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[Advocatus Diaboli]

Idk how much is jumping the gun, but the last date I got took less than 20 messages back n forth combined. You don't want to drag it on either, ya know?

Mine took like... 5? 8? Then again, it's about knowing the indirect rules.

I'm getting physically exhausted from this though.

Just out of curiosity, what do you guys do about sweating on a date?

Popped into my head because it's a hot day out today and even in just jeans and a shirt it's really rolling off me. I can only imagine if you're taking efforts to look nice (plus any date related nervousness) and you're anything like me you'll be sweating like nobody's business.

I guess douse yourself in antiperspirant, but anything else? That stuff only goes so far. (obviously don't be fat is another answer but eh)

Show up 15 minutes early and cool down. Alternatively, make a pit stop at someplace like Starbucks, have an iced tea, and cool down before meeting her.

 

[Kyne]

if I knew it was going to be hot and this was the first date I would do everything in my power to make it an event away from the outside.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Just out of curiosity, what do you guys do about sweating on a date?

Popped into my head because it's a hot day out today and even in just jeans and a shirt it's really rolling off me. I can only imagine if you're taking efforts to look nice (plus any date related nervousness) and you're anything like me you'll be sweating like nobody's business.

I guess douse yourself in antiperspirant, but anything else? That stuff only goes so far. (obviously don't be fat is another answer but eh)

I take mini sink showers over the course of the date. wet paper towels on the neck, armpits, arms, face. Maybe weird, but feels great. Just don't come out of the bathroom sopping.

 

[Megalosaro]

I was hoping to not rush anything, but she's up for hanging out at a park we live by (said so with a ) I'll get her phone number...well I kind of want to wait a little bit. If she jumps the gun and schedules something for this week or says I'm free this weekend or something then yeah I'll get her number.

You aren't rushing anything. Schedule a meetup and make it quick. People are fickle and lose interest quickly unless you make an impression.

With online dating, you want to get their number as soon as possible. The moment you think you'd be interested in hanging out, get their number. Don't wait to make plans in order to get their number. Get their number then make plans.. I get not wanting to rush things, but you have to be careful not to come across as indecisive. Unfortunately online dating is all about meeting up ASAP. Under no circumstances should you have a protracted multifaceted conversation with them through the app. Meet up. Meet up quickly. You can "not rush things" later

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

You aren't rushing anything. Schedule a meetup and make it quick. People are fickle and lose interest quickly unless you make an impression.

With online dating, you want to get their number as soon as possible. The moment you think you'd be interested in hanging out, get their number. Don't wait to make plans in order to get their number. Get their number then make plans.. I get not wanting to rush things, but you have to be careful not to come across as indecisive. Under no circumstances should you have a protracted multifaceted conversation with them through the app.

Oddly, I'm meeting up tonight with someone who didn't give me her number but still wanted to go out. It's definitely the 1% situation though. The foolproof line really is: "If texting's easier, my number is...".

 

[WolfeTone]

.

I don't like being the first one to bring it up, but yeah...I think I need to stop with the "we have texted a book and still haven't met/exchanged numbers" antics.

Does this mean you wait for them to ask for your number? You wait for them to plan a date or propose a meet up?

Being decisive is an attractive quality. I get that you want to make sure these girls aren't crazy, but it's a good thing to ask someone out from dating apps as soon as possible.

 

[Lulubop]

She had actually brought it up while I was banging out the edit a post ago, but she's busy this weekend, probably visiting family or something for Memorial Day weekend, but if I'm available next week, which I am that she would like to hang out then. She thinks I'm interesting.

I don't like being the first one to bring it up, but yeah...I think I need to stop with the "we have texted a book and still haven't met/exchanged numbers" antics.

They won't bring it up usually, stop waiting for it, they don't wanna be penpals either. Don't be wishywashy when it comes to when and where, be firm with a time/place/date.

 

[SmackDaddy]

If you wait for anyone to do anything in life...






.... you aren't gonna get what you want. Pretty much ever. Be the master of your own destiny.

Plus its kinda manipulative and requires you to assume shit, which is unhealthy.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Just out of curiosity, what do you guys do about sweating on a date?

Popped into my head because it's a hot day out today and even in just jeans and a shirt it's really rolling off me. I can only imagine if you're taking efforts to look nice (plus any date related nervousness) and you're anything like me you'll be sweating like nobody's business.

I guess douse yourself in antiperspirant, but anything else? That stuff only goes so far. (obviously don't be fat is another answer but eh)

Dress for the weather? Book dates for night time when the heat is less intense? Looking stylish matters but you kind of need to be comfortable too. Also, dress to the event.

If the date is drinks outside dress light. If it's drinks inside you can be a bit more up in style. If you are going for a walk dress casual and for that weather.

 

[WolfeTone]

Oddly, I'm meeting up tonight with someone who didn't give me her number but still wanted to go out. It's definitely the 1% situation though. The foolproof line really is: "If texting's easier, my number is...".

I met up with someone from Ok Cupid last week and we never bothered exchanging names. I brought it up as a joke and told her I'd just call her Claire and that if we liked each other we could do real names.

Date was a tad boring so never bothered with real names.

 

[JadedWriter]

Digits have been obtained and exchanged.

Does this mean you wait for them to ask for your number? You wait for them to plan a date or propose a meet up?

Being decisive is an attractive quality. I get that you want to make sure these girls aren't crazy, but it's a good thing to ask someone out from dating apps as soon as possible.

I think my thought process got a little warped over the years. I don't want them to think I'm "one of those guys" so I don't rush to make a move...therefore I never make a move so shit just wind up in ghosting limbo.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Digits have been obtained and exchanged.

My




fucking




boy!

Now's the good part. Enjoy yourself, have fun, don't think too much.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I don't like being the first one to bring it up, but yeah...I think I need to stop with the "we have texted a book and still haven't met/exchanged numbers" antics.

Why don't you wanna ask for what you want? They aren't more or less likely to give it to you if you ask instead of wait to be asked. What Ray said was accurate. Within 20 nessages you should have a number.

 

[Peltz]

Just out of curiosity, what do you guys do about sweating on a date?

Popped into my head because it's a hot day out today and even in just jeans and a shirt it's really rolling off me. I can only imagine if you're taking efforts to look nice (plus any date related nervousness) and you're anything like me you'll be sweating like nobody's business.

I guess douse yourself in antiperspirant, but anything else? That stuff only goes so far. (obviously don't be fat is another answer but eh)

Show up naked. Let the sweat flow. Let her see you in your glistening natural state.

Or just dress in very light/breathable fabric and have a large bottle of ice water to sip from. Either way.

 

[Moose Biscuits]

Dress for the weather? Book dates for night time when the heat is less intense? Looking stylish matters but you kind of need to be comfortable too. Also, dress to the event.

If the date is drinks outside dress light. If it's drinks inside you can be a bit more up in style. If you are going for a walk dress casual and for that weather.

That's fair. Admittedly, my limit for clothing between May and September is one layer plus underwear, unless there's a cold snap.

I feel like maybe I should move further north.

Digits have been obtained and exchanged.

Well done!

 

[Megalosaro]

I met up with someone from Ok Cupid last week and we never bothered exchanging names. I brought it up as a joke and told her I'd just call her Claire and that if we liked each other we could do real names.

Date was a tad boring so never bothered with real names.

Dope.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

That's fair. Admittedly, my limit for clothing between May and September is one layer plus underwear, unless there's a cold snap.

I feel like maybe I should move further north.

I always wear white or black sleeveless under shirts under all my clothing. Soaks up sweat decently well

 

[JadedWriter]

I'm free to text her some time tonight, I presume after she gets off from work. Next challenge is not talking her ear off.

 

[Megalosaro]

Mine took like... 5? 8? Then again, it's about knowing the indirect rules.

I'm getting physically exhausted from this though.



Show up 15 minutes early and cool down. Alternatively, make a pit stop at someplace like Starbucks, have an iced tea, and cool down before meeting her.

Just checked how many messages went back and forth between me and the girl I'm seeing before I asked for her number.

13 sent, 13 received.

I probably knew by the forth or 5th message I knew I wanted to meet her. After I got her number I pretty much probed to see what she liked, while she did the same. I think from first contact on app until plans were made, maybe a total of 1.5 hours had past.

 

[Haloid1177]

I'm free to text her some time tonight, I presume after she gets off from work. Next challenge is not talking her ear off.

1. You don't have to text her today.
2. You really don't need to talk her ear off in any way. Save it for the date.

 

[WolfeTone]

I'm free to text her some time tonight, I presume after she gets off from work. Next challenge is not talking her ear off.

She gave you her number, that's great. Means she's interested. Now ask her out.

 

[timetokill]

I've invented a fun new game to play with dates.

Occasionally when she makes a comment about something she finds interesting or (better yet) somewhat strange, think of a related yet sort of weird profession. The more obscure the better. Then say you once "spent a summer" doing it.

See how many summers you can fill up before being called out on it!

 

[Ray Wonder]

1. You don't have to text her today.
2. You really don't need to talk her ear off in any way. Save it for the date.

I've found out that texting gives you somethings to talk about on a date. Embellishing on stories that you've told over text is fun. But I'm a strong advocate of texting. I understand a lot aren't.

 

[Haloid1177]

I've found out that texting gives you somethings to talk about on a date. Embellishing on stories that you've told over text is fun. But I'm a strong advocate of texting. I understand a lot aren't.

Depends on the circumstance for me, but he phrased like he wasn't gonna know when to stop so he should go in with the intent of asking her out, setting a date, and not just texting for the hell of it right off the bat. That was more my point.

Feels good to not just lurk this thread it always bummed me out to read but I'm finding myself in a better place now.

 

[WolfeTone]

I've found out that texting gives you somethings to talk about on a date. Embellishing on stories that you've told over text is fun. But I'm a strong advocate of texting. I understand a lot aren't.

I'm personally not a fan of texting too much, especially after the date has been set. I prefer to say something like: "so 8pm on Friday? Great talk to you then." Then radio silence until the date.

I don't see anything wrong with texting before the date though, I just prefer not to. Chance of you coming across as clingy or weird is higher and if you're the kinda person to overthink things (which many Gaffers are) you'll start reading into things like response times and emojis.

 

[Megalosaro]

Digits have been obtained and exchanged.

I think my thought process got a little warped over the years. I don't want them to think I'm "one of those guys" so I don't rush to make a move...therefore I never make a move so shit just wind up in ghosting limbo.

Girls(and people in general) like people who are decisive. Wanting to meet up soon isn't "one of those guys" moves.

Getting to know them in person is far more rewarding then getting to know them through text. Besides, while over invest if you're not going to meet up? They aren't looking for just a friend

 

[JadedWriter]

1. You don't have to text her today.
2. You really don't need to talk her ear off in any way. Save it for the date.

Well it's a week and a half from now...though you are right in that I don't have to text her tonight, though I do want to talk to her some more. I had no idea what kind of sense of humor my last date had cause I barely spoke to her, that and we didn't have that much chemistry it seems.

I'm personally not a fan of texting too much, especially after the date has been set. I prefer to say something like: "so 8pm on Friday? Great talk to you then." Then radio silence until the date.

I don't see anything wrong with texting before the date though, I just prefer not to. Chance of you coming across as clingy or weird is higher and if you're the kinda person to overthink things (which many Gaffers are) you'll start reading into things like response times and emojis.

I over think the shit out of everything, yet I also like finding out more about people, not to mention joking about random shit so at times I do go bit stir crazy not communicating.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Depends on the circumstance for me, but he phrased like he wasn't gonna know when to stop so he should go in with the intent of asking her out, setting a date, and not just texting for the hell of it right off the bat. That was more my point.

Feels good to not just lurk this thread it always bummed me out to read but I'm finding myself in a better place now.

Glad you're in a better place! And yeah, I understand what you mean.

I'm personally not a fan of texting too much, especially after the date has been set. I prefer to say something like: "so 8pm on Friday? Great talk to you then." Then radio silence until the date.

I don't see anything wrong with texting before the date though, I just prefer not to. Chance of you coming across as clingy or weird is higher and if you're the kinda person to overthink things (which many Gaffers are) you'll start reading into things like response times and emojis.

I just keep the conversation going if she texts back with something worth replying to

 

[gaiages]

There's a part of me that thinks it's easier for guys to accept a woman being a geek on that level than it is for a woman to accept a guy being a geek on that level, but I don't believe it to be a hardline rule, everybody is just...different. Granted I tend to be pretty wrong with my social thought processes as evidenced by well...a crap ton of posts since last week. I guess what I'm learning currently is that everything just has to be balanced out right.

That's generally true because guys think it's such a novelty (holy shit a geek girl!?), or that 'omg I finally found someone as passionate as me'. Usually those types of men, the ones fixated on just that aspect on a person, aren't the most desirable catches.

When I was on dating sites, I was not completely outwardly dorky on my profile (I mentioned that I gamed twice, and I mentioned Game of Thrones by the book series name), the amount of men that jumped on those little mentions and nothing else where absolutely insane. I had canned answers for what games I was playing and what genres I liked, just because I was asked so often. Like no one cared about how much I liked cats or Scrubs or whatever. Also the assumptions I saw them make were insane... I actually bothered to tell one guy I was a gaming writer and he immediately was like "oh fanfictions?" like what? At the time I was a freelance reviewer, so that was definitely :| worthy lolol. Also assumptions that I couldn't beat them at games and etc etc.

In the end, my now SO opened up with a mention towards my love of bagels. Didn't even mention geeky stuff until we met up the first or second time. Asshole still owes me a bagel though.

In short yeah it's a bit of a double standard, but tbh if you're a girl going all out with the fandoms and showing that in your profile, you're limiting yourself a lot. It's just a bit of a higher threshold than it is for men.

 

[SmackDaddy]

I've invented a fun new game to play with dates.

Occasionally when she makes a comment about something she finds interesting or (better yet) somewhat strange, think of a related yet sort of weird profession. The more obscure the better. Then say you once "spent a summer" doing it.

See how many summers you can fill up before being called out on it!

This is hilarious lol

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Yeah same situation. Cases though is a problem of aggregate. Buy too many games, then you just have shit tons of cases and I dont have space for then all. I dont sell my games so I am gonna start disposing of the cases immediately tbh. Tired of this shit.

The stuff is sometimes cool but then like I know I will never display it and on top of the games already being absurdly expenaive in Canada I just am like "nope". If I am gonna put it in a box then I prob should just not buy it I figure.



That is stylish as hell. Though tbh, if no one can tell its from something that is nerdy then it's less suspect by default. I'm talking replica master sword stuff. When I get a newer place I will prob look into Orioto art to see if anything fits my decor.



I dunno. I find game consoles aren't really a big judgement thing these days. "I have a PS4, I play games on it and watch netflix" really isnt something I expect to go over poorly with most people. As stupid as it is the presentation matters more than the content for w/e reason. I prob get away with it more since there is no way you would assume I game talking to me I suppose.

I guess it depends heavily on the people you're around but it hasn't really been my experience. Also, I don't really mention video games at all when talking to people so you wouldn't know either unless you came over my house and saw it.

 

[JadedWriter]

That's generally true because guys think it's such a novelty (holy shit a geek girl!?), or that 'omg I finally found someone as passionate as me'. Usually those types of men, the ones fixated on just that aspect on a person, aren't the most desirable catches.

When I was on dating sites, I was not completely outwardly dorky on my profile (I mentioned that I gamed twice, and I mentioned Game of Thrones by the book series name), the amount of men that jumped on those little mentions and nothing else where absolutely insane. I had canned answers for what games I was playing and what genres I liked, just because I was asked so often. Like no one cared about how much I liked cats or Scrubs or whatever. Also the assumptions I saw them make were insane... I actually bothered to tell one guy I was a gaming writer and he immediately was like "oh fanfictions?" like what? At the time I was a freelance reviewer, so that was definitely :| worthy lolol. Also assumptions that I couldn't beat them at games and etc etc.

In the end, my now SO opened up with a mention towards my love of bagels. Didn't even mention geeky stuff until we met up the first or second time. Asshole still owes me a bagel though.

In short yeah it's a bit of a double standard, but tbh if you're a girl going all out with the fandoms and showing that in your profile, you're limiting yourself a lot. It's just a bit of a higher threshold than it is for men.

I need to remember this instead of trying to mention anything game related. They're probably bombarded constantly with those questions, which is why I've oddly enough had more dates with non gaming women than gaming women.

 

[Megalosaro]

If a girl likes you, you can probably talk about anything. Own it, but don't go overboard.

 

[jimmypython]

1. You don't have to text her today.
2. You really don't need to talk her ear off in any way. Save it for the date.

for me, texting sucks, period.

Spoiler

sexting tho....

 

[MogCakes]

Is it normal to be talking to/ flirting with multiple potential dates? It feels odd for me.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Is it normal to be talking to/ flirting with multiple potential dates? It feels odd for me.

Yes, it's normal.

No, that doesn't mean it always feels great.

 

[Jimothy]

Is it normal to be talking to/ flirting with multiple potential dates? It feels odd for me.

Just assume your dates are doing the same thing and you'll feel better about it.

maybe

 

[finalflame]

Is it normal to be talking to/ flirting with multiple potential dates? It feels odd for me.

Sure. Unless you're married, flirt with anyone you're interested in.

 

[Messofanego]

 

[JadedWriter]

If a girl likes you, you can probably talk about anything. Own it, but don't go overboard.

As of right now I know we both hate Trump. I'll probably send her a couple of pictures from some of the parades I've photographed since she seemed interested in that.

 

[Megalosaro]

As of right now I know we both hate Trump. I'll probably send her a couple of pictures from some of the parades I've photographed since she seemed interested in that.

That's a good thing, but try to find something positive to bond over as well.

 

[JadedWriter]

That's a good thing, but try to find something positive to bond over as well.

I need to get a good read on what she listens to, I love discussing music. She likes jazz, but I'm not a jazz man.

 

[Peltz]

I need to get a good read on what she listens to, I love discussing music. She likes jazz, but I'm not a jazz man.

Jazz is the best dude.

 

[timetokill]

This is hilarious lol

Give it a shot! I've had some pretty amazing summer jobs lol

 

[MogCakes]

I need to get a good read on what she listens to, I love discussing music. She likes jazz, but I'm not a jazz man.

There's never a bad time to get into jazz.

 

[JadedWriter]

Jazz is the best dude.

I grew up listening to jazz cause my dad was super into it. I respect it, but I can't connect with it. Oddly enough I ended up being a shoe gaze, dream pop, ethereal dark wave, goth, new wave fanatic. Not to mention prog rock, synth pop, alt rock, trip hop appreciation. I just love the atmospheric ethereal stuff that my mind can get lost in.

 

[timetokill]

I need to get a good read on what she listens to, I love discussing music. She likes jazz, but I'm not a jazz man.

 

[Megalosaro]

I grew up listening to jazz cause my dad was super into it. I respect it, but I can't connect with it. Oddly enough I ended up being a shoe gaze, dream pop, ethereal dark wave, goth, new wave fanatic. Not to mention prog rock, synth pop, alt rock, trip hop appreciation. I just love the atmospheric ethereal stuff that my mind can get lost in.

You don't need to like something in order to talk about it with her. Let her talk about it. Enjoy her enthusiasm.

 

[timetokill]

You don't need to like something in order to talk about it with her. Let her talk about it. Enjoy her enthusiasm.

Exactly.

Plus tell her about that one summer where you worked in a speakeasy jazz club.

 

[JadedWriter]

You don't need to like something in order to talk about it with her. Let her talk about it. Enjoy her enthusiasm.

This is true.