Don't do this to yourself, and don't do this to her. Trying to friend your way into a girls pants is dishonest and makes you a phony friend...and you deserve to find someone who'll give you better than a 1% chance.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
Don't do this to yourself, and don't do this to her. Trying to friend your way into a girls pants is dishonest and makes you a phony friend...and you deserve to find someone who'll give you better than a 1% chance.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Ayyyyy Lmao.
Was mad in the nervous over everything/simping/"nice guy" territory at one point. Eventually I realized it was dumb and changed my outlook. Been much more successful since then but it's a marathon not a sprint.
Also I def get way less action than some of the main stays here lol but I do aight. Not totally a heartless bastard
kind of a heartless bastard
always crazy bacon
Banned
I'm just glad there wasn't internet when I was young to record those days.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Frankly I'm happy I never found interest in Reddit during that tine. You ever read "The Red Pill"? There are some bitter ass losers there. Damn.
I weep for this upcoming generation.
jimmypython
Member
nah. it is still 0% in my opinion. In most cases, spending more time with a love interest of yours while in the zone (sorry about this word) isn't going to increase your chance in the romantic direction at all. If anything, you will make her feel more comfortable to have you as a friend (aka, deeper into the zone).
If you want to increase the chance, a better thing to do is to tell her your intention and just straight up disappear when she says no. Do you own thing or see other girls etc etc, so next time you run into each other she might see you differently (as in, re-getting to know you as a cooler guy).
But if you want to be her friend then by all means.
badboy78660
Member
This.
If you want her as more than a friend, state your intentions, make them clear. That you "Aren't interested in a friendship or anything platonic.", and that you are only interested in them romantically. Don't waver from your words at that point, and stand by them. Then just say something to the effect of, "But if you change your mind, give me a call." Don't act angry, or emotional, etc. You're just drawing the line, and sticking to it. Then of course, you walk/"disappear". Go on, live your life at that point (remaining in "no contact" with the girl). If at some point in the future she reaches out, take it as a sign that she wants to see you and set the date. Use the phone for setting dates, not for catching up or anything or that chit chat bullshit.
Congrats :3
If you're not attracted to someone, that's okay, you're allowed to not date them.
But, you do have to ask yourself... are you comparing these other women to your ex? If so, you should work to rectify that. Putting an ex (or a current SO) on a pedestal is a recipe for disaster... everyone is different, and no one is going to be perfect.
If you manage to separate the comparisons and still don't find her attractive, well then there you have it.
FYI, unrealistic expectations are something like "she needs to be a 9+/10, be a ginger, only eats vegan and has a Master's degree" type thing (source: a really picky acquaintance I knew who, unsurprisingly, is still single). If you're not going that far, you're fine lol
Hold up this isn't still the mentally deranged guy from like two years ago, is it? It sounds like it with that kind of response lol. Bro you need a new roommate still
Can you just meet at her place instead? If I was in your position I'd just flat out tell her your roommate is shitty and it's better not to go to your place lol
Oh geez that sucks.
Tell your roommate to eat a cock or tell him he can move the fuck out if he wants to be a dickhole. Stand up for yourself.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Forgot to comment on this. 24 hours advance notice? WTF! Jobsworth dickhead.
Guess he's moving out then
SmackDaddy
Member
Ugh, what? I guess that's reasonable, but that dude has to take one for the team every now and then lol. I guess I don't know your roommate dynamic , but now you know for next time. I always look at cancelled dates as not a bad thing . A couple days normally won't make or break this thing unless she's super on the fence anyway and in that case... You figured out early !
I think honesty is the best policy. I would recommend trying to be active enough so you don't have to feel guilty or lie about the reality of your situation . Diet, exercise, and career planning are all valuable endeavors that don't look lazy when you talk about them.
Maybe others have better advice here, but I think you can frame mental health conversationally in a way that makes it sound less dire to new acquaintances. "Focusing on me", "gaining confidence and meeting new people", "thinking about the future" are ways to talk about your mental state that might be easier on the ears on a first date. A lot of people falsely stigmatize mental health which is unfortunate , but once someone realizes you are the nice and relatable guy that I'm sure you are, they will be more receptive to mental health issues.
I might be really far off though , and open to more opinions .
Sakura
Member
Ehh... I'm pretty sure she knows how I feel about her. I've told her in the past. I don't exactly hide my feelings, and I'm not the kind of guy who would be satisfied being in the 'zone'. If we go out a few times and she still isn't interested in me, I have no problem bailing. I just don't really like giving up without trying.
SmackDaddy
Member
"Pretty sure" might be obvious enough for some girls. Touch her shoulder or leg or hand when you talk to her, don't leave a doubt in the air. The above posters are just saying you need to be crystal clear about this stuff . Anything less is a disservice to you unless.. you like being in this gray area, then more power to you
just keep your options open if that's the case.Jesus bruh... why are you doing this for yourself? It's sounding like she only agreed because your constant orbiting is annoying her, free food is cool, or a combination of both.
Jerk one out, go find someone to be with that actually wants to be with you, and move on already. This is far from a good look
Sakura
Member
I don't really see how it is constant orbiting lol.
I didn't ask her anything for six months or so. I didn't go out of my way to see her or anything, only talked to her when I met her. Then last month we were talking and I asked her in conversation. She had said before that I should do something for her birthday (paraphrasing) so I don't think it really felt forced.
But maybe I'm just a masochist or something I dunno.
Megalosaro
Banned
To be honest, I wasnt even expecting anything yesterday. We haven't even made out yet. Just holding.
We had been flirting all day. She told me a story about rednecks fucking farm animals (told through emojis).
Then she passed out after work.
I went over my parents house to help them move. Got home around 830. She woke up right when I got home. She knows my parents are moving, so she was asking about how I was doing.
Then suddenly she was like "Is guardians of the galaxy good, I havent to see it." I said "we HAVE to fix that"
She asked if I owned it, which I do. She was then like "I can be there in 30."
I was like "oh shit." I mean, I guess the is a chance that she just wanted to see a movie... maybe I am making assumptions, but I dunno. I get a feeling it would be naive to assume that.
Gotdatmoney
Member
2 things
1) She wasn't interested in you when you told her your feelings but then still had dry dick for 6 months.
2) Maybe control yourself more. Let your feelings build for someone that reciprocates actual emotion towards you. This is a lot of work for a girl that has shown zero interest in you as you have described the situation.
Your roommates sucks ass. He can fucking move out. Dude needs to take one for the fucking team.
always crazy bacon
Banned
"She knows how I feel without the risk of rejection by me saying" mating call of the forever single 28YO Canadian living in "easy dating mode" Japan but still can't get a girlfriend.
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=232154931
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=207684273
What's it going to take to wake you up to the fact that you're doing it all wrong and that's why you are still single. Your shit don't work, will never work and your just shielding yourself with delusions rather than introspection about what you need to change on your approach with woman to be successful.
The most pityfull thing I've seen is guys like you that come over to SE Asia (where I am, 1st hand observational experience) and still fail hard when It's Likely one of the most accessible place to date women as a foreigner. Guys like you fail because they bring all thier failed techniques and delusions with them and expect them to work.
Listen to your own advice.
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=155456083
please don't with the predictable "digging though my post history defence"
Messofanego
Banned
Damn, if Sakura can just up and leave to live in Japan, know the language, work there, and all that, this should be peanuts for him. C'mon, dude, you can do this!
SmackDaddy
Member
Sakura, take this opportunity from getting fucking rekt to make positive change in your life
Gotdatmoney
Member
If Sakura is able to make like Jesus and come back from this death he should really consider change. Not everyone gets a second chance at life after something like this.
God Damn.
God Damn.
Megalosaro
Banned
Had a text discussion with the bff about last night.
It pretty much amounted to
Me: I need you on my team
Him:I don't know what you're doing
It pretty much amounted to
Me: I need you on my team
Him:I don't know what you're doing
There's practically no way she's *just* interested in watching the movie. If she is she's a time-waster and should be ignored. She's pushing hard to give you an opportunity, make it happen!
Messofanego
Banned
Kick him out.
Miles Quaritch
Member
I feel the 'nice guy'/simp phase is something most guys go through in their early dating life.
Interestingly, women (well, most women), don't seem to have a similar phase...probably because they don't have the choice with them being hit aggressively on from age 13/14...
Uh does BFF mean roommate?
He still sucks btw
I feel most women go through a "all men are terrible" phase, which is self-sabotaging in its own special way lol
True Savior
Member
I hated going to scientific conferences cause it was usually a very small trip, my colleagues are a bunch of old people and I had a hard time doing anything in those places. And then I started using Tinder. It changed everything.
People said I was crazy going to a shitty ass conference in Poland during the winter lol. Globalization is beautiful.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Oh God, how could I forgot about that one...
Did you kiss her yet? I always find it odd how dudes on GAF don't kiss girls they like on the first date. It sends a bad message in my opinion.
And I thought I was bad at reading signs.
Megalosaro
Banned
Nah I knew what was up. I was trying to make it happen, but my roommate was being a douche
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
She's literally asking word for word to at least make out, and then see where it goes.
Ahh okay nvm
I'm still/always going through this phase lol
EchoChamber
Member
Things went weirdly south with a girl I was dating...
We were texting and all of sudden she is mad at me I don't know how to explain how it happened.
She stopped talking to me the same way, in Mexico we call that "cortante" instead of following the conversation she only answer things like yes or thank you.
And now she doesn't even answer to my texts... I'm pretty bummed about what happened, I liked this girl but I guess this is a pretty big red flag hahaha
We were texting and all of sudden she is mad at me I don't know how to explain how it happened.
She stopped talking to me the same way, in Mexico we call that "cortante" instead of following the conversation she only answer things like yes or thank you.
And now she doesn't even answer to my texts... I'm pretty bummed about what happened, I liked this girl but I guess this is a pretty big red flag hahaha
I'm pretty sure men are garbage. Every single one of us.
Just find someone who is at least self-aware of that fact.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I dunno about most but yeah some for sure. Nice guys gotta realize though no one gives a shit you are nice. No girl wants to date you "just" because you are nice. Better get some other things going for you besides "nice" bruh.
Like I am not looking to date a girl just cause she is nice. What a lame ass criteria. It boggles my mind I ever thought this mattered.
Megalosaro
Banned
What is a simp?
Anyway, the nice guy thing... I guess if you're nice, its because you want to be. Not because you think you should be rewarded.
I dunno though. I'm no psychologist. I try to be respectful, because I want to be treated with respect. You don't, want to respect me, that's your problem.
Anyway, the nice guy thing... I guess if you're nice, its because you want to be. Not because you think you should be rewarded.
I dunno though. I'm no psychologist. I try to be respectful, because I want to be treated with respect. You don't, want to respect me, that's your problem.
I mean... don't be a piece of shit on purpose either. Just let your niceness/shittiness flow naturally.
LucidMomentum
Member
There's a great couple of articles on this exact idea lol.
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/problem-nice-guys/
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/being-a-nice-guy-isnt-good-enough/
A lot of guys think just being normal and well adjusted and not a sexual predator means they're owed dates.
You gotta make yourself, oh I dunnow, interesting enough to date. Don't just be average and a decent human being and expect a prize for it.
Like, I can be an asshole sometimes. I can be curt, I tend to get frustrated when plans go differently than I expected, I tend to multitask and sometimes people have trouble keeping up, and I remember stuff most people wouldn't so I've had to tell people when they've told me the same story for the dozenth time.
But I own that and I apologize if it gets awkward or I hurt someone's feelings. But I don't bend over backwards to try and seem "nice" or change my self image just to try and hope that someone will date me or let me spend the night. If it's not the real me it's not worth it.
A simp is someone hoping that the other person will take pity on their desperation.
"Pls spend the night I'm so lonely haha."
He hasn't even gone on a date with her
Nor is this upcoming dinner even a date
He just assumes she knows he likes her and her going with him is her showing interest or something lolol
He has to worry about asking her on an ACTUAL DATE before considering a kiss lawl
It's none of my business, but I'm curious. Why not?
SmackDaddy
Member
every post of her's is self deprecating. people have tried to help that one for 200 pages seems like
Long history lol. Not going over it (not against you, but it's in the thread already and no one else wants to hear it again 😂
.But it's in my post history
Messofanego
Banned
Long story for Leeness from wanting to get a boyfriend to giving up entirely and just wanting platonic relationships with men. It's been going on for 6 years now, so you have a lot to catch up on your own time
I'm surprised no one made the Friendship GAF megathread yet.
Long story for Leeness from wanting to get a boyfriend to giving up entirely and just wanting platonic relationships with men. It's been going on for 6 years now, so you have a lot to catch up on your own time
I'm surprised no one made the Friendship GAF megathread yet.
😂
Naw.
Starlightmuse
Member
Everybody's scared about friendzone gaf because it'd have to power to surpass dating gaf.
on topic, Sakura, you'd better ask her on a DATE before you kiss her, or you're probably going to get yourself into deep trouble.
Hell it would probably trascend time and space and surpass Neogaf and every internet forum in the history of internet, and internet itself.
on topic, Sakura, you'd better ask her on a DATE before you kiss her, or you're probably going to get yourself into deep trouble.
- Status