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Is it important that your partner change his/her last name when you get married?
- Thread starter LittleBoots
- Start date
- Status
Why are you and other posters ITT so insistent on projecting your view of how marriage and the person they choose to marry should feel about their decisions they make in said marriage?
Where does this insecurity from others wanting to simply have or want their partner to have a last name change come from?
If they find a person who agrees with their idea of marriage and agree upon the same decisions, why do you find issue with it? I don't think I've seen one poster who wants their partner to have a last name change say "yes and ALL marriages should be like that as well" but some of the responses you guys are giving are hostile as fuck.
RowdyReverb
Member
My wife is pretty traditional and took my last name, even though I put no pressure on her. It does give warm fuzzy feelings though calling her Mrs. [my last name] for the first time. I still get that feeling when somebody else calls her that.
But yeah, if they don't, it's no biggie. You just might need to explain a little more often that you are indeed married, especially to older folks.
But yeah, if they don't, it's no biggie. You just might need to explain a little more often that you are indeed married, especially to older folks.
QuantumZebra
Member
Pretty much this.
If you aren't willing to give up your name for your significant others, then you are a hypocrite to ask the same of them.
Yup
Casual sexism, hypocrisy, and double standards don't sit well with a lot of people.
SDCowboy
Member
30, not that it should matter.
"Old fashioned" in this case means sexist, just to be clear.
Saying you're "old-fashioned" or its "just me personally" doesn't excuse gross attitudes. If somebody said "I'm not okay with marrying somebody of a different race, but people can do it if they want to", then it speaks to that person's character. You thinking why bother getting married if you dont share the same last name speaks to your character. By your logic, what was the point of my parents getting married? They moved to America, built a new life here, had 4 kids and have a huge family here now. But they don't share the same last name so why did they bother to do any of that????
Kitsunebaby
Member
Nah, I don't really care about having the same last name. I figure if I ever get married I'll take/keep whichever name I like more, and I really don't care what they do.
SDCowboy
Member
Oh give me a break. Wanting her to take your last name is not fucking sexist. Christ.
Replace "requiring changing last name" with "requiring they be of the same race". We still cool with it? Just saying "Oh it's just how I feel about it" doesn't change the fact that it is a gross attitude. It speaks to your character. If people want to do it, fine. But to say that it is essential that they do so is gross.
Krappadizzle
Member
Important? Not really. Easier? YUP.
My wife took my last name as it was just so much easier to deal with banking and insurances that way. Didn't force her to and when she decided to do it:
My wife took my last name as it was just so much easier to deal with banking and insurances that way. Didn't force her to and when she decided to do it:
LittleBoots
Member
No, we don't have kids. We don't plan on having any. He's part of a big family, though. His brother is married with two sons. They all have his last name.
It absolutely is. You want her to take her name because you want a "family" name but you are not willing to take her name.
That is 100% sexist.
bananafactory
Banned
I think the only thing that matters is that both partners get a say, and there's discussion and compromise.
There's nothing wrong with taking another person's name, if that's what is decided. The problem is people taking a hard line in the sand on it because they believe they have some sort of right that is granted to them via tradition, and try to impose that on someone else.
If a man marries a woman and she lovingly takes his last name, that's wonderful. If she begrudgingly gives up her family name because he wouldn't take no for an answer, that's incredibly sad.
There's nothing wrong with taking another person's name, if that's what is decided. The problem is people taking a hard line in the sand on it because they believe they have some sort of right that is granted to them via tradition, and try to impose that on someone else.
If a man marries a woman and she lovingly takes his last name, that's wonderful. If she begrudgingly gives up her family name because he wouldn't take no for an answer, that's incredibly sad.
LyleLanley
Banned
MAKES YOU THINK!
"Wanting women, who you've known for maybe 10% of their life, to abandon their family name that they've held for their entire life because it is important for the man's family name, and only the man's family name, to continue on is NOT sexist guys!"
It does if you claim to be "old-fashioned".
Both speak to a person's character. You can excuse race preferences as being "old fashioned" or "just how I feel", but it still speaks to your character. Requiring that the woman you marry take on your name isn't being "old fashioned" and it goes beyond just "how you feel about it". It speaks to your character. It speaks to how you view women's role in marriage.
QuantumZebra
Member
Um, yes, it is.
This is very, very simple.
You, because you are a man, are placing your name, over hers, because she is the woman.
You are expecting her to take your name, because of this situation.
You are placing yourself (name) above her (her name).
Very. Simple.
.
Mass_Pincup
Banned
No that's being an hypocrite.
SDCowboy
Member
You seem to keep ignoring where I said, many times over, that I'm completely Ok with her keeping her last name and having it hyphenated.
rokkerkory
Member
Prefer yes but am i gonna fight for it? Nah
LyleLanley
Banned
Too late buddy, you're literally Hitler now.
When somebody says "why even do X", it is saying doing X is pointless. Just because you contradict yourself by denying what you said doesn't mean you said it is pointless.
SDCowboy
Member
Apparently. lol
They aren't mutually exclusive. It's both sexist and hypocritical. Sexist men are often quite hypocritical.
Her family name isn't her name hyphenated with yours. If she doesn't want your name in hers, then she doesn't want that. To expect that she do so as a mandate is gross.
RowdyReverb
Member
Agreed. I don't think it's an inherently backwards tradition, but of course nobody should be forced to change their name when marrying.
SDCowboy
Member
No it's not. That's just how you're taking an inquiry. That's on you, bud. Not me. I asked, a question, you answered it, and I see your point of view. That's not thinking something is worthless.
That's still absolutely sexist. If she did that would you also take the hyphenated name?
Of course you wouldn't.
People can have gross views without literally being Hitler. But hey, why bother considering why you pointlessly cling to sexist marriage traditions when you can just say you're old fashioned?
LyleLanley
Banned
That's creepy?
SDCowboy
Member
I wouldn't? Fascinating. Please tell me more about myself.
Mass_Pincup
Banned
And they don't necessarily goes hand in hand too. Just because he's an hypocrite regarding this issue doesn't automatically mean that he views women as less important than him.
That's a big reason why I view marriage as an outdated concept.
bananafactory
Banned
Hitler and race changing
Nope, I'm out
Nope, I'm out
Feel free to deny it.
SDCowboy
Member
Are you being serious right now?
Kuro Madoushi
Unconfirmed Member
I didn't care that my wife didn't take my last name. I hate my last name, and it'd also mess up the meaning of her name if she did take it.
I haven't run into anyone personally that insisted it should be changed either.
I haven't run into anyone personally that insisted it should be changed either.
"If I can't be as strong as Arnold, why even exercise??"
"If I can't be as smart as Einstein, why even study?"
"If my desired political candidate can't win the election, why even vote?"
"If I'm not hungry, why even cook?"
"If we're not going to share a family name, why even get married?"
Stop denying the obvious implication that you're saying it is pointless. This denial is ridiculous.
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