Advocatus Diaboli
Member
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
Nah, it's NYC Gaf
timetokill
Banned
She told me as we got to her car, "I really like you."
What does that mean? Is that a good sign?
Anyway i went with the DK shoes
. I think I looked pretty okay. And i actually outdressed her for once so that was nice.
What does that mean? Is that a good sign?
Anyway i went with the DK shoes
. I think I looked pretty okay. And i actually outdressed her for once so that was nice.Advocatus Diaboli
Member
She told me as we got to her car, "I really like you."
What does that mean? Is that a good sign?
Anyway i went with the DK shoes
No, it means she completely hates you.
timetokill
Banned
At first I thought they were gonna be ugly as sin, but those shoes are pretty neat
Where get
(as an aside I really need to step my shoe game up. Guess I can work on that while waiting for the weight loss with the rest of my wardrobe
There was a limited time thing where Vans did a Nintendo partnership. They had a variety of NES themed shoes. I tried to get some Zelda slip ons but they sold out too quick
They had some cool Peach ones too but I'm not sure I could pull those off, as much as I'd like to
Had date, was nice enough, sushi place a friend recommended was dope. Tiny place run by just a chef and his wife, really good food.
I got no sense that she was feeling it which meant I was kinda thrown off, but when she left she instantly started texting me/wanted to meet again so I guess it went well?
I went to this karaoke spot from a few weeks ago for a few drinks/singings. Was fun, but dang I don't know.
edit: Were you serious when you asked what does that mean?
I got no sense that she was feeling it which meant I was kinda thrown off, but when she left she instantly started texting me/wanted to meet again so I guess it went well?
I went to this karaoke spot from a few weeks ago for a few drinks/singings. Was fun, but dang I don't know.
edit: Were you serious when you asked what does that mean?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Treat yourself my dude, and yes, you won't go back...but keep in mind to use cotton sheets when you're bringing someone home for the first time.
I've never slept on polyester sheets, that's a hard life. I have sensitive skin though, polyester does a real number on me in terms of itchiness and break outs.
I feel I've started to develop more feelings for her these past few weeks, but it honestly can't go anywhere.
It's simply not feasible to be in a LDR with a girl living in New Zealand and I can only assume she understands this as well.
As for the bites I'm going to put makeup on them before we meet up, so hopefully not.
I never used to date like this, so I guess I'm just not used to it.
A couple of months ago I was chatting to about 6 or so girls at any given time, but it was honestly far too much to handle.
electricshake
Member
Polyester anything is a sweatfest, it should be banned.
A couple of months ago I was chatting to about 6 or so girls at any given time, but it was honestly far too much to handle.
Have you ever read Bukowski? Check out this book:
You'll feel like less of a cunt. It's also just an extremely good book that every man should read. It will toughen you up, even if you're already a tough son of a bitch.
chicko1983
Member
Just got to Episode 9 of master of none. Sitting at home alone on a satdy night, kinda tipsy from a couple negronis.
I just decided I'm going to Mexico to catch up with a girl I met over there in 2012 and then caught up with her again in 2014.
The problem is I only have her male friends number in my contacts as I've had a couple of phones since then.
I just sent him a message now,asking for her number. We will see how it goes.
I just decided I'm going to Mexico to catch up with a girl I met over there in 2012 and then caught up with her again in 2014.
The problem is I only have her male friends number in my contacts as I've had a couple of phones since then.
I just sent him a message now,asking for her number. We will see how it goes.
always crazy bacon
Banned
I doubt she's been sitting around pining for you, she has a life and its been 3 years. If either of you cared you'd have some way to contact each other directly. Big romantic gestures only work in fiction. Finally, you've been drinking, where all the best, worst ideas are formulated.
chicko1983
Member
Haha, the last sentence is true.
Her friend did just send me her number though.
I'll sleep on it before sending her message I think.
Edit: I also don't expect her to have pinned for me either. Just we had had some good times together and only lost contact as I quit facebook.
Last night, set up a date with a girl tomorrow (Sunday). She told me she's looking for something serious --unsolicited -- and I replied that I am too, because I genuinely am.
Since then, she's been telling me how excited she is to see me over and over, and even went so far as to say I'm the first date she's been excited about on tinder even though she's been on it for years. So far, this is really cool and I totally dug her enthusiasm. I replied that I can't wait until Sunday.
And then she started sending me sexy selfies --unsolicited -- in lingerie she bought. I mean, the pictures are hot and all, but the whole thing comes off as totally immature and desperate. We never even met. And none of my texts to her were sexual.
I hope she was just feeling horny last night and cleans up well. I don't mind going fast, but there's an order to things. And when you exploit yourself like that for a stranger you never met before, it's not classy or hot.
Since then, she's been telling me how excited she is to see me over and over, and even went so far as to say I'm the first date she's been excited about on tinder even though she's been on it for years. So far, this is really cool and I totally dug her enthusiasm. I replied that I can't wait until Sunday.
And then she started sending me sexy selfies --unsolicited -- in lingerie she bought. I mean, the pictures are hot and all, but the whole thing comes off as totally immature and desperate. We never even met. And none of my texts to her were sexual.
I hope she was just feeling horny last night and cleans up well. I don't mind going fast, but there's an order to things. And when you exploit yourself like that for a stranger you never met before, it's not classy or hot.
Reave
Member
She seems really overzealous. It's cute and exciting at first, but in my experience with girls like this, their interest tends to burn out just as rapidly as it grows.
What I've found is that these types tend to build up an image of you in their head, and become heavily attracted to the idea of being with that guy. As a result, that they start thinking too far ahead about your future together, and become a little too eager to introduce new things into the equation. Sexy or nude selfies is a prime example, but it's also other things like half-jokingly discussing your marriage or your future children.
Problem is, when they eventually meet their date for the first time, these types of people end up finding themselves disappointed. Not because there's anything wrong with the guy, but because he isn't quite like the guy they envisioned. Your voice or tone might not sound the way they thought it would sound, based on what she assumed from your texts. Your mannerisms might not match their ideal. Your dating process might be different than hers (which they mistake as us "lying" about looking for something serious, when we really just want to take things slow). It's usually things like that. Point being, these types end up convincing themselves that you're not the "fantasy" they wanted just as fast as they convinced themselves you were in the beginning.
I do have to admit, however, that there's the other extreme to this - the one where you can essentially do no wrong. I had three dates with a girl like that, and found myself politely rejecting her "are we official?" question after the third one. It was pretty polarizing because I just sat there and thought to myself "... but she barely even knows me." It felt a bit cheap, for lack of a better term. By that, I mean that all I really had to do was show up to the dates and be cordial. It didn't matter what I said, or what she learned about me. She was so ready to fall in love that even the tiniest bit of decency and interest was all it took (which she later admitted).
Either way, I'd proceed with cautious open-mindedness, if I were you. By all means, enjoy yourself and have a great time. Just be mindful of where her head is at. If you sense that her head is in the clouds, and that she's more excited about the idea of being in a relationship than actually getting to know you, I wouldn't hold your breath.
My prediction is trying to come true, I see.
always crazy bacon
Banned
She's way way too keen. Red flag.
nice
Megalosaro
Banned
No sex. Her cycle came early this month...
We did other stuff though.
While checking into the hotel, I noticed her username was sort of odd, so I asked her about it.
It was a mother fucking Lupin the 3rd reference. I think I'm in love.
We did other stuff though.
While checking into the hotel, I noticed her username was sort of odd, so I asked her about it.
It was a mother fucking Lupin the 3rd reference. I think I'm in love.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
edit: MEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Had a date that was kind of slow. Sushi place was awesome though, just a chef and his wife, food was great. She was engaged, but I didn't get the sense at all she was into me.
Sure enough almost right after she took her lyft she's texting me and wants to get together again.
I went to a karaoke bar I've grown fond of recently after and had some fun though. The staff is starting to recognize me though so I should probably bounce around more bars haha.
Had a date that was kind of slow. Sushi place was awesome though, just a chef and his wife, food was great. She was engaged, but I didn't get the sense at all she was into me.
Sure enough almost right after she took her lyft she's texting me and wants to get together again.
I went to a karaoke bar I've grown fond of recently after and had some fun though. The staff is starting to recognize me though so I should probably bounce around more bars haha.
timetokill
Banned
Congrats megalo
After two dates and a lot of texting in between, I thought it had been going well. Since she suggested I invite her over, we made a plan to get dinner yesterday and come back to my place to watch a movie. Since she got off work at 3, she asked if she could come over right after to beat traffic, and I agreed.
However, I massively underestimated how much cleaning my place required and how much time and work that would take. I was cleaning right up to the time she arrived and still didn't get everything done (but it was a million times better). And it was raining pretty bad on her way over which made traffic worse and it took her about and hour and 40 minutes to get to my place. That did give me more time to clean, but she was definitely not in a great mood by the time she got here.
When she got here, we watched a show, and then talked for a bit before dinner. I was distracted by my insecurity over the state of my place so I wasn't great company I think. We wanted to wait until the rain died down, but the forecast said it would rain all night, so we went in the rain (it wasn't raining that hard). Early on at dinner she informed me that she was going to leave after dinner because if she was going to have to drive home in the rain, she wanted to do it while it was still light out. While that's not totally unreasonable, I was bummed the date was going to get cut short and I knew if she was having a better time she wouldn't have wanted to leave so soon. We had set up plans to watch Wonder Woman today, so I ask her if she's still up for that and she says it will probably be too crowded the day after release. Again, not unreasonable, but it wasn't an issue the day before when we made the plan.
After dinner I drive her back to her car, she hugs me goodbye and says she'll text me when she gets home. After two hours, she hadn't texted, so I text her to ask her if she got home okay. No response to my text, but she was pretty tired, so I hold out hope that maybe she forgot and just went to bed early. But it's 1:30 PM she still hasn't responded, so I guess she either got in an accident (hopefully not) or she doesn't want to see me again. Probably the latter
I know I screwed up but I thought things were going well enough that a single bad date wouldn't make her cut off contact. I knew on some level that this wasn't going to work out in the end, but it felt like we were so close to an official relationship. I just feel like I'm in limbo right now because I don't know for sure that she's okay. I guess there's no point in texting her again, but I'm just sitting here hoping she texts me and getting my hopes up every time someone else does.
However, I massively underestimated how much cleaning my place required and how much time and work that would take. I was cleaning right up to the time she arrived and still didn't get everything done (but it was a million times better). And it was raining pretty bad on her way over which made traffic worse and it took her about and hour and 40 minutes to get to my place. That did give me more time to clean, but she was definitely not in a great mood by the time she got here.
When she got here, we watched a show, and then talked for a bit before dinner. I was distracted by my insecurity over the state of my place so I wasn't great company I think. We wanted to wait until the rain died down, but the forecast said it would rain all night, so we went in the rain (it wasn't raining that hard). Early on at dinner she informed me that she was going to leave after dinner because if she was going to have to drive home in the rain, she wanted to do it while it was still light out. While that's not totally unreasonable, I was bummed the date was going to get cut short and I knew if she was having a better time she wouldn't have wanted to leave so soon. We had set up plans to watch Wonder Woman today, so I ask her if she's still up for that and she says it will probably be too crowded the day after release. Again, not unreasonable, but it wasn't an issue the day before when we made the plan.
After dinner I drive her back to her car, she hugs me goodbye and says she'll text me when she gets home. After two hours, she hadn't texted, so I text her to ask her if she got home okay. No response to my text, but she was pretty tired, so I hold out hope that maybe she forgot and just went to bed early. But it's 1:30 PM she still hasn't responded, so I guess she either got in an accident (hopefully not) or she doesn't want to see me again. Probably the latter
I know I screwed up but I thought things were going well enough that a single bad date wouldn't make her cut off contact. I knew on some level that this wasn't going to work out in the end, but it felt like we were so close to an official relationship. I just feel like I'm in limbo right now because I don't know for sure that she's okay. I guess there's no point in texting her again, but I'm just sitting here hoping she texts me and getting my hopes up every time someone else does.
1, You're not close to a relationship by 3rd date.
2, Don't beat yourself up too much about it. It sounds like circumstances made it not great, maybe should have improvised and planned to cook a meal at your place to avoid the rain, or at least order take out. Better yet have it already there as a surprise to cheer her up from shitty traffic.
But again, don't beat yourself up over it. Also I've not done the "text when you're home" and vice versa so many times and it didn't matter.
2, Don't beat yourself up too much about it. It sounds like circumstances made it not great, maybe should have improvised and planned to cook a meal at your place to avoid the rain, or at least order take out. Better yet have it already there as a surprise to cheer her up from shitty traffic.
But again, don't beat yourself up over it. Also I've not done the "text when you're home" and vice versa so many times and it didn't matter.
I should have done a lot of things, but I was frantically trying to make my place presentable by the time she got there, so I was woefully unprepared. Getting food delivered probably would have been a good idea though.
You're probably right that I wasn't that close to a relationship, but it felt like more than casual dating at least. We talked every day for three weeks, and were pretty open with each other, so it's weird to me that it's just over without a word. I understand that's a thing that happens, but it's hard for me to process.
PancakeBurglar
Member
Similar thing happened to be me recently, went out with a girl a couple times she seemed to enjoy talking and texting me. On our last date she seemed to want to see me again everything seemed to go well. Asked her out for another date a couple days later and nothing. It sucks that things can end so quickly just when you think things are starting. Just have to get over it and move on.
Why? Because your place wasn't clean enough, and you were a bit out of sorts because of it? If that somehow changed her mind about you, then any relationship you may have had wouldn't have worked out anyway. But what's more likely is that her heart wasn't in it from the start of the date, so it doesn't matter what you'd have done.
Don't be so hard on yourself. And try not to get so worked up over things like cleaning before a date. Yeah, making a nice first impression is good, but plenty of guys with filthy apartments have girlfriends.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Why are you living in such a filthy place and why aren't you cleaning more regularly?
Is your personal hygiene also as bad?
Is your personal hygiene also as bad?
I was kinda wondering that too... I'm not the cleanest person around but if I know company is coming it won't take me more than an hour (two if I was SUPER lazy) to clean up. Or I'll do a little cleaning (15-20 mins) each day to keep it semi reasonable.
I can't really imagine a place where you took a lot of time to clean up, she was an hour and 40 minutes late (so even more time to clean), and still not have a clean home
Well, it wasn't really filthy in terms of grime. I do clean at least occasionally. Mostly, it's just my approach to cleaning is to get stuff out of the way so I can clean, and over time as I ran out of places to move stuff to, my standards lowered for what is considered out of the way. I'm also disorganized and really bad about throwing things away that I no longer need. It just got to a point where I didn't know where to start, and I kept procrastinating on doing something about it.
But I am trying to grow up and I don't want to keep living like I have been. I'm not trying to justify it as any way acceptable, just that I wasn't living in the bio-hazard it might have sounded like.
As for personal hygiene, I at least shower daily and make sure to wear clean clothes. Not exactly a high bar, but I am not completely without standards.
Widdle Puppy
Banned
So it's time for me to make some changes in my dating life.
I made a post here recently about an online friend in another country that I was wishing I could date. I spoke to her yesterday telling her I'm going to try to focus more on people in my immediate area and go out more and she understood and was very supportive.
So now I'm ready to start making change and doing the work. I see the books in the op. Are there any programs out there which you can kind of self coach your way to becoming more social and outgoing? I wouldn't say I have particularly low self esteem or anything out of the ordinary. I will say I am socially out of shape since I have stopped trying to make new friends since graduating and moving several times since.
What program sand goal oriented programs are out there for getting back into dating and making friends?
I made a post here recently about an online friend in another country that I was wishing I could date. I spoke to her yesterday telling her I'm going to try to focus more on people in my immediate area and go out more and she understood and was very supportive.
So now I'm ready to start making change and doing the work. I see the books in the op. Are there any programs out there which you can kind of self coach your way to becoming more social and outgoing? I wouldn't say I have particularly low self esteem or anything out of the ordinary. I will say I am socially out of shape since I have stopped trying to make new friends since graduating and moving several times since.
What program sand goal oriented programs are out there for getting back into dating and making friends?
For stuff like that, all you can really do is go out and do it. Sounds cliche, but think of your social skills as a muscle like any other... if you don't train it, then it'll be weak, but using it again and again will eventually make it stronger. You won't know *how* to talk to people properly without... talking to them. You'll make mistakes, make a damn well fool of yourself, but eventually you'll learn how to socalize and be around human beings
I get it, it's tough... it's physically exhausting for me to be around most people, lol. But you gotta do it.
Download Meetup, find a group you're interested in, and go to it, even if your mind does everything possible to make you not want to go. Make yourself talk to people.
You can't really follow a program with this stuff, though a good therapist can hone in on your specific weaknesses and try to help you overcome them. There's not really a goal oriented way to go about something like this... life isn't a video game to tick off tasks and achievements, after all. But you can, of course, make your own goals to achieve... and that's way better than taking some stock 'to-dos' and going from there.
Man, you stew over not getting replies or messages or whatever on dating apps, and then I get one on OkC from a girl who's just... not my type? Like her first pic is awful, really bad lighting and weird looking hair. And I feel like a horrible person for immediately being repulsed from responding, and suddenly I remember ghosting (or really at this point, just ignoring initial advances) is pretty much a humane thing.
I wish I could tell her in a helpful way to do pretty much anything else with her hair because it's this weird curled mess that I'm not sure is appealing to anyone, but obviously that's a bad idea and I probably couldn't survive that karma considering I barely understand my own hair. Says something that this is only the second girl who's really messaged me. I need someone to compliment me on my "aesthetically pleasing face" again as a morale boost.
I wish I could tell her in a helpful way to do pretty much anything else with her hair because it's this weird curled mess that I'm not sure is appealing to anyone, but obviously that's a bad idea and I probably couldn't survive that karma considering I barely understand my own hair. Says something that this is only the second girl who's really messaged me. I need someone to compliment me on my "aesthetically pleasing face" again as a morale boost.
JadedWriter
Member
How much of a messy curly mess are you talking about 'cause naturally super curly hair can be sexy as fuck.
Just doesn't look well kept, not my type, etc. Doesn't really matter, just reminds me of having perspective and questioning my standards.
The dude with the filthy house, get a cleaning person if you can't or won't clean on your own.
I'm sure you could put an ad on Craigslist and offer a person 20 bucks an hour to come clean once a week. It'll also be much easier to keep your house clean if it starts from a relatively clean place, so maybe thoroughly deep clean everything asap and then just basic cleaning like the dishes or sweeping or putting clothes in a hamper will be much easier.
I'm sure crazy bacon and zackie both have cleaners, that's the best part of living in Asia/china for me, to be honest. I pay a lady (not very much) to come over once a week and clean everything and fold and iron my clothes. It's amazing to come home from work to a pristine house. If you are dating and bringing a girl/girls home it's also nice to have a clean house and not need to worry about if you've got a mess at home then spend hours and hours cleaning like the story above.
I'm sure you could put an ad on Craigslist and offer a person 20 bucks an hour to come clean once a week. It'll also be much easier to keep your house clean if it starts from a relatively clean place, so maybe thoroughly deep clean everything asap and then just basic cleaning like the dishes or sweeping or putting clothes in a hamper will be much easier.
I'm sure crazy bacon and zackie both have cleaners, that's the best part of living in Asia/china for me, to be honest. I pay a lady (not very much) to come over once a week and clean everything and fold and iron my clothes. It's amazing to come home from work to a pristine house. If you are dating and bringing a girl/girls home it's also nice to have a clean house and not need to worry about if you've got a mess at home then spend hours and hours cleaning like the story above.
always crazy bacon
Banned
I don't have a cleaner because they won't clean as good as I do and they do unusual things to stuff they don't understand. I'm very houseproud and I always cleaned up before going out on the pull so everything was on point should I get lucky and bring a girl home. I looked at it as putting in as much effort in to how I dress when going out. I only needed to do living room, bedroom and bathroom those nights.
I do know several people that do have cleaners and they are reliable, professional and cheap. A good investment if your not naturally inclined to housework.
I do know several people that do have cleaners and they are reliable, professional and cheap. A good investment if your not naturally inclined to housework.
I actually keep my house relatively clean and enjoy doing most household chores and I am a minimalist anyway so I don't have clutter or anything to get strewn about, but like I said, it sure is great coming home after work to a spotless house.
You are right though they Ayi here do have some weird habits for cleaning and organizing (she rearranged my closet when she started, now my socks and underwear live in different places), but I just put up with the quirks cuz they aren't that bad, plus Ive never even seen her aside from the first day she came to clean and I gave her the extra keys.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Third date in six days concluded. (I know.)
We walked around a museum, got Korean food, had fantastic adult time, then watched Fantastic Beasts, which I hadn't seen before.
Date 4 soon. And yeah, seeing the club girl tomorrow.
We walked around a museum, got Korean food, had fantastic adult time, then watched Fantastic Beasts, which I hadn't seen before.
Date 4 soon. And yeah, seeing the club girl tomorrow.
Every date should include Korean food and adult time. Sounds like a perfect night.
Fast Forward
Member
So, I guess this is the right place for this.
What's the best places to meet woman in real life?
What's the best places to meet woman in real life?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Literally anywhere. They make up over half of the world's population.
Maybe not a monastery.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Anywhere outside your home. To give you better advice we need to know more about your life situation to be honest.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
So I guess this isn't a dating question so much as a self esteem question.
I have a history of beating myself up; not just in relationships but generally. At work when I get feedback they say I'm way too self critical, I seem to really worry and stress about every single thing.
The thing is, that attitude is now destroying my relationship. Been seeing a girl about six months now, and it's by far the best relationship I've ever been in. We've connected really well, she is very caring and supportive, and until now the positives have meant that I've not really been worrying or stressing too much.
However, the last week a bunch of insecurities have reared their head (I was badly cheated on in a last relationship, and constantly put down/made to feel like shit for five years), and my SO has expressed some concerns with my "stress head" side, which she's only seen glimpses of before. She said if I kept acting like this I'd end up pushing her away, as she felt like she could only reassure or tell me so many times.
I feel like I'm making my relationship toxic through self-doubt and low self esteem, how do I stop this destructive cycle I've got myself in?
I have a history of beating myself up; not just in relationships but generally. At work when I get feedback they say I'm way too self critical, I seem to really worry and stress about every single thing.
The thing is, that attitude is now destroying my relationship. Been seeing a girl about six months now, and it's by far the best relationship I've ever been in. We've connected really well, she is very caring and supportive, and until now the positives have meant that I've not really been worrying or stressing too much.
However, the last week a bunch of insecurities have reared their head (I was badly cheated on in a last relationship, and constantly put down/made to feel like shit for five years), and my SO has expressed some concerns with my "stress head" side, which she's only seen glimpses of before. She said if I kept acting like this I'd end up pushing her away, as she felt like she could only reassure or tell me so many times.
I feel like I'm making my relationship toxic through self-doubt and low self esteem, how do I stop this destructive cycle I've got myself in?
always crazy bacon
Banned
So I guess this isn't a dating question so much as a self esteem question.
I have a history of beating myself up; not just in relationships but generally. At work when I get feedback they say I'm way too self critical, I seem to really worry and stress about every single thing.
The thing is, that attitude is now destroying my relationship. Been seeing a girl about six months now, and it's by far the best relationship I've ever been in. We've connected really well, she is very caring and supportive, and until now the positives have meant that I've not really been worrying or stressing too much.
However, the last week a bunch of insecurities have reared their head (I was badly cheated on in a last relationship, and constantly put down/made to feel like shit for five years), and my SO has expressed some concerns with my "stress head" side, which she's only seen glimpses of before. She said if I kept acting like this I'd end up pushing her away, as she felt like she could only reassure or tell me so many times.
I feel like I'm making my relationship toxic through self-doubt and low self esteem, how do I stop this destructive cycle I've got myself in?
Reads to me that you've already started to improve that. You are aware of the problem, accepted it and are looking for solutions. That's the first big step.
Your current SO has nothing to do with your last relationship at all and you've got to let that old relationship go, it's in the past. Gone. Do you think your ex is even thinking about you for just one minute? No chance, so you do the same, you're out and every second you think about her is a wasted thought now.
Be self aware of what you say to your current SO from now on. Are you about to say something negative or insecure? Then stop, take a breath, don't say it. Just give her a hug.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
I like to have a little challenge in life myself.
Widdle Puppy
Banned
For stuff like that, all you can really do is go out and do it. Sounds cliche, but think of your social skills as a muscle like any other... if you don't train it, then it'll be weak, but using it again and again will eventually make it stronger. You won't know *how* to talk to people properly without... talking to them. You'll make mistakes, make a damn well fool of yourself, but eventually you'll learn how to socalize and be around human beings
I get it, it's tough... it's physically exhausting for me to be around most people, lol. But you gotta do it.
Download Meetup, find a group you're interested in, and go to it, even if your mind does everything possible to make you not want to go. Make yourself talk to people.
You can't really follow a program with this stuff, though a good therapist can hone in on your specific weaknesses and try to help you overcome them. There's not really a goal oriented way to go about something like this... life isn't a video game to tick off tasks and achievements, after all. But you can, of course, make your own goals to achieve... and that's way better than taking some stock 'to-dos' and going from there.
I think this has been my main problem when making new friends. I could probably be more outgoing but in general I've stayed in more than I should and getting out is one of the biggest steps to take when making friends. I think I'm going to start going to bars and live music again since I made friends like that back when I was in college. I could also look for local groups on facebook and places that relate to my hobbies and look to start patronizing them.
I think I will try and set specific goals like a) make a list of people you know that you could ask to grab a drink with after work b) make friendly small talk with at least two to five people a day at work, gym, bar, etc. c) go out at least one night a week to a bar or club d) go out at least once a week to a hobby meeting of some sort.
Stuff like this so I will actively try and become more friendly. It's not so much that I don't know how to socialize than it is I don't ever do it so I'm out of shape and I have zero avenues to meet new people and make new friends.
Thanks for the advice!
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