always crazy bacon
Banned
Waiting for the bomb to drop its his step sister/cousin/dads ex girlfriend ect.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
Waiting for the bomb to drop its his step sister/cousin/dads ex girlfriend ect.
Never posted here before. Always felt a little uncomgfortable talking about this kind of thing on the internet...but fuck it, my mind is struggling to put the pieces together so maybe some strangers here on GAF can help me 
.
So after finally building up the courage to ask out a girl I work with to go see a movie (King Arthur), I also thought to give it a shot and ask if she wanted to grab dinner with me beforehand. She said yes.
Ok so everything was all set, we eat and chat for a couple hours, we go to the movies and whatever happens, happens. I got there first and she came to the restaurant about 5 or so minutes late. Whatever, no biggie. We sit and look at the menus to see what we want, then finally we hit it off and converse. The conversation overall was great. We got into some personal topics, similar tastes in shows/movies or what not, and the whole thing lasted about 3 hours. Which was great because I felt that she was a very cool person and none of it ever felt forced I think. Kept asking her questions, she asked me some, the works. Although we ended up missing the movie because we've been talking for so long. I didn't really care about missing it and didn't seemed like she did either as she proposed that we can try again another time.
HOWEVER (here comes the but), in the later half of the conversation, she casually mentions that she has a boyfriend...god...fucking...damn it.
For a little more background, during all the times I have worked with her, all the conversations I have had with her, days where she even shows up on her off days with her family (but no boyfriend appearance), looking at her social media, etc. There has been ZERO indication of her having a boyfriend at all. I was so sure of it. She never mentioned a peep about it to anyone I know at work to my knowledge. This just came out of no where. I hid my real emotions very well when she did mention it as I usually do, but in my head, I was basically going:
Regardless...we still hit it off well, we drove home, we both had a good time, and we will try again for a movie next time...I think. It's just I never ended up making a "move" like I originally planned I would if things went well...because of that damn little detail. I didn't discuss much about her boyfriend and quite frankly, neither did she. I did ask where he lived when we were discussing about places to live in the future, and she said he lived in a area that I know is about a couple of hours from where we both live and work.
I'm at a loss here. On one hand, I felt a good connection with her, we both made each other laugh, we had some personal conversations, we talked for a long time and we had a good time despite missing the movie. On the other hand, she claims to have a boyfriend.
Now, I have no idea whether this is actually true, or if MAYBE she's bluffing. Obviously I didn't nor would I ever call her out on it, but I can't help but feel like that it's her attempt of feeling me out a bit. Trying to read me and see how I would react or something? I mean, if she really did have a boyfriend, why not ever mention it during work, or before we went out or even when we got first got there? Why so causally mention it 2 hours or so into the conversation? And why has is this guy no where near her social media?
I'm not quite sure what to do here GAF. I know I'll go with her to see a movie next time but I'm not sure what to do when that does happen. Should I make a move then, stay friends with her and continue to get to know her better (maybe ask more questions about this boyfriend?), or is this where I chalk this up as an L and it just wasn't meant to be? What to do GAF?
EDIT: forgive me if my grammar is a little poor, I'm pretty tired and have a lot to think about.
.So after finally building up the courage to ask out a girl I work with to go see a movie (King Arthur), I also thought to give it a shot and ask if she wanted to grab dinner with me beforehand. She said yes.
Ok so everything was all set, we eat and chat for a couple hours, we go to the movies and whatever happens, happens. I got there first and she came to the restaurant about 5 or so minutes late. Whatever, no biggie. We sit and look at the menus to see what we want, then finally we hit it off and converse. The conversation overall was great. We got into some personal topics, similar tastes in shows/movies or what not, and the whole thing lasted about 3 hours. Which was great because I felt that she was a very cool person and none of it ever felt forced I think. Kept asking her questions, she asked me some, the works. Although we ended up missing the movie because we've been talking for so long. I didn't really care about missing it and didn't seemed like she did either as she proposed that we can try again another time.
HOWEVER (here comes the but), in the later half of the conversation, she casually mentions that she has a boyfriend...god...fucking...damn it.
For a little more background, during all the times I have worked with her, all the conversations I have had with her, days where she even shows up on her off days with her family (but no boyfriend appearance), looking at her social media, etc. There has been ZERO indication of her having a boyfriend at all. I was so sure of it. She never mentioned a peep about it to anyone I know at work to my knowledge. This just came out of no where. I hid my real emotions very well when she did mention it as I usually do, but in my head, I was basically going:
Regardless...we still hit it off well, we drove home, we both had a good time, and we will try again for a movie next time...I think. It's just I never ended up making a "move" like I originally planned I would if things went well...because of that damn little detail. I didn't discuss much about her boyfriend and quite frankly, neither did she. I did ask where he lived when we were discussing about places to live in the future, and she said he lived in a area that I know is about a couple of hours from where we both live and work.
I'm at a loss here. On one hand, I felt a good connection with her, we both made each other laugh, we had some personal conversations, we talked for a long time and we had a good time despite missing the movie. On the other hand, she claims to have a boyfriend.
Now, I have no idea whether this is actually true, or if MAYBE she's bluffing. Obviously I didn't nor would I ever call her out on it, but I can't help but feel like that it's her attempt of feeling me out a bit. Trying to read me and see how I would react or something? I mean, if she really did have a boyfriend, why not ever mention it during work, or before we went out or even when we got first got there? Why so causally mention it 2 hours or so into the conversation? And why has is this guy no where near her social media?
I'm not quite sure what to do here GAF. I know I'll go with her to see a movie next time but I'm not sure what to do when that does happen. Should I make a move then, stay friends with her and continue to get to know her better (maybe ask more questions about this boyfriend?), or is this where I chalk this up as an L and it just wasn't meant to be? What to do GAF?
EDIT: forgive me if my grammar is a little poor, I'm pretty tired and have a lot to think about.
Obvious question is obvious - did this girl know you were on a date? Not "I thought it was obvious", but "I'd stake my life, my mom's life, and Chris Pratt's life" levels of certainty. Social media, not mentioning it at work, none of that shit matters. I've had girlfriends that none of my co-workers would know about.
Technically...no. I guess never made that part clear.
So what to do then?
Look, I've been reading this thread lately and I think you should do that too (just read the last page, please) but think about these 2 possible scenarios:
1) She was telling the truth about having a boyfriend, so basically she accepted because you didn't specify it was a date.
2) She was lying, which means she doesn't want you in the way you want her (but accepted to go out because you didn't specify it was a date).
In any case, don't overthink it, it's none of your business to investigate whether what she said is true or not. Just move on or keep hanging out with her (which is not a date) only if you really want to be friends with her.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Technically...no. I guess never made that part clear.
So what to do then?
These things happen, at least next time you'll specify date, even if it runs the risk of rejection so you dont get your hopes dashed. Nothing more you can do unless she splits with her boyfriend and casually mentions it to you.
D
Deleted member 10571
Unconfirmed Member
timetokill
Banned
Wow, girl I went out with tonight it's like night and day difference with the other girl. This one I can read her body language (all good signs, like playing with her hair a lot), good talker and listener, we just totally hit it off.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Great update, just goes to show sometimes you need to wait for the right person to progress.
So, I'm 164cm tall (5'4") and as you'd expect​ that makes me quite unattractive and I guess undateable, I'm 24 and never managed to achieve anything without anyone. I want to try a couple more of years before giving up, so what tips or advice would you give to short guys like myself?
Bearing in mind that online dating is out of the question (getting filtered out).
Bearing in mind that online dating is out of the question (getting filtered out).
always crazy bacon
Banned
I'm 172cm, yes there is some truth that. But let me tell you, it does not mean you are undateable or unattractive. Is your height all you have to offer? Is that what defines you as a man?
They're not filtering you, in fact they are doing you a service filtering themselves because if they are that shallow that they will not consider someone due to their height then they are probably not someone you want to be in a relationship with anyway.
You can only control, what you can actually control. Height, skin colour, age for example are out of you control. So focus on what you can improve.
You are not out of the game in online dating at all. Do you think that 8cm difference between us was enough that I've been successful with online dating because of 8cm?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get that profile made and worry about real issues.
tearsofash
Member
I'm going on a date Thursday. :3
We are going to get Mexican, then to a dog park, and then to walk through the graveyard. I'm so stoked. It's my first like real date in a few years.
We are going to get Mexican, then to a dog park, and then to walk through the graveyard. I'm so stoked. It's my first like real date in a few years.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Graveyard? Well, that's different.
Shoe lifts + boots can help you fraud an inch or two, but it's not like 5' 6'' is really super great either (inb4 Zac Efron, yeah ok if you have a face on par with his you can make it work). They're much better for someone who's only moderately short (5'9 or 5'10 ish).
Leg Lengthening can apparently get you up to 4-6 inches of growth, but from what I've read it's a brutal fucking surgery that's hell to recover from and your legs are left permanently weakened. Not worth it.
There's always mail order brides as well. I'm actually thinking about going this route too if I don't end up ascended after getting my plastic surgeries. I saw a documentary on it and the competition isn't even 1/100th as bad as regular dating. Mostly old people.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Only your height makes you unattractive?
Have you tried working on your other aspects to make yourself more confident rather than just focusing on your height? Is your height the only thing you bring the table?
What about your personality? Pokemon collection?
Keep in mind that no-one in this world in undateable, but people do act in such a way that makes them unattractive and unappealing and I get the feeling you lack confidence which is working against you. Your height doesn't define you and anyone who judges you solely on that one aspect is a cunt.
I'm curious, you mention online dating is out of the question. You've tried it or are you assuming you'll be filtered out because of your height?
always crazy bacon
Banned
Miles Quaritch
Member
This is my kind of dirty talk...tell me about the marriage tax allowance...
Are you taking steps to try and date?
What you're really asking is, would you date someone who gives off the appearance of having money and while money is important to any relationship, if that's the only reason someone is dating you...well, you know how that goes.
Test you how? To see if you're homewrecker material? She probably just wanted to pass some time. Did you tell her that you like her?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Not having the guy on her social media doesn't mean he doesn't exist. She shares what she feels comfortable sharing and her relationship with this guy isn't something she wants to share.
Or maybe there is no boyfriend. She just didn't like you and rather than actually tell you because maybe she sensed something about you, she did the next best thing...let you down gently and say I have a boyfriend.
Or maybe there is no boyfriend. She just didn't like you and rather than actually tell you because maybe she sensed something about you, she did the next best thing...let you down gently and say I have a boyfriend.
tearsofash
Member
I brought it up rhetorically, and then we both decided it would be fun. We are both goth anyway so it's not too outta left field
Baron von Loathsome
Member
That post was half-joking, but I may as well post an update in regards to my friend.
She broke with her boyfriend a few weeks ago and confided in me that she apparently was pressured to go into that relationship. She initiated the break up, but she still took it pretty hard, I'm not so sure about when is a good time to offer to go out with her.
In the meantime, we haven't been talking or texting as much lately, but that isn't for a lack of trying. Finals are coming up next week and she has a job as well, and when we do meet or text, it just feels right.
Living the Dream
Member
I'm having an extremely difficult time getting anywhere. Went on many great dates with a lady and then out of nowhere ghosted. I'm hard pressed to go to her place this weekend and see WTF happened. I demand closure.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Don't do this. It's creepy. Move on man. Take the L.
Living the Dream
Member
No. Going over there today.
There's only one way this will go and you know it. Why not save yourself and her the trouble.
artsi
Member
Dude, stop.
Living the Dream
Member
Because I'm tired of people treating others this way. It's not right. It's completely rude to do this to someone. I've ended a varying amount of dates but I did so respectfully and coherently. To just disappear is fucking BS.
cheezcake
Member
Stop. This isn't you on some moral crusade against the evils of ghosting. It's you not being able to deal with rejection.
Don't be that guy, just move on. It'll be better for you and for her.
She will ghost again and you will be ghosted again, no matter what you do.
artsi
Member
Unfortunately the girl just doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, for whatever reason. What do you think appearing behind her door like a creepy stalker will achieve?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Two possibilities.
Something happened​ and she's trying to deal with it. You're not a priority so she's not focused on you or bothering to tell you what's happened.
She met someone better. Take the loss on a chin and move the fuck on. Don't be a pathetic creep and show up at her front door demanding answers.
You had a few good dates, that's it. Stop with this demand closure garbage. Be mature about it and move the fuck on.
The fuck my dude.
Something happened​ and she's trying to deal with it. You're not a priority so she's not focused on you or bothering to tell you what's happened.
She met someone better. Take the loss on a chin and move the fuck on. Don't be a pathetic creep and show up at her front door demanding answers.
You had a few good dates, that's it. Stop with this demand closure garbage. Be mature about it and move the fuck on.
The fuck my dude.
Stop taking things so personally. Not everyone has to like/respect you. Get over yourself.
Jerk off and move on.
Living the Dream
Member
Nope, it's the principle of it. It'll be the last time she thinks of doing this shit
Baron von Loathsome
Member
Jesus Christ, move the fuck on. You're sounding scary.
You *demand* closure? That is why people ghost. To avoid aggressive confrontations. Not everyone is so calm as you as to just "demand" "closure". It can lead to violence. Blame other men ruining it for all of us.
You want closure? She isn't interested in you. Case closed. The sooner you allow yourself to move on, the better off you will be. As someone else said, this is about you being unable to accept rejection, not about getting 'closure' for an unsalvageable 'relationship'. I don't like ghosting any more than the next guy, but it is a very loud and clear message. Can't get any more closure than that. What else do you want to hear? "It's not you, it's me [who isn't interested in you]" "I'm not ready to be in a relationship [with you]" "I have to work on myself [by not being with you]" "I need some space [from you]" etc
No one disrespects me like this! I will freaking scare her by showing up at her doorstep. I know where she lives. She'll knows I can show up anytime and overpower her, if I wanted. But I'm a nice guy and won't do anything physical, of course, I'm a gentleman. It's the implication of threatened violence *wink*
Subpar Scrub
Banned
I got a call from a good frieind of. Mine who happens to be the best friend of a the girl I was trying to meet up ith and she said that the girl I was tryin to meet with uses guys to pay for evetything and I shouldn't go for her, so I guess I'll try to set up my tinder account I haven't used in like 19 monthhs when I get back from Japan in June and meet me new people I guess lol
Spooky, ghosting is always going to exist.
Living the Dream
Member
At this point, it's not even about any of that. She could have said that and I would have accepted it. But now? No fucking regrets.
PancakeBurglar
Member
Dude, just no......
This is a fucking red flag, sounds like she dodged a bullet. Take the loss and move on and please don't make a complete ass of yourself to her.
No.
Don't fucking do it man, it's absolutely pathetic.
Anyway in other news I'm in Florence at the moment and holy shit.
Too bad I'm on a family holiday...
Living the Dream
Member
I'm just at the point in my life where I'm tired of being treated like shit after constantly bending backwards, being nice, respectful, and helpful toward others. It's not just about her. It's about everyone treating others this way.
Enjoy that time getting arrested
Man dream you're such a nice guy, I'm sure going to her house and yelling at her will go over super great!
Dude, you're fucking disgusting, I'm about to call the cops on your myself
It almost sounds like you're going to hurt her
Dr_LucienSanchez
Banned
Yikes, you sure do sound like a nice, respectful, and helpful person.
But really doe, get the fuck over yourself.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Going to someone's house to angrily confront someone is only going to encourage her to do this again in future. Because clearly men can't take rejection.
For goddamn real, this is exactly the reason women ghost in the first place
People think they're fucking owed shit from another person :/
LastGamer84
Member
This is going to sound condescending, but I need to impart this because I've been there.
Don't do nice things with the expectation of rewards. It does not make women like you more, and ultimately this scenario will play out again and again if you continue down this path.
I'm not saying don't be nice and do things for others, but do not expect anything from anyone because of it, especially women. Society has conditioned people to look at you as someone to be used, not respected. Be nice because it's the right thing to do, not because it will get you laid.
She's not worth the anger, it won't penetrate her ego and you'll end up looking like a psycho. Take a deep breath, put her out of your mind, and move on.
Of course he won't lay a finger on her. He's such a nice respectful gentleman. He will only make her fear for her life and safety because of the implication that he could really hurt her if he wanted to. But it's in her head, because he's really a pacifist deep down. Yeah, that'll teach her.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
Dude that's fucking enough, you sound like you're going to hurt her and I'm only reading this page drunk. Getting ghosted fucking sucks but you have to just move on a nd ignore it
always crazy bacon
Banned
Whenever anybody throws out logic, reason and perspective because of "the principle" they are usually a very very petty person. No wonder you got ghosted.
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