this just lasted a week, otherwise I would had get hooked to this girl and it would had been more difficult to move on.

yeah I feel you my friend.

So a general good thing to do is reducing the texting and saving the convo for meeting. But, things could also go south the very next day even if the first date was good for both.

Having been on both ends (somebody lost interest in me or I lost interest in somebody else), I will say it doesn't feel good either way. Sometimes we just need to stop giving too much of a shit. lol

Good luck~~~

 

[gaiages]

Ok... I cold my shit and my heads back in the game. You're all right.

Question.

So we have plans for next Friday already. Should I ask about something that is coming up in two weeks? Something called the OC night market.

I'm... a little confused on your post. If you wanna make more future plans, then go for it.

 

[Jetman]

When you guys get a connection on Tinder or Bumble, about how many messages in do you usually ask them out for coffee or a drink? My instinct is to text for awhile until I think the other person is comfortable and then ask, but a buddy told me he pops the question right away so the small talk doesn't have a chance to get boring and you keep enough stuff to talk about for the date.
The last girl I asked out sooner than I usually would (maybe 3 or 4 messages after we talked about where she was from), then boom - she ghosted me.
I guess it depends on the person.
Do you guys ask for a date right away? Maybe it's best so they know that you actually are who your profile shows and aren't cat-fishing them?

 

[always crazy bacon]

Soon as reasonably possible, ideally the first available weekend since you matched. Keep the texting lite before then so you have something to talk about during the date. It's all about keeping momentum.

What you're doing is avoiding risk by being sure they like you before the date, you become old fast and end up friend zoned or she thinks your not interested when there are other guys that are being more spontaneous.

 

[Peltz]

When you guys get a connection on Tinder or Bumble, about how many messages in do you usually ask them out for coffee or a drink? My instinct is to text for awhile until I think the other person is comfortable and then ask, but a buddy told me he pops the question right away so the small talk doesn't have a chance to get boring and you keep enough stuff to talk about for the date.
The last girl I asked out sooner than I usually would (maybe 3 or 4 messages after we talked about where she was from), then boom - she ghosted me.
I guess it depends on the person.
Do you guys ask for a date right away? Maybe it's best so they know that you actually are who your profile shows and aren't cat-fishing them?

Depends on my mood. Usually not right away though. I like to see if they're normal first. Within the day I match with them though.

But if they ask what I'm up to, I'll usually just skip right to "not much, want to grab a drink?" if I'm free.

 

[Megalosaro]

I'm... a little confused on your post. If you wanna make more future plans, then go for it.

I guess my question is... this early on, is it too early to set something up for two weeks from now?

Or should we go date to date.

Date 3 went really well. I picked her up from her place and we went to hang out at pacific city in HB. Had a really good lunch / dinner at Lemonade.

Went walked around and held her. At first she was hesitant to hold back. But after a while she held on to my waist. It was nice. We shared some macaroons, then went and walked around some more. Talked and joked around.

Harry Potter concert next friday. I'll probably hit her up and see if she wants to pick up a quick dinner at Ikea on Monday. She likes their meatballs.

I like her a lot guys.

 

[Jetman]

Soon as reasonably possible, ideally the first available weekend since you matched. Keep the texting lite before then so you have something to talk about during the date. It's all about keeping momentum.

What you're doing is avoiding risk by being sure they like you before the date, you become old fast and end up friend zoned or she thinks your not interested when there are other guys that are being more spontaneous.

Depends on my mood. Usually not right away though. I like to see if they're normal first. Within the day I match with them though.

But if they ask what I'm up to, I'll usually just skip right to "not much, want to grab a drink?" if I'm free.

Right on! thanks thanks.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So, that dry spell.

I went to a friend's housewarming party tonight, where I didn't know anyone but him and the people I expected to show didn't, so I had to be outwardly social. I ended up chatting the entire night with a drop-dead gorgeous Persian lawyer who, it turns out, wasn't there with anyone (since everyone else was a goddamned couple, naturally).

To make a long story short, we're going out, her dog's cute as hell, she's actually a decent person since she knows my buddy, and apparently Carrie Underwood was a bitch to her.

Meanwhile, I've got dates for Monday and Tuesday scheduled.

Yes, I'll go on them. Yes, the girls could be amazing. But I just want to see more of the girl I met tonight.

How do you guys deal with dating multiple people when you've got a clear preference for one? Basically, otherwise stated (and I realize I'm nowhere near there yet but I've been in this position before), how do you manage dates when you see things progressing with someone but you're not exclusive yet?

 

[Armadilo]

Yesterday I had a date with this girl that I went to high school with, We never really talked in high school but through facebook and asked her if she wanted to see Lewis Black and we did that.

I put on my best clothes but when we first met it felt odd. Basically, it was the first time actually meeting and talking in person, in School we never really talked.

She's beautiful like always but she's turned into someone that smokes a lot and hippy that hates capitalism, she doesn't like to label people and etc... so she didn't like the show.

So it was hard because at times it seemed that I offended her somehow, but sometimes it felt like I was talking to the "real her" laughing and very sweet. She's just down to earth.

In the end of the night, depressingly. I think that my current self would be the perfect guy for how she was in the past. People change and I guess that's it.

__I just want to find a normal woman seriously, I really try to be my best during a date. I go to the gym to stay fit, some good style for my clothes and I'm a nice guy that's pretty goofy. I'm just looking for someone that would actually like going to the movies or walking in the park. I just have terrible luck.

 

[Messofanego]

Ok I'm now officially done with hookups after tonight, fuck this.

&#128556;

 

[artsi]

My personal philosophy is that if the prospect of having sex with a girl doesn't inspire a "fuck yes" in my mind, then it's a firm "no."

Preach.

I don't want to even describe it that much, but even my penis knew better and was like "fuck no" right away when clothes came off. I still tried but... nope nope nope.

But I'm trying to forget that and focus on my actual date, I really liked her and she also seems enthusiastic to meet again next week.
We both like hiking and nature so I was thinking we could go somewhere if the weather is good.

 

[vern]

Yesterday I had a date with this girl that I went to high school with, We never really talked in high school but through facebook and asked her if she wanted to see Lewis Black and we did that.

I put on my best clothes but when we first met it felt odd. Basically, it was the first time actually meeting and talking in person, in School we never really talked.

She's beautiful like always but she's turned into someone that smokes a lot and hippy that hates capitalism, she doesn't like to label people and etc... so she didn't like the show.

So it was hard because at times it seemed that I offended her somehow, but sometimes it felt like I was talking to the "real her" laughing and very sweet. She's just down to earth.

In the end of the night, depressingly. I think that my current self would be the perfect guy for how she was in the past. People change and I guess that's it.

__I just want to find a normal woman seriously, I really try to be my best during a date. I go to the gym to stay fit, some good style for my clothes and I'm a nice guy that's pretty goofy. I'm just looking for someone that would actually like going to the movies or walking in the park. I just have terrible luck.

First you need to start taking advice from this thread. How many times do we gotta say stop calling yourself a nice guy and blaming your bad luck! Actually learn from these dates and from what we tell you instead of just being a Debbie downer. Anyway not every date is supposed to end up with some fairy tale romance. Probably 99.9% of all first dates don't end up in creating a lasting relationship. Just keep putting yourself out there, improve yourself, and stop being a weirdo/nice guy. Maybe easier said than done, but try some actual introspection.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Yesterday I had a date with this girl that I went to high school with, We never really talked in high school but through facebook and asked her if she wanted to see Lewis Black and we did that.

I put on my best clothes but when we first met it felt odd. Basically, it was the first time actually meeting and talking in person, in School we never really talked.

She's beautiful like always but she's turned into someone that smokes a lot and hippy that hates capitalism, she doesn't like to label people and etc... so she didn't like the show.

So it was hard because at times it seemed that I offended her somehow, but sometimes it felt like I was talking to the "real her" laughing and very sweet. She's just down to earth.

In the end of the night, depressingly. I think that my current self would be the perfect guy for how she was in the past. People change and I guess that's it.

__I just want to find a normal woman seriously, I really try to be my best during a date. I go to the gym to stay fit, some good style for my clothes and I'm a nice guy that's pretty goofy. I'm just looking for someone that would actually like going to the movies or walking in the park. I just have terrible luck.

You're ignoring everything dating GAF has told you and are repeating what clearly does not work for you over and over and blaming "luck".

I'M A MAN! (Yes, its this guy again).

 

[Messofanego]

For the millionth time, if you have to say "I'm a nice guy", you probably aren't. Actions, not words lol.

You're ignoring everything dating GAF has told you and are repeating what clearly does not work for you over and over and blaming "luck".

I'M A MAN! (Yes, its this guy again).

Maybe he has all of Dating-GAF on ignore...

 

[Peltz]

So, that dry spell.

I went to a friend's housewarming party tonight, where I didn't know anyone but him and the people I expected to show didn't, so I had to be outwardly social. I ended up chatting the entire night with a drop-dead gorgeous Persian lawyer who, it turns out, wasn't there with anyone (since everyone else was a goddamned couple, naturally).

To make a long story short, we're going out, her dog's cute as hell, she's actually a decent person since she knows my buddy, and apparently Carrie Underwood was a bitch to her.

Meanwhile, I've got dates for Monday and Tuesday scheduled.

Yes, I'll go on them. Yes, the girls could be amazing. But I just want to see more of the girl I met tonight.

How do you guys deal with dating multiple people when you've got a clear preference for one? Basically, otherwise stated (and I realize I'm nowhere near there yet but I've been in this position before), how do you manage dates when you see things progressing with someone but you're not exclusive yet?

You hold your fucking horses. That's how. You just met this girl so don't throw all your eggs in her basket. She may not be as magnificent the next time you meet her and you have no reason not to weigh your options as an informed person.

Yesterday I had a date with this girl that I went to high school with, We never really talked in high school but through facebook and asked her if she wanted to see Lewis Black and we did that.

I put on my best clothes but when we first met it felt odd. Basically, it was the first time actually meeting and talking in person, in School we never really talked.

She's beautiful like always but she's turned into someone that smokes a lot and hippy that hates capitalism, she doesn't like to label people and etc... so she didn't like the show.

So it was hard because at times it seemed that I offended her somehow, but sometimes it felt like I was talking to the "real her" laughing and very sweet. She's just down to earth.

In the end of the night, depressingly. I think that my current self would be the perfect guy for how she was in the past. People change and I guess that's it.

__I just want to find a normal woman seriously, I really try to be my best during a date. I go to the gym to stay fit, some good style for my clothes and I'm a nice guy that's pretty goofy. I'm just looking for someone that would actually like going to the movies or walking in the park. I just have terrible luck.

Unlike the others who've responded I don't know your posting history. But from this post I'm just going to say it: you sound needy.

Ever notice it's often the person who is least invested in something is the one that ends up achieving it? You should give less fucks about this. Most first dates are going to be stinkers so just get used to it and stop giving a fuck about the outcome.

Needy people think they're nice guys, but they're not. Why? Well it's because they think they're owed something they're not. That's you bro. Don't be that guy.

 

[Denzar]

Yesterday I had a date with this girl that I went to high school with, We never really talked in high school but through facebook and asked her if she wanted to see Lewis Black and we did that.

I put on my best clothes but when we first met it felt odd. Basically, it was the first time actually meeting and talking in person, in School we never really talked.

She's beautiful like always but she's turned into someone that smokes a lot and hippy that hates capitalism, she doesn't like to label people and etc... so she didn't like the show.

So it was hard because at times it seemed that I offended her somehow, but sometimes it felt like I was talking to the "real her" laughing and very sweet. She's just down to earth.

In the end of the night, depressingly. I think that my current self would be the perfect guy for how she was in the past. People change and I guess that's it.

__I just want to find a normal woman seriously, I really try to be my best during a date. I go to the gym to stay fit, some good style for my clothes and I'm a nice guy that's pretty goofy. I'm just looking for someone that would actually like going to the movies or walking in the park. I just have terrible luck.

Don't be so hard on yourself man! Like you said, she changed, and you don't seem to be compatible. That's it. It doesn't matter if you would've been the perfect match for her past self. Asking yourself those questions and pondering about what could have been has a negative impact on your thoughts, self-esteem and the way you will percieve future opportunities! If anything, it seems like this girl has discovered who she is and what she believes in. I get the feeling that you are still searching for who YOU really are. You're already putting effort into this by going to the gym and by being conscious of what you wear and what's around you. That's amazing! Continue to do so! Experiment with new things, try new kinds of clothes, listen to new kinds of music, etc... Dive into and stick with the stuff you really like and the things that feel good to you . Doesn't matter if you're goofy. Plenty of people like goofy personalities and looks.

If might feel like bad luck, but it's reality. Like many have said, most dates are dead ends. People are fickle, including you. Beware the self-fullfilling prophecy, don't get caught up in a negative spiral of self pity and don't overthink what happened on previous dates. You can learn from past experiences by analysing them, but don't get hung up on them. Instead keep moving forward and keep doing what you like. If you see a new opportunity, go for it. You're doing great and making strides. You'll get there, I'm sure!

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

You hold your fucking horses. That's how. You just met this girl so don't throw all your eggs in her basket. She may not be as magnificent the next time you meet her and you have no reason not to weigh your options as an informed person.

Oh, I know. I fully intend to be present and enjoy the fuck out of the dates I have coming up. That wasn't exactly what I was asking, and it wasn't a question specifically about my situation. The more generalized version is this:

Let's say you've been out X times with someone, but you aren't exclusive yet. Do you still go on dates with others? At what value of X do you start tapering back on searching for other options?

For me, it's easier when you start dating people at roughly the same time, and I realize all situations are different. I mean, I suppose it's a level of comfort thing.

 

[gaiages]

I guess my question is... this early on, is it too early to set something up for two weeks from now?

Or should we go date to date.

Date 3 went really well. I picked her up from her place and we went to hang out at pacific city in HB. Had a really good lunch / dinner at Lemonade.

Went walked around and held her. At first she was hesitant to hold back. But after a while she held on to my waist. It was nice. We shared some macaroons, then went and walked around some more. Talked and joked around.

Harry Potter concert next friday. I'll probably hit her up and see if she wants to pick up a quick dinner at Ikea on Monday. She likes their meatballs.

I like her a lot guys.

Ahh. Um, why not ask her about the market during/after the concert or Ikea then? Seems like you got a good thing going on regardless

So, that dry spell.

I went to a friend's housewarming party tonight, where I didn't know anyone but him and the people I expected to show didn't, so I had to be outwardly social. I ended up chatting the entire night with a drop-dead gorgeous Persian lawyer who, it turns out, wasn't there with anyone (since everyone else was a goddamned couple, naturally).

To make a long story short, we're going out, her dog's cute as hell, she's actually a decent person since she knows my buddy, and apparently Carrie Underwood was a bitch to her.

Meanwhile, I've got dates for Monday and Tuesday scheduled.

Yes, I'll go on them. Yes, the girls could be amazing. But I just want to see more of the girl I met tonight.

How do you guys deal with dating multiple people when you've got a clear preference for one? Basically, otherwise stated (and I realize I'm nowhere near there yet but I've been in this position before), how do you manage dates when you see things progressing with someone but you're not exclusive yet?

Wait, hold on, I think you need to pump those breaks a little bit.

You just met the Persian woman yesterday. Or two days ago. GAF time stamps are weird. ANYWAY, it's only been two days, thinking about exclusivity and whatnot is a little... fast, don't you think? If it comes to that it comes to that, but I think you're kind of overinvesting in this one woman that you haven't even known for a week yet. So, go on the dates with the others. Don't just sit there and compare them to her, either. Get a little perspective and distance in the picture and if you still feel the same way, then you have your answer about how you feel about the Persian woman.

Oh, I know. I fully intend to be present and enjoy the fuck out of the dates I have coming up. That wasn't exactly what I was asking, and it wasn't a question specifically about my situation. The more generalized version is this:

Let's say you've been out X times with someone, but you aren't exclusive yet. Do you still go on dates with others? At what value of X do you start tapering back on searching for other options?

For me, it's easier when you start dating people at roughly the same time, and I realize all situations are different. I mean, I suppose it's a level of comfort thing.

Diaboli, you should know that these things aren't formulas Especially when you could have one date a week, or five dates a week, it just depends on the situation. Generally, you can keep dating if you want to until you two are exclusive, it's up to you whether or not you actually want to do that.

 

[FyreWulff]

Yesterday I had a date with this girl that I went to high school with, We never really talked in high school but through facebook and asked her if she wanted to see Lewis Black and we did that.

I put on my best clothes but when we first met it felt odd. Basically, it was the first time actually meeting and talking in person, in School we never really talked.

She's beautiful like always but she's turned into someone that smokes a lot and hippy that hates capitalism, she doesn't like to label people and etc... so she didn't like the show.

So it was hard because at times it seemed that I offended her somehow, but sometimes it felt like I was talking to the "real her" laughing and very sweet. She's just down to earth.

In the end of the night, depressingly. I think that my current self would be the perfect guy for how she was in the past. People change and I guess that's it.

__I just want to find a normal woman seriously, I really try to be my best during a date. I go to the gym to stay fit, some good style for my clothes and I'm a nice guy that's pretty goofy. I'm just looking for someone that would actually like going to the movies or walking in the park. I just have terrible luck.

stop viewing dating as "i've put in a lot of tokens into the jar at this point, i should get something out". you're putting too much weight on stage one of dating, meeting people.

 

[always crazy bacon]

stop viewing dating as "i've put in a lot of tokens into the jar at this point, i should get something out". you're putting too much weight on stage one of dating, meeting people.

Exactly, he's showing no signs of connecting with them at a personal level and seems to be running a formula of: wear best clothes + be a nice man + ask on date + try really hard = instant relationship. As if just getting the date is proof his formula works and then crying bad luck when it does not work as it's supposed to as a girlfriend is something you "get" from what I can see his thinking is. This is the guy that last week told us his friend told him he came on too strong to women.

I'm sure this isnt the last of the saga.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Wait, hold on, I think you need to pump those breaks a little bit.

My fault for asking a general question after posting a personal anecdote. I'm definitely not overinvesting: I'm no stranger to this rodeo. I made those rookie mistakes back in OT3.

I completely agree with your sentiments, obviously.

 

[Peltz]

Oh, I know. I fully intend to be present and enjoy the fuck out of the dates I have coming up. That wasn't exactly what I was asking, and it wasn't a question specifically about my situation. The more generalized version is this:

Let's say you've been out X times with someone, but you aren't exclusive yet. Do you still go on dates with others? At what value of X do you start tapering back on searching for other options?

For me, it's easier when you start dating people at roughly the same time, and I realize all situations are different. I mean, I suppose it's a level of comfort thing.

I have once dated a girl for 3 weeks and decided to stop seeing other people because I was sure she was who I wanted (at the time). I have also dated a girl for 5 months who I really cared about but never wanted to be exclusive because I was never really sure it would work. Both decisions were correct in hindsight.

Be exclusive when you genuinely want to commit. Exclusivity isn't a "negotiation" or a "deal". When both people naturally want to date only each other, that's when exclusivity makes sense. It doesn't work in any other context.

So my answer is: don't worry about it. Date who you want. If you only want one girl (and are absolutely sure about it after a reasonable length of time which varies situation to situation) then just date her and no one else. Just be transparent about it with her.

Believe it or not, there's nothing wrong with being forthcoming about expectations on both sides of a relationship. Asking what is expected of you or stating what you want from the other person isn't wrong to do from early on (as long as it isn't needy). If both people have naturally aligned expectations - whether it's to be exclusive or otherwise - then you have a good thing going. If not, then it will not work out.

Just have an open zero-pressure conversation with the other person. If you feel like you don't even know her or trust her well enough to do that, then you definitely aren't close enough to be exclusive anyway. Exclusivity should only result when you are fully able to share your thoughts and have developed genuine trust. If that happens, you'll already know when the time is right to stop seeing others. It will be a natural byproduct of an already healthy, functioning relationship.

If you only want to see one person before all that happens, then chances are you're deciding that based on either a lack of alternative options or some sort of insecurity. Neither of those are good reasons to be exclusive.

 

[Goldboy]

So... first time posting in this thread, so hi everyone! I had a weird "date" last night and I'd like to know what the Dating-GAF experts think about this. Sorry if it's a bit long.

Alright, yesterday I hung out with this girl I've been into for a while. We're pretty good friends, but I've been looking for ways to take things to the next level for a while now. She's dropped hints now and then that she might be into me, and I thought things were progressing in that direction anyways until yesterday happened.

I picked her up from her house and she asked if I want to get drunk at the beach. Sounds fun, right? Things start off well enough, with us just talking like we normally do but more drunk, and eventually she actually makes a move. Nothing crazy, just cuddling since the beach is packed and anything else might look weird. Out of nowhere though, the rest of the alcohol she drank hits her hard and she gets, uh, aggressive. She gets on top of me out of nowhere and starts biting my neck, stomach, etc. At first I don't know how to react, but I'm into it since I'm drunk and we start making out.
At one point though, I realize something-- I might be drunk, but she's way more drunk than I am. She can barely form a coherent sentence.

To add to this, while the sun is going down and people leaving, there are still a few people around pretty close to us, including a family playing with their kids like 50 feet away in plain sight, so that's awkward. Long story short, she tries taking her pants off but I stop her and say flat out that she seems a lot more drunk than me and I'm not cool with taking advantage of her like that, plus we're in public with people all around us. Despite me saying I'm not into it she persists until I make it really clear that I'm not trying to hook up like that.
At this point, she gets really emotional and starts crying by herself, won't tell me about what though so I decide to just leave her alone for a bit and let her work it out in peace. Eventually, we go back to just hanging out and talking like before, but there's a bit of awkwardness in the air that I was too drunk to try to clear with any tact. A couple more hours pass and we part ways.

I feel like I did the right thing but I'm really hoping that what happened yesterday doesn't ruin the chances of us becoming more than friends, or even worse, ruin our friendship, and I also hope she doesn't feel too bad about it. I'm going to be near her house today to get a new phone (my dumb drunk ass broke my old one last night), so I was thinking about meeting up with her for a bit and clearing the air on things, maybe telling her how I actually feel if it seems like the right time.

I guess I'm just venting more than anything, but if anyone's been in a similar situation I'd love to hear your advice/anecdotes.

TL;DR - Got drunk with the girl I like, she got way too drunk and made a move on me, me being less drunk felt like it would be wrong to take advantage of her since she seemed nearly blacked out, things are awkward now and I don't know how to proceed

 

[Peltz]

So... first time posting in this thread, so hi everyone! I had a weird "date" last night and I'd like to know what the Dating-GAF experts think about this. Sorry if it's a bit long.

Alright, yesterday I hung out with this girl I've been into for a while. We're pretty good friends, but I've been looking for ways to take things to the next level for a while now. She's dropped hints now and then that she might be into me, and I thought things were progressing in that direction anyways until yesterday happened.

I picked her up from her house and she asked if I want to get drunk at the beach. Sounds fun, right? Things start off well enough, with us just talking like we normally do but more drunk, and eventually she actually makes a move. Nothing crazy, just cuddling since the beach is packed and anything else might look weird. Out of nowhere though, the rest of the alcohol she drank hits her hard and she gets, uh, aggressive. She gets on top of me out of nowhere and starts biting my neck, stomach, etc. At first I don't know how to react, but I'm into it since I'm drunk and we start making out.
At one point though, I realize something-- I might be drunk, but she's way more drunk than I am. She can barely form a coherent sentence.

To add to this, while the sun is going down and people leaving, there are still a few people around pretty close to us, including a family playing with their kids like 50 feet away in plain sight, so that's awkward. Long story short, she tries taking her pants off but I stop her and say flat out that she seems a lot more drunk than me and I'm not cool with taking advantage of her like that, plus we're in public with people all around us. Despite me saying I'm not into it she persists until I make it really clear that I'm not trying to hook up like that.
At this point, she gets really emotional and starts crying by herself, won't tell me about what though so I decide to just leave her alone for a bit and let her work it out in peace. Eventually, we go back to just hanging out and talking like before, but there's a bit of awkwardness in the air that I was too drunk to try to clear with any tact. A couple more hours pass and we part ways.

I feel like I did the right thing but I'm really hoping that what happened yesterday doesn't ruin the chances of us becoming more than friends, or even worse, ruin our friendship, and I also hope she doesn't feel too bad about it. I'm going to be near her house today to get a new phone (my dumb drunk ass broke my old one last night), so I was thinking about meeting up with her for a bit and clearing the air on things, maybe telling her how I actually feel if it seems like the right time.

I guess I'm just venting more than anything, but if anyone's been in a similar situation I'd love to hear your advice/anecdotes.

TL;DR - Got drunk with the girl I like, she got way too drunk and made a move on me, me being less drunk felt like it would be wrong to take advantage of her since she seemed nearly blacked out, things are awkward now and I don't know how to proceed

Just be understanding. Bring it up and be like.., "yo you got sauced yesterday. Do you remember?" And see what she says. We all make mistakes here and there.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Just make sure it's not a repeating pattern for her and she can control her stuff.