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Is it important that your partner change his/her last name when you get married?
- Thread starter LittleBoots
- Start date
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SDCowboy
Member
Because part of being a family, to me personally, is being one with a family name. If you're not going to have a family last name, why even get married?
With that, I'm ok if she wanted to hyphenate the two last names.
umop_3pisdn
Member
This comes across as tense or nervous laughter over text.
Anyways these are basically my feelings as well:
ClosingADoor
Member
That's fine, but maybe the people you know aren't representative of everyone then. Just because you don't know people who have done this, doesn't mean they don't exist.
It's fine if you want it of course, that's your choice. But it is a bit strange to me to put your own and other peoples expectations in front of the wishes of your partner when it comes to this.
Because that's not how I do things. Yeah, reasons, again it matters to me that she takes my name.
Jon Snow you know nothing.
Actually it was meant to be more like JJJ from the Spider Man movies laugh.
Oh they exist, of course they do! And if they want, hey more power to them. Whatever makes them happy. I simply do not subscribe to this way of doing things in marriage.
bananafactory
Banned
Because to many people marriage is more than just a name on a piece of paper. It's as much an emotional and spiritual bond as it is a legal one.
Do you see your significant other as your equal, or someone lesser than you?
Simple as that.
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
My ex (now current best friend) and I talked about this, and if we end up back together and married, I'm taking her last name because I love hers and would rather be associated by it, and my Mexican heritage than have her associated with the name I took which was of my white dad's. And my name will be alliterative.
Do....do you think people who are married while keeping their last names and built families are living a pointless marriage or something? How can you see a family raise children that contribute to our world and think "All of that was meaningless because they don't all share the same last name."?
bananafactory
Banned
I'm going to be disappointed if your last name isn't really 'Sexbang'
SDCowboy
Member
To me, the family having a name is much more than just a name on a piece of paper.
Nope. People can do as they wish with their marriage. Just for me personally, a big part of it is joining as one under a single family name. And again, I'm completely fine with hyphenating the two last names.
QuantumZebra
Member
So you have no actual reasons other than "other people do it"?
Other people also drink kool-aid to kill themselves to go ride on a comet.
Other people isn't a good reason.
So why not take her name?
I mean, that's a reasonable desire (to have everyone have the same name). Would you be ok with taking her name?
CountAntonius
Member
It's not just a NeoGAF forum thing. It's actually becoming quite common as people are becoming less traditional.
Darth Karja
Member
I agree with this. I got married two and a half months ago and my wife finally got her name changed last week.
SkeptiMism
Member
Oh it's one of these threads again.
I wonder how long it'll take this time to have people going on about how beta it is for a man to take the woman's name. Or how women who don't want to take the man's name are gold diggers. Granted, they've been fairly few in earlier threads, but extremely insistent.
Or just otherwise guys who say "she takes my name and that's it", who have never even tried to think about it through empathy, like what if they had to give up their name. But we already have one of those.
You might wanna ask your husband to take your name. Or at the very least how it would feel for him to lose his name. His name isn't any more important than yours.
Anyway, I would have never asked my wife to take my name when we got married. Such a silly tradition, and kind of nasty really when you think of it. I actually ended up taking her last name because it's just so much cooler, extremely rare and has a lot nicer history behind it.
I wonder how long it'll take this time to have people going on about how beta it is for a man to take the woman's name. Or how women who don't want to take the man's name are gold diggers. Granted, they've been fairly few in earlier threads, but extremely insistent.
Or just otherwise guys who say "she takes my name and that's it", who have never even tried to think about it through empathy, like what if they had to give up their name. But we already have one of those.
You might wanna ask your husband to take your name. Or at the very least how it would feel for him to lose his name. His name isn't any more important than yours.
Anyway, I would have never asked my wife to take my name when we got married. Such a silly tradition, and kind of nasty really when you think of it. I actually ended up taking her last name because it's just so much cooler, extremely rare and has a lot nicer history behind it.
bananafactory
Banned
That's totally fine, but you were asking what the point of being married was if you don't both have a single name and I'm just illustrating that marriage means many different things to people, so while the name is a critical part of it to you, other people may find a different importance in union.
You find somebody special. This person means the world to you. You're ready to dedicate your life to her and want to start a family with her. Maybe in the past she said she was okay with taking your name. Then some time before the wedding she says "Actually, I'd like to keep my name. My family name is important to me, and I know yours is important to you. I want us to start a family, but I don't want to just leave mine behind either."
If she is firm and unmoving about this new view is your response really "Sorry, that's just not how I do things. The wedding is off."?
Taking my last name hardly makes her less than me.
As for simple as that, judging from the way some are arguing against my decision I would say this is anything but to simple to some.
I'll answer this last one and leave it at that and if some wish to deride me after it so be it.
It's important to me. It is just that important to me. It's legacy, something that will continue onward until the day it does not. My family means the world to me, I love them. I would do everything I could for them. If I was going to marry a woman then I would love her, do whatever I could for her, be there for her, laugh together, and do everything possible. But any of us who have been in relationships know there are deal breakers, certain things that......just don't make things work. It happens. It sucks. It can suck a lot and I'm sure some here know that the hard way. Having my family name is part of what it means to marry to me. It's part of the whole thing. If it isn't acceptable to them, it's deal breaker. But If I'm marrying them I doubt it's an issue to begin with, that's the sort of thing you tend to some times talk over before actually asking. At least I have found.
So, good enough answer? I know it won't satisfy everyone but I hope that gives more insight into what I said.
QuantumZebra
Member
You're basically saying she has no say in the matter.
That makes her less than you.
Unless you're willing to consider her opinions and thoughts on the matter?
If you are saying that it would be a pointless marriage for you to do it then you are saying you think those marriages that don't share the same name are pointless. It doesn't mean you think people shouldn't be allowed to do it, but you are saying it is a pointless marriage, which is insane. Same goes for if they don't hyphenate your name.
NoblesseOblige
Banned
Not important at all. I find those who do put some stock into it to be archaic in their thinking.
LyleLanley
Banned
This thread is something.
John Kowalski
Banned
I would rather they didn't.
It's hardly as simple as people are putting it, you're asking someone to alter their name, and names carry immense meaning culturally. Or do you think the erasure of black names in slavery times was a simple matter of bureaucracy?
It's hardly as simple as people are putting it, you're asking someone to alter their name, and names carry immense meaning culturally. Or do you think the erasure of black names in slavery times was a simple matter of bureaucracy?
LittleBoots
Member
We want to get married to have all the benefits of a married couple. We love each other. We have a bond with each other that's different than the relationships we have with other people. I don't think marriage should be defined by two people having the same last names.
SDCowboy
Member
I clearly said I don't think it would be pointless.
What if she wanted you to take her last name? Would that be ok with you?
My wife took my name, because she had a very common last name and I an unusual one. If she had wanted to keep her family name then that would have been fine with me too.
It's nice having her share my name in some respects but realistically it didn't make our relationship any different. To each their own I say.
It's nice having her share my name in some respects but realistically it didn't make our relationship any different. To each their own I say.
quickwhips
Member
I mean we live in a modern world where people have choices and no one thinks its odd. But I do think its nice when a mother and father last names matches their children.
I'd never ask someone to change their name to mine. For many people their name is a part of their identity, why force someone to change that. Dick move tbh. If I preferred a partner's name then I wouldn't mind changing my own. But a partner guilt tripping someone into doing it sounds pretty neanderthal.
My mum kept her name through two marriages - telling the second to fuck off when he insisted she change it. My mum's ace.
My mum kept her name through two marriages - telling the second to fuck off when he insisted she change it. My mum's ace.
My wife kept her name and I really respect her for it. I don't even like her wearing a wedding ring.
This.
This.
My wife insisted on taking my name. I told her it doesn't matter so much to me. She'd a bit old fashioned.
Edit: Our kids' middle name will be her maiden name, just like her middle name is her mom's maiden name. A Filipino tradition my mom never upheld herself. I don't mind but I kinda did wish we would pick their middle names. More creative fun.
Edit: Our kids' middle name will be her maiden name, just like her middle name is her mom's maiden name. A Filipino tradition my mom never upheld herself. I don't mind but I kinda did wish we would pick their middle names. More creative fun.
Spring-Loaded
Member
I have to consume her name, and erase all trace of it. There is no other way.
WhateverItTakes
Banned
I ain't bothered about it. It's with kids it can get tricky, unless one name is taken or you go double-barrelled. Though I feel the latter route could lead to an eventual apocalypse with quad-barrelled and oct-barrelled etc.
jacob armitage
Banned
I don't mind either way. In fact i wouldn't even opposed to taking hers. Though, we've never talked about it.
SDCowboy
Member
Honestly, no I wouldn't be OK with that. I'm admittedly old fashioned when it comes to the name thing. The two hyphenated last names is as about as far as I'd be ok with. Again, that's just for me personally. If two other people don't care, and still want to get married, good for them.
Read the first word from my response to your quote. I said "nope" I don't think it's pointless. Asking why you'd still get married doesn't mean I think it's pointless.
How old are you?
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