Being a woman is not an option. When somebody says "Women change to the man's name when they get married. That's just how I am. I am old-fashioned." That is them having a sexist view on what women should do. I didn't even compare it to civil rights. I just compared the "I'm old fashioned" excuse to racial expectations of marriage partners.
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Is it important that your partner change his/her last name when you get married?
- Thread starter LittleBoots
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Being a woman is not an option. When somebody says "Women change to the man's name when they get married. That's just how I am. I am old-fashioned." That is them having a sexist view on what women should do. I didn't even compare it to civil rights. I just compared the "I'm old fashioned" excuse to racial expectations of marriage partners.
Did I point you out? No, I didn't.
I just can't fuck with comparing something non race related, to racism. That's just me
Well I think I was the one making the race comparison. I missed others doing it. I get the argument that we shouldn't just associate every bad thing with racism. But sexism is one of those things that pretty much fits in the same ball park as racism. It's why black women get it the worst. I'm assuming you're a guy, so maybe it's hard to really empathize with how sexism effects women regularly. It is the same how racism effects minorities regularly.
Shadow_Lord
Member
This thread
Most of my friends are females, we regularly have conversations over how I don't get the sexism they receive and my white friends don't deal with the bullshit I deal with. I know how bad Black women get shit on. It ain't hard to do, but in my mind I can't compare 'Cism to Sexism. They real fuckin close though
Try doing this. When you're around a group of guys, pay attention how they talk about women. Notice how differently they speak of women than men and how their attitude towards them are so different. Different crows will give you different attitudes, so just one crowd isn't enough. I think you'll come to find that many men speak very ill of women in similar ways to how white people speak ill of minorities. It's so uncanny to me how so many guys will just casually call women bitches, for example. Like, that's what they have replaced the word for "women" in their brain.
Also consider how many cultures in the world have sexism far worse than the West. Western cultures are relatively more fair to women. But there are many cultures today still where women are treated as second-class citizens and are expected to be obedient to men.
Bruh you preachin to the choir here, thankfully my male friends, teammates, whatever, don't use bitch for women. We call each other bitches more often than not. I'm not around sexism by my friends, at all. We respect women and shit. This is something I'm set in my ways in, I just can't compare sexism and racism. Both terrible terrible things, but as a black man I'm gonna say that they're close. Like so so close to being equally fucking awful, it's just because of what I've personally experienced. No harm meant by it
DeaconKnowledge
Member
I said many times that not getting married was my default position. It is also the solution to this problem - If my girlfriend and I don't get married, she gets to keep her name with zero fuss.
Read earlier in the thread to understand. I've explained it ad nauseum.
No, I don't have any expectation that my partner change his name but I don't know many women who do. I also wouldn't change my last name. It's not something Colombian women do traditionally anyways. (Kids in Colombia get two last names: the first from their father and the second from their mother It does end up being the guy's last names sticking because it's the paternal last name that gets handed down.)
perfectchaos007
Member
Married couples keeping their last names sounds fine in theory, until they have kids. Then what do they do?
Hyphen that shit, probably. Or argue about the name usage
They talk to each other and come up with a solution. It's different for each family.
I live in a country where thankfully each keeps their last names, so no problems here.
In this situation, since it's not common and there are no laws to specify how to use it, one could make use of it like this: if John Smith-Jones marries Jane Doe-Williams and they have kids, they could have a last name being a combination of theirs like Williams-Jones, Jones-Doe, or Smith-Williams, just to mention a few of all the possible combinations.
Good to know.
There is, the Spanish Naming Custom is used successfully by every Spanish speaking country in the planet, Brazil and Portugal use a similar custom as well.
In this situation, since it's not common and there are no laws to specify how to use it, one could make use of it like this: if John Smith-Jones marries Jane Doe-Williams and they have kids, they could have a last name being a combination of theirs like Williams-Jones, Jones-Doe, or Smith-Williams, just to mention a few of all the possible combinations.
So other people's opinion > your SO's opinion.
Good to know.
Panic. Mass hysteria. Because the Spanish didn't solve this problem 600 years ago.
I'd prefer if we had the same last name (wouldn't even necessarily need to be my name, but that just happens to be the prevailing tradition in the U.S.). Feels more like we're one team that way (especially if we have kids), but ultimately it's up to her and I'd be fine with whatever she wants to do.
In addition to the woman taking the man's last name, the tradition I'd really like to see done away with is expensive diamond rings. What an absolute waste of money.
In addition to the woman taking the man's last name, the tradition I'd really like to see done away with is expensive diamond rings. What an absolute waste of money.
It's just strange if you were to get to a point in a relationship where you are considering a union, that means you're happy with each other and you see potential for a future. Then you propose and she says yes. Then you ask her will she take your name and she's says no. All that lead up to be heartbroken seems a little ridiculous to me. Even in the case of when she does take your name, does that mean your chance of separation is less? You did say the main reason for her to take up your name is in the case of asset split and children, but does that even factor in with the courts?
If I could I'd name my kids with a mix of my name and my girlfirend's.
Like a cool Dragon Ball fusion.
What you believe is a thread full of people failing to understand your point is not true. You've explained yourself but you're repeatedly missing or refusing to acknowledge the basis of criticism for your argument- faulty logic, controlling behaviour and decision making around relationships based solely on an almost paranoid aversion to perceived risk.
My wife didn't take my last name. That's fine. She has pride in her family name. Her father was a hard working farmer who died young and she wants to remember him. She also is the breadwinner of the family and has a reputation with her last name with her company and doesn't want to change for that reason.
That said, at parties or events she'll introduce herself as Mrs. Quonny just to let people know we're married. If we have kids, she said they'll have my last name. Our dog "has my last name". Stuff like that.
Either way, it doesn't matter. Initially it kind of bugged me from a tradition standpoint but I quickly got over it and now I don't care one bit.
That said, at parties or events she'll introduce herself as Mrs. Quonny just to let people know we're married. If we have kids, she said they'll have my last name. Our dog "has my last name". Stuff like that.
Either way, it doesn't matter. Initially it kind of bugged me from a tradition standpoint but I quickly got over it and now I don't care one bit.
I'm not religious, sexist, a bigot, a patriarch, a feudal lord, I don't care about "tradition" or being "old-fashioned", and I'm not afraid of my partner having her own identity apart from me.
What good reason exists for taking your partner's last name? The only one I can think of is if you don't like your current name. Other than that, I'd say most people change their name for one of the senseless reasons above.
What good reason exists for taking your partner's last name? The only one I can think of is if you don't like your current name. Other than that, I'd say most people change their name for one of the senseless reasons above.
So you want to uphold a dumb sexist tradition because you are afraid of what other people think of you? You sound like a Real Man, you do.
Our kids just have my name. I think it annoys my wife a bit. Not that she ever mentioned hyphenating them. But my daughter is just starting to understand she has two names, and she gets excited when she realizes me and her brother share one with her. My wife's all on the outside with a sad puppy face.
Oldest_Ancient
Member
I wouldn't expect somebody to change their name. To me it's the weirdest thing that you have a name for 20-30 years and then one day change it.
Saying that I did once date a girl with the same surname as me and planned to double-barrel it so I'm perhaps not the best juge
Saying that I did once date a girl with the same surname as me and planned to double-barrel it so I'm perhaps not the best juge
Daria Morgendorffer
Member
Idk how it works with same sex couples but I'd love to take my wife's name, everything to get rid of my current one.
Blackpanther25
Member
This thread is great.
My wife never had a discussion about last names. She took mine but if she wanted to have both I wouldn't mind. If she wanted to keep her last name I wouldn't mind also but my children must have mine.
Besides the point it's our custom to take the husband's name because the wife is leaving her family and is becoming a part of my family.
Now the reason behind my children having my surname is legacy (My forefathers were very influential leaders in my hometown). Not taking my surname is giving up their claim to ancestral land.
Plus my last name translate to long life and prosperity.
Edit: fixed typo "if"
My wife never had a discussion about last names. She took mine but if she wanted to have both I wouldn't mind. If she wanted to keep her last name I wouldn't mind also but my children must have mine.
Besides the point it's our custom to take the husband's name because the wife is leaving her family and is becoming a part of my family.
Now the reason behind my children having my surname is legacy (My forefathers were very influential leaders in my hometown). Not taking my surname is giving up their claim to ancestral land.
Plus my last name translate to long life and prosperity.
Edit: fixed typo "if"
My wife took my last name.
She said that if she kept her name our children would get my last name, but I wouldn't want them to have a different last name than her mother.
I would have totally respected her wish if she kept her last name, though.
Hyphenation wasn't an option because Germans struggle enough with my four letter american last name and her ten letter italian last name without having to write both of them together...
She said that if she kept her name our children would get my last name, but I wouldn't want them to have a different last name than her mother.
I would have totally respected her wish if she kept her last name, though.
Hyphenation wasn't an option because Germans struggle enough with my four letter american last name and her ten letter italian last name without having to write both of them together...
My expectation sinsini was a kid was that my wife would take my last name. I'm sort of old-fashioned, but my wife is way more so than I am, and she was very eager to share my last name. After we got married, for months she would get excited when she would see her name written with my last name, or when she heard it spoken. We're both happy.
I could have changed my mind, but it would take some effort. I don't love the idea, but it's a compromise I would make if I had to. Assuming both conversations took place before marriage and childbirth, I think if a prospective partner told me she wanted our kids to have a different last name than me, it would be a deal breaker.
I could have changed my mind, but it would take some effort. I don't love the idea, but it's a compromise I would make if I had to. Assuming both conversations took place before marriage and childbirth, I think if a prospective partner told me she wanted our kids to have a different last name than me, it would be a deal breaker.
Seems like outdated practice from a long time ago where I live. My grand mothers? Sure, but they're old and got married in the 50s if I remember right, so it's understandable.
But my mother and aunts all kept their last name after they got married back in the 80s or 90s.
But my mother and aunts all kept their last name after they got married back in the 80s or 90s.
ebullientprism
Member
I generally dont care. And neither of us could be arsed to do the paperwork (and it would have been a fuck ton of paperwork) so laziness trumped any "choices" we might have made. So maiden name it is. 
Edit Surprise surprise. Gaf being full of judgemental people throwing racism and sexism accusations out willy nilly.
Edit Surprise surprise. Gaf being full of judgemental people throwing racism and sexism accusations out willy nilly.
Straight Edge
Member
I would guess for the majority of US couples women take the man's name without much consideration either way. When an unmarried couple has a child, the father's surname is usually automatically put on the birth certificate to establish paternity.
The Maverick
Member
If I have children, they will have my last name. My potential wife is free to hyphenate or keep her name, it's up to her. I'd prefer that my family all share one last name, but it's really not that big of a deal in the scheme of things.
Straight Edge
Member
But like what if they have her last name?
Is it important to me? No. Culturally (my culture) it's typical that the wife takes the husband's name but it's not something where if the couple decides to not go that route that they are cast out of their families. Thus for me I'd be down with her taking my name, not taking it, or me taking hers. At that point it's about how both of us would feel. No other external factors would come into play assuming she isn't following rigid religious or cultural expectations herself.
On a side note, I'm not a fan of hyphenated names. Purely from aesthetic reasons. I'd rather just create a new name. I don't actually mean any ill will to GAFers who have hyphenated last names
On a side note, I'm not a fan of hyphenated names. Purely from aesthetic reasons. I'd rather just create a new name. I don't actually mean any ill will to GAFers who have hyphenated last names
No as long as the kids have my name.
Some times women would like to keep them because they are the only one in their family, professional reasons etc. Im more worried about the kids. Id even compromise and alternate last names with the kids etc. As long as I had one son to pass it on It really doesnt matter that much to me.
Some times women would like to keep them because they are the only one in their family, professional reasons etc. Im more worried about the kids. Id even compromise and alternate last names with the kids etc. As long as I had one son to pass it on It really doesnt matter that much to me.
QuantumZebra
Member
That's why you hyphenate, or blend the last names into a new one. Simple.
You like placing the importance of your name over your potential wife's?
Why does your name mean more than hers?
Why can't you hyphenate / blend names?
Primethius
Banned
I don't care either way. My wife took my name which made me pretty happy as it was her choice.
OP, I would keep your name if you want to. It is seriously not nearly as complicated as people are making it out. I used to be married, and I kept my last name. Takes two seconds to potentially explain you don't have the same last name as your husband, and that really won't be often.
I've worked reception jobs for 10 years now, including at a bank. It's not confusing for couples to have different last names. I'd say it's worse if one couple has a complicated last name. Having to slowly spell that shit out.
Also lol, assuming your wife will take your last name because you're the man IS sexist. And the reason it's so common in certain places is due to sexism. Most women aren't taking their husband's names just cause. Like, come on.
I've worked reception jobs for 10 years now, including at a bank. It's not confusing for couples to have different last names. I'd say it's worse if one couple has a complicated last name. Having to slowly spell that shit out.
Also lol, assuming your wife will take your last name because you're the man IS sexist. And the reason it's so common in certain places is due to sexism. Most women aren't taking their husband's names just cause. Like, come on.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
Really? Your profile says you are also in Canada; curious as to how old you are in my experience, at age 35, there are lots (but not a majority) of women who keep their name post-marriage.
entremet
Member
If she doesn't' want to do it, that's fine. I'm just gonna ask if we get that serious. That's all. I'd rather not do hyphenated names at all. It's not a dealbreaker, my dude. Heck, most women I've dated seriously preferred it without me asking.
Some of you guys make things way more serious than they really are.
I'm just answering the question as it was asked in the topic title. This jumping on people for giving sincere answers is silly. Some people prefer it, some don't care, and some thing it's an affront to humanity.
There are more important things to get emotionally invested about than two private citizens getting married and making personal decisions regarding that marriage.
Ron Mexico
Member
My ex-wife kept her surname when we got married. SO now is chomping at the bit to take mine.
Honestly, it doesn't mean the slightest to me whatsoever either way. I don't need to look at her and see my last name attached to know we're a team.
While we're on the subject though, there is one traditional view that really pisses me off-- from the time I was a young kid, I was told a) I needed to have kids and b) especially had to have a boy so we can "keep the family name".
I'm an only child with only 3 cousins, all female. My contention is what the fuck have we accomplished that makes it some absolute necessity to carry on the name.
Honestly, it doesn't mean the slightest to me whatsoever either way. I don't need to look at her and see my last name attached to know we're a team.
While we're on the subject though, there is one traditional view that really pisses me off-- from the time I was a young kid, I was told a) I needed to have kids and b) especially had to have a boy so we can "keep the family name".
I'm an only child with only 3 cousins, all female. My contention is what the fuck have we accomplished that makes it some absolute necessity to carry on the name.
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