In asian communities, there's the opposite view towards living with family. But I've noticed more acceptance amongst western people especially in economically hard times. People who get judgmental about this kind of sensitive matter, they're most likely not worth your time and it's better to invest in someone who accepts your situation (living with family, or by yourself).
Don't know, he asked the mods to nuke his whole account very suddenly. Username and all. I've heard rumors from, er, sources, but I don't know anything for sure.
I can't think of one person who's taken one piece of advice I've given outside of this thread
But you're right. Sometimes I think that, despite being in different countries, maybe we're looking at the same post at the same time...and I smile.
I can't think of one person who's taken one piece of advice I've given outside of this thread
But you're right. Sometimes I think that, despite being in different countries, maybe we're looking at the same post at the same time...and I smile.
The two weeks I was banned a few months ago were notably more productive, that being said I've started to give up on even responding to shit on the front page or go to gaming much because of how pointless and shitty all of the bickering and infighting is.
By relegating myself to lurking/posting in small, more directed threads such as this, the travel threads and the motorbiking thread, I find I enjoy Gaf a lot more. At that point, it just becomes a bit like subreddits, but without the downvotes and dipshits.
On topic: How do you buy nice dress shoes without feeling like you're 65? All of the brown/tan/whatever dress shoes I see around always remind me of old people shoes. The only 2 pairs of formal shoes I currently own are both black and really only work with a suit, but I'm not about to rock up to a fancy dinner in red x_plr's or fable navy Vans.
And yeah I read the guides in the OP, they've been a really big help!
Pretty sure I'm being ghosted by this girl I'm supposed to meet tomorrow. She texted me good morning yesterday and I responded, even asked her something but she hasn't said anything since. I noticed she was on okc last night too. I kinda liked her but she'll only be here another month anyway so I guess it's not too bad. It would've been fun to go out a bit though. Kinda bummed. Most of the girls I've been seeing in okc are...not my type.
On topic: How do you buy nice dress shoes without feeling like you're 65? All of the brown/tan/whatever dress shoes I see around always remind me of old people shoes. The only 2 pairs of formal shoes I currently own are both black and really only work with a suit, but I'm not about to rock up to a fancy dinner in red x_plr's or fable navy Vans.
And yeah I read the guides in the OP, they've been a really big help!
I was buzzed when I posted that last night. But I can provide more context and yeah, you're right about seeing it from her POV. We were both running late to the date (I have a lateness habit that needs to die hard) but she got there first than me. In retrospect, she didn't feel comfortable around me because despite knowing Spanish she didn't utter a single word when I put her on the spot. I also noticed that when she asked me what spots she should check out before she moves out of my neighborhood next month, she didn't suggest doing it together.
I think she got the impression that I was looking to hook up and bailed out when she did. We're the same age but at slightly different points in our lives; she's lived in various states, I've only ever known NY but have visited a handful of other states; she's in grad school whereas I've been trying to figure out what to do with myself by volunteering, working the occasional odd event, working on art, and writing about comics. When I started geeking out about TV shows and the comic that I'm reviewing, she didn't seem too interested. At times, I felt like she was judging me and got defensive.
If anything, my big take away is that I need to learn to listen more, talk less and again, pay attention to body language. It goes back to not living up to people's expectations because they see my pictures, they read my profile, and think: OMG he's fun and has his "shit together!" (I loathe that term BTW) It's a different story in person though. I'm at a point in my life where I don't care but the stuff that I'm doing, I believe in even though I'm stumbling through the darkness to find things that are meaningful and give me a purpose. Does that make any sense? I might have gone off on a bit of tangent.
In asian communities, there's the opposite view towards living with family. But I've noticed more acceptance amongst western people especially in economically hard times. People who get judgmental about this kind of sensitive matter, they're most likely not worth your time and it's better to invest in someone who accepts your situation (living with family, or by yourself).
I completely agree with you. As Dan Ryckert once said: If a girl doesn't like you for any number of reasons, she can take a hike. I'm Hispanic and in Hispanic culture, it's also common for kids to live with their parents well into their 20s and 30s while becoming the breadwinner and having autonomy.
There's still responsibilities and bills to pay in addition to accompanying the 'rent to the hospital from time to time (she's afraid of elevators) and taking care of her when she's sick. Also rent is too damn high in NYC (especially Manhattan); if I ever find a solid job that I like and have enough money to move out, I would rather live with my brother (who I live with already) than with random roommates.
I think I'd have been okay with living with my parents. I've actually been thinking about them a lot lately and how things would be if they were still around, sitting with my old man and talking about life, my mum pestering for grandkids, but shit happens and people die.
On topic, my wife lived with her mum until last year when she moved in with me (she was helping her mum with the mortgage). I didn't judge her for it, even though a number of friends at the time were saying it's a red flag and it's concerning she hasn't moved out, it means she isn't mature, doesn't know how to handle money, etc.
I think the only thing that bothered me when I was dating was... does this person have a job? Yes/No. If no, are they in school? Yes/No. If both were no I wouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole, too many bad romantic and family situations with unemployed people to give them a shot lol
Like they could be working at McDonalds for all I care, provided they have, like, a plan in life or something.
Given economic hardships, I really can't blame anyone for living with their parents, or other family members. I wish I had that opportunity when I was younger and first going to college, as not being forced to work to survive while studying would have... well, been nice, but alas not all parents are nice.
My view always was that no one is perfect and has perfect arrangements... if you don't like something, are you attempting to fix it? I cared more about what people were trying to accomplish than what they already accomplished
Living with parents is an odd sticking point some people have. I don't consider it a red flag though unless coupled with other factors. For example, I dated a girl who lived with her parents in her mid 20s while she attended law school to save money. And she was close with her family.
Those are all positive qualities: she lives modestly, she works hard, she cares about her parents/brother, etc.
I wouldn't, however, date someone who lived with her family, hated her situation, was dying to move out, but had no plan. That just sounds like someone who isn't in a place to have an adult relationship.
I had my first girlfriend when I was 16, yes we stayed at each other's places and sex happened until we moved to our own place. Parents just had to accept it.
Yeah I'm saving for a house and living with my parents right now, still unsure how to handle it all. Hate the idea of renting so trying to not break down and do it. Should be about a year and a half until I manage a down payment without pulling any of the money I've saved while working through college so yeah. Should be worth it.
Make sure to make enough sex noise so the parents feel jealous why they never get it on, and then energise their sex life for the first time in ages. Win-win, really.
Had the second date with the banker girl (that rich one), we had dinner and it was nice.
I went for the kiss in the end (like I always do on second date) but she rejected it and hugged instead, no biggies, it happens.
She messaged me shortly afterwards and apologized for "freezing up" and that she usually takes it slow.
I said it's all good, I had fun and I hope to see her again.
She said she also had fun and wants to see again, so looks like third date coming up.
I matched with a girl on Tinder and asked her out in the first message. She said yes. I know absolutely nothing about this girl and I'm kinda nervous meeting someone that I have no idea if we'll click or not. It's also in an area of town that I have never been so I randomly picked a decent looking bar near the train station. Fingers crossed.
I matched with a girl on Tinder and asked her out in the first message. She said yes. I know absolutely nothing about this girl and I'm kinda nervous meeting someone that I have no idea if we'll click or not. It's also in an area of town that I have never been so I randomly picked a decent looking bar near the train station. Fingers crossed.
I matched with a girl on Tinder and asked her out in the first message. She said yes. I know absolutely nothing about this girl and I'm kinda nervous meeting someone that I have no idea if we'll click or not. It's also in an area of town that I have never been so I randomly picked a decent looking bar near the train station. Fingers crossed.
I think the only thing that bothered me when I was dating was... does this person have a job? Yes/No. If no, are they in school? Yes/No. If both were no I wouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole, too many bad romantic and family situations with unemployed people to give them a shot lol
Like they could be working at McDonalds for all I care, provided they have, like, a plan in life or something.
Given economic hardships, I really can't blame anyone for living with their parents, or other family members. I wish I had that opportunity when I was younger and first going to college, as not being forced to work to survive while studying would have... well, been nice, but alas not all parents are nice.
My view always was that no one is perfect and has perfect arrangements... if you don't like something, are you attempting to fix it? I cared more about what people were trying to accomplish than what they already accomplished
I've always wondered what that's like. Do they borrow money from their parents/other family for dates? Or did they expect you to pay for everything? What does someone who literally has nothing going on even bring to a relationship or just conversation...
I still live with my folks, and I sleep in a twin-sized bed. I'm not bringing any women over for sexytimes any time soon, regardless of my relationship status.
I still live with my folks, and I sleep in a twin-sized bed. I'm not bringing any women over for sexytimes any time soon, regardless of my relationship status.
Or you could be an adult and have a mature conversation with your parents about you dating and wanting to bring someone home. I'm sure they know how it goes, what did they do before they got married?
Maybe they'll be happy to give you the house for a night every so often? Or why not just pay for a night out for them.
Or you could be an adult and have a mature conversation with your parents about you dating and wanting to bring someone home. I'm sure they know how it goes, what did they do before they got married?
Maybe they'll be happy to give you the house for a night every so often? Or why not just pay for a night out for them.
It's less them and more me. They'd probably be fine with it to be honest, but I'm not terribly comfortable with the idea of bringing a woman home for sex under the circumstances. Just as well, too, I don't feel I'm quite emotionally ready for a sexual relationship.
I've always wondered what that's like. Do they borrow money from their parents/other family for dates? Or did they expect you to pay for everything? What does someone who literally has nothing going on even bring to a relationship or just conversation...
I dated one deadbeat, I had to pay the bills >.> I mean at first he had a job, but he was let go and just didn't get a job for the 4 years afterwards, stating reasons like "I don't want to work fast food" while I worked minimum wage at a food place. It was... a point of contention, but it was also a mentally abusive relationship so I thought for some reason if I broke up with him I couldn't support myself (I look back on that and think LOLOLOLOL, I was so stupid)
Most my other examples came from family, or friends, and the situations seems mostly the same (barring someone, like, getting laid off and trying to find new work, that's different), so never again, even if they seem well meaning.
We all make dating mistakes in our youths, that one was mine
It's less them and more me. They'd probably be fine with it to be honest, but I'm not terribly comfortable with the idea of bringing a woman home for sex under the circumstances. Just as well, too, I don't feel I'm quite emotionally ready for a sexual relationship.
I'm just figuring myself out right now, that's all. I'm still getting trying to get over my friend's new relationship and to figure out how I need to change and improve going forward.
I really do appreciate all the advice in this thread, though, directed towards me or towards others.
I already know if I find myself in that situation again I'll have to upgrade my bed. I just don't see my cheap Ikea bed surviving actual sex. We'd probably fall through the fucking thing.
I already know if I find myself in that situation again I'll have to upgrade my bed. I just don't see my cheap Ikea bed surviving actual sex. We'd probably fall through the fucking thing.
I think I'd have been okay with living with my parents. I've actually been thinking about them a lot lately and how things would be if they were still around, sitting with my old man and talking about life, my mum pestering for grandkids, but shit happens and people die.
On topic, my wife lived with her mum until last year when she moved in with me (she was helping her mum with the mortgage). I didn't judge her for it, even though a number of friends at the time were saying it's a red flag and it's concerning she hasn't moved out, it means she isn't mature, doesn't know how to handle money, etc.
I'm sorry to hear to that man. I can't imagine what my brothers and I would go through if my mom were to suddenly pass away or even my father who I've had a strained relationship but I respect him and don't harbor any ill will to him (he lost his father or my grandfather about three years who was dear to me). I cherish every moment I have with my mom and my old man in the few times I see him. I'm sure your parents would be happy to see that you're getting hitched. At least you have soon to be in-laws!
My mom pesters my oldest brother and I all the time about giving her more grandchildren and jokingly suspects that I'm harboring a child somewhere out there. I'm fine with kids but I have absolutely no interest in fathering children for another several years on account of being a late bloomer. Even then, I definitely wouldn't spoil them silly like my brother and his wife spoiled my oldest niece. Being an uncle, it's still awkward for me to accept it but in the end of the day, my nieces remind me of a certain joie de vivre more adults need to have and bring a smile to my face.
People have all kinds of different reasons for living with family so good on you to overlook that and take a chance to find a pearl. I once had a date mock me for living with family because she said something along the lines of "I'm not your parent" (I forgot what the context was but I felt like she was judging me so I had to explain myself). Yet for some reason, I've met acquaintances that think I'm one of the most interesting people they've ever met because I volunteer at many events, met a bunch of people, and have worked at many conventions. *shrug*
Living with parents is an odd sticking point some people have. I don't consider it a red flag though unless coupled with other factors. For example, I dated a girl who lived with her parents in her mid 20s while she attended law school to save money. And she was close with her family.
Those are all positive qualities: she lives modestly, she works hard, she cares about her parents/brother, etc.
I wouldn't, however, date someone who lived with her family, hated her situation, was dying to move out, but had no plan. That just sounds like someone who isn't in a place to have an adult relationship.
I'm someone who lives in the moment and doesn't worry about tomorrow. That being said, the downside to living in the moment is exactly that: I don't have a long-term plan. I live life on a week by week basis taking on things as they come. I usually try to make a list of monthly goals to knock out and accomplish a few but not all of them. Don't get me wrong, when I work a gig, I have a hard worker mentality and get stuff done.
It surprises me that it's something that I have in me (I think I get it from both of my parents who have a strong work ethic) and ironically, I haven't transferred it to my art work. I'm thankful for the fact that my mom helped me pay off a considerable debt in order to get my Bachelor's Degree and I would love to pay her back someday (she expects it).
My mom doesn't care at all and is cool with it; my middle brother was the first one to bring a girl over at the age of 18 and ever since then, it's been that way. I have my own room, my brother has his own room across mines, and I certainly think that the walls are thick enough that my brother wouldn't be able hear the noise (I haven't brought a girl over with my family around yet) any way. I wouldn't hang out in the living room because my room is big enough to fit 10-15 people easily if not more, I have a TV and the communal laptop, plus my mom's bedroom opens into the living room.
If anything, the only thing that's awkward is that I still sleep on a bunk bed all these years long after my middle brother moved out (top bunk FTW). The one and only time I invited a girl over when my mom was on vacation and my brother was at work, the girl looked at my bunk bed and remarked "You sleep on that?!"
We ended up going at it on the floor.
It's big enough to fit two grown adults but it lacks the space of a queen sized bed that I only appreciate when I sleep over a girl's place.
Then again, my older brother had sex plenty of times with his then-girlfriend (now wife) on that bottom bunk and made it work when my brothers and I shared the same room. I definitely would love to upgrade to a grown up bed someday.
gaiages said:
I dated one deadbeat, I had to pay the bills >.> I mean at first he had a job, but he was let go and just didn't get a job for the 4 years afterwards, stating reasons like "I don't want to work fast food" while I worked minimum wage at a food place. It was... a point of contention, but it was also a mentally abusive relationship so I thought for some reason if I broke up with him I couldn't support myself (I look back on that and think LOLOLOLOL, I was so stupid)
Most my other examples came from family, or friends, and the situations seems mostly the same (barring someone, like, getting laid off and trying to find new work, that's different), so never again, even if they seem well meaning.
We all make dating mistakes in our youths, that one was mine
It's okay, my mom was a sugar mama to a few ex-boyfriends in the past. It got to the point where her last ex-boyfriend had a cellphone before I had one because she paid for it and his contract like an idiot . Eventually it got to the point where I had to demand to one because my brothers all had one by that point (I was roughly age 17-19 when they were together). It's funny because my late grandmother (bless her soul) once cryptically remarked that my mom put her boyfriends first before my brothers and I.
I think my mom learned her lesson and has grown from a few more growing pains but damn if she isn't stubborn as a mule with making some of the same mistakes! That being said, I don't like when girls feel sorry for me and I definitely wouldn't want to exploit a sugar mama. The day she kicked out the POS guy that she mistakenly married in the DR back in the 90s and brought over to live with us for a year from 2015-2016 was the best decision she ever made in her life.
JadedWriter said:
I already know if I find myself in that situation again I'll have to upgrade my bed. I just don't see my cheap Ikea bed surviving actual sex. We'd probably fall through the fucking thing.
This is getting a good laugh out of me because it's sadly true that Ikea furniture is that damn bad. I definitely wouldn't upgrade to an Ikea bed; I feel like my bunk bed can take some solid punishment from sexual activity but the creaking sound from the rocking would make me LOL and possibly kill the moment.
I already know if I find myself in that situation again I'll have to upgrade my bed. I just don't see my cheap Ikea bed surviving actual sex. We'd probably fall through the fucking thing.
My last bed frame I got from ikea, my previous girlfriend and I would knock loose one of the side pieces and fall through the frame in the middle of sex lol we didn't stop either when it happened haha
My last bed frame I got from ikea, my previous girlfriend and I would knock loose one of the side pieces and fall through the frame in the middle of sex lol we didn't stop either when it happened haha
I will say that I think I'm going to stay alone for a month because my mom and my brother bought their tickets and going to the DR for a month next month. I have the option of going because my mom would pay for the flight but then I think to myself: I get to have the apartment completely to myself. Free from my mom. For a month. Alone. Then I smile and think about the possibilities. I can cook pretty decently for myself (aside from beans which I've yet to attempt).
I already know if I find myself in that situation again I'll have to upgrade my bed. I just don't see my cheap Ikea bed surviving actual sex. We'd probably fall through the fucking thing.
I matched with a girl on Tinder and asked her out in the first message. She said yes. I know absolutely nothing about this girl and I'm kinda nervous meeting someone that I have no idea if we'll click or not. It's also in an area of town that I have never been so I randomly picked a decent looking bar near the train station. Fingers crossed.
That's better than knowing her inside and out and having an awkward "okay, what can I ask her next?" freeze up 5 minutes in. It's no different really than chatting up someone at a bar.
Lol, once I broke a toilet when my girl and I were having sex (we were doing it throughout the whole house for some reason), It was funny until I realised that I had no reasonable way that to explain that to my parents (I live with them).
I find the discussion about living with the parents weird, here in my country most of the people live with their parents until their mid 20s. It probably has something to do with the fact that our university degrees are hard as fuck, requiring full time dedication, therefore we can't have a job at the same time we study.
I'm just figuring myself out right now, that's all. I'm still getting trying to get over my friend's new relationship and to figure out how I need to change and improve going forward.
I really do appreciate all the advice in this thread, though, directed towards me or towards others.
